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Mitchell’s NJPW Wrestling Satsuma no Kuni Results & Report! (4/29/23)

NJPW is on fire!

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Will the Holy Emperor finally slay The Rampaging Dragon?

Taichi and Shingo Takagi have battled over the KOPW Championship before, and this could be their biggest showdown yet: a Takagi Style Triad match!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Bishamon VS Toru Yano & Boltin Oleg; Bishamon wins.
  • Shota Umino & Oskar Leube VS EVIL & Yujiro Takahashi; Evil & Yujiro win.
  • Six Man Tag: Tomoaki Honma & The Intergalactic Jet Setters VS The United Empire; The United Empire wins.
  • Zack Sabre Jr. & Kosei Fujita VS Jeff Cobb & Great-O-Khan; Cobb & Khan win.
  • 8 Man Tag: Kazuchika Okada, Tomohiro Ishii, Togi Makabe & Ryohei Oiwa VS Team Strong Style & Yuto Nakashima; Team Strong Style & Nakashima win.
  • 8 Man Tag: Tama Tonga, Hikuleo, Master Wato & Jado VS Bullet Club; Tama, Hikuleo, Wato & Jado win.
  • Six Man Tag: Los Ingobernables de Japon VS SANADA, Yoshinobu Kanemaru & DOUKI; Sanada, Kanemaru & Douki win.
  • IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championships: Aussie Open VS TMDK; Aussie Open wins and retains the titles.
  • KOPW Championship Takagi Style Triad Match: Shingo Takagi VS Taichi; Taichi wins and becomes the new KOPW Champion.

PLAY BY PLAY

Six Man Tag: Los Ingobernables de Japon VS SANADA, Yoshinobu Kanemaru & DOUKI w/ Taka Michinoku!

Hiromu Takahashi survived the battle with the Heel Master, and now he’s aiming for the top! Will Tetsuya Naito & Bushi help the Ticking Timebomb roll towards Wrestling Dontaku? Or will the Cold Skull and his guys be anything but tranquilo?

As part of their entrance, Just5Guys split up and go through the crowd from the ramp side, and make their way all around to then meet at the ring. Sanada stares down with Hiromu, champion to champion. The teams sort out, Naito taking his time with the entrance attire. Fans applaud as LIJ fist bumps, but then J5G attack! The bell rings to get this on record as Sanada throws Hiromu out and Kanemaru throws Bushi out. Douki keeps after Naito as payback for just a couple days ago. Sanada whips but Hiromu reverses to send Sanada hard into railing! Kanemaru ends up the same way as Bushi whips him into railing!

Douki fires forearms back and forth with Naito! Fans rally up as the shots go faster and faster! Naito gets the edge, but Douki HELL STABS! Douki whips, Naito reverses and arm-drags! Naito then dodges Douki to hip toss and basement dropkick! Fans applaud, and Naito drags Douki up by his mask. Tag to Bushi, LIJ mugs Douki, then Bushi turns Douki for a NECKBREAKER! Cover, ONE! Douki hangs tough and fans applaud as Bushi brings him up. Douki fires off forearms, runs, but into a kick! Bushi runs as Hiromu slides in! Hiromu dropkicks Douki’s legs out, and Bushi basement dropkicks Douki!

J5G complain but Hiromu bails out. Bushi tags Naito back in and Naito stalks Douki to a corner. Naito throws hands, but Douki fires forearms! Naito rakes the eyes! The ref reprimands, Naito lets off, and Naito whips corner to corner. Naito runs in to JUMP KICK! Leg sweep! COMBINATION CABRON! Naito poses and fans fire up while Douki writhes. Naito stares J5G down, then spits on Douki! Douki throws forearms but Naito pulls hair and mask! Douki breaks free, swings a punch but Naito gets around to a waistlock. Douki switches but Naito switches, but Douki fights free. Naito reels Douki in, Douki uses his leg to get free, then he DDTs Naito down!

J5G BLAST Hiromu and Bushi off the corner! Douki kicks Naito out while Sanada sends Hiromu into railing! Kanemaru sends Bushi into railing, and then Douki whips Naito hard into railing! Naito ends up stuck upside-down! Naito flops into No Man’s Land so Douki goes after him. Sanada brings Hiromu up to CLAW his back! Hiromu hits back with forearms! Sanada knees low, CLUBS Hiromu down, and Douki brings Naito back to the ring. Tag to Kanemaru and he drags Naito up. Kanemaru snapmares, runs and basement dropkicks! Cover, TWO! Kanemaru drags Naito back up to drag out of the ring.

Douki helps keep Naito on the apron, for Kanemaru to DRIVE-BY DROPKICK! Naito writhes but Kanemaru drags him back in. Kanemaru then goes to the apron, to SLINGSHOT SENTON! Cover, TWO! Tag to Sanada and they get the legs, to drop knees on Naito’s ribs! A wishbone fake-out! Sanada stands Naito up to throw knees into the stomach. Sanada whips corner to corner, runs in and elbows, then brings Naito out to snap suplex! Cover, TWO! Fans rally and Sanada tags Douki. Douki drags Naito up but Naito deadweights him. Fans rally up, Douki drags Naito up but Naito throws forearms!

Douki dodges, catches Naito, ITALIAN STRETCH #32! J5G BLAST LIJ off the corner again! Naito endures, moves around, reaches out, and fans rally for “NA-I-TO!” as he gets the ROPEBREAK! Douki holds until Hiromu stomps him down! Douki hits Hiromu back then throws him out. Douki drags Naito to a drop zone then climbs the corner. DIVING DOUBLE- NO, Naito avoids the stomps! Naito BOOTS from the corner, then ELBOWS Douki! Douki ENZIGURIS! Douki whips, Naito reverses, TORNADO DDT! Fans fire up while both men are down. Fans rally up, both men crawl, hot tags to Hiromu and Sanada!

Fans fire up as Hiromu fires off forearms on Sanada! Hiromu whips, Sanada reverses but Hiromu ducks ‘n’ dodges to RANA! Sanada goes to a corner, Kanemaru runs in, but Hiromu dodges the boot! Hiromu kicks and whips Kanemaru to a corner, to clothesline! Then a clothesline for Sanada! Kanemaru runs in, Hiromu dodges, and Kanemaru stops from colliding with Sanada! Hiromu runs back in to SHOTGUN Kanemaru into Sanada! Then he clotheslines Sanada! Snapmare and running basement dropkick! Cover, TWO! Hiromu fires up and the fans fire up with him! Hiromu fireman’s carries, but Sanada fights free!

Sanada shoves Hiromu away but Hiromu BOOTS back! Hiromu runs, Sanada hurdles! And hurdles! And DROPKICKS! Fans fire up again while Sanada grits his teeth. Sanada encourages the fans to get louder and they do. Sanada brings Hiromu up but Hiromu throws forearms! Sanada CHOPS in return! Fans duel and Hiromu grits his teeth. Hiromu CHOPS! And CHOPS! And CHOPS! Sanada CHOPS back! Then waistlocks to back suplex! Hiromu lands on his feet but his leg still bothers him! Sanada avoids the superkick, fireman’s carries, but Hiromu fights free with elbows! Only to run into another fireman’s carry!

Sanada throws Hiromu into the dragon sleeper! Hiromu fights free to arm-drag! Then he spins Sanada around to a FALCON ARROW! Both men are down and fans fire back up! Fans rally, Hiromu and Sanada crawl, hot tag to Bushi! Bushi DECKS Douki to cut Sanada off. Bushi BOOTS Sanada, runs and RANAS! Kanemaru kicks Bushi, runs but into a dropkick to the legs! Fans rally up as Bushi brings Sanada around. Sanada knees low, whips, but Bushi reverses. Bushi kicks low, then runs to sunset flips! Rewind for Naito’s basement dropkick! Cover, TWO! Fans rally and Bushi brings Sanada back up.

Sanada slips out of Fisherman Screw but Bushi kicks low again. Bushi runs but Sanada follows to O’Conner Roll, then dragon sleeper! SKULL END! Naito storms in to stomp away on Sanada! Kanemaru dropkicks Naito’s leg! Douki RANAS Naito, Kanemaru DECKS Hiromu! Douki DIVES out onto Naito into the railing! Fans fire up but Sanada has Bushi in the SKULL END again!! SKULL SWING!! But Bushi turns it into a cradle!? TWO!!! Sanada escapes just in time! Bushi swings, into the SHIRANUI into SKULL END!!! Bushi taps, J5G wins!

Winners: Sanada, Yoshinobu Kanemaru & Douki, by submission

Hiromu is frustrated as he was just a second too late. The IWGP World Heavyweight Champion stands tall tonight, but will the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Champion find a way at Wrestling Dontaku?

 

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championships: Aussie Open w/ The United Empire VS TMDK w/ Zack Sabre Jr. & Kosei Fujita!

Kyle Fletcher & Mark Davis are DOUBLE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, but that could be just for now! They’re up against the Mighty OG, Shane Haste & Mikey Nicholls! Will the Aussie Arrow & Dunkzilla see that The Mighty Don’t Kneel? Or will the United Empire hold onto all their gold?

The introductions are made, the heavyweight titles are raised, and we see who is truly mighty!

The teams sort out and after the Empire throw up the crowns, Davis starts with Mikey. Fans rally as the two stare down. Mikey eggs Davis on, they tie up, and are in a deadlock. Davis uses leverage to push Mikey back to ropes, and Red Shoes calls the break. Davis lets off clean, but then swings! Mikey dodges to headlock! Davis powers up but can’t power out as Mikey holds tight. Davis throws hands, powers out the second time, and they RAM shoulders! Neither man falls so Mikey runs, and they RAM shoulders again! Davis just snarls at Mikey, so Mikey tries again. Mikey ducks ‘n’ dodges and RAMS Davis, but Davis rebounds to run Mikey over!

Fans rally as Mikey gets up and Davis CHOPS Mikey back down! Davis wrenches an arm, brings Mikey over and tags in Fletcher. Mikey gets away and Shane tags in. Fans applaud as the speedsters now circle. They tie up, Shane gets around to headlock and he grinds Fletcher down. Fletcher powers up and out, things speed up, and Fletcher hurdles. Shane waistlocks, Fletcher wrenches out, but Shane rolls, kips up and arm-drags Fletcher! Fletcher scoop SLAMS Shane! Fans applaud the exchange while Fletcher tags Davis. Aussie Open double whip Shane, double CHOP, then sit him up. But Mikey trips Fletcher on the Penalty Kick!

Mikey drags Fletcher out, Davis goes through with the combo, but Shane avoids the senton! Mikey sends Fletcher into railing, then joins Shane. They double whip Davis, but he holds ropes. Davis BOOTS Shane, dodges Mikey, and Fletcher dumps Mikey out as payback! Davis gets Shane up, he and Fletcher double whip to double CHOP! PENALTY KICK! SENTON! The combo completes and fans fire up! Aussie Open drag Shane to a cover, but Davis’ knee is too high on Shane’s neck for Red Shoes’ liking. Davis lets off to KICK Shane in the back. Davis stands Shane up to CHOP! And then he CHOP LARIATS in the corner!

Davis drags Shane out to then scoop SLAM! And SENTON! Cover, TWO! Fans rally while Davis looms over Shane. Davis stands Shane up, wrenches the arm, and tags Fletcher. Aussie Open mugs Shane, Shane hits back but Fletcher ROCKS him with a forearm! Fletcher has Shane in a corner, and ROCKS him with a body shot! Shane shoves Fletcher, BOOTS him, then UPPERCUTS! Fletcher kicks low, whips, but Shane reverses to RANA! Both men are down and fans fire up! Hot tag to Mikey! Mikey rallies on Fletcher, knocks Davis off the apron, then swings but misses on Fletcher! Fletcher waistlocks but Mikey spins around to DDT!

Fletcher sits up, Mikey hits a BASEMENT DDT! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up again as Mikey drags Fletcher up. Mikey fireman’s carries, Fletcher fights free and waistlocks, but Mikey switches to O’Conner Roll! TWO but Mikey uses that momentum to BLAST Davis! Mikey SLIDING LARIATS Fletcher, covers, TWO! Mikey keeps close on Fletcher and gives him some toying kicks. Mikey drags Fletcher up, throws body shots, and then CHOPS him to the corner! Tag to Shane and Mikey throws Fletcher out. Mikey BLASTS Davis again while Shane whips Fletcher hard into railing! Fletcher tumbles up and over into No Man’s Land!

Shane goes out to fetch Fletcher, and he KICKS Fletcher in the back, right in front of the front row! Shane drags Fletcher up to TOSS back over the railing, and he returns to the ring for an APRON BACK SUPLEX! Shane pushes Fletcher in at 12 of 20 to cover, TWO! Shane stomps Fletcher down, KICKS him around, then gives him even more kicks and stomps. Fletcher stands up to ROCK Shane! And again! And again! Shane DROPKICKS Fletcher! Tag to Mikey and Mikey drags Fletcher to center. Mikey drops a knee on Fletcher’s head! Mikey wraps Fletcher up in a seated abdominal stretch!

Mikey fishhooks Fletcher’s face! Red Shoes reprimands and Mikey stops, only to turn Fletcher away and fishhook him out of Red Shoes’ sight! Red shoes sees it now, and Mikey stops again. Mikey pushes Fletcher down, but Fletcher avoids the knee drop! Mikey hurries to CLOBBER Fletcher and keep him from Davis! Mikey bumps Fletcher off buckles, then tags Shane. Shane BLASTS Davis, and then helps Mikey in the BACK SUPLEX NECKBREAKER COMBO! Cover, but Davis breaks it apart immediately! Mikey DECKS Davis! Henare & Khan stare down ZSJ and Fujita, Shane RAMS Fletcher into buckles!

Shane KICKS Fletcher in the back! Khan coaches Fletcher but Shane CHOKES him on the ropes! Red Shoes counts, Shane lets off, and he distracts Red Shoes so that Mikey can CHOKE and even BITE Fletcher! Mikey gets away with it, Red Shoes gets the Empire to calm down and stay in their corner, and Shane stands Fletcher up. Fletcher fights the suplex, fans rally up, and Fletcher throws hands! Fletcher reaches out but Shane reels him in. Fletcher switches, Shane switches, repeat, but Fletcher gets Shane for a BRAINBUSTER! Fans fire up and both men crawl, hot tags to Davis and Mikey!

Davis busts through Mikey’s lariat to clothesline Shane in the corner! Davis then CHOPS Mikey, clotheslines Shane again, and CHOPS Mikey again! And again! Mikey dodges, TMDK both kick low! They double whip but Davis cartwheels through! Davis comes back, DOUBLE LARIAT, but Mikey dodges! Davis comes back and LARIATS Mikey after all! Fans fire up with Dunkzilla as he runs in to clotheslines Mikey in a corner! Then he runs to clothesline Shane in a corner! Then Davis short arm LARIATS Shane! Shane bails out, Mikey is on the apron, Davis triangle jump LARIATS him down!

Fletcher returns and he builds speed to DIVE! Direct hit on both TMDK at the ramp! Fletcher hurries to get Mikey up and in for Davis! SAIDO! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up while Mikey flounders. Davis runs but Mikey LARIATS first! Mikey runs, but Davis LARIATS back! They throw forearms back and forth, harder and harder, faster and faster! They just keep going! Both men roar and get forehead to forehead. Davis BLASTS Shane, DOUBLE LARIATS collide! And then DOUBLE LARIATS collide again! Mikey dodges to DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! But Davis is right back up to OVERHEAD Belly2Belly!

But Mikey is right back up! DOUBLE LARIATS take both men down!! Fans are thunderous, and both factions are pounding the apron! Mikey and Davis crawl, hot tags to Fletcher and Shane! Shane CHOPS Fletcher, but Fletcher just grimaces. Fletcher CHOPS Shane, so Shane CHOPS again! They CHOP and CHOP and CHOP back and forth! Fletcher gets the edge with CHOP after CHOP, but Shane KICKS and UPPERCUTS and UPPERCUTS again! Shane swings, but into a HALF ‘N’ HALF! Fans rally up again as Shane flounders to a corner. Fletcher runs in to GAMANGIRI! And then suplex, but Shane fights out!

Shane UPPERCUTS, reels Fletcher in, FALCON ARROW! Cover, TWO! Shane calls to Mikey and he gets in to scoop Fletcher. But Davis saves Fletcher and Aussie Open throws forearms on TMDK! They have TMDK in opposite corners, then pick them both up, for the SPINE- NO, double sunset flips! Aussie Open slips out but they get clotheslines! TMDK then trade to clothesline the other way! TMDK trade back, but Aussie Open dodges! But then TMDK dodges, only to run into the SPINEBUSTER SANDWICH! Fans fire up again and Aussie Open picks up Shane. AUSSIE- NO, no dental plan! Shane sends Fletcher’s foot into Davis!

Fletcher avoids Shane’s boot to ROLLING ELBOW! But Mikey ROCKS Fletcher! Davis swings on Mikey but he dodges, to LARIAT! Fletcher SUPERKICKS Mikey! Shane BOOTS Fletcher! Davis GAMANGIRIS Shane! All four men are down and fans are thunderous again! Aussie Open regroups, brings Mikey up, AUSSIE DENTAL PLAN! And then they get Shane up, for the LAWN DART CUTTER! Cover, TWO! Shane hangs tough but Fletcher tags in Davis. Fans fire up as Aussie Open take opposite corners. But Mikey trips Fletcher again! Shane rolls through Davis’ lariat and reels him in, for a DYNAMIC BOMB!! Cover, TWO!!

Davis survives but Shane tags in Mikey! TMDK LARIAT PINBALL, then HIGH LOW! Mikey covers, TWO!! Fans rally up and TMDK drags Davis up. Mikey scoops, but Fletcher GAMANGIRIS Shane! Davis slips free to GERMAN SUPLEX Mikey! Fans fire up, Davis runs to KING KONG LARIAT Mikey down! Cover, TWO!! Mikey survives but Davis tags Fletcher back in. Fletcher runs corner to corner at Mikey, to GAMANGIRI! Then he puts Mikey up top, and Davis crucifix lifts, for the SWINGING CRUCIFIX BOMB! Cover, TWO! Fans fire up again as Mikey says you gotta do better than that!

Fletcher stands and goes to the corner, as does Davis. But Mikey flops back down! Is he playing possum to avoid the lariats? Davis gives him toying kicks, as does Fletcher. Shane returns but he gets DOUBLE BOOTS! Mikey SLAPS Davis, then SLAPS Fletcher! But he gets a SUPERKICK BOOT COMBO!! Fans fire up as the elbow pads come off! Aussie Open aims, but Mikey dodges! Shane goes up top to DOUBLE CROSSBODY! Aussie Open bails out, Shane FLIES to take them both out at the ramp! Fans fire up again, Shane puts Fletcher in, and Mikey hurries to tag him in! TMDK say this is the end!

TMDK drags Fletcher up, but Fletcher fights free. But Shane SLAPS, Mikey SLAPS, then TMDK DOUBLE SLAP!! Fletcher drops to his knees, Mikey slaps him around, and TMDK double pump handle?! They’re copying Aussie Open! COREALIS!!! Cover, Davis barrels in to break it!! All four men are down again and fans fire back up! The teams regroup, TMDK throw forearms but Aussie Open gives them back. They go back and forth, stand up, and keep throwing shots! TMDK gets the edge, but Aussie Open BOOT back! Aussie Open runs, into ELBOWS! TMDK runs, into ELBOWS! Aussie Open, then throws TMDK out!

Davis triangle jumps and LARIATS Mikey! Fletcher DROPKICKS Shane! TMDK hit the floor and fans fire up again! Aussie Open goes out to fetch them, bringing them up to the apron. But TMDK fight free of the piledrivers, and Mikey back drops Davis on the apron! Shane shoves Fletcher at Mikey for some forearm pinball! Then Mikey scoops Fletcher, Shane takes aim, APRON TANK BUSTER!!! TMDK shoves Fletcher in, drags him back up, and Shane goes up the corner! TANK BUSTER!!! Cover, DAVIS BREAKS IT!! Fans are thunderous again as the match continues! Mikey TOSSES Davis and regroups with Shane.

TMDK drags Fletcher up, hoist him up, but Davis returns! TMDK shoves Fletcher into him! Davis falls back out, TMDK hoist Fletcher up again, THUNDER- DOUBLE DDTS!! Davis slides in and he clotheslines Mikey out! Mikey tumbles to railing and the Empire rallies the fans! Fletcher & Davis go to corners, they run in, but Shane ROCKS Davis, ELBOWS Fletcher, repeat! But then Aussie Open get Shane’s arms! Double wrench, DOUBLE FOREARMS! Double pump handle, but Mikey SPEARS Davis! Shane rolls Fletcher up, TWO!?!? Fletcher escapes in time! But he staggers into Mikey’s grip!

Davis ENZIGURIS Mikey! Fletcher scoops Mikey for PENALTY KICK GRIMSTONE!! Shane runs in, but Fletcher blocks the kick and hands it to Davis, to then SUPERKICK Shane! Davis hoists Shane up, PENALTY KICK PILEDRIVER!! Fans fire up with Aussie Open, and the elbow pads return, just so they can be thrown off again! DOUBLE LARIAT SANDWICH!! They TOSS Mikey, aim at Shane, and DOUBLE LARIAT SANDWICH again!! Pump handles, COREALIS!! Cover, AUSSIE OPEN WINS!

Winners: Aussie Open, by pinfall (still IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Champions)

Aussie Aussie Aussie! OI OI OI! The double champions stay double champions! Will nothing stop Fletcher & Davis from creating their ultimate tag title collection?

But wait! BISHAMON is here! Hirooki Goto & Yoshi-Hashi lost the heavyweight titles to Aussie Open, and now they want them back! But wait, the House of Torture attacks Bishamon AND the Empire! Fans boo, the ref reprimands them but Evil & Yujiro go after Aussie Open! And then Sho and Dick join in! The House of Torture mugs Aussie Open, and even use the SPOILER CHOKER! Fans boo more, especially as Evil & Yujiro hold up the IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team titles. But then the rest of the Empire runs in! Jeff Cobb, TJP & Francesco Akira run the House of Torture off!

Evil gets the mic to say that’s how it is, huh? The House is officially challenging for those heavyweight tag titles! Get ready to witness their power! The House leaves, especially as fans tell them to go home. But between the House and Chaos, will the Empire be able to hold onto their treasure?

 

KOPW Championship Takagi Style Triad Match: Shingo Takagi w/ Los Ingobernables de Japon VS Taichi w/ Just5Guys!

The Rampaging Dragon continues to rain over the KOPW Division, but the Holy Emperor is challenging him once more! In this match, inspired by Aaron Henare’s Ultimate Triad match, the winner must any three of pinfall, submission, count-out, and even knockout and referee stoppage! How far will Taichi go to finally take this title from Takagi? And how far will Takagi go to hold onto it?

The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and we see who is the King of Pro-Wrestling!

The bell rings and fans rally up as the two stare down. Fans duel as “TA-KA-GI!” and “TA-I-CHI!” approach. They RAM shoulders, then RAM again! Takagi runs, into a BOOT! Taichi runs, but Takagi runs him over! Taichi gets up to BOOT Takagi down! Takagi gets up but Taichi throws him out. LIJ is there as Takagi gets up and the standing count climbs. Takagi stands at 7 of 10, goes around the way, then slides into the ring before the ring count begins. Taichi nods and resets with Takagi. Fans rally up, the two stare down, and they tie up. They’re in a deadlock, but Taichi pushes Takagi away.

Taichi CHOPS! Takagi nods and CHOPS! Taichi CHOPS again! Takagi CHOPS again! The CHOPS keep going, then Taichi KICKS! Takagi throws a forearm! Taichi KICKS, Takagi forearms, repeat! Takagi walks off the pain, the back and forth continues, and Taichi gets the edge with KICK after KICK! Takagi DOUBLE CHOPS! Then he spins Taichi to a backslide, TWO!! Taichi avoids going down a point! Takagi argues the count, but Taichi pulls his hair! Taichi puts Takagi in the corner, but Takagi turns it around, only for Taichi to push him down and out of the ring. Taichi whips Takagi into railing!

Taichi gets space, goes back to Takagi, and then whips him again. But Takagi reverses and sends Taichi into railing! Takagi then POSTS Taichi, but Taichi POSTS Takagi! The ring count is climbing, we’re at 15 of 20 as Taichi CHOKES Takagi! Both men are throwing hands! The count is 19!! They slide in at 19.99!! They avoid both going down a point, and Takagi knees low. Takagi whips Taichi to the corner, runs in, but blocks the boot. Takagi powers through and clotheslines! Takagi then JABS, CHOPS, and repeat! Red Shoes reprimands and counts, but Takagi shows those weren’t closed fists at all.

Takagi brings Taichi up, whips him corner to corner, but Taichi reverses to wrench and HOOK KICK! Both men are down and fans rally up. Taichi sits up, fans rally, and Taichi brings Takagi up. Taichi snapmares and KICKS Takagi in the back! Takagi goes to ropes, Taichi stalks him and kicks him around. Taichi digs his boot into Takagi, but lets off as the ref counts. Taichi drags Takagi up, gives him Kawada Kicks, but Takagi eggs him on. So Taichi fires off more Kawada Kicks! Takagi roars and headbutts the turnbuckles! Fans fire up with Takagi and he storms up on Taichi. Takagi forearms, knees, and CLUBS Taichi!

Takagi whips, Taichi reverses and kitchen sink knees! Taichi drags Takagi up and into the COBRA TWIST! Takagi endures, even as Taichi thrashes him around! Takagi fights his way over, reaches out, and gets the ROPEBREAK! Taichi lets go, but he kicks Takagi out of the ring. Taichi then brings Takagi up and reels him in. But Takagi resists the lift! Taichi fires off more Kawada Kicks, but Takagi blocks! Takagi RAMS Taichi into the apron! And then he reels Taichi in, traps the arms, but Taichi back drops free! Takagi hits the floor and fans fire up! Taichi stalks Takagi, drags him up, and brings him around to the ramp.

Taichi knees low, and again, then hits a DDT to the floor! A count begins as both men are down, Taichi stands at 9 and gets in the ring at 11. LIJ coaches Takagi and he stands at 17, to slide in at 18! But into the GEDO- NO, Takagi slips out to put Taichi in the GEDO CLUTCH! TWO!! Taichi escapes, swings, but into a GROUND COBRA TWIST! Takagi scores the pin!

Takagi: 1; Taichi: 0

The first fall is secured, and now Takagi can focus on the other possibilities! Taichi gets a quick drink of water and the two reset. Takagi ELBOWS! JABS! YUKON LARIAT! Takagi tells the came he’s not done yet! Takagi goes back to Taichi as the fans rally up. Takagi drops an elbow, another elbow, and then a SENTON! Cover, but oh, he doesn’t need it, it won’t count now. Takagi remembers his own match rules and he kicks Taichi around. Taichi stands and Takagi throws hands. Taichi eggs him on, then boots, but into a Gory Especial! NOSHIGAMI! Takagi leaves Taichi be for the standing count!

Taichi stirs at 3 of 10, sits up at 5, and Takagi is after his leg! Takagi turns Taichi for a HALF CRAB! Then an STF! Taichi endures, crawls forward, and Taka coaches him, but Takagi shifts to a FUJIWARA ARMBAR! Taichi kicks forward to get the ROPEBREAK! Takagi lets go, kicks Taichi to the apron, then goes out to join him. Takagi calls his shot and he brings Taichi up. Takagi fireman’s carries but Taichi blocks! Taichi throws down elbows, then clinches! Takagi fights the lift in return! Taichi BOOTS Takagi, but Takagi fireman’s carries! APRON DEATH VALLEY!! Both men fall to the floor and Red Shoes checks them.

Takagi and Taichi are somehow okay to continue, so Red Shoes has their teams back off for the ring count. Takagi stands at 7 and slides in at 8. Taichi is still down at 11 so J5G coach him up. Taichi drags himself up at 16, the apron skirt starts to give way, but Taichi gets in at 19! Takagi is right on him, pump handle and lift, but Taichi slips out! GEDO CLUTCH! Taichi scores the pin!!

Takagi: 1; Taichi: 1

We’re all tired up and both men check off the same item on their bingo card! Now they can both focus on submissions, count-outs and knockouts! Taichi goes to a corner, Takagi runs in both only gets buckles! And a GAMANGIRI! Takagi drops but Taichi is also down. Fans rally and duel, and Taichi eggs Takagi on. Taichi kicks, Takagi ducks, but the SOBAT and BUZZSAW hit! Takagi goes to ropes, and OFF COME TAICHI’S PANTS! Fans rally and Taichi takes aim, to KICK! Taichi eggs Takagi on but Takagi eggs Taichi on. Taichi KICKS again! And again! Takagi fires up and fans fire up with him!

Taichi kicks, Takagi blocks and he CLUBS the leg! They go forehead to forehead, Taichi pushes Takagi back, roundhouse collides with lariat! Taichi KICKS from his other leg! Taichi runs, but Takagi clotheslines at the ropes! And then SAIDOS! Taichi rises up! Takagi runs in, but Taichi gets around, DANGEROUS SAIDO! Takagi springs up but he staggers around, then falls over! Both men are down as fans rally up, and the standing count begins! Both men stir, they crawl to corners and stand at 7! Fans fire up, and both men egg the other on. They run in and DOUBLE LARIAT! But neither falls!

They try another DOUBLE LARIAT, but still neither falls! And then another DOUBLE LARIAT! Taichi roars, but runs into the ELBOW! JAB! YUKON- AX BOMBER! But Takagi’s right up to PUMPING BOMBER! But Taichi’s right up to BOOT, then BLINDSIDE BOMBER, then GAMANGIRI!! Taichi roars again and he hurries to bring Takagi up! LAST RIDE!! Both men are down again and another standing count begins! Fans rally and Taichi sits up at 5. Takagi is still down at 7, but stands at 8! Into an AX BOMBER!! Taichi hurries to Alabama Lift, for BLACK MEPHISTO!! And the standing count returns!

Both men are down as the fans rally up and we reach 4 of 10. Taichi is up at 5 again but Takagi crawls to ropes. Takagi drags himself up at 8, but flops back over! He’s down at TEN, Taichi scores!

Takagi: 1; Taichi: 2

Taichi takes the lead with the “KO” on his bingo card! Will he finish this off? And how? LIJ coaches Takagi but the fans duel. Taichi clamps on the SEITEI JUJIRO! Takagi endures the Holy Emperor’s Tomb, reaches out, and gets the ROPEBREAK! Taichi lets go and fans rally up again. Taichi drags Takagi but he’s deadweight. Fans rally harder but Taichi decides to let Red Shoes choose. It can’t be a standing count, but Takagi sits up so it won’t be a referee stoppage, either. Taichi takes aim, Takagi turns around, but Takagi blocks the superkick! But Taichi Alabama Lifts! Takagi slips out, backslides, roll through, pump handle! MADE IN JAPAN!!

Taichi sits up in a daze, but Takagi hits a SLIDING LARIAT! Taichi is still prey to the standing count, but Takagi says he’s not done with Taichi! Takagi drags Taichi up as fans rally, but Taichi lariats! Not a lot of power behind it, and Takagi lariats back! Well, Takagi doesn’t have a lot of power there, either. Taichi lariats, but Takagi stays up. Takagi lariats, but Taichi stays up. Both men catch their breath, Taichi LARIATS, but Takagi stays up! Takagi LARIATS, but Taichi stays up! Taichi winds up, but he drops to his knees, unable to follow through. Takagi stands him up to LARIAT, and LARIAT, and LARIAT! Taichi flops against ropes!

Taichi drags himself up quickly to avoid the count, and Takagi runs in. But into an Alabama Lift! But Takagi fights it, hooks the arms, TAKAGI DRIVER!! But that’s not all, Takagi drags Taichi up to run and PUMPING BOMBER!!! Fans fire up and Takagi leaves Taichi to the standing count! Taichi stirs but he’s still down at 5 of 10! He sits up at 7, but then flops back over! The count restarts, but then Takagi storms over to SLIDING FOREARM! And then a pump handle and lift, LAST OF THE DRAGON!! Takagi lets the count start this time, and Taichi sputters at 6! He rises at 7, stands at 8, but flops down! Takagi scores the KO!

Takagi: 2; Taichi: 2

We’re tied again, it all comes down to the next fall! Submission, count out, or stoppage, what wins it all? Takagi shouts “OI! OI! OI!” and fans rally behind him. Takagi stalks Taichi to a corner, hoists him up top, and then climbs up after him. Taichi resists the lift! Taichi CLUBS and CHOPS Takagi, reels him in, but Takagi fights the lift! Takagi fires off chops of his own! And HEADBUTT after HEADBUTT, too! Takagi moves Taichi around, but Taichi fights the fireman’s carry! Takagi still picks Taichi up! STAY DREAM!! Both men are down, but there will be no standing count! Red Shoes checks but Takagi’s still stirring.

Takagi crawls to Taichi and sits him up. Takagi rains down HAMMER ‘N’ ANVIL ELBOWS! Then a SLEEPER! Taichi is already red as Takagi squeezes tight! Takagi drags Taichi up into the REAR NAKED CHOKE!! Taichi is stuck in the body scissors but J5G shout at him to reach! Takagi turns Taichi away from ropes! Taichi endures, but he’s fading! But then he gets a second wind! Only for Takagi to make it a GROUND COBRA TWIST!! Taichi endures, Kanemaru has the towel! Taka tells him no, not yet! Taichi keeps fighting, even as Takagi thrashes him around! Kanemaru isn’t sure, but Taka keeps telling him to trust Taichi!

Taichi gets a third wind and gets the ROPEBREAK!! Takagi lets Taichi go and he flops out of the ring. Just5Guys are there to check on him, and the ring count begins. The count passes 5 of 20 but Taichi is still down. He’s still down at 10 of 20! He stirs at 13, but Takagi goes out at 15 to drag Taichi back up. Fans applaud as Takagi puts Taichi in, wanting something other than a count-out victory. Takagi reels Taichi in, but Taichi fights the pump handle! But Takagi still lifts, only for his legs to give out! They both flop over, and both teams coach them up. Takagi drags Taichi up to lariat, but there isn’t much to it.

Takagi runs to lariat, but again, there isn’t much to it. Takagi slaps his arm, runs, and PUMPING BOMBER! But Taichi stays up! Taichi rebounds and runs in, but into a SLEEPER! But Taichi slips around to hit a DANGEROUS SAIDO! Takagi rises, staggers, into the ROUNDHOUSE! And then YOKAZUNA FOREARM!! Both men fall out of the ring!! J5G check Taichi and LIJ check Takagi, and the ring count starts! They’re both down at 10 of 20, but the fans rally as hard as ever. The count reaches 15 of 20, then 17! Taichi slides in at 19, Takagi flounders, but gets in at 19.9999!!!! Even the teams have to double check!

Takagi and Taichi stir as the fans are thunderous! Taichi gets a quick drink of water, and then he drags himself up the ropes. Takagi forces himself up, Taichi stands him up, and forearms! Takagi staggers, but he comes back to forearm Taichi. Taichi staggers, and he boots Takagi. Takagi chops, but even that has little to it. Taichi CHOPS, Takagi ELBOWS! They start throwing backhands back and forth! Takagi gets a flurry in, but Taichi OVERHAND chops! And again! Takagi HEADBUTTS, HEADBUTTS and HEADBUTTS! Both men stagger, they’ve been at this for almost 40 minutes!

Taichi slaps himself, then KICKS Takagi! And KICKS! Taichi eggs Takagi on, and Takagi stands, but throws a weak forearm. Fans fire up for Taichi as he brings Takagi up. But Takagi JABS! And HEADBUTTS!! Taichi drops and Takagi staggers away to a corner! Fans rally and duel, and Takagi runs in to forearm! And forearm! And forearm! Taichi wobbles and stumbles around, into more forearms! Takagi LARIATS! Taichi FOREARMS! Takagi FOREARMS! Takagi runs in, into a ROUNDHOUSE! And then TENSHO JUJIHOU!!! Takagi is down and in a daze, Taichi covers out of habit!

Taichi remembers and he lets off. Taichi drags Takagi up, into the SEITEI JUJIRO!! Takagi endures, reaches out, but Taichi twists him around! Fans rally and duel, Red Shoes keeps checking with Takagi, but Takagi refuses to give up! Taichi twists again but Takagi powers his way out! Both men are down again, running on fumes! Taichi wags his finger, he’s not done yet. Taichi roars and J5G fire up with the fans! Taichi staggers over to Takagi, drags him up, and powers up to JUMPING HIGH KICK!! Takagi leans against ropes and Hiromu coaches him on! Takagi staggers over, but into another JUMPING HIGH KICK!

Taichi powers out, JUMP- PUMPING BOMBER!! Takagi swats the kick away with his clothesline! Takagi roars, runs, but into another JUMPING HIGH KICK!! Taichi isn’t done, he wraps on the SEITEI JUJIRO!!!! Takagi is fading! Taichi thrashes him around, Hiromu has the towel but Bushi has him hold on! But Takagi is barely moving! Hiromu shouts at him to get back up!! But Taichi just keeps thrashing him around!!! Fans duel as hard as they possibly can, but Red Shoes checks Takagi. Takagi is OUT!!! Taichi wins!!!

Winner: Taichi by 3-2, pinfall, KO and TKO (NEW KOPW Champion)

Clocking in at 43 minutes and 40 seconds, the battle finally ends, as does Takagi’s reign! Will the Rampaging Dragon be able to soar again after this?

As for Taichi, after finally catching his breath and standing back up, the belt is put around his waist. Fans chant “Let’s Go, Taichi!” as Taichi gets the mic. Taichi starts by saying, “Hold on a moment.” Taichi still has to catch a bit more, then he says, “Takagi. Thank you. Thank you for standing in front of me over and over and over again, and being my wall. Thank you very much.” Fans applaud the sportsmanship. Taichi says it is thanks to Takagi that they could put on such fiery matches for this title. For a moment, Taichi thought, “Let’s do it again.”

Taichi says that even if you lose again and again, so long as you bounce back, so long as you don’t give up, so long as you keep trying, you’ll definitely get the results you want one day. He was told by his team that was a challenge, but he overcame it, so he thanks them for their support. Taichi knows Sanada usually closes with his “present,” or Taka would say the catchphrases, but Taichi has something more to say first. Taichi is proud that he won this title here in Kagoshima. Because of everywhere in Japan, he loves Kagoshima the most. Fans cheer and Sanada laughs at Taichi copying his line.

Taichi then hands the mic over to Taka, and he says that with that, they will close with their team name. They are who? The fans reply, “JUST! FIVE! GUYS!” Okay, well, perhaps it hasn’t caught on quite yet. “SO WHAT?! We’re gonna change everything!” That means they’re changing the landscape here in NJPW! They are JUST! FIVE! GUYS!! Sanada has the world title, Taichi now has the KOPW title, will J5G keep adding gold to the collection?


My Thoughts:

A great event for NJPW, especially as a prelude to Wrestling Dontaku that also isn’t part of the Dontaku build. Now, yes, skipped things again, but it turns out the results were relevant. Really good Six Man Tag from LIJ, and we got the standard formula for the go-home math. Sanada gets the win off Bushi to keep Hiromu strong going into their match. But I don’t expect this to affect the go-home math much, aka I don’t expect Sanada to lose the world title. He only just got it, so he’s not losing it for a good amount of time. But Hiromu will surely have a strong showing so that he also goes into BOSJ 30 still looking good.

The IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championship match was awesome stuff, but of course, Aussie Open always has great matches. They did a great tease of TMDK winning, but Aussie Open pulls it out. And now they have two teams coming for them, which is a good move. Bishamon wanting the titles again is logical, and House of Torture moving on from the NEVER Openweight Six Man Tag titles also makes sense, but I don’t see either team winning if NJPW and AEW agree that Aussie Open should get at like FTR and the AEW World Tag titles.

And then we got just an amazing main event with that unique stipulation. It was a bit silly for Takagi to forget that after getting a pin, he didn’t need another pin. And I like that they paralleled each other instead of having unique bingo cards, as these two have become rivals through this title. And in the end, a great win for Taichi and Just5Guys by extension. It is incredible that NJPW has been able to turn the KOPW title around from being a comedy belt (which was still a great time) into a title that comes up with innovative and hard-hitting stipulations. Can’t wait to see what Taichi comes up with now that he is the defending champion.

My Score: 8.8/10


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Mitchell’s ROH Death Before Dishonor Results & Report! (7/26/24)

YEEHAW!

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The word of the day is, “Gold!”

ROH brings Death Before Dishonor to Texas, and makes it bigger than ever! SIX championship matches, how drastically will the landscape change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zero Hour – MXM Collection VS Spanish Announce Project; wins.
  • Komander VS The Beast Mortos; wins.
  • Texas Deathmatch: Leyla Hirsch VS Diamante; wins.
  • ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship Qualifier: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS The Dark Order; wins and advances to Battle of the Belts 11.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships: The Kingdom VS Tomohiro Ishii & Kyle O’Reilly; win(s) and
  • ROH World Television Championship Survival of the Fittest: Atlantis Jr. VS Lio Rush VS Shane Taylor VS Johnny TV VS Lee Johnson VS Brian Cage; wins and
  • ROH Pure Championship: Wheeler Yuta VS Lee Moriarty; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Television Championship: Billie Starkz VS Red Velvet; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Championship: Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins and
  • ROH World Championship: Mark Briscoe VS Roderick Strong; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 7.25.2024

Slammiversary Fallout! Where do things go on the way to Victory Road?

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Well now we start the fall out of Slammiversary. Josh Alexander in his bad bitch summer, X-Speedball legacy, ABC got the t-a-g and Jordynne is still in charge of the Knockouts division. Like I said at the end of Slammiversary, all of the champions being Babyfaces is stupid. They need to drop a couple titles fairly quickly, because I don’t care what some people say, Nic Nemeth ain’t gonna bring any eyes to the brand. He’s about as hot as day old Hamburger Helper over a camping sterno.

We’ll probably open with the luke warm champion, so tune in like 10 minutes late for anything of substance to be happen.

https://x.com/i/status/1816629254349533588

Ratings:

  • Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner: Maclin wins via KIA – *
  • AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan: AJ wins via Down Payment – **
  • Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young): Hammer Your ASH wins via Torture Rack – ** 1/2
  • The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): Broken Alphabet wins via Twist & Splash – ***

 

Results:

Nemeth gives the ole “I’ll be a fighting champion…blah blah” promo and drops the “any company” line that we’ve already understood what that means. Campaign Singh cuts him off…and I never thought I’d be happy for Campaign Singh to walk out and say anything…ever. And…Mustafa’s promo is worse than Dolph’s. He’s gone from parody to caricature even saying “it was the biggest screw job Montreal ever saw”. Like some of these lines are cheap heat, but most are just brain dead comments that wouldn’t get a reaction out of anyone (and the crowd was silent for that comment). Mustafa gets caught in an Archer “phrasing” moment about getting screwed hard, but this is painful. Promos written by 14 year olds everyone…

This ends with Ali challenging Nemeth for the World Title. While I’m not against walk up challenges, I watch Japanese wrestling, I don’t really get the point aside from doing it just to do it. 

ABC and Matt Hardy have a small promo, and I’m still not really a fan of Unbroken Matt Version 6.0. The floating between Broken voice and his normal voice sounds amateurish.

OH LOOK, finally a match 20 minutes into the show. And it’s my son Steve Maclin! OH CHRIST he’s facing Deaner. This has been 25 minutes of talking followed by the worst god damn attempt at a gimmick. Deaner’s little “Papa Santino told me I can wipe my ass only if the crowd agrees”. This gimmick should die in a fire.

Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner

Deaner started off quick because Maclin was in disbelief that Deaner was actually gonna fight him. Maclin dodges a Crossbody, Busaiku Knee, and just starts beating on Deaner for fun. And this is fun, maybe Maclin can make sure Deaner gets stretchered out and written off forever. How do you call for an ambulance in French? Maclin with the old Back Breaker into a stretch. Deaner tries to nerd rage up, breaks the Back Breaker Stretch, his punch combo, into a Manhattan Drop and Bulldog. Deaner hits the Crossbody, but Maclin kicks out. This is entirely too competitive.

Deaner goes for the Deaner DDT, blocked, Olympic Slam into Splashing Deaner into the corner, Caught in the Crosshairs, K-I-A, thanks for coming you damn dweeb. Stay in Canada and don’t travel Deaner, please.

https://x.com/i/status/1816633784537874761

AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan

As the bell sounds, Sami knocks Rich off the apron, Low Bridges AJ, does the Beats of the Bodhran on AJ and then AJ eats the offense and strategizes with his crew. Bishop and Rich swarm the ring, Sami allows himself to get distracted so AJ slides in and starts beating on Sami. AJ throats Sami across the middle rope and Rich makes his presence felt, AJ distracts the referee and Rich gets in a lot of cheap shots. Bishop throws Sami back in the ring, and AJ keeps up the pressure. Lots of 5 count chokes and leverage moves. After the commercial break ends, Sami dodges a Tennessee Whiskey Knee, gets in a few shots before Rich trips Sami as he’s setting up a Dive, and then AJ takes advantage of the position and hits the goofball knee strike.

AJ calls for his Chokeslam, Sami tries to break it with Axe Handles, then claws the eyes. Sami goes for a Scoop Slam, gets him part way up and then falls over. AJ Chokeslam again, but he bites his hand and starts fighting back. Launches himself at AJ, sends him bouncing off the ropes and uses the momentum to hit that Scoop Slam that was teased earlier. Sami goes for a Western Lariat but eats a Big Boot. AJ does a little Hulk Hogan pose to signal a Leg Drop, but Sami dodges and then connects on a Sliding Lariat. Thumbs Up, Thumbs….interference. Rich distracts the ref, Bishop lays out Sami, AJ connects with the Down Payment.

Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young)

ASH and Jordynne exchange slaps and then Jordynne starts to out muscle ASH. Spinebuster from Jordynne, Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights off, rope run, Sattelite DDT into both tagging out. EY does the Flair corner flop, slides back in between Hammer’s legs, and connects on a Neckbreaker. EY is the quicker of the two, but Hammer finally gets his hands on him and a Release Belly to Belly into a full mount raining of fists, then a near fall. Hammer smashes EY in a corner, Arm Wringer into an Irish Whip across, but EY moves and Hammer tags out to ASH. ASH levels Jordynne, peppers EY with a few shots and pulls him back to their corner and starts some tandem offense with Hammerman. Hammer Guerilla Presses ASH and throws her into EY for a near fall. Hammer looks to aim for either a Powerbomb or Nightmare Pendulum, but EY drops it into a Small Package, pinfall kick out, they both run, Double Lariat spot. The Knockouts get tagged in.

Jordynne is in control early, World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb. Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights it off and tags out to Hammer. Jordynne and EY do some schoolyard stuff with the old Push while Jordynne is down to trip Hammer. All four get in, ASH gets leveled, EY gets leveled, Hammer and Jordynne have a brief face off, but Hammer throws Jordynne to the apron and ASH connects with a Meteora from the apron. Death Valley Driver from Young on Hammer, ASH stares in shock, EY tells her to get, ASH runs away. EY goes up for his Macho Elbow, and ASH causes him to fall to Hammer’s feet, Torture Rack, and EY submits.

Josh Alexander comes out, with new heel music. And it’s not that bad, definitely better than some other people’s new music. Josh yells at the crowd a bit, says he can’t wait til he’s back in a real Canadian town, like his home of Toronto. Then he drops the mic in lieu of an explanation. The crowd chants him off with the “Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey”. 

https://x.com/i/status/1816647373654724937

The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

JDC and Hardy start, but JDC quickly tags out to Myers and that doesn’t go well. Hardy grabs a hold of Myers, a few Delete chops, drags him to his corner and they all get in a few shots punctuated with Hardy getting tagged back in and an Elbow into Myers’ extended and worked on left arm. Myers stays isolated, back into the corner, Boot to the gut, Ace tags in and wallops Myers. Ace connects on Double Kicks, into Russian Leg Sweep and his half of Click Click Boom, for a 2 count. Myers finally gets free with a Jaw Breaker and tags out to Eddie. But The System gets no momentum, Ace stifles Eddie’s offense and starts a few quick tags with him and Bey for tandem offense. Moose finally comes down the ramp as Eddie kicked out of yet another pinfall attempt because The System has had nothing going for them. Eddie finally gets some offense since Moose was a big enough distraction.

Eddie thinks they have a spot, so he tags back in JDC, but The ABC stop him cold, tag in Matt Hardy, and Matt walks down JDC, but JDC Low Bridges. Matt is on the outside, so all of The System surrounds Hardy, then Joe Hendry’s music hits! That stops the heel beatdown, and we follow Hendry’s entire entrance. So that proves Hendry is bigger than the 8 other people in this frame. Not really sure if that’s optics you want to push along. Ace and JDC try to remind people there’s wrestling going on, but JDC thumbs the eye to get a little something going. Vertical Suplex for a near fall, tag out for Eddie and Eddie lights up Ace with some of those NOAH Chops. Ace retreats to the ropes and Alisha chokes him with the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Myers gets tagged in, Ace tries to use the crowd energy, Myers stops it at first but then Ace slips a Scoop Slam and tags out to Bey. Hot tag, strike rush, Double Stomp, educated feet, Leap Frog to the corner but Lish climbs on the apron and yells at Bey which stops his rhythm. Myers kicks his feet out and causes Bey to crash. Eddie tags in for a few shots, then to JDC and Slingshot Knees, Wringer Snapmare, Bow and Arrow Submission, and JDC is just doing solid wrestling work right now. Uppercut between the Shoulder Blades as Bey tries to get out, tag to Myers and Bey is still eating offense. Eddie tags in, Bey tries the Sunset Flip, but Eddie tags out before going over, so Myers folds up Bey for a near fall and then tags out to JDC who connects on a Standing Suplex, slams Bey’s face into the corner, Eddie tags in, and Bey finally fights up to his feet, Eddie just flatten Bey’s comeback, tries a Tiger Driver but eats an Enzuigiri for a simultaneous tag. JDC and Hardy come in, JDC tries to exit halfway in, but Hardy is wrecking shop. He disposes of Eddie, Myers slides in but eats a tandem Neckbreaker/DDT from Hardy. Face team does the Delete Corner Face Smashes. Poetry in Motion into a Side Effect into Corkscrew Swanton for only 2 since Myers breaks it up! Everyone throwing hands, referee is distracted, Moose comes in to Spear Hardy, but Hardy dodges and throws him into JDC (I get the call back), Hendry then lays out Moose with the big Lariat. Twist of Fate from Hardy, Splash from Bey, Broken Alphabet wins!

 

Overall Score: 4/10

Ugh, cliche promos, too damn much talking, a competitive squash match with an imbecile as our first “match”, into an overbooked and slow heel match, finally a decent tag match (with the right team going over), into another overbooked match with a “tease” for the mystery backup being more obvious than Jericho’s WWF debut.

Aside from the afore mentioned tag match, The Rascalz promo and The System Promo; this was hard to watch. A lot of cornball promos, Rosemary licks her conspiracy board, storylines got zero traction. Whoopity Doo, Ryan Nemeth got a match next week and we get an undead wedding.

While this was a bad episode, it was bad by at least new standards. We’re not back in the TNA Dark Days again, but this was…a useless show.


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