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Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (5/30/22)

Raw’s on the highway to hell!

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WWE Raw 2022

Raw gives us just a taste of what’s to come!

Before Hell in a Cell on Sunday, Raw Women’s Champion, Bianca Belair, takes on Asuka in the 1v1 we would’ve seen before Big Time Becks butted in!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Bianca Belair VS Asuka; Belair wins.
  • Six Man Tag: Ezekiel & The Mysterios VS Kevin Owens & The Alpha Academy; Ezekiel & The Mysterios win.
  • Alexa Bliss VS “Doudrop” Piper Niven w/ Nikki A.S.H; Bliss wins.
  • WWE 24/7 Championship Must-See Moment: Tamina wins and becomes the new WWE 24/7 Champion.
  • WWE 24/7 Championship Must-See Moment II: Akira Tozawa wins and becomes the new WWE 24/7 Champion.
  • WWE United States Championship Contenders Match: Mustafa Ali VS Tommaso Ciampa w/ (Austin) Theory; Ali wins by disqualification and earns a title opportunity.
  • WWE United States Championship: (Austin) Theory VS Mustafa Ali; Theory wins and retains the title.
  • Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championships Contenders Match: The Usos VS Shinsuke Nakamura & Matt Riddle; Nakamura & Riddle win by disqualification and earn a title opportunity.
  • Liv Morgan VS Rhea Ripley; Liv wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Becky Lynch is here!

The Man is in Des Moines, getting ready for this Sunday’s Raw Women’s Championship Triple Threat! She gets the mic to welcome everyone to The Big Time, as well as Monday Night Raw. She feels so good saying that again, because it’s been awhile. Truth be told, she hasn’t felt up to it without the title. She didn’t feel like coming out here, pretending it’s all okay, when she knows that so many fans pray for her downfall! Yeah, you didn’t didn’t you? So many of you hope Becky will never get the title again. But lucky for her, she doesn’t live for us! She lives for herself! She does what she wants and is fueled by spite and coffee! And right now, Becky’s all fueled up!

Becky says some people, they collect stamps or friends. Becky collects enemies! She will keep collecting enemies as she rises to the top because it lets her know she’s on track. And she knows she’s on track because she is just days away from regaining the title at Hell in a Cell! Becky knows the odds are stacked against her, but haven’t they always. Those odds never stopped her before. She defies the odds! She defies convention! But first, let’s look back to Money in the Bank, 2020. Asuka won the Ms. MITB contract, and credit where it is due, she earned it. That is why when Becky went off to create life like the god she is, she generously gave Asuka the greatest gift of her career: the title.

The title was inside the briefcase, and Asuka was elated. But even then! Becky had a plan. Becky knew Asuka was the best but that Becky could still beat her. The plan would be Asuka would reign until Becky returned to beat her, and then no one could touch her! But what Becky realized is that she created a selfish, entitled little monster by just handing the title over! Asuka became accustomed to being handed things! But speaking of, here comes Asuka! And Becky isn’t happy about it. Asuka gets a mic to say, “Becky, Becky, Becky. You’re still a Big Time Baby!” Asuka fakes crying and Becky says SHE is the baby? Asuka’s the one-

Asuka tells Becky to shut it! No one is ready for Asuka! Not Bianca, not Becky, because at Hell in a Cell, Asuka is ready to be the NEW Raw Women’s Champion~! Fans like the sound of that, but Becky says no, because Bianca- Oh, here comes Bianca! The RawEST Women’s Champion has her own mic already, and she says, “Uh-uh. Both of y’all need to stop because both of y’all are doing way too much.” She isn’t complaining about a Triple Threat, thanks to Becky, where Bianca doesn’t even have to get pinned to lose the belt. But it is what it is. So unlike the two of y’all, Bianca likes to do her talking in the ring.

So Asuka, while Bianca respects you, you kicked Bianca last week. And in their match tonight, Bianca will have a lot to say. And Becky, girl. Bianca can’t wait to give Becky a piece of her mind on Sunday. Because Bianca doesn’t care what her odds are, the only percentage she is sure about, is that the belt is 100% not going anywhere. And if Bianca has to, she will 100% drop Becky like she did at WrestleMania. Becky DECKS Bianca! Asuka fires off on Becky! Bianca goes after them both! Asuka pushes Bianca aside to get at Becky but so Bianca returns the favor. They stare down, but Becky DECKS Asuka! But Bianca gets Becky in a torture rack!

Bianca throws Becky to the apron! Asuka HIP ATTACKS Becky down! Fans fire up and Becky is furious, but The Man will have to stand aside while the EST and the Empress have it out! Who wins the match that would’ve been if not for Becky?

 

Bianca Belair VS Asuka!

Raw returns and the bell rings! Asuka and Bianca tie up, go around, and Bianca arm-drags Asuka but the tie-up stays on. Asuka throws Bianca in return, Bianca waistlocks and SLAMS Asuka down. Becky is on commentary to watch this while Asuka waistlocks. Bianca headlocks, hits the takeover, but Asuka keeps her shoulders up. Asuka headscissors, Bianca kicks and kips free, but Asuka rams a shoulder. Bianca rebounds to run Asuka over! Bianca dusts off her hands, runs, but handsprings over Asuka. Asuka hurdles, Bianca leaps, and Bianca tells Asuka to kiss this. Things speed up again, Bianca hurdles but Asuka KICKS Bianca down!

Asuka says she’s smarter than that, and she brings Bianca up to toss. But Bianca handsprings through! And again, kiss this! Bianca then flips up and over Asuka to dropkick her down! Fans fire up and Bianca brings Asuka up. Bianca puts Asuka in a corner, fans rally and Bianca TOSSES Asuka! Asuka goes to the opposite corner, Bianca drags Asuka up to TOSS again! Fans fire up and Asuka goes to another corner. Bianca runs in, Asuka drop toeholds her into buckles! Asuka then TOSSES Bianca again! Becky reminds us she’s won Triple Threats before but Asuka digs her boots into Bianca.

The ref counts, Asuka lets off to bring Bianca up. Bianca fights the waistlock, then wrenches and suplexes! Roll through, deadlift, but Asuka fights free! Asuka rolls Bianca to get the leg, ANKLE LOCK! Bianca endures, rolls, but Asuka holds on! Bianca still endures as Asuka twists the foot! Fans rally, Bianca fights up, but Asuka GRAPEVINES! Bianca fights back and pries Asuka off the leg! Asuka fires elbows and Bianca lets go, Asuka jumps on for a GUILLOTINE! Bianca fades, fights back up and fans rally as she suplexes Asuka! Becky is annoyed seeing the resiliency, Bianca HANDSPRING MOONSAULTS! Cover, TWO!

Becky says she can get outta that, she’s a wizard. Asuka wrenches Bianca’s arm to drag her down! Bianca rolls, but Asuka makes it an ARMLOCK! Bianca moves around, but into a TRIANGLE HOLD! Bianca deadlifts Asuka, but Asuka gets the ropes! Asuka’s headscissor sends them both tumbling! Becky stands up to look at them. Becky mockingly says that looked painful, and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns and Bianca elbows Asuka away, kicks her low, then scoops for a FALL AWAY SLAM! Bianca kips up, fans fire up, Becky looks stressed. Asuka elbows and BOOTS Bianca, then LARIATS! Bianca stays up and wags her fingers but Asuka SOBATS, KICKS and BACK HANDS Bianca, into a GERMAN SUPLEX! BASEMENT HIP ATTACK! Cover, TWO! Becky says she’s actually liking this, they’ll beat each other up and she can pick at the scraps! Asuka goes to the apron and talks trash on Becky before climbing up. Becky tells her to worry about Bianca! Bianca ROCKS Asuka, and Becky says she’s proven right!

Bianca CLUBS Asuka, drags her up, but Asuka fights the superplex! Asuka throws body shots, but Bianca backflips away from the haymaker! Only for Asuka to missile dropkick! Asuka hurries to get the cover, TWO! Asuka keeps cool, runs in at the corner, but Bianca slips out! Asuka hits buckles, Bianca bumps her off buckles! And again, and again! Bianca slingshots in to torture rack! But Asuka throws elbows and Bianca tosses her away! Asuka clutches a leg and Becky is loving this. Asuka bails out, Becky mocks her pain, “Who’s the crybaby now?” Bianca goes out after Asuka, puts her in the ring, then she tells Becky that she’s still champ.

Becky says the champ’s days are numbered. Bianca gets in, POP-UP KNEE! Cover, TWO!! Asuka almost had Bianca! Bianca and Asuka slowly get up, Bianca ducks the roundhouse and blocks the backhand, but Asuka gets the FLYING ARMBAR! Bianca moves, into an ASUKA LOCK!! Bianca flails, kicks around, tries to keep the hold from sinking in! Asuka almost has it, fans rally up, and Bianca gets to her feet! Bianca RAMS Asuka into a corner! Bianca keeps hitting Asuka into buckles, but Asuka clamps back on! Bianca switches, chicken wings, GlamEST Slam! HANDSPRING MOONSAULT FLOPS as Asuka moves!

Asuka gets the arm, LA MAGISTROL, but Bianca blocks it to a cover! Bianca wins!!

Winner: Bianca Belair, by pinfall

But Becky ruins the moment by throwing Bianca out! BECKSPLODER to Asuka! Bianca returns, into the MANHANDLE SLAM! Big Time Becks leaves both Bianca and Asuka down, but will she be able to do this again when they’ll see her coming? Or do the numbers spell disaster for Becky this Sunday?

 

Six Man Tag: Ezekiel & The Mysterios VS Kevin Owens & The Alpha Academy!

Elias’ younger brother teams with the father-son duo of Rey & Dominik to take on the outright obsessed Prizefighter, Chad Gable & Otis! Will Ezekiel & The Mysterios teach them what happens to bullies? Or will Kevin expose the truth even before Hell in a Cell?

Raw returns as Ezekiel makes his entrance. The Alpha Academy then make their entrance, followed by Kevin. The trios sort out and Kevin wants the Academy to be fired up like he is about this. Gable starts with Rey and they tie up. Gable headlocks, spins around and drop toeholds to float to another headlock. Rey fights up to waistlock, but Gable switches and goes back tot he headlock. Rey throws body shots, powers out, but Gable runs him over. Rey monkey flip counters to a wheelbarrow and arm-drag! Things speed up, Rey tilt-o-whirl headscissors Gable down! Tag to Dom, the Mysterios mug Gable, and Dom ROCKS Gable with rights.

Dom clubs but Gable kicks low. Gable throws big forearms, whips Dom to ropes, and then hits a BIG Belly2Belly! Roll through, another Belly2Belly! Cover, TWO! Gable wrenches Dom, Dom ROCKS Gable with forearms! Dom knuckle locks, goes up and up and FLYING ARM-DRAGS! Gable bails out, Kevin rushes in! Dom dumps Kevin out, Rey dodges Otis to dropkick him! Zeke gets in to boost Dom and Dom dropkicks Otis! TRIPLE DROPKICK sends the tree trunk out! Fans fire up with Ezekiel & The Mysterios, but then Gable CLOBBERS Dom off the corner! Fans boo but Gable says “SHOOSH!”

Gable goes out to fetch Dom and whip him into barriers! Dom is down, Gable shooshes everyone, and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Kevin stomps Dom down, then steps through for the SHARPSHOOTER! The Mysterios are wearing Hart colors but Kevin is the one using the move! Dom endures, Rey gets in to SHOTGUN Kevin down! Fans rally, Dom and Kevin crawl, tag to Otis! Otis runs to DECK Rey! Otis whips Dom to a corner, runs in and clotheslines! Dom is down and Otis goes up! VADER BOMB FLOPS as Dom moves! Fans rally up as Dom and Otis crawl, hot tags to Gable and Ezekiel! Fans fire up as Zeke rallies! Ezekiel whips, Gable reverses but Ezekiel goes up to mule kick! Kevin runs in, JUMP KNEE!

Zeke runs to SPLASH Gable, then SPLASHES Kevin! SPLASH for Gable again, then a fireman’s carry! Electric Chair, spin and POWERBOMB! Cover, Otis breaks it! Dom is up top, he CROSSBODIES but into Otis’ arms! But Rey SEATED SENTONS! The Mysterios take Otis out, but Kevin tosses Dom! Rey runs in, RANA to put Kevin on ropes! Rey dials it up, 6 1-NO! Kevin dodges, but then Rey ducks, SUPERKICK hits Gable!! Kevin realizes what happened, and Zeke throws him out. Gable is on ropes now, Dom and Rey dial it up, DOUBLE 619!! Ezekiel gives Gable the TWISTING BRAINBUSTER! Cover, Zeke & Mysterios win!

Winners: Ezekiel & The Mysterios, by pinfall

Kevin is furious! He tears up the announce desk! Will Kevin absolutely lose his mind on Sunday if Ezekiel wins again?

 

Cody Rhodes is here!

The American Nightmare goes to the ring with all his pyro and the fans all fired up. But with Hell in a Cell and his third match with Seth Rollins on Sunday, Cody isn’t here to fight. He wants to address the underhanded attack and horrible behavior of The Visionary before they have it out one last time. What will he say to Rollins? We hear it all, after the break.

Raw returns and Cody has the mic while fans chant his name. “I’m gonna say something that might surprise you. I have always been a fan of Seth Rollins. From the very first time I saw Seth Rollins, you could see the potential to do great things.” Someone else who saw that potential was a teacher of his down in NXT. But you don’t have to say that name, it was the man who raised Cody. Fans chant for “DUSTY! DUSTY!” and Cody heard about the special ingredients Rollins had that would make him a generational talent. And we all know Rollins lives up to the hype. So imagine you’re Cody and you get the call that he was going to get his second chance, and against Rollins, at WrestleMania.

It might surprise you but Cody was nervous. He was very nervous! Because everything he had done, everywhere he had gone to, he could not return here with a loss. But he didn’t. He was at the top of his game, he won, and they ran it back at Backlash and Cody won again. Both times, Cody was the better man, and it has driven Rollins mad. “Envy is the act of counting other people’s blessings but ignoring your own. Jealousy leads men to desperate measures. Seth Rollins is an egomaniac, and he wants everything for himself, but that’s one of the things that makes Seth Rollins so dangerous.”

Cody says Sunday, Hell in a Cell, he walks into the biggest challenge in his entire career. Cody needs Rollins to know, to feel this, to hear what Cody is going to say next: All the respect for Rollins, the reverence over their previous matches, and every ounce of self control will be locked outside of that cell! Rollins will be in there with a man that wants to hurt him! But here comes Rollins himself! Des Moines is thunderous for one of their own, but Rollins just laughs. Rollins isn’t walking out there from the stage, he’s up in the crowd! Fans fire up as Rollins swaggers his way down and laughs at “Cody, Cody, Cody.”

Cody can wax poetic all night long about Rollins’ motivation, but he’ll make it very, very easy to understand. “I. Don’t. Like you!” And he doesn’t want Cody here! Rollins tried after WrestleMania to accept this new version of Cody. But every week, the pandering got worse and worse and worse, and the Cody chants got louder and louder and louder! Now all Rollins hears is the chanting and he can’t stand it any longer! Fans chant for Cody even now but Rollins smirks. Rollins says Cody left WWE six years ago because he wasn’t good enough. And then every single day Cody was gone, Cody and his “little friends” tried to tear down what Rollins was building here!

And when that didn’t work out so well, Cody came running back as the prodigal son to fulfill his family legacy! “NOT ON MY WATCH, PAL!” Cody doesn’t get to be a conquering hero in Rollins’ kingdom! You don’t get to take a sledgehammer to the throne and then take that throne from Rollins! Rollins will say it again: “I. Don’t. Like you. I don’t want you here! And in six days, inside Hell in a Cell, I’m gonna prey on your insecurities. And I’m not just going to change you, Cody, I’m going to end you.” Then we can all finally wake up from the American Nightmare.

Rollins laughs as he dances around the steps, but Cody tells Rollins, “Just curious. What right now is stopping me from? Three little ropes? This barricade? What is stopping us? Why are we waiting? It seems, as polite as I’ve been, the time for talk is over.” Oh, he wants to go now? Cody dares Rollins to come to the ring to talk with some actions! Fans fire up for that as Cody throws off his jacket! Oh, Cody wants to do this now? Rollins storms down the steps, starts undoing his own suit jacket, but then stops at the barrier. “Aww… HAHAHAHAH! I’ll see you Sunday!” Rollins goes back to the stairs and blows a kiss to Cody.

CODY RUSHES ROLLINS! They brawl in front of the fans and the fans are loving it! Cody pinballs Rollins off barriers and haymakers, and even trash cans! Rollins hits back, fans are thunderous, and Cody RAMS Rollins into barriers! Rollins and Cody keep throwing hands, they end up going to the ringside area. Rollins rakes eyes! Fireman’s carry, but Cody slips off to shove Rollins, and then CLOBBERS him through barriers! Cody isn’t done, he rains down fists on Rollins right by commentary! Security and officials rush out to stop this but fans boo! “Let Them Fight!” Cody storms off and Rollins tries to egg him on.

But then Rollins gets in the ring and DIVES onto Cody! The brawl is back on by the ramp! The refs have to help now, and the two are forcibly separated! Fans still want to “Let Them Fight!” and Cody returns outta nowhere! He CLOBBERS Rollins! The officials have to drag them away by hands and legs and fans chant, “This is Awesome!” Rollins shouts at Cody, “YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!” and laughs, but will Rollins end up going there right with him on Sunday?

 

Alexa Bliss VS “Doudrop” Piper Nivens w/ Nikki A.S.H!

The Five Foot Fury is 3-0 in her return, but she’s looking to get back to the gold and glory she had not too long ago. Money in the Bank is on the horizon, but will Alexa even make it past this week? Or will Doudrop pop that comeback bubble?

The bell rings and Alexa rushes Piper with forearms! Piper shoves Alexa way then CLOBBERS her. Piper fires up but fans boo as she drags Alexa up. Piper whips Alexa into a corner, then runs in to SPLASH! Piper snapmares Alexa then wraps on the cobra clutch! Alexa endures but Piper thrashes her around. Alexa throws elbow but Piper ripcords and LARIATS! Cover, TWO! Piper is annoyed but she looms over Alexa. Piper drags Alexa up, SLAPS Alexa, and Alexa staggers to a corner. Piper storms up but Alexa throws body shots! Piper HEADBUTTS Alexa down! Piper hauls Alexa up, and wraps on another cobra clutch

Alexa endures, Piper thrashes her around, and then Piper shoves Alexa back into buckles. Alexa dodges the splash, dodges the haymaker and tilt-o-whirls to throw Piper into buckles! Alexa kicks a leg out, KNEES Piper then dropkicks her! Piper stays up so Alexa dropkicks a gain! Fans fire up and Alexa throws KICK after KICK! Alexa runs, but Piper scoops her! SLAM, and SENTON FLOPS as Alexa moves! Fans fire up as Alexa gets up, but Piper runs her over! Piper drags Alexa to a drop zone and she goes up the corner. VADER BOMB FLOPS as Alexa moves! Nikki is freaking out as Alexa goes up top!

Nikki gets on the apron and goes after Alexa! Alexa kicks Nikki away, TWISTED BLISS! Cover, Alexa wins!

Winner: Alexa Bliss, by pinfall

And that’s a fourth win! Alexa toughed it out, will she continue until she’s once again on top of the world?

 

MVP talks with Omos backstage.

The mics aren’t picking up what he’s saying, but it is surely about how they will handle Bobby Lashley both at Hell in a Cell on Sunday, and tonight in the contract signing. Will Montel Vontavius Porter and the Nigerian Giant try to get any advantage they can before their 2v1 Handicap match with the All Mighty?

 

The Miz heads to the ring!

The Hollywood A-Lister is ready to host another edition of MizTV, with special guests, The Street Profits! What will Miz ask Montez Ford & Angelo Dawkins? We find out, after the break.

Raw returns and Miz has a mic to welcome us to the Most Must-See WWE Talk Show. And speaking of, the most must-see event of the Summer is next week! Next Monday, after Raw, on the USA Network, it is SEASON THREE OF MIZ & MRS! And not just one episode! NO! It is a double episode premiere! And to help him celebrate, he will have his vivacious and talented wife, Maryse, with him next week! And they’ll celebrate like only The It Couple knows how- Wait, here come the Profits! It rains Solo cups in Des Moines and fans fire up! And Miz doesn’t even get to introduce them. Ford welcomes us to the show, and says it’s the Street Profits~!

Dawkins tells Miz he shouldn’t be talking his show, he should be talking about Hell in a Cell on Sunday! What’re they looking forward to? Cody VS Rollins III, of course! Did you see ’em throwing hands? Good thing they’ll be in HELL IN A CELL! Yo, Miz knows Cody, right? Didn’t he beat Miz last week? Sportsmanship is key, Miz. Yes, but y’know what Ford is ready~ ready~ for? The Triple Threat for the Raw Women’s Championship, in which the beautiful Bianca Belair brings home the gold once again! And Ford is excited! But oh, where are their manners? Their mothers taught them better.

They came out, addressed the fans, so beautiful, and said hello to the babies. But they were rude by asking questions and didn’t wait for an answer. Miz is a leader, a legend, and inspiration! Let’s ask Miz about HIAC. Let’s ask Miz on MizTV, what does Miz think about the show? Well, thanks, here’s what he thinks. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! Bruh, you been here this long and you still fallin’ for that? C’mon, you better than that! Miz gets mad and puts up his hand, but Dawkins gives him a high-five! The Profits shoulder bump but Miz does it again. What, he got a question?

“Do you know what this means?” Dawkins copies Miz. Ford copies Miz! Dana Brooke runs out here? She’s being chased for her 24/7 Championship! Miz notices and says no! None of that! This is HIS show! Dana gets in the ring, Tozawa gets in, and he snatches the belt! Tozawa, that doesn’t count. Dana ROCKS Tozawa, then waistlocks. Tozawa switches, O’Conner Roll, TWO as T-BAR has a choke grip on Tozawa! CHOKE SLAM!! Tamina stomps away in Dana! But Ford SUPERKICKS T-Bar away! Dana turns things around on Tamina, Apollo Crews whips Truth but Truth stops and does his dance. Truth then does the splits and ‘WHAT’S UP?!” SCISSOR-

NO! Crews dodges to ENZIGURI! But Dawkins DECKS Crews! Dana and Tamina brawl, Tamina gets Dana but Dana fights the bomb to ROUNDHOUSE! Dana handsprings but misses in the corner! Tamina fireman’s carries, but Dana fights free! Dana ROCKS Tamina, but runs into the SAMOAN DROP! Cover, Tamina wins!!

Winner: Tamina, by pinfall (NEW WWE 24/7 Champion)

Tozawa applauds and Tamina helps him up. He prepares his body, and she kisses him! There IS still romance between them! But then he backslides her!! TOZAWA WINS!

Winner: Akira Tozawa, by pinfall (NEW WWE 24/7 Champion)

That’s what she gets for walking all over his heart before! Will the Stamina Monster be able to keep this belt all to himself? But he also hopes Tamina will forgive him later.

 

(Austin) Theory is here!

The youngest WWE United States Champion ever is willing to give Mustafa Ali another chance, but only if Ali gets through another mercenary Theory enlisted via Vince McMahon. Will The Beacon still shine through when going up against The Blackhearted Ciampa?

WWE United States Championship Contenders Match: Mustafa Ali VS Tommaso Ciampa w/ (Austin) Theory!

Raw returns and Ali makes his entrance. The bell rings, they tie up, Ciampa knees low! Ciampa CLUBS Ali, Theory says he appreciates himself for being so generous to Ali. Ali dodges a chop to CHOP back, but Ciampa headlocks, Ali powers out, Ciampa runs him over! Ciampa flexes, things speed up, and Ali hurdles while Ciampa slides. Ciampa back suplexes, Ali lands on his feet to waistlock, but Ciampa elbows free. Ciampa runs in but Ali slips out to ROUNDHOUSE! Ali slingshot somersaults, into a KNEE! Cover, TWO! Ciampa rains down elbows on Ali, clamps onto him with a chinlock, and Theory says Ali doesn’t deserve a title shot anyway.

Ali endures the almost Bully Choke, but he fights up and throws body shots. Ciampa knees low, whips, but Ali reverse. Ciampa stops himself and comes back to CLOBBER Ali! Ciampa goes up the corner, just to applaud for himself and pat himself on the back. then FALLING AX HANDLE! Cover, TWO! Ciampa is annoyed but he stomps Ali’s head! Theory doesn’t see how Ali is championship material as Ciampa stomps Ali more. Ciampa drags Ali up, put shim in the corner and throws more body shots. Ciampa snapmares, wraps on the chinlock, and he grinds Ali down again. Theory says everyone is just jealous that Vince McMahon sees Theory as the greatest thing ever.

Ali fights up as fans rally, and Ali throws body shots. Ciampa HEADBUTTS Ali! Ciampa wrenches, whips corner to corner hard, then runs in. But Ali goes up and over and keeps moving, to duck and dodge and LARIAT Ciampa down! Ciampa bails out, hurries up again, but Ali dropkicks him down Ali builds speed to DIVE! Direc hit and both men hit the desk! Ali puts Ciampa in, climbs up, but Theory goes after Ali! The re sees that, and that’s a disqualification!

Winner: Mustafa Ali, by disqualification (earns a title opportunity)

Theory doesn’t care, he rains down fists and stomps Ali against the steel ring steps! Theory won’t let Ali make it to his title match! Theory says Ali is not championship material, then he POSTS Ali! Theory gets the mic to tell Ali, “A win by disqualification, some might call it a coward’s way out. But a win’s a win, right? And me? I’m just on another level. And that United States Championship match ‘for the future?’ I say why wait and we just do it right NOW!” Theory uses semantics to his advantage, will he take Ali’s hopes away all in one go?

 

WWE United States Championship: (Austin) Theory VS Mustafa Ali!

Raw returns and Theory stomps away on Ali in the corner, but the match hasn’t officially begun! The ref backs Theory off and asks Ali if he still wants this. Ali wants this match, and he stands up. The introductions are made, the bell rings, and Theory rushes in to fire off on Ali again! Theory CLUBS Ali, whips him to ropes, and back drops Ali! Ali writhes, Theory covers, TWO! Theory grins because he’s still got Ali at his mercy. Theory bumps Ali off buckles, he talks trash on Ali and the fans, and then Theory drags Ali up. Theory RAMS Ali into buckles face first! Theory taunts Ali to get up, and Ali SUPERKICKS him! FLYING TORNADO DDT!

Fans fire up and Ali drags himself over to the ropes. Ali gets up, climbs the corner, but Theory hits ropes to trip Ali up! Theory fireman’s carries, A TOWN DOWN!! Cover, Theory wins!

Winner: (Austin) Theory, by pinfall (still WWE United States Champion)

Theory gets the belt and his smartphone to take victory selfies because he took full advantage of the authority given to him by Vince McMahon to screw Ali over. But then Adam Pearce walks out to say to check his texts instead. While Vince was impressed with the tactics, he’s decided he’d rather see them in a fair fight. And it’ll be this Sunday at Hell in a Cell! Theory doesn’t seem worried at all. Will he just beat Ali down again? Or will Ali win when it’s fair and square for once?

 

Matt Riddle speaks.

“On behalf of Randy, I just want to take everyone for the kind words and support. I love that guy. But as for the Uce-bros, you guys messed with the wrong dude, and I’m gonna get my vengeance.” Randy might not be here, but that doesn’t mean The Bro is alone. Isn’t that right, King? Shinsuke Nakamura says a ronin is a samurai without a kingdom to defend, without a master. Right now, Nakamura and Riddle are two wandering ronin with a common purpose: Toe bleed the Bloodline dry. So the #Bronin are gonna take those titles, and there’s nothing the Usos or the Tribal Trash can do about it, bro!

Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championships Contenders Match: The Usos VS Shinsuke Nakamura & Matt Riddle!

Jimmy & Jey got the win in the unification match thanks to the Big Uce, but he’s not here right now. Will they be able to get it done when Roman can’t interfere with the ronin? Or will they be owing the King of Strong Style and his new Stallion a shot at these unified titles?

Raw returns and the newly formed #Bronin make their entrances. Nakamura and Riddle have already integrated their poses together. The teams sort out, Riddle starts with Jimmy. Jimmy kicks low, ROCKS Riddle with an uppercut, then another! Jimmy whips corner to corner, Riddle goes up and over and KICKS Jimmy down! Riddle gut wrenches and brings Jimmy over, tag to Nakamura. Gut wrench suplex, PENALTY KICK, and ASSISTED FLOATING BRO! Cover, ONE! Jimmy powers Nakamura to the corner, Jey tags in, and Jey hits a big forearm smash. Jey brings Nakamura around, runs, but into a knee!

Nakamura KNEES Jey in the side and shoulders, over and over! Nakamura runs for a SLIDING BOOT! Nakamura gets Jey up, puts him in the corner, tag to Riddle. The Bronin fire off kick after kick, then Nakamura feeds Jay to the FISHERMAN BUSTER! Bridging cover, TWO! Riddle clamps onto Jey with a chinlock. Jey fights up, fights free, but Riddle dodges the haymaker to jump on, GUILLOTINE! But Jey gets to ropes, Jimmy tags in, HOTSHOT to the SAMOAN DROP! Jimmy covers, TWO! Jimmy drags Riddle to the ropes to choke him! The ref counts, Jimmy lets off at 4, and Jey cheap shots Riddle! Nakamura protests but it doesn’t matter now.

Jimmy stomps Riddle, tags Jey, and the Usos get Riddle up. Fans rally for Riddle but the Usos double whip Riddle hard into the buckles! Riddle writhes but Jey stomps Riddle down. Riddle goes to ropes, and now Jey chokes Riddle! Fans boo, the ref counts, Jey lets off but Jimmy gets a cheap shot of his own! The Usos raise their fingers to the sky, #WeTheOnes. Riddle gets up but Jey facelocks then whips him to a corner hard! Riddle bounces off buckles again, and Jey tags Jimmy. Jimmy taunts the fans, dares Riddle to reach for Nakamura, then ROCKS him with an uppercut! Jimmy CHOPS, then stares Nakamura down.

Jimmy runs in, but Riddle dodges! The splash hits POST! Riddle crawls, but Jey runs in! Riddle dumps Jey, keeps going for his corner, hot tag! The King of Strong Style dodges Jimmy to DYNAMIC DROPKICK! KNEE and AX KICK for Jey! Strike fest for Jimmy! Then KICK after KICK! Nakamura gives Jimmy GOOD VIBRATIONS! Then a whip corner to corner, but he blocks Jimmy’s boots! Nakamura puts Jimmy in the ropes, KICK and SLIDING GERMAN! Nakamura goes up, waits on Jimmy, FLYING KNEE! Cover, TWO! Nakamura is furious but he aims from a corner. Jimmy gets up, but Jey rushes in! Nakamura DECKS Jey, Jimmy SUPERKICKS Nakamura!

Tag to Jey, he goes up, USO SPLASH! Cover, Riddle breaks it!! The Bronin are still in this battle and Raw goes to break!

Raw returns and Jimmy keeps Nakamura jus fingertips away from Riddle! Jimmy reels Nakamura in to scoop but Nakamura slips off! Jimmy ducks the roundhouse but not the WHEEL KICK! Fans fire up while both men are down! Nakamura and Jimmy crawl, hot tags to Jey and Riddle! Riddle spins Jey to PELE, then he kips up and runs in to forearm smash! Riddle goes side to side, another forearm! Jey fights the exploder, but runs into the BROSPLODER! BROTON! Fans fire up and Riddle has Jey on the apron! Riddle brings Jey through ropes, this one’s for Randy! No, Jey slips out! Nakamura tags in as Jey dumps Riddle out!

Jey builds speed, into a KINSHASA!!! Cover, JIMMY BREAKS IT!! Fans are thunderous and Nakamura ROUNDHOUSES Jimmy! Nakamura gets Jey, but Jey SUPERKICKS him! Riddle tags back in, dodges Jey and hits the POWERSLAM! Randy’s spirit is here as Riddle hits another POWERSLAM! Jey is on the apron, Riddle brings him in through ropes, DRAPING DDT, bro! Fans are thunderous again as Riddle hears those voices! Riddle wants Jey to get up, RK- NO! SUPERKICK! Jey has Riddle on ropes, CHOKES him again, but the ref counts! Jey lets off at 4, Jimmy has Riddle’s scooter! Riddle blocks the scooter attack!!

The ref sees Jimmy up to no good, Jimmy CLOBBERS Riddle anyway!!

Winners: Matt Riddle & Shinsuke Nakamura, by pinfall (earn a title opportunity)

The same thing Theory did to Ali, but now the Usos owe a title match! But the battle isn’t over here, Nakamura goes after Jimmy and Jey goes after Riddle! Fans fire up as Nakamura fires off on Jimmy against barriers! But Jimmy throws Nakamura over the barrier! The Usos regroup and have Riddle in the drop zone! They go up the corners, but Nakamura gets in to ROUNDHOUSE Jimmy down! Riddle springs up after Jey, for a SUPER RKO!!! Fans are thunderous and the Bronin stand tall! They have their golden tickets, will Riddle & Nakamura cash in and strike first blood on the Bloodline?

 

Backstage interview with Mustafa Ali.

Kevin Patrick asks him what it means that he finally has a fair match with Theory for the US Championship? Ali is hurting right now, but this pain will be worth it. Ali has been through ell and back just to EARN an opportunity. Ali doesn’t care what tricks Theory plays to knock Ali down, Ali still gets up. This Sunday, at Hell in a Cell, the odds my be against Ali, but he will not stay down! Ali walks out of his hometown of Chicago the NEW US- Theory CLOBBERS Ali! What was that? No, highly doubtful. Another selfie, please! New champ, Theory’s ass! Will this sucker punch only motivate Ali to kick Theory’s ass?

 

Raw celebrates Memorial Day, and thanks those who gave their all for all of us.

“They didn’t volunteer to die. They volunteered to defend values which make up what we call civilization.” – Ronald Regan

“What does it mean to be selfless? To have the courage to put all else first for a greater cause? In every generation, there are those who put everything before themselves. And this weekend, we honor them.” The men and women who fought for our freedom, from World War I to Desert Storm, Normandy to Afghanistan. Look back at the moments, the events, that defined America’s history. The struggles, the battles. Remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Ronald Regan said that we honor their memory so that their pledges and sacrifices will be remembered.

We show our gratitude to those who shaped us, who guided us, and who ensured our values and freedom would live forever. We show reverence and respect. On this weekend, we say, “Thank you.”

 

Liv Morgan VS Rhea Ripley!

Finn Balor and AJ Styles aren’t with Liv this time, but they will be at Hell in a Cell as they and the Judgement Day go 3v3 in Six Person Tag Team Match! Will the Prince and Phenomenal One be needed tonight? Or will Edge and Damian Priest allow the Eradicator to handle Liv all on her own?

Raw returns and Rhea makes her entrance. And it would seem yes, Edge is allowing her to take on her former friend and tag partner alone. Will Liv be able to get a semblance of payback now that this is truly 1v1? We find out, after another break.

Raw returns again and the bell rings. Liv SHOTGUNS Rhea, then fires off forearms! Rhea shoves Liv away, Liv dodges but Rhea elbows her down! Rhea brings Liv up, swings but Liv goes Matrix to avoid the haymaker! Liv tries to roll Rhea but she stays up. Liv avoids the stomp but not the HEADBUTT! Rhea scowls, drags Liv up and CLUBS her. Rhea TOSSES Liv across the ring and Liv goes to the corner. Rhea runs in but into a BOOT! Rhea runs back in but Liv goes up and over then runs to the other corner. Liv goes up but Rhea catches her! Liv slips around to a SLEEPER! Liv thrashes around but Rhea RAMS her into buckles!

Rhea RMAS Liv into more buckles, then more buckles! Liv is still holding on tight! Rhea grabs at Liv, Liv thrashes more, but Rhea BACKPACK SENTONS! Cover, TWO! Rhea is annoyed but she drags Liv up and CLUBS her again. Rhea slams Liv down, then storms over. Liv drop toeholds Rhea into ropes! And then SHOTGUNS her in the back! Rhea staggers to a corner, Liv runs in but into BOOTS! Rhea storms up to stomp Liv down, then kicks Liv around. Rhea KICKS Liv to ropes, gets mad, and she CHOKES Liv on the ropes! The ref counts, Rhea lets off, and Liv throws Rhea out! Fans fire up as Liv builds speed, but Rhea blocks the dropkick!

Rhea brings Liv out in an Electric Chair, but Liv gets back to the apron! Liv mule kicks Rhea, then FLYING RAN- NO! Rhea blocks the rana to SLAM Liv into the barriers! Liv is down and Rhea calls her pathetic as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again, and we see Priest and Styles have shown up after all! Rhea hoists Liv up but Liv victory rolls! TWO, and Rhea gets Liv back up for an atomic FACEBUSTER! Cover, TWO! Rhea argues the count but the ref says it was fair. Styles coaches Liv up but Rhea wraps Liv up in a seated cobra twist! Liv endures, even as Rhea digs claws into the ribs! Fans rally, Liv fights up, and Liv throws haymakers! Rhea throws Liv by her hair! The ref reprimands but Rhea doesn’t care. Rhea smirks as she drags Liv up to KICK her in the back. Rhea wraps on a body scissor squeeze and even throws forearms and palm strikes!

Rhea tells Liv she is pathetic so she should just give up! Fans rally, Liv grits her teeth and pushes back to a cover, TOW! Liv is free but Rhea CLOBBERS her! Rhea mocks Styles’ clapping for Liv, and then she stalks Liv. “You’ve always been pathetic, Liv! You made me weak! You brought me down to your level!” Rhea pie faces, Liv SLAPS Rhea! Liv blocks the headbutt and kicks, KICKS and ENZIGURIS! Fans fire up with Liv and Liv runs in to SHINING WIZARD! Liv runs in again but misses the back body block. Rhea runs in, but only gets POST! Styles fires up for Liv as she goes up top! SUPER CROSSBODY! Direct hit and fans fire up!

Liv roars and she gets Rhea back up and in. Rhea hurries to ropes, Liv runs in, but Priest saves Rhea from ObLIVion! Cover, TWO!! Priest can’t believe it, and Styles DECKS him for it! Rhea sees that but she gets Liv up, RIP- NO, Liv slips free to BACKSTABBER! Roll up, high stack a la Rhea, LIV WINS!

Winner: Liv Morgan, by pinfall

Styles raises Liv’s hand in victory, they’re rolling into Hell in a Cell! But Priest drags Styles out and RAMS him into barriers! Priest drags Styles up, Liv shouts at him, so Priest lets Styles go. Priest storms up on Liv! But here comes FINN!! Finn tackles Priest and rains down fists! Priest shoves Finn away but gets a SLINGBLADE! Finn and Rhea stare down, but Liv goes up top. Finn and Styles tell Rhea to turn around. MISSILE DROPKICK! And Styles aims at Priest, PHENOMENAL FOREARM! But that’s still not all! Finn is up top, COUP DE GRACE!! The Judgement Day is down without their leader! Will Edge furiously return this Sunday for the Six Person Tag?

 

Bobby Lashley heads to the ring!

The All Mighty’s challenge last week was used against him, and now he’ll have a huge 2v1 Handicap Match for Hell in a Cell! But for right now, he’s here to sign on the dotted line. Will Lashley, MVP and Omos refrain from letting loose here? Or will they brawl it out like we saw with Cody and Rollins earlier tonight? We’ll just have to see, after the break.

Raw returns once more, and Omos makes his entrance with MVP. Adam Pearce is already in the ring and there are security guards all around to make sure this stays civil. Pearce welcomes us to the contract signing, and he says their signatures will make it official. Just take a seat and we can begin. Lashley and Omos stare each other down, neither moving. But then MVP takes his seat, so Omos sits with him. Lashley sits last, and they pull up to the table. Omos signs, and MVP gets a mic to say, “It should’ve never come to this, Bobby. We shouldn’t be here right now, man. I did everything for you. Money, celebrity, championships, I got you everything. I got you things you didn’t even know you wanted, man.

“But now here we are. At this Sunday in Hell in a Cell, there won’t be any ordinary matches with rules to protect you, no raggedy cages for you to crash through and accidentally win. The only thing that waits for you Sunday is the brutal beating that I’m gonna put on you with the Nigerian Giant, Omos. The All Mighty Era exists because of me. And it’s nothing without me, so it’s fitting that this Sunday, a Hell in a Cell, it comes to an end once and for all.” MVP signs, and Lashley says that’s a wonderful little story MVP spun. But he got it all wrong. Lashley never needed MVP. MVP is that leech that latches on just to keep himself relevant.

MVP says Lashley’s talking too much so just sign the contract. Lashley says it’s like that, huh? The sad part is, Lashley thought of MVP as a friend. MVP says he considered Lashley a brother! But Lashley turned his back on MVP, so sign the contract. Well even though this contract says “Handicap Match,” and MVP and Omos think Lashley’s at a disadvantage, the truth is, this is just Lashley’s chance to send both their asses to hell! Signed and delivered! But MVP says this isn’t done yet! Lashley is surely full of anxious energy. And no one wants to wait until Hell in a Cell, least of all Omos! Pearce wants them to keep calm as all three stand up.

Lashley and Omos stare down, but Lashley tosses the table first! The security swarms in but Omos BLASTS free! Omos TOSSES man after man, as does Lashley! They take out about 20 all on their own, and then Omos tosses armchairs around! MVP wants Omos to go after Lashley, but then Cedric Alexander CHOP BLOCKS Lashley outta nowhere! Cedric handsprings, but Lashley dodges the Neuralizer, and he also dodges Omos to RAM Omos in the corner! Cedric runs in, into a MILE HIGH SPINEBUSTER! But Omos BOOTS Lashley down! And MVP rains down fists, a vulture picking the bones!

MVP tells Omos to get a table, and Omos does as told! Fans fire up as Omos puts the table in, sets it up in a corner, then brings Lashley up! Omos ROCKS Lashley, scoops him, but Lsahley slips free! Lashley SPEARS Omos through the table!! MVP is freaking out as the Rocky Mountain Machine is rolling towards Sunday! Will Hell in a Cell be where Lashley finally ends things with MVP and Omos?


My Thoughts:

A decent Raw, but pretty typical for go-home episodes. It didn’t have Go-Home Syndrome, at the very least, but that’s because of all the new faults Raw has given itself. The recaps of what we saw this very episode were shoved in right as Liv VS Rhea was about to get started, so several minutes were wasted on what could’ve been a very good “main event” match. And while Liv and Rhea didn’t walk out with Styles, Finn, Priest or Edge, I knew we’d see some of them at some point before the match was over. And while Finn was here this week, Edge was the no-show. And them just announcing the Six Person Tag in a graphic really took out the drama of this story. It’ll still be a very fun match, but who knows what happens.

Oddly, I’m hoping Ciampa joins The Judgement Day and turns things back to their side. He seems to have lost his first name again so if he joined up, maybe he’d be used better in kayfabe. Ciampa and Ali did have a good match but I should’ve known Theory would use it to screw Ali over. Rather surprising that Vince (in kayfabe) is the one saying Theory can’t get away with the screw job, but I do like that at least one of the midcard titles is on a PPV again. Ali in Chicago, I would hope WWE does the right thing and gives him the win, especially with Theory standing tall twice on Ali, both in the ring and with the backstage attack. But this is WWE, Vince tends to make hometown heroes lose, so that might still happen here.

Good opening segments from the Raw Women’s Championship scene. Good promos from Becky, Asuka and Bianca, very good match between Bianca and Asuka, and of course Becky gets the better of them at the end. Given that, Becky might not even be in the decision and her comeback will have to go through Money in the Bank. Honestly, that’d be a great “full circle” moment, where Asuka wins the title at HIAC, Becky wins MITB, and then Becky cashes in on Asuka the Raw after MITB. Bliss VS Piper should’ve been more than it was, but we’ve seen this kind of booking for the women’s midcard a lot lately. There’s a good chance they and Nikki will be in MITB with Becky to spice things up.

Great Six Man from Ezekiel & Mysterios VS Kevin & Alpha Academy. Kevin basically costing his team and having a freak out over it is great stuff, and I can’t wait to see how things go with Kevin VS Ezekiel at HIAC. MizTV was a very good segment, mostly because the Profits hijacked things from Miz and the 24/7 Championship chase also spilled in. Tozawa getting the belt to end the segment was a nice change of pace, and it basically frees Dana up for that impending feud with Carmella. Rough for T-Bar and Apollo Crews to end up in this but guess the 24/7 Division needs bodies to fill it out. Maybe if they hadn’t cut people…

Great segment from Cody and Rollins. Cody’s promo was solid, Rollins’ response was solid, especially with his allusion to AEW, and of course that brawl was the moment of the night. Those guys are going to have an awesome Hell in a Cell match, but it’s hard to say if Rollins will really lose 0-3. MITB can still be redemption for Rollins, he and Becky could parallel each other, and of course Rollins has been Mr. MITB before and could try to chase that Heist of the Century high. He could even wait to screw Cody over during an Undisputed Universal Championship match, taking the title(s) from him and Roman, like a two birds, one stone situation.

Great stuff from the Undisputed Tag Team Championship story. I like #BROnin as the team name for Riddle & Nakamura, it is actually rather creative. Fusing names would sound like shipping, and combining nicknames to make them “Bros of Strong Style” or “Kings of Bro Style” would be too much like RKBRO. Plus, ronin samurai are cool. A bit of copy ‘n’ paste with Usos disqualifying BROnin like Theory did Ali, but this tag title match should happen anyway. Usos probably still win the title match, and maybe with Roman’s help again, but maybe Riddle and/or Nakamura get after Roman and his titles for the summer.

And lastly, the contract signing for Lashley, Omos and MVP went about how 90% of contract signings go. MVP did the talking, Omos and Lashley did the brawling, but Lashley stands tall with a great table spear spot. With that, Lashley probably ends up losing, and maybe Omos goes to MITB. I don’t want him to crash into ladders, but he could at least take a few jams from the ladders, or have someone else climb up him to go for the briefcase.

My Score: 8.3/10


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Mitchell’s ROH Death Before Dishonor Results & Report! (7/26/24)

YEEHAW!

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The word of the day is, “Gold!”

ROH brings Death Before Dishonor to Texas, and makes it bigger than ever! SIX championship matches, how drastically will the landscape change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zero Hour – MXM Collection VS Spanish Announce Project; wins.
  • Komander VS The Beast Mortos; wins.
  • Texas Deathmatch: Leyla Hirsch VS Diamante; wins.
  • ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship Qualifier: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS The Dark Order; wins and advances to Battle of the Belts 11.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships: The Kingdom VS Tomohiro Ishii & Kyle O’Reilly; win(s) and
  • ROH World Television Championship Survival of the Fittest: Atlantis Jr. VS Lio Rush VS Shane Taylor VS Johnny TV VS Lee Johnson VS Brian Cage; wins and
  • ROH Pure Championship: Wheeler Yuta VS Lee Moriarty; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Television Championship: Billie Starkz VS Red Velvet; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Championship: Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins and
  • ROH World Championship: Mark Briscoe VS Roderick Strong; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 7.25.2024

Slammiversary Fallout! Where do things go on the way to Victory Road?

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Well now we start the fall out of Slammiversary. Josh Alexander in his bad bitch summer, X-Speedball legacy, ABC got the t-a-g and Jordynne is still in charge of the Knockouts division. Like I said at the end of Slammiversary, all of the champions being Babyfaces is stupid. They need to drop a couple titles fairly quickly, because I don’t care what some people say, Nic Nemeth ain’t gonna bring any eyes to the brand. He’s about as hot as day old Hamburger Helper over a camping sterno.

We’ll probably open with the luke warm champion, so tune in like 10 minutes late for anything of substance to be happen.

https://x.com/i/status/1816629254349533588

Ratings:

  • Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner: Maclin wins via KIA – *
  • AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan: AJ wins via Down Payment – **
  • Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young): Hammer Your ASH wins via Torture Rack – ** 1/2
  • The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): Broken Alphabet wins via Twist & Splash – ***

 

Results:

Nemeth gives the ole “I’ll be a fighting champion…blah blah” promo and drops the “any company” line that we’ve already understood what that means. Campaign Singh cuts him off…and I never thought I’d be happy for Campaign Singh to walk out and say anything…ever. And…Mustafa’s promo is worse than Dolph’s. He’s gone from parody to caricature even saying “it was the biggest screw job Montreal ever saw”. Like some of these lines are cheap heat, but most are just brain dead comments that wouldn’t get a reaction out of anyone (and the crowd was silent for that comment). Mustafa gets caught in an Archer “phrasing” moment about getting screwed hard, but this is painful. Promos written by 14 year olds everyone…

This ends with Ali challenging Nemeth for the World Title. While I’m not against walk up challenges, I watch Japanese wrestling, I don’t really get the point aside from doing it just to do it. 

ABC and Matt Hardy have a small promo, and I’m still not really a fan of Unbroken Matt Version 6.0. The floating between Broken voice and his normal voice sounds amateurish.

OH LOOK, finally a match 20 minutes into the show. And it’s my son Steve Maclin! OH CHRIST he’s facing Deaner. This has been 25 minutes of talking followed by the worst god damn attempt at a gimmick. Deaner’s little “Papa Santino told me I can wipe my ass only if the crowd agrees”. This gimmick should die in a fire.

Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner

Deaner started off quick because Maclin was in disbelief that Deaner was actually gonna fight him. Maclin dodges a Crossbody, Busaiku Knee, and just starts beating on Deaner for fun. And this is fun, maybe Maclin can make sure Deaner gets stretchered out and written off forever. How do you call for an ambulance in French? Maclin with the old Back Breaker into a stretch. Deaner tries to nerd rage up, breaks the Back Breaker Stretch, his punch combo, into a Manhattan Drop and Bulldog. Deaner hits the Crossbody, but Maclin kicks out. This is entirely too competitive.

Deaner goes for the Deaner DDT, blocked, Olympic Slam into Splashing Deaner into the corner, Caught in the Crosshairs, K-I-A, thanks for coming you damn dweeb. Stay in Canada and don’t travel Deaner, please.

https://x.com/i/status/1816633784537874761

AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan

As the bell sounds, Sami knocks Rich off the apron, Low Bridges AJ, does the Beats of the Bodhran on AJ and then AJ eats the offense and strategizes with his crew. Bishop and Rich swarm the ring, Sami allows himself to get distracted so AJ slides in and starts beating on Sami. AJ throats Sami across the middle rope and Rich makes his presence felt, AJ distracts the referee and Rich gets in a lot of cheap shots. Bishop throws Sami back in the ring, and AJ keeps up the pressure. Lots of 5 count chokes and leverage moves. After the commercial break ends, Sami dodges a Tennessee Whiskey Knee, gets in a few shots before Rich trips Sami as he’s setting up a Dive, and then AJ takes advantage of the position and hits the goofball knee strike.

AJ calls for his Chokeslam, Sami tries to break it with Axe Handles, then claws the eyes. Sami goes for a Scoop Slam, gets him part way up and then falls over. AJ Chokeslam again, but he bites his hand and starts fighting back. Launches himself at AJ, sends him bouncing off the ropes and uses the momentum to hit that Scoop Slam that was teased earlier. Sami goes for a Western Lariat but eats a Big Boot. AJ does a little Hulk Hogan pose to signal a Leg Drop, but Sami dodges and then connects on a Sliding Lariat. Thumbs Up, Thumbs….interference. Rich distracts the ref, Bishop lays out Sami, AJ connects with the Down Payment.

Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young)

ASH and Jordynne exchange slaps and then Jordynne starts to out muscle ASH. Spinebuster from Jordynne, Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights off, rope run, Sattelite DDT into both tagging out. EY does the Flair corner flop, slides back in between Hammer’s legs, and connects on a Neckbreaker. EY is the quicker of the two, but Hammer finally gets his hands on him and a Release Belly to Belly into a full mount raining of fists, then a near fall. Hammer smashes EY in a corner, Arm Wringer into an Irish Whip across, but EY moves and Hammer tags out to ASH. ASH levels Jordynne, peppers EY with a few shots and pulls him back to their corner and starts some tandem offense with Hammerman. Hammer Guerilla Presses ASH and throws her into EY for a near fall. Hammer looks to aim for either a Powerbomb or Nightmare Pendulum, but EY drops it into a Small Package, pinfall kick out, they both run, Double Lariat spot. The Knockouts get tagged in.

Jordynne is in control early, World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb. Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights it off and tags out to Hammer. Jordynne and EY do some schoolyard stuff with the old Push while Jordynne is down to trip Hammer. All four get in, ASH gets leveled, EY gets leveled, Hammer and Jordynne have a brief face off, but Hammer throws Jordynne to the apron and ASH connects with a Meteora from the apron. Death Valley Driver from Young on Hammer, ASH stares in shock, EY tells her to get, ASH runs away. EY goes up for his Macho Elbow, and ASH causes him to fall to Hammer’s feet, Torture Rack, and EY submits.

Josh Alexander comes out, with new heel music. And it’s not that bad, definitely better than some other people’s new music. Josh yells at the crowd a bit, says he can’t wait til he’s back in a real Canadian town, like his home of Toronto. Then he drops the mic in lieu of an explanation. The crowd chants him off with the “Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey”. 

https://x.com/i/status/1816647373654724937

The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

JDC and Hardy start, but JDC quickly tags out to Myers and that doesn’t go well. Hardy grabs a hold of Myers, a few Delete chops, drags him to his corner and they all get in a few shots punctuated with Hardy getting tagged back in and an Elbow into Myers’ extended and worked on left arm. Myers stays isolated, back into the corner, Boot to the gut, Ace tags in and wallops Myers. Ace connects on Double Kicks, into Russian Leg Sweep and his half of Click Click Boom, for a 2 count. Myers finally gets free with a Jaw Breaker and tags out to Eddie. But The System gets no momentum, Ace stifles Eddie’s offense and starts a few quick tags with him and Bey for tandem offense. Moose finally comes down the ramp as Eddie kicked out of yet another pinfall attempt because The System has had nothing going for them. Eddie finally gets some offense since Moose was a big enough distraction.

Eddie thinks they have a spot, so he tags back in JDC, but The ABC stop him cold, tag in Matt Hardy, and Matt walks down JDC, but JDC Low Bridges. Matt is on the outside, so all of The System surrounds Hardy, then Joe Hendry’s music hits! That stops the heel beatdown, and we follow Hendry’s entire entrance. So that proves Hendry is bigger than the 8 other people in this frame. Not really sure if that’s optics you want to push along. Ace and JDC try to remind people there’s wrestling going on, but JDC thumbs the eye to get a little something going. Vertical Suplex for a near fall, tag out for Eddie and Eddie lights up Ace with some of those NOAH Chops. Ace retreats to the ropes and Alisha chokes him with the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Myers gets tagged in, Ace tries to use the crowd energy, Myers stops it at first but then Ace slips a Scoop Slam and tags out to Bey. Hot tag, strike rush, Double Stomp, educated feet, Leap Frog to the corner but Lish climbs on the apron and yells at Bey which stops his rhythm. Myers kicks his feet out and causes Bey to crash. Eddie tags in for a few shots, then to JDC and Slingshot Knees, Wringer Snapmare, Bow and Arrow Submission, and JDC is just doing solid wrestling work right now. Uppercut between the Shoulder Blades as Bey tries to get out, tag to Myers and Bey is still eating offense. Eddie tags in, Bey tries the Sunset Flip, but Eddie tags out before going over, so Myers folds up Bey for a near fall and then tags out to JDC who connects on a Standing Suplex, slams Bey’s face into the corner, Eddie tags in, and Bey finally fights up to his feet, Eddie just flatten Bey’s comeback, tries a Tiger Driver but eats an Enzuigiri for a simultaneous tag. JDC and Hardy come in, JDC tries to exit halfway in, but Hardy is wrecking shop. He disposes of Eddie, Myers slides in but eats a tandem Neckbreaker/DDT from Hardy. Face team does the Delete Corner Face Smashes. Poetry in Motion into a Side Effect into Corkscrew Swanton for only 2 since Myers breaks it up! Everyone throwing hands, referee is distracted, Moose comes in to Spear Hardy, but Hardy dodges and throws him into JDC (I get the call back), Hendry then lays out Moose with the big Lariat. Twist of Fate from Hardy, Splash from Bey, Broken Alphabet wins!

 

Overall Score: 4/10

Ugh, cliche promos, too damn much talking, a competitive squash match with an imbecile as our first “match”, into an overbooked and slow heel match, finally a decent tag match (with the right team going over), into another overbooked match with a “tease” for the mystery backup being more obvious than Jericho’s WWF debut.

Aside from the afore mentioned tag match, The Rascalz promo and The System Promo; this was hard to watch. A lot of cornball promos, Rosemary licks her conspiracy board, storylines got zero traction. Whoopity Doo, Ryan Nemeth got a match next week and we get an undead wedding.

While this was a bad episode, it was bad by at least new standards. We’re not back in the TNA Dark Days again, but this was…a useless show.


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