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Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (3/13/23)

Raw gets Rated R!

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You Think You Know Me.

Raw prepares for WrestleMania, and the Rated R Superstar waits on Finn Balor to respond! Will Judgment Day come to Hollywood?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Johnny Gargano & Dexter Lumis w/ Candice LeRae VS Dominik Mysterio & Damian Priest w/ The Judgment Day; win.
  • Cody Rhodes VS LA Knight; Cody wins.
  • Elias w/ Rick Boogs VS Bronson Reed; Bronson wins.
  • Austin Theory VS Angelo Dawkins; Theory wins.
  • Seth Rollins VS Baron Corbin; Rollins wins.
  • Bianca Belair VS Chelsea Green w/ Carmella; Bianca wins.
  • Street Fight: Kevin Owens VS Solo Sikoa; Solo wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Edge is here!

Just as he promised last week, the Rated R Superstar returns because he wants to end this with The Judgment Day! Fans cheer Edge on as he gets the mic to say, “Providence, I gotta tell ya, that never gets old, that’s why I do this. Listen, I know why I’m here. Providence, y’all know why I’m here. So Finn Balor, get out here right now so we can finally be done with this.” And so the Judgment Day appears on the ramp! They all smirk at Edge but Finn has the mic to say, “Here I am, Edge! Finn Balor, live and in the flesh! And for once, I actually agree with all these clowns, I wanna hear what you have to say. So please, do us all a favor and spit it out.”

Edge tells Finn that’s the thing, Edge isn’t here to say anything. Edge wants to end this. But Finn is gonna hide way over there, right? And if Edge were to run up on Finn, he’d just send “Lurch, Pugsley and Wednesday” after him. And then it’s the same old song and dance for another week. But a few weeks ago, Finn challenged Edge to a match at WrestleMania. But since Finn isn’t man enough to step closer, FINE! Finn has his match! Did they hear that? Finn’s going to WrestleMania! And if Edge thinks the beating at Extreme Rules was bad- “SHUT YOUR MOUTH!! Now you can hear me talk!”

For the last year of Edge’s comeback, he’s wasted it with Judgment Day. And before that, he was in front of a bunch of TV screens in the ThunderDome. Edge does not have time for this. He needs to accomplish what he wants to do before he runs out of time. So Finn pulled Judgment Day out from under Edge, and then made them better. Edge can admit it. Because Finn leaned into what those three with him are: bitter, immature malcontents. This is a weird hybrid, like an “Irish-Mexican-Australian-Puerto-Rican” emo delight. A bougie drink you’d get at a hipster coffee joint, but it has worked.

Every other week, they’ve left Edge laying, and made him say two words he never thought he’d say in “I Quit.” But then they still bashed Beth with a Con-Chair-To. “For the last year, you have tried to make my life a living hell. And a lot of the time, you’ve accomplished it. So the way I see it, there’s only one way that this can end. At WrestleMania, Edge VS Finn Balor, INSIDE HELL IN A CELL!!” Fans fire up hearing that! Finn scowls, and he says, “Edge, I’ve been to Hell before, and it spit me out. Because Hell couldn’t handle my demons! I’ll see you at WrestleMania. But until then…” The Judgment Day rushes up after all!

Priest gets on the apron, he and Edge fire hands, then Dom goes after Edge! Rhea gets in on the mugging, fans boo, but here come THE WAY! Johnny Gargano leads Dexter Lumis and Candice LeRae out and they fight the Judgment Day! Rhea throws Candice out, Lumis hammers away on Dom, but Edge and Gargano go after Priest! The Judgment day was to face Gargano and Lumis at some point tonight, will that be after the break?

 

Johnny Gargano & Dexter Lumis w/ Candice LeRae VS Dominik Mysterio & Damian Priest w/ The Judgment Day!

Raw returns and indeed, this match is under way! Gargano rains down fists on Dom in the corner, goes way past ten, and then lets off as the ref counts. Fans fire up, Gargano kicks and CHOPS Dom, but Dom kicks and headlocks. Gargano powers out, but Dom runs him over! Dom runs, but Gargano trips him! Gargano runs, dodges Dom and arm-drags him, to then arm-drag again! Gargano fakes Dom out and Dom gets mad. Dom storms up but Gargano rolls him up, SCHOOL BOY KICK! Dom flounders, Rhea panics, and Gargano wrenches. Dom breaks free to tag in Priest. Fans boo but Gargano is game for this rematch.

Gargano and Priest talk some trash, but then Gargano looks to Lumis. Fans fire up and Gargano tags Lumis in! The Tortured Artist seems to creep even the Punisher out. They circle, tie up, and Priest wrenches to a wristlock. Lumis rolls, kips up and wrenches back to then wristlock in return. Priest wrenches back, headlocks, but Lumis powers out. Priest runs Lumis over and dusts himself off. Fans boo but Priest soaks up the heat. Priest runs, but Lumis kips right up! Priest shrugs it off but Gargano taunts Priest not to be scared. Priest kicks low then ROCKS Lumis, then fires off hands in the corner! Priest HEADBUTTS, then lets off.

Priest whips Lumis corner to corner hard, but fans chant “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” Priest KICKS Lumis, whips him to ropes, but Lumis kicks back! Priest wobbles, into a DROPKICK! Priest falls out of the ring, he gets mad, and he runs back in, but into a drop toehold! Lumis floats to a facelock and he tags in Gargano. Lumis bumps Priest off Gargano’s boots, then Gargano wrenches. Priest ROCKS Gargano then dusts himself off. Fans boo but Priest scoops Gargano to SNAKE EYES in the corner! Rhea laughs, Priest tags Dom, and fans boo more as Dom rains down fists! Dom soaks up the heat as fans boo more.

Dom drags Gargano up, whips him corner to corner, then runs in, into KNEES! Gargano runs in to RAAN Dom away! Dom flops out of the ring, Gargano slingshots but Dom gets to the apron! Dom leaps, Gargano dodges and SUPERKICKS! Priest runs in, into an UPPERCUT from Lumis! Gargano then CANNONBALLS and takes out Priest and Dom! Providence fires up with The Way as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Gargano CHOPS Priest! And CHOPS again! Priest blocks the next chop to BELL CLAP! Priest then whips Gargano hard into the Judgement Day corner! Fans boo as Dom tags in but Dom stomps away on Gargano. Dom digs his boot into Gargano but the ref counts. Dom lets off, tags Priest back in, and Priest soaks up the heat. Priest sucker punches Lumis! Priest then runs to back elbow Gargano! Tag back to Dom, Priest hits BROKEN ARROW and Dom adds the SLINGSHOT SENTON! Cover, TWO! Rhea is furious about the count but Dom wraps Gargano up in a chinlock.

Fans rally for “Johnny Wrestling!” and Gargano fights up. Gargano throws forearms, but Dom knees low. Dom gives some Latino Heat, then hits Uno Amigo! And then Dos Amigos! Dom hits THREE AMIGOS and Rhea is happy. Cover, TWO! Rhea is furious again! Dom soaks up the heat, though, and he slaps Gargano around. Gargano stands, and he ROCKS Dom! And again! And again! But Dom ducks to dropkick Gargano onto ropes! Fans boo as Dom dials it up, but Gargano ducks the 619! Then SLINGSHOT SPEARS! Fans fire up while both men are down! Gargano and Dom crawl, hot tags to Priest and Lumis!

Fans fire up as Lumis fires off hands on Priest! Then he dodges a haymaker to hit a SPINEBUSTER! Dom runs in, into a SPINEBUSTER! Lumis runs to clothesline Priest in a corner, then he runs to clothesline Dom! BULLDOG for Dom! Priest kicks, misses, and Lumis hits a BIG back suplex! Kip up to leg drop! Cover, TWO! Lumis keeps on Priest, fireman’s carries, but Dom sneaks a tag! Priest slips free, but Lumis clotheslines him out! Dom GAMANGIRIS Lumis away, then sunset flips! High stack, with feet on the ropes! But Candice shoves those away! TWO!! Lumis and Dom DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!

Rhea storms up on Candice, but is sent into steps! Candice kicks, but into an Electric Chair! And a SLAM on the barrier! But then Rhea turns around to see Lumis staring at her! Rhea waves hi and blows a kiss, Priest CLOBBERS Lumis! Fans boo but Priest roars. Priest drags Lumis up and into the ring, and hits a COMPLETE SHOT! Tag to Dom and Dom goes up! FROG SPLASH! Cover, GARGANO BREAKS IT! Fans fire up as Rhea freaks out! Priest gets in, but Gargano ducks the heel kick to SUPERKICK! Gargano then builds speed to DIVE! Direct hit and Priest hits desk! But Dom WRECKS Gargano with a dropkick!

Dom hurries to get Lumis up, but Lumis slips free to clinch! THE SILENCE!!! Dom flails, but Priest hurries up! Hot tag, ROLLING ROUNDHOUSE! Choke grip, SOUTH OF HEAVEN!! Cover, the Judgment Day wins!

Winners: The Judgment Day, by pinfall

Rhea laughs and celebrates with Priest and her little Dom-Dom! The Eradicator is going after the Queen, the Prince is going to settle things with the Rated R Superstar, will WrestleMania be facing its Judgment Day?

 

Backstage interview with The Miz.

Cathy Kelley says we’re on the Road to WrestleMania, so she wants to ask the host of WrestleMania- Wait, Chad Gable hurries over. He asks if anyone’s seen Otis. The Miz says he literally just got here, so no. Miz doesn’t travel with hits pets like Gable does. If Gable is looking for his missing dog, put up flyers. Miz has to- SHOOSH! That’s actually a good idea, Gable will go do that. A thank yew! Gable heads out and Miz asks Cathy what she was going to ask. Right, Cathy wanted to know if the Miz was interested in having a cohost. PFFF! Right! Cohost. Is Cathy interested in the position? Well-

No, there is only one star big enough to host Mania, and- Wait! Now Damage CTRL is jumping Trish Stratus! She wants a comeback, so here it is! They throw her into trunks, CLUB her down, then SMACK her off more trunks! Bayley, Dakota Kai & Iyo Sky then TRIPLE BOOT her down! Refs rush over to stop them but the damage is done. Will the star-studded Six Woman Tag now be in question after what we just saw?

 

Omos & MVP head to the ring.

The Nigerian Giant and his manager are here in person, because they’re going to be face-to-face with Brock Lesnar! Will the ring still be standing after Omos stands up to The Beast?

Raw returns and MVP has the mic to tell Brock Lesnar, “You are a brilliant athlete but a terrible tactician. You made a critical era in putting your hands on me a couple of weeks ago. But the worst, the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in your career was accepting a match against the 7’3″, 416 pound Nigerian Giant, Omos, at WrestleMania. Brock, I want you to understand-” WAIT! Here comes the pain! Fans fire up as Lesnar makes his way to the ring! Lesnar takes a quick lap, then takes off his cowboy hat and gets in the ring. Lesnar seems rather impressed seeing Omos in person. Fans are losing their minds seeing this moment, too!

Lesnar steps up to Omos, seeing he comes up to Omos’ shoulders, and then Omos raises his massive hand. Omos compares the fist to Lesnar’s face. Lesnar is again impressed. Omos offers a handshake, but fans chant for “SUPLEX CITY!” Lesnar shakes hands with Omos, but then Omos doesn’t let go! So Lesnar hits Omos low! Omos elbows Lesnar back and puts on a VICE GRIP! Omos shoves Lesnar up and out of the ring! Lesnar manages to land on his feet, and Omos says “This is MY house!” Fans boo, refs rush out to keep this from escalating, but Lesnar says it’s alright. He just needs his hat back.

A producer gives Lesnar his hat back, and Omos wants Lesnar to come back for more. Lesnar tips his hat and then leaves. Is the Beast intimidated? Or is he simply going to bide his time and plan on how to bring down the Nigerian Giant?

 

Cody Rhodes VS LA Knight!

The American Nightmare has a lot on his plate with the coming battle against Roman Reigns, but he’s taking on someone with a really big mouth! The Mega Star talked a lot online, but will he back it up against Cody? Or will Knight be speechless after taking on a fired up Cody Rhodes?

Raw returns and LA Knight makes his entrance. The bell rings, the two circle, and fans rally up. Cody and Knight tie up, go around, and fans rally for Cody but Knight puts him in a corner. Knight lets off, but then sucker punches Cody! Knight ROCKS Cody again, whips him to ropes, but Cody reverses to arm-drag Knight! Cody twists the wrist, brings Knight up and wrenches, but Knight reaches for ropes. Cody keeps Knight away from the ropes, but Knight wrenches back. Cody wrenches again, ducks the haymaker and he DECKS Knight! Cody wrenches Knight, hammerlocks, headlocks, but Knight pulls hair!

The ref reprimands but Knight puts Cody in a corner. Knight lets off at 4, but Cody shoves him away. The two talk some trash, Cody counter punches Knight! Cody shoves Knight, dodges him, then waistlocks. Knight switches, Cody trips Knight, then Cody runs to KNEE Knight down! Cover, TWO! Knight bails out but Cody builds speed! Cody DIVES, into a HAYMAKER! Knight drags Cody right out of the ring, but Cody blocks the barrier bump to bump Knight off barriers first! Cody storms up after Knight but Knight SMACKS Cody’s arm off the post! Fans boo but Knight soaks up heat. Cody RAMS Knight into steel steps!

Cody SMACKS Knight’s arm off the steps, SMACKS it off the post, then puts Knight in the ring. Cody goes up but Knight springs up after him! SUPERPLEX! Fans fire up while both men are down and Raw goes to break!

Raw returns again and Cody fights a suplex. Cody suplexes Knight, holds him up, but Knight rakes the eyes! Knight then kicks and DDTs Cody down! Cover, TWO! Cody is still in this but Knight pie faces him around. Knight says, “You just thought I’d be practice, huh?” Knight wraps on a chinlock and he grinds Cody down. Fans rally, Cody fights his way up, and Cody pries the hold open! But Knight knees Cody low! Knight runs, but Cody blocks the kick to spin him, run and CLOBBER him! Cody then drops and RHODES UPPERCUTS! Cody goes to a corner, Knight runs in, but Cody goes up and over! Knight bounces off buckles, into the POWERSLAM!

Cody fires up and the fans are with him! Knight rises, Cody runs and springboards, BEAUTIFUL DISASTER! Cover, TWO! Knight survives but fans rally behind Cody. Cody runs and springboards again, but Knight catches him to a waistlock! SUPLEX SIDE SLAM! Cover, TWO! Knight grows frustrated, he cravats but Cody powers out! Cody dodges, goes up and up, SUPER CODY CUTTER! Fans fire up with Cody again and Knight staggers around. Cody dragon sleepers, for the CROSS RHODES!! Cover, Cody wins!

Winner: Cody Rhodes, by pinfall

The American Nightmare beats the Knight, but he isn’t done! Cody gets the mic to say, “I keep hearing these warnings from Mr. Heyman that I should stay out of Bloodline business. Well I reiterated, I do not work for the Bloodline, and I don’t work for Mr. Heyman. So if I wanna come out here, stand side by side with Sami Zayn, I can do that. If I wanna come out here and fight alongside Kevin Owens, I can do that! And I also hear Mr. Heyman say, ‘Don’t make this personal.’ Don’t make it personal? What a joke! It has been personal since I first appeared on this show at 21 years old in front of these same cameramen!

“It’s personal when week after week, I’m choked up, fighting back tears with every sentence. It’s personal when you wear a protective coat of armor, and I’m not talking about my robe. I’m talking about a tailored suit. And the reason I wear it is not because I think I am somebody. The reason I wear it is because I wanna be somebody. Mr. Heyman talking about acknowledging Roman Reigns? I acknowledge you, dammit. You need to acknowledge me! I am not perfect, but my time since I came back to the WWE has been perfect. I am undefeated. I grew up thinking that I was a prince in this industry.

“And I’ve got no crown, no chip, no Master Sword, no Undisputed WWE Universal Championship. And on April 2nd… When the sun goes down on Hollywood, it is going down on Roman Reigns’ generational run. On April 2nd, it’s not just those who’ve got the Rhodes and the Runnels blood pumping through their veins. It’s every single person who has followed me until the end! On April 2nd, I have waited my whole life, I will wait no more! On April 2nd, Roman Reigns, I pin you, I stick you in this ring, and I become the first Rhodes to say he is the Undisputed WWE Universal Champion!!” The American Nightmare is ready, will he live the dream in Hollywood?

 

Backstage interview with Seth Rollins.

Byron Saxton asks The Visionary his reaction to Logan Paul knocking him out with a sucker punch. “Logan~. Logan~! HAHAHA!” Last week, Logan acted like he won the lottery! And why? Because he DID! He landed the shot of a lifetime right on Rollins’ chinny chin chin! But if there’s one thing we’ve learned about Rollins these last two years is that you can’t keep him down. And so next time Logan Paul and- Miz walks in. “Seth, Seth, Seth.” “BOO!” Miz gets spooked and says Rollins is just jealous that Logan knocked him out with one punch. Face it, Seth, you lost control of the narrative.

But what would Miz know? Except that he is the host of WrestleMania and he gets privileged information! For example, next week on Monday, Logan Paul conducts a live, WWE edition of ImPAULsive TV! And Miz also knows that he is expected as a guest. But then Baron Corbin walks in. His schedule cleared up, he’s available. Uh, sorry, Logan is all booked up. Then maybe with WrestleMania being two nights, Miz has a lot to do, he could use a cohost. They could take things over! Rollins laughs at that idea nd Miz says he has a lot of pull of Mania. But not that much pull. Oh, okay…

Then Rollins! Logan knocked you out, but Corbin’s a three-time Golden Gloves winner! Corbin can train you in boxing! Rollins tells Corbin that he appreciates the offer, he knows Corbin is going through some tough times. But to be honest, Rollins would rather learn boxing from his baby daughter. Aw c’mon! Corbin is trying here! And Rollins’ daughter is two years old! She doesn’t know anything! Rollins is lucky Corbin isn’t facing him, because Corbin would knock him out even faster than Logan did, and he’d take Rollins’ WrestleMania spot. Oh, really? Because that sounds like a challenge! Lucky for Providence, Rollins is in a fighting mood!

Let’s make it official! Rollins VS Corbin, tonight! See you out there! HAHAHAHAHA! Miz is intrigued. If Corbin handles Rollins, Miz will clear things with Logan. Corbin has a deal. Will the Lone Wolf finally get something to go his way tonight? Or will he just be an example to Logan of what Rollins is capable of?

 

Elias w/ Rick Boogs VS Bronson Reed!

The Drifter has been trying to teach the rowdy rocker a thing or two, but he might be the one to learn a lesson. Will Elias be swept away by a Tsunami here tonight? Or will the Colossal Aussie #WalkWithElias?

The bell rings and Bronson CLOBBERS Elias, drops a BIG elbow, then hits a ROLLING SENTON! Bronson dusts his hands off while Boogs takes notes. Bronson CLUBS Elias, HEADBUTTS him, then Bronson brings Elias up. Elias fires off forearms, CHOPS, but Bronson blocks the whip. Bronson whips Elias to a corner, to SPLASH! And then he bumps Elias off buckles, before he CLOBBERS him down again! Cover, TWO! Elias survives but Bronson clamps on a chinbar. Fans rally for Elias, chant for “BOOOOGS~!” and Elias fights up! Elias pries free but Bronson knees him low. Bronson whips Elisa but Elias holds ropes!

Elias elbows Bronson, BOOTS him from the ropes, then goes up! Elias leaps, into Bronson’s arms! Bronson pops Elias up but Elias lands on his feet! SYMPHO-KNEE! Elias runs, but into a LARIAT! Bronson ripcords, for the POWERSLAM! Bronson then drags Elias into the drop zone and he goes up top. TSUNAMI!! Cover, Bronson wins!

Winner: Bronson Reed, by pinfall

Hopefully Boogs’ notes say something along the lines of, “Don’t fight Bronson Reed ever.” Elias might be all washed up now, will he ever recover from that Tsunami? Will Bronson soon find himself going for gold?

 

Cathy Kelley waits outside the trainer’s room.

There is still not an update on Trish Stratus after what DMG CTRL did to her. But in comes Gable with his missing posters. Has anyone seen Gable’s number one guy? No? Well, when you do, give him a call. A thank yew. Gable heads out, but Becky Lynch & Lita come storming in! Cathy wants a comment from them, but they go into the trainer’s room first. Will the Man and the legend get a word from Trish herself?

 

Backstage interview with Kevin Owens.

Cathy brings up his coming Street Fight with Solo Sikoa, and notes that Kevin’s faced pretty much every member of The Bloodline to date. But he didn’t ask for help from Sami Zayn last week, why is that? Kevin says he did ask for help for a long time, but didn’t get it. What has happened lately is now Sami is the one asking Kevin for help, and with the history between them, is it really that hard to understand why Kevin doesn’t want to fight alongside Sami? Kevin swishes Sami the best, but he doesn’t want any part of it. Kevin is fine fighting on his own, he doesn’t need Sami. And for that matter, Kevin heard what Cody said earlier, he saw what Cody did for Sami last week.

Cody wants to help Sami, that’s his problem. But they talked last week, too, and Kevin told him then that he doesn’t want Cody’s help. Tonight, when Kevin is out there against Solo, do NOT come out there. Cody, you need to focus on Roman Reigns at WrestleMania. Cody has waited his whole life for this moment, and Kevin doesn’t want to be the reason Cody fails. So no matter what, Kevin does not wanna see Cody out there. Kevin will fight Solo, and whoever else he’s gonna bring, on his own. Just like he will keep doing. Kevin heads out, but does he really mean it when he wants to be solo against The Bloodline?

 

The Street Profits are laughing it up.

But then they spot Austin Theory walk in. It’s Baby Cena! GOO GOO GA GA! Where’s that RUTHLESS! AGGRESSION! Try Montez, partner! But no, he won’t. He’s like in 8 Mile: a choke artist! He ain’t got what it takes. Theory says this is great, all of it, really. Keep doing this because that’s all they’ve got. And chances are, in a couple of months, they’ll just be unemployed. But let’s talk about last week. Yeah, Theory got what he wanted, like he always does, and that is… Hold on, Theory is “rather humble” so he should give this it’s proper due. “The top ballot, the marquee match of WrestleMania, the biggest match, Austin Theory VS John Cena!”

And Cena had a lot to say, but why wouldn’t he? Theory is the biggest thing int he WWE. But the Profits? Not so much. Let’s talk about it. Who even is the toughest between them? Who has that backbone? Who has that fire? That desire? It’s gotta be… Dawkins! But uh, not Ford. When it comes to Ford, well, he’s just a big bag of jokes. The biggest joke is that when Ford is handed an opportunity, he lands flat on his face. But hey, Theory only wishes he could relate to that. But he can’t, because Theory always goes to the top. But that smoke! The smoke they want, the smoke they got. When it comes to that smoke, all Ford does is choke.

Dawkins steps up to tell Theory that Cena’s gonna humble him at Mania. But why wait? Dawkins will cook Theory tonight. Well, sounds great to him! But uh, Theory just thought of something. What’re the Profits doing at Mania? Oh, right. NOTHING! Theory laughs his way out, but will that smug smile be smacked off his face?

Austin Theory VS Angelo Dawkins!

Raw returns and the Profits make their entrance. The bell rings and Theory circles with Dawkins. They tie up, Dawkins shoots around to a waistlock and he SLAMS Theory down! Dawkins stays on Theory as he scrambles up and goes to ropes. The ref counts, Theory elbows Dawkins away. Theory bumps Dawkins off buckles, stomps him, but lets off as the ref counts. Fans chant, “BABY CENA!” but Theory tells them to shut up. Theory whips Dawkins corner to corner, Dawkins goes up and over, then keeps moving. Theory hurdles and rolls but Dawkins handsprings to DROPKICK! Fans fire up and Dawkins fireman’s carries! FLAPJACK! Cover, TWO!

Theory sputters and Dawkins talks smack. Dawkins brings Theory up, but he throws a body shot! Theory throws hands, he RAMS Dawkins into the corner again and again, but the ref counts. Theory lets off with a haymaker, then brings Dawkins back up. Theory snapmares, he clamps on a chinlock and he grinds Dawkins down. Dawkins endures as Theory says this is HIS time. Fans rally and Dawkins fights up. Dawkins throws body shots, but Theory CLUBS him down! Theory scowls, then he drags Dawkins up. Dawkins ROCKS Theory with a right hand! Theory falls to ropes, Dawkins storms up and whips, but Theory reverses.

Theory slides out to trip Dawkins and drag him out, then Theory RAMS Dawkins into barriers! Theory rains down fists and fans boo, but Theory hurries to RAM Dawkins back into the barriers! Fans boo more but Theory dares Dawkins to make jokes now. Theory says this is his time, but Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Theory talks more trash while Dawkins is down in the ring. Fans taunt Theory more but Theory CLUBS Dawkins. Theory says Dawkins disrespected him, and he ROCKS Dawkins again! Dawkins is on wobbly legs but Theory brings him up. Dawkins clinches to an EXPLODER! Both men are down again and fans fire up! Theory drags himself up at the ropes but so does Dawkins. Theory swings but Dawkins counter punches! And again! Dawkins CLOBBERS Theory, CLOBBERS him again, but Theory kicks low. Theory whips, Dawkins hurdles and FLYING ELBOWS! Theory goes to a corner, Dawkins hits the CYCLONE SPLASH and ENZIGURI!

Dawkins keeps going, but Theory fights the underhooks to roll up, with tights! TWO, Theory swings but into the SILENCER! Cover, TWO! Dawkins grows frustrated but he stalks Theory to ropes. Dawkins brings Theory around, but Theory fights the Anointing! Theory runs, but into a POUNCE! Theory flops to the apron but Dawkins storms over. Dawkins drags Theory up but Theory HOTSHOTS him away! Then slingshot and SHOTGUN! Cover, TWO! Theory grows frustrated but then he shakes his head and smirks. Theory says this is about him! “It’s always been about me!” Theory stands up and he storms over to Dawkins.

Theory stands Dawkins up, points to the WrestleMania sign, but Dawkins cradles! TWO!! Theory escapes, but Dawkins sunset flips! TWO!! ENZIGURI! Theory goes to a corner, Dawkins runs in, CYLONE- FOREARM!! Theory fireman’s carries, for A-TOWN DOWN! Cover, Theory wins!

Winner: Austin Theory, by pinfall

The Now wins big and soaks up all the heat from Providence. But he isn’t done, he drags Dawkins into an STF!! Theory sends a message to Cena while also punishing Dawkins! Ford runs out and gets in the ring, but Theory gets away! Theory even copies, “You Can’t See Me!” Will Ford make Theory see him before WrestleMania?

 

Backstage interview with Paul Heyman.

The Wise Man cuts off Cathy’s introduction to say, “We have a problem. As in, #WeTheOnes have a problem. As in The Bloodline has a problem. We’ve identified that problem. You know what that problem’s name is? Kevin. Owens. Tonight, the Bloodline demonstrates we solve all problems, and the Kevin Owens problem will be solved by the Samoan Street Fighting Champion, Solo.” Heyman turns to leave but then turns right back around to say, “And then there’s Cody Rhodes! Cody Rhodes has a problem. Cody Rhodes has mistaken the fact that the truth shall set him free with the fact that the truth will imprison Cody Rhodes’ mind into making stupid mistakes like making this personal to Roman Reigns.

“And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘W-Well, it’s already personal to Cody Rhodes!’ Well of course it’s personal to Cody Rhodes! That’s what makes Cody Rhodes such a compelling and intriguing and riveting challenger in the main event of WrestleMania! But to make this personal… to Roman Reigns… by mockingly and sanctimoniously acknowledging his Tribal Chief on worldwide television… What a shmuck. Cody Rhodes, you want to acknowledge your Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns? I’m gonna give you a chance to acknowledge Roman Reigns. Next week, live from St. Loui son Monday Night Raw, your Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns, will be here on Raw!

“And Cody Rhodes… You will ACKNOWLEDGE your Tribal Chief! And in that moment, you will make the biggest personal and business decision of your entire life. You will decide at that moment whether you are a challenger, or you are a problem. Because Cody, I assure you, you are a problem that Roman Reigns would love to personally solve.” Will the American Nightmare choose to be a problem from the Head of the Table?

 

Rey Mysterio is here!

Providence fires up for the King of Lucha Libre and the headlining inductee of this year’s WWE Hall of Fame class! Rey gets the mic to say, “Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Thank you.” Fans chant, “You Deserve It!” Rey says he must admit, it feels really good to be back on Raw. “Just last year, we were celebrating 20 years together. A huge celebration. And here we are, celebrating the biggest honors of my life.” Rey does have to be clear, though. This isn’t just his award. This award is made from the people who helped Rey build up his career. An award made from the fans that connected with Rey for all these years that he’s been in the business.

Rey says this award is not just for him. This award is for all of us! “So, straight up, from-” Wait. Here comes Dom! Dom ruined Rey’s moment on SmackDown, he’s doing it here on Raw. Dom “congratulates” Rey for becoming a WWE Hall of Famer. And he does actually deserve it. Rey put his entire life into the business, and Dom hopes it was worth it. Fans chant “YOU SUCK!” at Dom but Dom says Rey earned this honor, at Dom’s expense! Dom says Rey knows that’s right! But y’know what? Rey put his entire life for this business. Rey chose all of these strangers, instead of his kids! Fans boo and chant “YOU SUCK!” more.

Dom asks Rey how it feels. Is it an honor knowing that Dom went all those nights without having a father? How does it feel? Eighth grade, if Dom got good grades, they’d go out for his graduation. But guess what? That day, Rey was nowhere to be found, because he was at WrestleMania! Rey ditched Dom for Mania! And what else happened? When Dom turned 16, and Rey said he’d get Dom a new car. “What?” A new car. “What?!” Dom’s friends all showed up, they had new Mercedes. And Rey gets Dom a BMW?! And not even an M Series!

Fans boo Dom being a spoiled brat, but Dom tells Rey, “But you’re just afraid. Because I see you for what you really are. And that’s a sad, ugly excuse for a father. No, no, no. Excuse for a man!” Rey tells Dom to take that all back. Dom says that he’ll let Rey enjoy his HOF weekend in LA. But to make it a bit better, Dom challenges Rey to a match at WrestleMania! Fans want Rey to accept! Rey stares Dom down, and says, “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you: I’m not gonna fight my own son. Whether you believe it or not, I still love you, son, and I always will. There will be no match at WrestleMania.”

Fans boo as Rey goes to leave, but Dom asks, “That’s your guys’ Hall of Famer? That’s your guy? Huh? You’re just gonna walk away now? Huh, Mr. Hall of Fame? Yeah, that’s right. Do what you do, the only thing you know how. You ran away from Raw, you ran away from your entire family, and you ran away from ME!” Dom says the only thing Rey has ever taught him is what NOT to be! Rey feels that one, but he still doesn’t give into what Dom wants. Will Dom ever stop tormenting his own father?

 

Backstage interview with Becky Lynch, Lita & Trish Stratus.

Cathy is again waiting by the trainer’s room. Becky and Lita walk back out with Trish. Do we have an update? Becky says DMG CTRL is gonna get their heads kicked in, that’s the update. Lita says that divide and conquer game didn’t work, they should’ve finished the job. Trish agrees, because she’s been hit a lot harder than that. Now DMG CTRL has pissed her off. Becky, Lita and Trish head out, will they hunt down Bayley, Kai & Sky?

 

The Miz heads to the ring.

The Hollywood A-Lister is going to join commentary for this next match, because he wants to see if the Lone Wolf can take down the Visionary. Will Corbin clear out a spot for himself at WrestleMania?

Seth Rollins VS Baron Corbin!

Raw returns and Corbin is already in the ring. Rollins makes his entrance, and Providence is ready to #BurnItDown! They sing his song, “OH~ OHH~ OHHH~!” but Corbin CLOBBERS Rollins from behind! Fans boo as Corbin stomps away and throws down hands! The ref reprimands, Corbin lets off to soak up the heat, but Rollins throws his jacket off. The bell rings, Rollins runs in but into a knee! Corbin ROCKS Rollins, fires off forearms and body shots int he corner, but lets off as the ref counts. Fans sing more but Corbin DECKS Rollins. Corbin drags Rollins up, throws more body shots, then runs, but Rollins fires hands in return!

Rollins has Corbin on the ropes, swings wild, then whips. Corbin reverses but Rollins ducks ‘n dodges and mule kicks! And front kicks! And DISCUS LARIATS! Corbin rebounds but Rollins ROLLING ELBOWS! Then Rollins runs to clothesline Corbin up and out! Fans fire up and sing again, “OH~ OHH~ OHHH~!” Rollins builds speed, DIVES, and he sends Corbin onto the desk! Miz moves aside but Rollins goes to the apron. FLYING KNEE! Corbin falls over and fans fire up again! Miz tells Rollins to stop pandering to the fans! Rollins taunts “Mikey,” then goes back to Corbin. Rollins throws Corbin onto Miz!

Fans fire up as Miz falls over int he armchair! Rollins puts Corbin in the ring, SUPERKICKS, then runs. But Miz gest on the apron! Rollins PELES Miz! Fans fire up as Rollins aims at both Miz and Corbin! Rollins boosts off Miz to CURB STOMP Corbin!! Cover, Rollins wins!

Winner: Seth Rollins, by pinfall

Now that’s how you respond to a sucker punch! Fans sing for The Visionary, and Corbin doesn’t get to add himself to anything other than the loser’s column! Will Rollins watch next week’s ImPAULsive TV segment in person?

 

Gable keeps looking for Otis.

No one has seen him. Mustafa Ali walks over to say hey to “Chaddy Daddy,” and Gable asks Ali if he’s seen Otis. No, he hasn’t. But Ali also hasn’t seen Gable smile. You gotta be more optimistic! Sometimes, the thing you’re looking for is right around the corner. #BePositive, #MustafaMania. SHOOSH! But speaking of, Otis IS right around the corner, taking photos with the Maximum Male Models! Gable asks what this is all about! Wasn’t Mansoor supposed to have a match with Gable tonight? Mansoor says that actually, his chipped his nail while scrolling through Instagram, so they’re not cosmetically cleared until next week.

And Mace tells “Gollum” that tonight isn’t about matches. Tonight is about matching, and they’re working on Otīs’ headshots! Otīs?! Oh, Otis, Gable didn’t know. If he wants to do more than lift weights, then they can do that together! Gable will do some poses, too! Get some shots! NO!! Gable’s broken Mansoor’s camera! It must’ve been Gable’s “Sandoval Ick!” His what? You don’t know? Well, you clearly don’t watch Vanderpump Rules! Tom Sandoval is a DISGUSTING scab on the feet of his Bambi eyed mistress. And Gable… Is grosser than THAT! Come, Otīs. There’s work to be done.

Gable says it’s okay, they may have missed their morning session, but they can cram an hour’s worth of work into 20 minutes. Otis is fine with that, but then Maxxine calls. Sorry, coach. Otis heads out with MMM, is this the end of the Alpha Academy?

 

Bianca Belair VS Chelsea Green w/ Carmella!

The RawEST Women’s Champion is doing her best to the be readiEST she’s ever been for WrESTleMania, but she’s got to deal with a Hot Mess. Will Bianca be rolling towards Hollywood? Or will Karen- Er, Chelsea get herself a golden ticket to that title without speaking to the (general) manager?

Raw returns as Chelsea makes her entrance, the FABULOUS Princess by her side. The bell rings and the two tie up. Bianca shoves Chelsea right away, and then eggs her on. Chelsea fires off slapping hands and Mella applauds, but then Bianca chases Chelsea to a corner. The ref backs Bianca off as Chelsea complains, and then Chelsea storms up on Bianca. Bianca pie faces her first! The two tie up, Bianca gets around to a waistlock, and she SLAMS Chelsea down! Chelsea fights up, throws Bianca away, but Bianca comes back to run Chelsea over! Chelsea turns to Mella for help, but Bianca whips Chelsea to ropes. Bianca then runs past Chelsea, dodges her boot, and runs her over again!

Fans fire up for Bianca as she drags Chelsea back up. Bianca whips, Chelsea reverses, but Bianca goes up to say kiss this. Chelsea runs in but Bianca goes up and over. Bianca then scoops Chelsea for a BACKBREAKER! STANDING MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Chelsea scrambles away to Mella and Mella gives her some tips. Bianca runs in, Chelsea dodges and Mella swipes at Bianca. The ref reprimands, but Chelsea runs to slide and trip Bianca. Chelsea spins Bianca around, the ref tells her to back off and so she does, but that allows Mella to FABULOUS KICK Bianca! Fans boo but Mella gets away with that. Chelsea covers, TWO!

Fans rally for Bianca but Mella says that was close. Mella coaches Chelsea up as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns and Chelsea soaks up the heat from the apron. But Bianca rolls Chelsea up to a cover, TWO! Bianca gets around, O’Conner Rolls, TWO! Bianca goes up the corner but Chelsea trips her up! DRAPING BACKSTABBER! Mella applauds but fans boo. Bianca crawls away, Chelsea stalks her to the corner, and she grabs the arms. Chelsea motorcycle stretches, but Bianca turns it around to send Chelsea into buckles! Chelsea staggers up, into a SIDEWALK SLAM! Fans rally for Bianca and she stands back up. Bianca runs at Chelsea and rallies with big forearms and clotheslines!

Bianca DROPKICKS Chelsea into a corner, then kips up to storm up. Bianca whips, Chelsea reverses but Bianca goes up and over to RAM into Chelsea! Bianca reels Chelsea in, to suplex! And then SLAM! Bianca kips up again but Mella gets on the apron. The ref reprimands, but Bianca’s handspring knocks Mella down! But Chelsea gets her knees up on the moonsault! Cradle, TWO!! Bianca escapes, but Chelsea SLAPS her! Chelsea then hooks Bianca up, ROLLING KNEE SMASHER! Cover, TWO!! Chelsea panics, she goes for the arms, but Bianca powers out! Bianca scoops, Chelsea slips free!

Chelsea wristlocks and ripcords, but Bianca dodges, only to run into a HARD forearm from Chelsea! Chelsea runs, into a spin and torture rack! KISS OF DEATH!! Cover, Bianca wins!

Winner: Bianca Belair, by pinfall

The KOD spelled disaster for Chelsea, and the EST holds up the belt. But Mella storms in, FABULOUS- NO, Bianca blocks it! But then Chelsea grabs the braid! Fans boo but Bianca DECKS Chelsea! Only for Mella to CLOBBER Bianca! But here comes ASUKA! Asuka runs down to the ring, she slides in, and Chelsea hides because she remembers the mist! But then Mella dodges and Asuka ROUNDHOUSES Chelsea! Bianca ROCKS Chelsea, Asuka URAKENS, and then Bianca hits a SPINEBUSTER! The Hot Mess pays for being a sore loser! But then Asuka picks up the title. She plays around with Bianca a bit, dances with the belt, but Bianca gets annoyed.

Asuka grins and all the blue mist seeps out! Asuka laughs and hands the belt back. Bianca is not amused. Asuka just keeps smiling and then takes her leave. Will the Empress of Tomorrow make Bianca see red? Or will she only see  blue when these two have their showdown in Hollywood?

 

Street Fight: Kevin Owens VS Solo Sikoa!

The Prizefighter has been a problem for The Bloodline for the better part of the last 12 months, and he looks to keep being that problem until The Bloodline falls! Will Kevin #JustKeepFighting until that happens? Or will the Enforcer of the Island cross one problem off the list on the Road to WrestleMania?

Raw returns and Kevin makes his entrance. He eggs Solo on so Solo meets him at the ramp! The bell rings right as they start throwing hands! Fans fire up, Kevin knees low and fires off haymakers! Kevin puts Solo in the ring, but Solo stomps Kevin down. Solo HEADBUTTS Kevin, CHIPS him against ropes, then whips him to ropes. Kevin reverses to CLOBBER Solo! Then SENTONS! Fans fire up with Kevin as Solo goes to the corner. Kevin runs in but Solo bails out. Kevin is annoyed but he just goes out after him. Solo UPPERCUTS Kevin first! Then RAMS him into barriers! Fans already chant, “We Want Tables!”

Kevin kicks and CHOPS and ROCKS Solo! Kevin whips, Solo reverse band Kevin hits barriers, but he comes right back to CLOBBER Solo again! Kevin scowls, he stands on Solo’s fingers, and then he ROCKS Solo with a haymaker. Kevin CHOPS Solo, stalks him, but Solo knees low! Solo CHOPS Kevin, SMACKS him off the desk, then SMACKS him off it again! Kevin blocks to SMACK Solo off the desk in return! And again! Solo staggers back, Kevin brings Solo around, and puts him in the ring. Kevin hurries back in but Solo SAMOAN DROPS him! Solo snarls, he storms up on Kevin and CLUBS him down!

Solo stomps away at the ropes, then grabs an arm. Kevin grabs the ropes but Solo stomps him down. Solo then drags Kevin to center for a FALLING HEADBUTT! Kevin scrambles away to the outside but Solo pursues. Solo looks under the ring, and he brings out a chair! And then another chair! But Kevin CLOBBERS Solo! And RAMS him into steel steps! Kevin brings out the TABLE! Providence fires up as Kevin sets that up, only for Solo to SUPERKICK him! Solo then TOSSES Kevin over the announce desk! Fans boo as Solo puts the table back under the ring, and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Kevin is throwing chairs into the ring! The ref has to get clear of that last one! Kevin then hurries back into the ring, grabs a chair and pursues Solo to JAM him with the chair again and again! And then he SMACKS Solo on the back! Kevin gets in the ring and he sets some chairs up in a square. Fans fire up, Kevin makes the square more a rectangle, and then he drags Solo into the ring. Kevin ROCKS Solo with a right, makes him take a seat, then BOOTS him down! Solo lies down on the chairs, Kevin climbs, but Solo springs up to ROCK Kevin! Solo HEADBUTTS away on Kevin, then climbs up!

Fans freak out as Solo brings Kevin up! Kevin throws body shots! Kevin HEADBUTTS Solo, HEADBUTTS him again, and then HEADBUTTS a third time! Solo stays up, Kevin HEADBUTTS him again! Solo hops down, only to grab Kevin by his face! ROCKET LAUNCHER onto the WRECK-TANGLE!! Fans lose their minds, Solo clears the chairs out and the ref checks Kevin. Cover, TWO!!! Kevin survives and he rolls out of the ring, but Solo pursues again. Kevin kicks low and POSTS Solo first! Then POSTS him again! Then CANNONBALLS against the barriers! Kevin hauls Solo up to dump him over the barriers!

Fans fire up as this fight now goes into the crowd! Kevin ROCKS Solo, follows him along the back way, and throws more forearms! Kevin brings Solo to the stage, and RAMS him into the titantron! Solo staggers backstage to gorilla! Kevin pursues, but DOUBLE SUPERKICKS meet him! The Usos were waiting! This was the trap all along! Solo, Jimmy & Jey all drag Kevin back to ringside! Fans boo as the Bloodline mugs Kevin and then put him in the ring. Fans chant for “SAMI! SAMI!” but the mugging continues! DOUBLE SUPERKICKS!! Solo drags Kevin up, for the SAMOAN SPIKE!!! Cover, Solo wins!!

Winner: Solo Sikoa, by pinfall

Kevin knew the Bloodline would all jump him, and he was right! Kevin is left sputtering and drooling in the middle of the ring, will nothing stop The Bloodline from solving all their problems by WrestleMania?


My Thoughts:

A great Raw here, though I do feel like the Bloodline segments weren’t as strong tonight. It may have just been that they were actually more straightforward and about the action. Cody VS LA Knight was a random match but apparently built on social media. Cody of course won, he was gonna win against whoever he faced tonight, and he had a very good promo to follow. Heyman also had a good promo that responded in part to Cody’s. Kevin also had a good promo, and we got a great main event, even though it was only 15 minutes. And of course, Solo got help from The Usos. This was par for the course for the Bloodline but it was meant to prove Kevin is wrong on not needing anyone, as that moment where he reconciles with Sami is still coming.

Great stuff in the Judgment Day stories, from Edge and Finn officially setting their WrestleMania match. Hell in a Cell at WrestleMania is pretty big, and I kinda hope Finn mentioning “his demons” means he’ll be some sort of Demon Balor. Rey and Dom of course had another interaction, though Dom kinda repeated/reworded some of what he said on SmackDown. But Dom also added a bit of the element Michael Cole keeps bringing up about Dom being privileged and spoiled, and that was pretty funny stuff. Dom challenging Rey to a match is fitting of the story, and while Rey doesn’t want to, something’s gotta bring them to something for Mania.

Also, great transition from Edge’s promo into the Judgment Day VS Gargano & Lumis match. Gargano will be busy with Grayson Waller at Stand & Deliver, he doesn’t need to be part of Mania stuff, but I was hoping we’d get more in the way of the Women’s Tag Division. DMG CTRL beating up on Trish was a good way to hype the Six Woman Tag, but I of course was still hoping for a big tag title match. Maybe Backlash can do that to make WWE’s return to Puerto Rico even bigger. Plus, more time to build to such a match, or rather rebuild the Women’s Tag Division across Raw and SmackDown.

Bianca VS Chelsea with Mella ringside was good stuff. Bianca of course wins, but of course Mella and Chelsea beat her down to bring out Asuka. Asuka continues to come out in a very Yakuza kind of outfit (I’m thinking the games more than real-life Yakuza) is a neat look for her. Asuka is a Face but her teasing Bianca was a nice touch. I still think Asuka should win to make this new persona strong. Then good stuff from Theory and the Profits, though Theory maybe stumbled over his words a bit. Theory VS Dawkins was a really good match, and of course Theory won, but I like that he’s getting on Ford’s nerves. I said before that Cena isn’t winning the title at Mania, because he can’t be back full-time. But if they do it right, Ford can be the guy to dethrone Theory at Backlash.

Hilarious stuff from Gable all night, as well as “Otīs” hanging out with MMM. We’re getting closer and closer to Gable fighting to keep Otis in the Alpha Academy or lose him to MMM completely, that’ll be good stuff. Bronson squashing Elias was also a thing, and I am hoping Boogs’ notes will be about as useless as last week about Lashley beating Elias. Good stuff from Miz, Corbin and Rollins, “Desperate Corbin” is definitely his new form. Corbin VS Rollins was surprisingly short, and almost hilariously because of how Miz ended up getting involved. Rollins will of course want to get involved with Logan’s segment next week, and that will be a lot of fun, too.

My Score: 8.6/10


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Mitchell’s ROH Death Before Dishonor Results & Report! (7/26/24)

YEEHAW!

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The word of the day is, “Gold!”

ROH brings Death Before Dishonor to Texas, and makes it bigger than ever! SIX championship matches, how drastically will the landscape change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zero Hour – MXM Collection VS Spanish Announce Project; wins.
  • Komander VS The Beast Mortos; wins.
  • Texas Deathmatch: Leyla Hirsch VS Diamante; wins.
  • ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship Qualifier: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS The Dark Order; wins and advances to Battle of the Belts 11.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships: The Kingdom VS Tomohiro Ishii & Kyle O’Reilly; win(s) and
  • ROH World Television Championship Survival of the Fittest: Atlantis Jr. VS Lio Rush VS Shane Taylor VS Johnny TV VS Lee Johnson VS Brian Cage; wins and
  • ROH Pure Championship: Wheeler Yuta VS Lee Moriarty; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Television Championship: Billie Starkz VS Red Velvet; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Championship: Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins and
  • ROH World Championship: Mark Briscoe VS Roderick Strong; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 7.25.2024

Slammiversary Fallout! Where do things go on the way to Victory Road?

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Well now we start the fall out of Slammiversary. Josh Alexander in his bad bitch summer, X-Speedball legacy, ABC got the t-a-g and Jordynne is still in charge of the Knockouts division. Like I said at the end of Slammiversary, all of the champions being Babyfaces is stupid. They need to drop a couple titles fairly quickly, because I don’t care what some people say, Nic Nemeth ain’t gonna bring any eyes to the brand. He’s about as hot as day old Hamburger Helper over a camping sterno.

We’ll probably open with the luke warm champion, so tune in like 10 minutes late for anything of substance to be happen.

https://x.com/i/status/1816629254349533588

Ratings:

  • Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner: Maclin wins via KIA – *
  • AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan: AJ wins via Down Payment – **
  • Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young): Hammer Your ASH wins via Torture Rack – ** 1/2
  • The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): Broken Alphabet wins via Twist & Splash – ***

 

Results:

Nemeth gives the ole “I’ll be a fighting champion…blah blah” promo and drops the “any company” line that we’ve already understood what that means. Campaign Singh cuts him off…and I never thought I’d be happy for Campaign Singh to walk out and say anything…ever. And…Mustafa’s promo is worse than Dolph’s. He’s gone from parody to caricature even saying “it was the biggest screw job Montreal ever saw”. Like some of these lines are cheap heat, but most are just brain dead comments that wouldn’t get a reaction out of anyone (and the crowd was silent for that comment). Mustafa gets caught in an Archer “phrasing” moment about getting screwed hard, but this is painful. Promos written by 14 year olds everyone…

This ends with Ali challenging Nemeth for the World Title. While I’m not against walk up challenges, I watch Japanese wrestling, I don’t really get the point aside from doing it just to do it. 

ABC and Matt Hardy have a small promo, and I’m still not really a fan of Unbroken Matt Version 6.0. The floating between Broken voice and his normal voice sounds amateurish.

OH LOOK, finally a match 20 minutes into the show. And it’s my son Steve Maclin! OH CHRIST he’s facing Deaner. This has been 25 minutes of talking followed by the worst god damn attempt at a gimmick. Deaner’s little “Papa Santino told me I can wipe my ass only if the crowd agrees”. This gimmick should die in a fire.

Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner

Deaner started off quick because Maclin was in disbelief that Deaner was actually gonna fight him. Maclin dodges a Crossbody, Busaiku Knee, and just starts beating on Deaner for fun. And this is fun, maybe Maclin can make sure Deaner gets stretchered out and written off forever. How do you call for an ambulance in French? Maclin with the old Back Breaker into a stretch. Deaner tries to nerd rage up, breaks the Back Breaker Stretch, his punch combo, into a Manhattan Drop and Bulldog. Deaner hits the Crossbody, but Maclin kicks out. This is entirely too competitive.

Deaner goes for the Deaner DDT, blocked, Olympic Slam into Splashing Deaner into the corner, Caught in the Crosshairs, K-I-A, thanks for coming you damn dweeb. Stay in Canada and don’t travel Deaner, please.

https://x.com/i/status/1816633784537874761

AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan

As the bell sounds, Sami knocks Rich off the apron, Low Bridges AJ, does the Beats of the Bodhran on AJ and then AJ eats the offense and strategizes with his crew. Bishop and Rich swarm the ring, Sami allows himself to get distracted so AJ slides in and starts beating on Sami. AJ throats Sami across the middle rope and Rich makes his presence felt, AJ distracts the referee and Rich gets in a lot of cheap shots. Bishop throws Sami back in the ring, and AJ keeps up the pressure. Lots of 5 count chokes and leverage moves. After the commercial break ends, Sami dodges a Tennessee Whiskey Knee, gets in a few shots before Rich trips Sami as he’s setting up a Dive, and then AJ takes advantage of the position and hits the goofball knee strike.

AJ calls for his Chokeslam, Sami tries to break it with Axe Handles, then claws the eyes. Sami goes for a Scoop Slam, gets him part way up and then falls over. AJ Chokeslam again, but he bites his hand and starts fighting back. Launches himself at AJ, sends him bouncing off the ropes and uses the momentum to hit that Scoop Slam that was teased earlier. Sami goes for a Western Lariat but eats a Big Boot. AJ does a little Hulk Hogan pose to signal a Leg Drop, but Sami dodges and then connects on a Sliding Lariat. Thumbs Up, Thumbs….interference. Rich distracts the ref, Bishop lays out Sami, AJ connects with the Down Payment.

Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young)

ASH and Jordynne exchange slaps and then Jordynne starts to out muscle ASH. Spinebuster from Jordynne, Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights off, rope run, Sattelite DDT into both tagging out. EY does the Flair corner flop, slides back in between Hammer’s legs, and connects on a Neckbreaker. EY is the quicker of the two, but Hammer finally gets his hands on him and a Release Belly to Belly into a full mount raining of fists, then a near fall. Hammer smashes EY in a corner, Arm Wringer into an Irish Whip across, but EY moves and Hammer tags out to ASH. ASH levels Jordynne, peppers EY with a few shots and pulls him back to their corner and starts some tandem offense with Hammerman. Hammer Guerilla Presses ASH and throws her into EY for a near fall. Hammer looks to aim for either a Powerbomb or Nightmare Pendulum, but EY drops it into a Small Package, pinfall kick out, they both run, Double Lariat spot. The Knockouts get tagged in.

Jordynne is in control early, World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb. Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights it off and tags out to Hammer. Jordynne and EY do some schoolyard stuff with the old Push while Jordynne is down to trip Hammer. All four get in, ASH gets leveled, EY gets leveled, Hammer and Jordynne have a brief face off, but Hammer throws Jordynne to the apron and ASH connects with a Meteora from the apron. Death Valley Driver from Young on Hammer, ASH stares in shock, EY tells her to get, ASH runs away. EY goes up for his Macho Elbow, and ASH causes him to fall to Hammer’s feet, Torture Rack, and EY submits.

Josh Alexander comes out, with new heel music. And it’s not that bad, definitely better than some other people’s new music. Josh yells at the crowd a bit, says he can’t wait til he’s back in a real Canadian town, like his home of Toronto. Then he drops the mic in lieu of an explanation. The crowd chants him off with the “Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey”. 

https://x.com/i/status/1816647373654724937

The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

JDC and Hardy start, but JDC quickly tags out to Myers and that doesn’t go well. Hardy grabs a hold of Myers, a few Delete chops, drags him to his corner and they all get in a few shots punctuated with Hardy getting tagged back in and an Elbow into Myers’ extended and worked on left arm. Myers stays isolated, back into the corner, Boot to the gut, Ace tags in and wallops Myers. Ace connects on Double Kicks, into Russian Leg Sweep and his half of Click Click Boom, for a 2 count. Myers finally gets free with a Jaw Breaker and tags out to Eddie. But The System gets no momentum, Ace stifles Eddie’s offense and starts a few quick tags with him and Bey for tandem offense. Moose finally comes down the ramp as Eddie kicked out of yet another pinfall attempt because The System has had nothing going for them. Eddie finally gets some offense since Moose was a big enough distraction.

Eddie thinks they have a spot, so he tags back in JDC, but The ABC stop him cold, tag in Matt Hardy, and Matt walks down JDC, but JDC Low Bridges. Matt is on the outside, so all of The System surrounds Hardy, then Joe Hendry’s music hits! That stops the heel beatdown, and we follow Hendry’s entire entrance. So that proves Hendry is bigger than the 8 other people in this frame. Not really sure if that’s optics you want to push along. Ace and JDC try to remind people there’s wrestling going on, but JDC thumbs the eye to get a little something going. Vertical Suplex for a near fall, tag out for Eddie and Eddie lights up Ace with some of those NOAH Chops. Ace retreats to the ropes and Alisha chokes him with the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Myers gets tagged in, Ace tries to use the crowd energy, Myers stops it at first but then Ace slips a Scoop Slam and tags out to Bey. Hot tag, strike rush, Double Stomp, educated feet, Leap Frog to the corner but Lish climbs on the apron and yells at Bey which stops his rhythm. Myers kicks his feet out and causes Bey to crash. Eddie tags in for a few shots, then to JDC and Slingshot Knees, Wringer Snapmare, Bow and Arrow Submission, and JDC is just doing solid wrestling work right now. Uppercut between the Shoulder Blades as Bey tries to get out, tag to Myers and Bey is still eating offense. Eddie tags in, Bey tries the Sunset Flip, but Eddie tags out before going over, so Myers folds up Bey for a near fall and then tags out to JDC who connects on a Standing Suplex, slams Bey’s face into the corner, Eddie tags in, and Bey finally fights up to his feet, Eddie just flatten Bey’s comeback, tries a Tiger Driver but eats an Enzuigiri for a simultaneous tag. JDC and Hardy come in, JDC tries to exit halfway in, but Hardy is wrecking shop. He disposes of Eddie, Myers slides in but eats a tandem Neckbreaker/DDT from Hardy. Face team does the Delete Corner Face Smashes. Poetry in Motion into a Side Effect into Corkscrew Swanton for only 2 since Myers breaks it up! Everyone throwing hands, referee is distracted, Moose comes in to Spear Hardy, but Hardy dodges and throws him into JDC (I get the call back), Hendry then lays out Moose with the big Lariat. Twist of Fate from Hardy, Splash from Bey, Broken Alphabet wins!

 

Overall Score: 4/10

Ugh, cliche promos, too damn much talking, a competitive squash match with an imbecile as our first “match”, into an overbooked and slow heel match, finally a decent tag match (with the right team going over), into another overbooked match with a “tease” for the mystery backup being more obvious than Jericho’s WWF debut.

Aside from the afore mentioned tag match, The Rascalz promo and The System Promo; this was hard to watch. A lot of cornball promos, Rosemary licks her conspiracy board, storylines got zero traction. Whoopity Doo, Ryan Nemeth got a match next week and we get an undead wedding.

While this was a bad episode, it was bad by at least new standards. We’re not back in the TNA Dark Days again, but this was…a useless show.


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