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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 3.28.2024

TNA tapings from Philly! Knockouts Number 1 Contender is decided! Rich Swann explains his heel turn and Chris Sabin vs Steve Maclin in the main event!

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Hey, even if Xplosion has been a complete waste of 45 minutes, last week’s iMPACT! showed some promise with this newer direction at least. We’re getting a return of the 8 for 1 match for the Knockouts World Title. So we’ll get a number one contender for Jordynne Grace, apparently Chris Sabin and Steve Maclin have a match, but we get some answers from Rich Swann on his heel turn.

Time to see what else we have going on!

Ratings:

  • 8 for 1 Match: Rosemary, Dani Luna,  Xia Brookside & Steph DeLander vs Havok, Jody Threat, Masha Slamovich & Alisha Edwards: Dani wins via Schoolgirl Roll-Up – **
  • Dani Luna vs Steph DeLander vs Xia Brookside vs Rosemary: Steph wins via TKO – * 1/2
  • Grizzled Young Vets (James Drake & Zack Gibson) vs Cody Deaner: GYV wins via Grit Your Teeth – SQUASH
  • Josh Alexander vs Tracy Williams: Josh wins via C4 Spike – ***1/4
  • Mike Bailey w/Trent Seven vs Eddie Edwards w/Brian Myers & Alisha Edwards: Eddie Edwards wins via Boston Knee Party – *** 1/2
  • Steve Maclin vs Chris Sabin: Maclin wins via KIA – *** 1/2

 

Results:

8 for 1 Match: Rosemary, Dani Luna,  Xia Brookside & Steph DeLander vs Havok, Jody Threat, Masha Slamovich & Alisha Edwards

So this is a random tag pairing, which the winning team than faces each other in a Fatal Four Way for Number One Contender position; that explains why half of Decay and Spitfire are on opposite teams. 

Steph faces off with Havok first but tags out to Rosemary to try and shirk responsibility, but Rosemary and Havok work together to level Steph and then Rosemary tags back out to purposefully bring DeLander back into the match. Havok throws Steph around a bit, even Lish gets in some offense, most notably her Bodyscissors Bulldog, but Steph tags out to Dani, Dani and Masha go after each other and then the match slowly starts to break down.

Dani hits the Rope Assisted Blue Thunder Bomb on Masha for 2, and starts looking for the Luna Landing. Masha slips it and we go into a bit of a locomotion Cradle spot which Dani gets the best of and wins the tag for her team!

Dani Luna vs Steph DeLander vs Xia Brookside vs Rosemary

As the match is getting set up, Masha attacks Dani to wipe her out. So the other three start fighting, Xia charges a corner, gets ole’d and she flies into ASH by Elegance who was seated at ringside because she had cosmetic surgery and couldn’t wrestle. ASH posts Xia, gets banished from ringside by the referee, back in the ring Rosemary does her rise from the dead spot and looks to finish Steph but Matt Cardona comes out of nowhere, hits the Radio Silence, Steph DeLander hits the TKO for the easy 1-2-3.

Steph DeLander is number one contender and Matt Cardona is back! Not a terrible wrinkle. The match barely existed but at least these returns are nice. 

GYV hits the ring to complain about Cody Deaner costing them the match against Time Splitters last week. So they call him out and he’s out in Red and Yellow trailer park Flash attire. Santino apparently is allowing Deaner to pick one of the GYV members to fight. Philly picks both, so Deaner attacks both. 

Grizzled Young Vets (James Drake & Zack Gibson) vs Cody Deaner

Cody gets the best of Drake early but then the GYV work over Deaner a bit early, Gibson starts talking smack and Deaner tries to Hulk Up, and it seemingly works. Combination Punches, Manhattan Drop, Corner Bulldog, tries the Deaner DDT, but Gibson cuts him off with a throat chop.

Drake uses the scarf to take advantage of the referee not looking, and then some Grit Your Teeth gives the GYV a win.

Josh Alexander walks out again to be the Talking Weapon…and yeah, not really a big fan of when he speaks. He’s dressed to wrestle so lets hope its an open challenge or a Philadelphia Drink Off with Sandman showing up…or something. Just not a lot of talking, please. OH GOOD, open challenge. Josh calls out Hammerstone, but he gets some Hot Sauce instead of Hammers.

Josh Alexander vs Tracy Williams

As expected with these two, early World of Sport style open with some chain wrestling into athletic counter wrestling and shrugging off both men’s first attempt at submissions. They both take a beat, then we go into a Chop Battle, Williams slows Josh with a Kitchen Sink, but Josh grabs him in the Vertical Suplex and then spill over the ropes. Josh is back in first, Williams tries to crawl up, eats a strike and then eats Josh’s Low Crossbody spot. So now Josh starts dogwalking Williams around the outside.

Josh throws him back in, drives a knee into his face, but as Williams tries to fight back, Josh stops all of that with a Northern Lights Suplex Hold for 2. Josh goes for a Heel Hook to weaken the ankle for a potential Ankle Lock. So just early joint manipulation and Back Breakers from Josh leaves Williams writhing and absorbing so much…not really fighting back much. Tracy tries a desperation short Headbutt to the gut like he’s Spike Dudley, but it seems to just annoy Josh. A few traded Overhand Chops, C4 Spike attempt but Tracy drops his weight. Josh gets a little arrogant, starts with a few half assed slaps and it allows Tracy to fire a few strike, Back Drop Suplex, drives Josh into the corner and sets up the Avalanche Butterfly Suplex. Tracy goes for a submission but Josh is too close to the ropes.

With all of Williams’ offense, Josh manages to fire through and land an Exploder Suplex to rock Tracy. A few more big moves from Josh, into the Power Breaker seems to give Josh all of the momentum. C4 Spike again, Back Drop counter, Back Elbow and Tracy tries a corner set up but Josh cuts him off and they start fighting on the top. Williams counters the Superplex, DDT into the top corner buckle, Death Valley Driver into an STF, then Crossface but Josh is fighting. Piledriver attempt from Williams, straight right says no, Release German Suplex, straps go down but Tracy kicks Josh in the face. They trade Big Boots, Josh with a Backslide into the C4 Spike for the win!

Both these guys chant kicks up, Josh offers the handshake, they go for the corny Indie respect moment and Hammerstone hits the ring and lays them both out. Hammer puts the head gear on Tracy and throws him into the Torture Rack. 

This might be Ali’s best promo ever.

Mike Bailey w/Trent Seven vs Eddie Edwards w/Brian Myers & Alisha Edwards

I do really like The System’s theme song. 

Eddie goes for the NOAH Chop, Bailey ducks the first one and tries to keep things quick, but Eddie catches him and caves in his chest real quick. Front Kick from Bailey into the Back Handspring that culminates into a Gamengiri, Eddie powders and Speedball goes for the Tope con Hilo. Arm Wringer into a Round Kick to the chest. Bailey breaks the count, eats a chop and then get go into a kicks and chops trading spot. Myers provides enough of a distraction since they’re on the outside so Eddie scoops Bailey and Blue Thunder Bomb on the apron.

Another count reset, this time from Eddie and the Chops continue from Eddie. Eventually Eddie throws Bailey back into the ring, very unceremoniously, drops a knee to the eyes and goes for 3 pinfalls in quick succession. Fingers to the eyes, chops to the chest, Backpack Stunner attempt but Speedball wriggles free and John Woo Dropkick gives him some space. Spinning Back Kick, Axe Kick, Round Kick, Running Shooting Star, for 2! Speedball slaps his chest to try and send a message while he starts lighting up Eddie with about half a dozen Round Kicks to the chest. He then goes for the Lightning Kicks while Eddie is on the ropes, Myers pulls out Eddie, Bailey attempts a dive but puts the brakes on, acts like he’s distracted by Myers but avoid Eddie’s sneak attack. Kick to the face into a Corkscrew Asai Moonsault, back in the ring, Tornado Kick from Bailey, goes for Ultima Weapon but he eats a Gamengiri into the Backpack Stunner for 2!

Both men rise, Chop from Bailey sends him on his ass, and we go back to kicks versus chops. Bailey with the combination kicks, tries the Buzzsaw but Eddie moves, Lariat! Tiger Driver attempt, but Bailey says no, Backflip Knees gives Bailey all the momentum. He tries the Tornado set up, Myers and Alisha get involved but Trent Seven nullifes Myers, Bailey with the Double Clutch Superkick to rock Eddie, he goes back to the Tornado set up but Lish grabs his feet, Bailey fights her off, drops Eddie, goes for Ultima Weapon but misses! Boston Knee Party to the back of Bailey’s head, Eddie wins!

There’s a quick video package for the FBI next week. Not sure if that means we only see Guido, or if Vito and others will show up.

Rich homie Swann and AJ Francis show up and I’m fairly sure he named them “First Class”. They keep saying AJ Francis in the same cadence as AJ Styles, so I get what they’re doing there. And Swann basically says AJ was the only one who cared about how Rich was doing, Hendry just stole his thunder and did nothing. “If you ain’t First Class, you’re last” – Talladega Nights references? Well now.

Steve Maclin vs Chris Sabin

Mostly an uneventful start, a few moments from both men, Sabin speeds things up when he ducks out and baits Maclin to try the Scud Missile, but he outsmarts him by sliding back in. Maclin doesn’t full commit to the dive but does roll out a little hard which gives Sabin the chance to jump on him. Baseball Slide, Wristlock over the ring post, throws him back in and looks for a Grounded Top Wristlock. Sabin acting a bit more like Shelley with the joint focus, but Maclin manages to use the ropes to his advantage and bounce Sabin off of them twice.

Maclin finally has some control, Forearm to the low back, drapes Sabin on the middle rope and drives the knee into the back of his head. Maclin lays in some chops, grounds any of Sabin’s attempts and locks in a Chin Lock. Sabin finally fires up , but Maclin hits the Olympic Slam to stifle Sabin’s attempts. Maclin perches Sabin, tries the Superplex but a few punches and a bite gives Sabin an opening and Sabin connects with the Missile Dropkick. Manhattan Drop into a Crucifix cover for 2, Swinging Neckbreaker causes Maclin to retreat to the corner and Sabin focuses a few Forearms to the back of the head and a Snap DDT.

A few wild swings from Maclin give Sabin a gift, so he goes for the Crossface. Maclin barely rolls tot he ropes to break the hold, powders out and moves out of the way of the Plancha. BUSAIKU KNEE to level Sabin. Jar-Headbutt for a near fall! Maclin Tree of Woes Sabin, Caught in the Crosshairs, Sabin sits up but Maclin knows how to avoid the post. A small back and forth, Mayhem for All and only a 2 count! Jar-Headbutt number two misses, La Magistral for only 2, both collide with lariats and then go into the Fighting Spirit spot. Slugfest but Sabin hits a Sole Butt, Sabin tries to continue but Maclin coldcocks Sabin sending him to the outside, Scud Missile Dive – MISSES! Maclin is laid out on the outside, count out starts, Sabin is back in around 6, Maclin barely beats the 10. Springboard Tornado DDT from Sabin for a near fall!

Cradle Shock attempt, but Maclin fights it off. Sabin jumps, misses, Tree of Woe, Caught in the Crosshairs! Maclin tries the KIA but Sabin turns it into a Wrestler’s Bridge Pinfall for only 2, but Maclin holds on to the arms, connects with the KIA and wins!

 

Overall Score: 7/10

Well aside from the fact the opening match was a little bit of a hectic mess and Kon is still a storyline relevant thing…the better portion of the episode was pretty fun. I didn’t love the allusions to Santino handing out rights to challenge and open challenge vouchers, felt like a weird “authority” figure kind of spin. But when he finally showed up and continued to be the lovable goof, its all good.

Ali had his best promo ever, “Mr Rhinoceros”, was a great way to spin into the conversation with Rhyno. Sabin steering more into Shelley’s bag of tricks and still coming up short is interesting. Steph DeLander with the big return win and bringing Cardona back with her is generally a fun angle. Speedball looked awesome and Hammerstone did a great job looking like a massive douche and executing the best Torture Rack since Lex Luger.

Of course there’s a few gripes, but all in all, it was pretty fun.


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Mitchell’s ROH Death Before Dishonor Results & Report! (7/26/24)

YEEHAW!

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The word of the day is, “Gold!”

ROH brings Death Before Dishonor to Texas, and makes it bigger than ever! SIX championship matches, how drastically will the landscape change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zero Hour – MXM Collection VS Spanish Announce Project; wins.
  • Komander VS The Beast Mortos; wins.
  • Texas Deathmatch: Leyla Hirsch VS Diamante; wins.
  • ROH World Six Man Tag Team Championship Qualifier: Dustin Rhodes & The Von Erichs VS The Dark Order; wins and advances to Battle of the Belts 11.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships: The Kingdom VS Tomohiro Ishii & Kyle O’Reilly; win(s) and
  • ROH World Television Championship Survival of the Fittest: Atlantis Jr. VS Lio Rush VS Shane Taylor VS Johnny TV VS Lee Johnson VS Brian Cage; wins and
  • ROH Pure Championship: Wheeler Yuta VS Lee Moriarty; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Television Championship: Billie Starkz VS Red Velvet; wins and
  • ROH Women’s World Championship: Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins and
  • ROH World Championship: Mark Briscoe VS Roderick Strong; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

[Due to scheduling conflicts, coverage will be on delay]


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 7.25.2024

Slammiversary Fallout! Where do things go on the way to Victory Road?

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Well now we start the fall out of Slammiversary. Josh Alexander in his bad bitch summer, X-Speedball legacy, ABC got the t-a-g and Jordynne is still in charge of the Knockouts division. Like I said at the end of Slammiversary, all of the champions being Babyfaces is stupid. They need to drop a couple titles fairly quickly, because I don’t care what some people say, Nic Nemeth ain’t gonna bring any eyes to the brand. He’s about as hot as day old Hamburger Helper over a camping sterno.

We’ll probably open with the luke warm champion, so tune in like 10 minutes late for anything of substance to be happen.

https://x.com/i/status/1816629254349533588

Ratings:

  • Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner: Maclin wins via KIA – *
  • AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan: AJ wins via Down Payment – **
  • Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young): Hammer Your ASH wins via Torture Rack – ** 1/2
  • The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): Broken Alphabet wins via Twist & Splash – ***

 

Results:

Nemeth gives the ole “I’ll be a fighting champion…blah blah” promo and drops the “any company” line that we’ve already understood what that means. Campaign Singh cuts him off…and I never thought I’d be happy for Campaign Singh to walk out and say anything…ever. And…Mustafa’s promo is worse than Dolph’s. He’s gone from parody to caricature even saying “it was the biggest screw job Montreal ever saw”. Like some of these lines are cheap heat, but most are just brain dead comments that wouldn’t get a reaction out of anyone (and the crowd was silent for that comment). Mustafa gets caught in an Archer “phrasing” moment about getting screwed hard, but this is painful. Promos written by 14 year olds everyone…

This ends with Ali challenging Nemeth for the World Title. While I’m not against walk up challenges, I watch Japanese wrestling, I don’t really get the point aside from doing it just to do it. 

ABC and Matt Hardy have a small promo, and I’m still not really a fan of Unbroken Matt Version 6.0. The floating between Broken voice and his normal voice sounds amateurish.

OH LOOK, finally a match 20 minutes into the show. And it’s my son Steve Maclin! OH CHRIST he’s facing Deaner. This has been 25 minutes of talking followed by the worst god damn attempt at a gimmick. Deaner’s little “Papa Santino told me I can wipe my ass only if the crowd agrees”. This gimmick should die in a fire.

Steve Maclin vs Cody Deaner

Deaner started off quick because Maclin was in disbelief that Deaner was actually gonna fight him. Maclin dodges a Crossbody, Busaiku Knee, and just starts beating on Deaner for fun. And this is fun, maybe Maclin can make sure Deaner gets stretchered out and written off forever. How do you call for an ambulance in French? Maclin with the old Back Breaker into a stretch. Deaner tries to nerd rage up, breaks the Back Breaker Stretch, his punch combo, into a Manhattan Drop and Bulldog. Deaner hits the Crossbody, but Maclin kicks out. This is entirely too competitive.

Deaner goes for the Deaner DDT, blocked, Olympic Slam into Splashing Deaner into the corner, Caught in the Crosshairs, K-I-A, thanks for coming you damn dweeb. Stay in Canada and don’t travel Deaner, please.

https://x.com/i/status/1816633784537874761

AJ Francis w/Rich Swann & Josh Bishop vs Sami Callihan

As the bell sounds, Sami knocks Rich off the apron, Low Bridges AJ, does the Beats of the Bodhran on AJ and then AJ eats the offense and strategizes with his crew. Bishop and Rich swarm the ring, Sami allows himself to get distracted so AJ slides in and starts beating on Sami. AJ throats Sami across the middle rope and Rich makes his presence felt, AJ distracts the referee and Rich gets in a lot of cheap shots. Bishop throws Sami back in the ring, and AJ keeps up the pressure. Lots of 5 count chokes and leverage moves. After the commercial break ends, Sami dodges a Tennessee Whiskey Knee, gets in a few shots before Rich trips Sami as he’s setting up a Dive, and then AJ takes advantage of the position and hits the goofball knee strike.

AJ calls for his Chokeslam, Sami tries to break it with Axe Handles, then claws the eyes. Sami goes for a Scoop Slam, gets him part way up and then falls over. AJ Chokeslam again, but he bites his hand and starts fighting back. Launches himself at AJ, sends him bouncing off the ropes and uses the momentum to hit that Scoop Slam that was teased earlier. Sami goes for a Western Lariat but eats a Big Boot. AJ does a little Hulk Hogan pose to signal a Leg Drop, but Sami dodges and then connects on a Sliding Lariat. Thumbs Up, Thumbs….interference. Rich distracts the ref, Bishop lays out Sami, AJ connects with the Down Payment.

Hammer Your ASH (ASH by Elegance & Alexander Hammerstone) vs JuggerYoung (Jordynne Grace & Eric Young)

ASH and Jordynne exchange slaps and then Jordynne starts to out muscle ASH. Spinebuster from Jordynne, Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights off, rope run, Sattelite DDT into both tagging out. EY does the Flair corner flop, slides back in between Hammer’s legs, and connects on a Neckbreaker. EY is the quicker of the two, but Hammer finally gets his hands on him and a Release Belly to Belly into a full mount raining of fists, then a near fall. Hammer smashes EY in a corner, Arm Wringer into an Irish Whip across, but EY moves and Hammer tags out to ASH. ASH levels Jordynne, peppers EY with a few shots and pulls him back to their corner and starts some tandem offense with Hammerman. Hammer Guerilla Presses ASH and throws her into EY for a near fall. Hammer looks to aim for either a Powerbomb or Nightmare Pendulum, but EY drops it into a Small Package, pinfall kick out, they both run, Double Lariat spot. The Knockouts get tagged in.

Jordynne is in control early, World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb. Juggernaut Driver attempt, but ASH fights it off and tags out to Hammer. Jordynne and EY do some schoolyard stuff with the old Push while Jordynne is down to trip Hammer. All four get in, ASH gets leveled, EY gets leveled, Hammer and Jordynne have a brief face off, but Hammer throws Jordynne to the apron and ASH connects with a Meteora from the apron. Death Valley Driver from Young on Hammer, ASH stares in shock, EY tells her to get, ASH runs away. EY goes up for his Macho Elbow, and ASH causes him to fall to Hammer’s feet, Torture Rack, and EY submits.

Josh Alexander comes out, with new heel music. And it’s not that bad, definitely better than some other people’s new music. Josh yells at the crowd a bit, says he can’t wait til he’s back in a real Canadian town, like his home of Toronto. Then he drops the mic in lieu of an explanation. The crowd chants him off with the “Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey”. 

https://x.com/i/status/1816647373654724937

The System (Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & JDC) w/Alisha Edwards vs Matt Hardy & The ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

JDC and Hardy start, but JDC quickly tags out to Myers and that doesn’t go well. Hardy grabs a hold of Myers, a few Delete chops, drags him to his corner and they all get in a few shots punctuated with Hardy getting tagged back in and an Elbow into Myers’ extended and worked on left arm. Myers stays isolated, back into the corner, Boot to the gut, Ace tags in and wallops Myers. Ace connects on Double Kicks, into Russian Leg Sweep and his half of Click Click Boom, for a 2 count. Myers finally gets free with a Jaw Breaker and tags out to Eddie. But The System gets no momentum, Ace stifles Eddie’s offense and starts a few quick tags with him and Bey for tandem offense. Moose finally comes down the ramp as Eddie kicked out of yet another pinfall attempt because The System has had nothing going for them. Eddie finally gets some offense since Moose was a big enough distraction.

Eddie thinks they have a spot, so he tags back in JDC, but The ABC stop him cold, tag in Matt Hardy, and Matt walks down JDC, but JDC Low Bridges. Matt is on the outside, so all of The System surrounds Hardy, then Joe Hendry’s music hits! That stops the heel beatdown, and we follow Hendry’s entire entrance. So that proves Hendry is bigger than the 8 other people in this frame. Not really sure if that’s optics you want to push along. Ace and JDC try to remind people there’s wrestling going on, but JDC thumbs the eye to get a little something going. Vertical Suplex for a near fall, tag out for Eddie and Eddie lights up Ace with some of those NOAH Chops. Ace retreats to the ropes and Alisha chokes him with the ropes while the ref is distracted.

Myers gets tagged in, Ace tries to use the crowd energy, Myers stops it at first but then Ace slips a Scoop Slam and tags out to Bey. Hot tag, strike rush, Double Stomp, educated feet, Leap Frog to the corner but Lish climbs on the apron and yells at Bey which stops his rhythm. Myers kicks his feet out and causes Bey to crash. Eddie tags in for a few shots, then to JDC and Slingshot Knees, Wringer Snapmare, Bow and Arrow Submission, and JDC is just doing solid wrestling work right now. Uppercut between the Shoulder Blades as Bey tries to get out, tag to Myers and Bey is still eating offense. Eddie tags in, Bey tries the Sunset Flip, but Eddie tags out before going over, so Myers folds up Bey for a near fall and then tags out to JDC who connects on a Standing Suplex, slams Bey’s face into the corner, Eddie tags in, and Bey finally fights up to his feet, Eddie just flatten Bey’s comeback, tries a Tiger Driver but eats an Enzuigiri for a simultaneous tag. JDC and Hardy come in, JDC tries to exit halfway in, but Hardy is wrecking shop. He disposes of Eddie, Myers slides in but eats a tandem Neckbreaker/DDT from Hardy. Face team does the Delete Corner Face Smashes. Poetry in Motion into a Side Effect into Corkscrew Swanton for only 2 since Myers breaks it up! Everyone throwing hands, referee is distracted, Moose comes in to Spear Hardy, but Hardy dodges and throws him into JDC (I get the call back), Hendry then lays out Moose with the big Lariat. Twist of Fate from Hardy, Splash from Bey, Broken Alphabet wins!

 

Overall Score: 4/10

Ugh, cliche promos, too damn much talking, a competitive squash match with an imbecile as our first “match”, into an overbooked and slow heel match, finally a decent tag match (with the right team going over), into another overbooked match with a “tease” for the mystery backup being more obvious than Jericho’s WWF debut.

Aside from the afore mentioned tag match, The Rascalz promo and The System Promo; this was hard to watch. A lot of cornball promos, Rosemary licks her conspiracy board, storylines got zero traction. Whoopity Doo, Ryan Nemeth got a match next week and we get an undead wedding.

While this was a bad episode, it was bad by at least new standards. We’re not back in the TNA Dark Days again, but this was…a useless show.


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