Andrew’s IMPACT Match Ratings & Results: 3.23.2023

It’s the Go Home to Sacrifice! I think there’s definitely more than a 33 1/3% chance that I’ll at least tolerate the episode. But with all of the fun pairings with Sacrifice participants we get the potential for a ton of story beats. We also might get a clearer picture of whatever the endgame is for The Design (doubtful though).

With all that, let’s hop into the show and kick off with how Kenny King and Eddie Edwards are exactly feeling about their Frankenstein problem.

.@KennyKingPb2 and @TheEddieEdwards want @PCOisNotHuman "On Ice"!#IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/blVnhWPv4p

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) March 24, 2023

Ratings:

• The Design (Deaner, Kon, Angels w/Callihan) vs Time Machine (Alex Shelley, Kushida, Chris Sabin): Kushida wins via Hoverboard Lock – *** 1/4
• Savannah Evans w/Gisele Shaw & Jai Vidal vs Deonna Purrazzo: Deonna wins via Crucifix Bomb – ** 1/4
• Masha Slamovich & Bully Ray vs Tommy Dreamer & Mickie James: Bully wins via Piledriver – ** 1/4
• Dirty Dango & Joe Hendry vs  Brian Myers & Moose: Myers wins via Roster Cut – ** 1/2

Results:

The Design (Deaner, Kon, Angels w/Callihan) vs Time Machine (Alex Shelley, Kushida, Chris Sabin)

Well Kushida does enjoy mixing it up with Heavyweights…and he starts against Kon. Kushida tries to chop down the tree, gets stifled, Shelley tags in to try and assist but they both meet the brick wall of Kon. Kon tags in Deaner and Shelley is getting worked over. Blind tag from Sabin, Deaner gets spun around and kicked in the face for a quick near fall.

All six mix it up a bit before Time Machine gets the best of it, they post Angels in the corner, Hesitation Dropkick from Sabin while Angels is retrained and we get a quick tag bringing Shelley back in to work over Angels left arm. I guess you can see they made him a…one winged angel – okay no more FF7 references. I feel dirty. Kushida lays in the grounded Bow and Arrow Liger Style, and Angels is just get rocked.

Eventually Angels manages to get away from Sabin and tag in Deaner, then The Design start quick tags and stomping away on Sabin in their corner. The Design tries to set up a tandem move, Sabin manages to escape and tag in Kushida. Hot tag with a few quick spots, Running Crossbody, Pele Kick, and then Shelley comes in. They go for some Time Splitters action but Angels interrupts it, so he receives the Time Splitters tandem offense of the PK to the Arm and Kon stunned on the apron eating a Back Handspring Kick, big Dive from Kushida puts an exclamation point on the Time Machine momentum.

Commercial break, we come back to Kushida and Shelley going for the Enzuigiri/Shotei combination, but Deaner moves and Shelley kicks Kushida. Angels gets tagged in and we see The Design put some stuff together. After a Spine Buster/Frog Splash combo, they set up a Double Doomsday and finally the MCMG portion of Time Machine come in for the save. Things start breaking down into signature spams, Angels looks to have the advantage until her stumbles just a little and the triple team starts.

They look for Outatime, but Deaner breaks it up, then Callihan slides in to just protect Deaner. He even stands there and asks the Guns to hit him. So Callihan gets rocked and Kushida flies in with the Hoverboard Lock for the win.

There was a vignette for The Coven, which checks that weird IMPACT spin since they love to play in the Shadow Realm. Not bad, just not work showing in the article.

JESUS H CHRIST – they are rebranding Raj Singh as Champagne Singh? I hope this is a short lived attempt at relevance, because he is talentless. Raj was the worst part of the Desi Hit Squad and somehow he’s stuck around the longest. I don’t get it…he’s cringe, can’t cut a promo and wrestles like trash. 

Savannah Evans w/Gisele Shaw & Jai Vidal vs Deonna Purrazzo

Deonna takes the offense right to Savannah, which is dumb; but Deonna does love to be the female Minoru Suzuki. By that I mean, just fighting the opponents fight for a little bit until the gameplan eventually kicks in. So it looks dumb, but let’s see if it continues to be dumb.

The match has been fairly basic, but not awful, hence why its hard for me to really highlight anything. Savannah hits some nice power moves, Jai and Gisele tend to jaw and be petty distractions but never physically get involved. Deonna tries to fire up with a few quick Chops, but Savannah puts the brakes to the that and hits a great Snap Suplex. Deonna absorbs some offense, tries to use a little bit of join manipulation and momentum to give herself a few openings. Savannah stops Deonna, goes for a Backbreaker, but Deonna counters.

Deonna runs the ropes, hits a few big Knee Lifts, Russian Leg Sweep, float over, Fujiwara…but Savannah grabs the ropes. Savannah stalls Deonna’s offense attempts, catches her with a beautiful Northern Lights Suplex Hold for 2. Full Nelson Slam attempt, Deonna drops down, rolls through, tries to use the ropes to her advantage, but Gisele and Jai finally makes their presence really felt. Deonna hits the ropes, Jai grabs her, Savannah swings, misses Deonna and wipes out Jai, Gisele eats a Pump Kick from Deonna. Deonna flies through the attempts slam, Crucifix Bomb from Deonna, and Deonna gets the pinfall.

Post match 3 on 1 beatdown begins! Deonna has no friends left, so she eats a Full Nelson Bomb and Denouement, and she’s left laying. 

Flashback Moment: Sacrifice 2010, Team 3D vs Beer Money vs MCMG, #1 Contender for the TNA Tag Team Championship Match

Masha Slamovich & Bully Ray vs Tommy Dreamer & Mickie James

Dreamer and Bully circle a little, Bully tries to take a swipe at Mickie and then goads her to tag in. Bully keeps talking crap but Masha demands to be tagged in. So Masha and Mickie start off, while Mickie is trying to keep her eyes peeled for Bully while getting the best of Masha early after a Thesz Press, Sole But, Flapjack, Kip Up. But Mickie allows herself to be distracted a little, Masha returns the Sole Butt and clocks Mickie to drop her and tag in Bully. Bully talks too long before the Elbow Drop, so Mickie rolls away and Dreamer tags in. So the babyfaces are getting the best of the early going until Bully grabs Mickie’s hair as she runs the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Bully cheap shots Dreamer, tries to grab the Kendo Stick and threaten Mickie but the referee stops him. Bully starts man handling Mickie, tags Masha back in and Masha is literally whipping her around by her hair. Same time Lariats give Mickie the chance to tag out, simultaneous tags on the guys and Dreamer is doing…as hot of a tag as he can. 10 Count Punches, Bites his head, Cutter, but Masha breaks the pin. Flip, Flop and Fly in stereo, Dreamer calls for a WAZZUP, Mickie does a Diving Polish Hammer to Bully’s balls. Then Dreamer shoves Mickie and tells her to get the tables.

Masha does one of the ugliest dives I’ve ever seen on Mickie, but its effective. Bully hits a Low Blow while the referee is messing with the table, Piledriver from Bully and the Bully wins it for the team.

Masha tells Bully to set up the table after the match. Bully is about to Powerbomb Mickie, but Jordynne Grace hits the ring with a Kendo Stick. Bully turns, Jordynne hits the ropes for a Spear but Bully moves and Jordynne cuts Mickie in half.  

Is @SteveMaclin getting into the heads of #RichSwann, @FrankieKazarian, and @Walking_Weapon?#IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/1iDn0ehHMx

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) March 24, 2023

Next week is going to be more of a hype show for Mutiverse United. There will be a few never broadcasted matches, but since its WrestleMania Weekend, that takes precedence. 

Dirty Dango & Joe Hendry vs  Brian Myers & Moose

Joe Hendry’s doing his usual promo after his music, but Dango also grabs a microphone which throws off Hendry a little. So when Hendry says “Say the only two words that matter” – Dango interjects with SUCK IT. Fun ways to tap dance around trademarks. 

Hendry and Myers start off which actually plays nicely into the story. Hendry invoked Myers’ rematch clause, so of course he wouldn’t be opposed to mixing it up before the PPV. Dango gets tagged  and tries to get Moose to dance. Moose’s leg shakes a little like he has to fight the urge to dance, and then charges at Dango. Little things like that reminds everyone that Moose is a likable performer, he’s just a heel right now, so he’s trying to ignore his fun side. Myers comes back in, Arm Trap Suplex, Tornado DDT where he kicks off of Moose who’s trying to interrupt. They wipe out Moose and Myers, Hendry puts his hands in the air for the wave, but Dango thinks it should be something else. Moves Hendry’s hands a little and then does a SUCK IT.

Off the commercial, Falcon Arrow from Dango, he tries to go to the top but Moose distracts Dango and Myers throws him off the top rope to the outside. Dango tries for the Cradle Counter Roll, but Myers blocks long enough to tag Moose. So Moose blindsides Dango before the 1 count even happens. Myers Knee Lift, holds onto Dango’s ankle and reaches to tag in Moose. So Dango is just getting totally singled out. Dango kicks Moose away, Moose tries for Go To Hell, but Dango keeps swinging, rocks Moose a little and then the Diving European Uppercut gives Dango the space he needs for the tag.

Simultaneous tags, Myers gets caught mid Crossbody, Sack of Shit from Hendry and then Joe Kips Up. Hendry tries a Trust Fall, Myers slips it, Enzuigiri, but then Hendry hits the Pop-Up Powerbomb for 2. Moose is in, Dango is in, Dango gets dumped out, Moose hits the Lights Out on Hendry. Roster Cut from Myers, 1-2-3.

Josh Alexander walks out to the ring after the Maclin/Swann shenanigans. Josh punctuates his promo with saying Maclin is afraid of failure, afraid of being a man without a purpose, afraid of being a Forgotten Son. Maclin’s music hits and he chuckles at the line and gives Josh a little kudos. 

Maclin is cutting a perfect heel promo since he’s validating everything Josh said, and even presents video evidence of how much scouting he’s doing to avoid failure. However, through his validation he’s also poking holes in Josh’s confidence. Josh tries to say it changes nothing and he’s a fighting champion and tries to challenge Maclin now…because now Josh is scared. Like Frankie said, Maclin is doing it “My Way”. So he says no to the challenge and that he wants to take it in Josh’s home town. 

Overall Score: 7.25/10

Now I usually get bored with promos to close a show, but they both played their parts perfectly. Josh with the strong babyface opening trying to discredit the opponent as just another victim of circumstance; but Maclin bringing the receipts like he just walked into H&R Block was beautiful. I’ve enjoyed a lot of Maclin’s run in IMPACT, but this is the cherry on the top. He NEEDS to win the title, he’s perfect since you could see in Josh’s face and body language his confidence is a little shaken.

I also appreciated a few of the little storytelling beats, like in Hendry’s match. Opening against Myers plays into the story, and then Moose hitting the Lights Out and then walking out of the ring just watching his handy work as Myers hits the Roster Cut for the win. Proves everything both men said leading up through this story. Deonna also being the best wrestler in the Knockouts division, but still not capable of beating a 3 on 1 with no friends played well towards something. It’s either going to culminate in Mickie and Deonna burying the hatchet frenemies style, or we’ll see Deonna having to evolve into a more straight forward babyface since she can’t play the heel or tweener with no friends.

The Twitter feed didn’t have the segment with The Death Dollz, but potentially writing off Taya by bringing Su Yung/Susie/Susan back works well since it gives JesSICKa a chance at an angle, Su could always side with The Coven, they can play in the paranormal nicely for a few more months. I just really hope they don’t return JesSICKa to Havok. Havok got stale and pathetic, whereas JesSICKa is entertaining both in and out of the ring.

But hey, tomorrow is Sacrifice, so watch your Steiner Math promos and strap in for the PPV!