Andrew’s TNA Xplosion Results & Match Ratings: 3.29.2024

Well now, these have been more useless than the first 30 or so episodes of NJPW Strong. Might I just give up on covering this waste of 45 minutes? Probably. But I’m willing to give it a few more weeks and see if it goes back to the old formula that was actually entertaining.

Let’s sit back and get ready to tolerate 2 abbreviated throwback matches, a useless Top 5 Dirt Sheet Topics and a match that will probably make me start drinking (at least its noon where I am).

Hopefully I’m just doomsaying and its tolerable, but they haven’t given me a lot of faith for this show lately.

Ratings:

Ava Everett vs Tasha Steelz: Steelz wins via Okurrr – *

Results:

TNA+Thowback Moment: RVD vs Rhino, 12/10/2019, Impact!

They’re doing this since the match is an “Old School Rules” match, and I guess they are trying to set expectations for the Rhino vs Mustafa Ali match. But all you have to do is describe the match in the pre-match commentary on iMPACT!. This is insanely unnecessary. 

Don West, You’ve Got to be Kidding Me! Trending Topics of the week:

5. Essential Match 2004 on TNA+

4. Leon Slater returns to TNA

3. Jordynne Grace retains title over Tasha Steelz

2. Kaz & EY in Full Metal Mayhem at Rebellion

1. Jake Something wins Number 1 Contender for Rebellion against Mustafa Ali

Around the Ring with Gia Miller is interviewing Dani Luna. Gia asks about her about a bunch of her tattoos. Then they go into Dani’s coffee preferences. Iced Americano or shots of espresso over ice. 

ICYMI: Steve Maclin vs Chris Sabin, iMPACT! 3.28.2024

I suppose this is a small upgrade over yet another “From the Vaults”, but its still clip show garbage. I still think the Digital Media Championship needs to have a very relevant presence on Xplosion to give Xplosion a point. 

Ava Everett vs Tasha Steelz

Everett is known as the Y2QT, and giving her an entrance and a little personality is nice. I’m guessing we’ll see more of her moving forward since she didn’t get the jobber “already in the ring” start.

Tasha takes the start very lightly and Ava turns around a Headlock into a Dropkick which sends Tasha to powder and scowl. Tasha is taking her sweet time to get back in the ring, also takes advantage of Ava being a face and allowing her to get back in the ring cleanly. Back Elbow to the eye from Tasha quickly stops any momentum Ava was trying to start. A few Chops from both, Ava with a Full Nelson, Tasha tries to counter and it looks slow and sloppy, then Ava tries to grab her and it also looks terrible. Tasha lands a few elbows and kicks out of frustration; not sure if she’s frustrated the last section looked like trash or why, but its the most believable part of the match so far.

Ava throws some of the worst body shots I’ve ever seen and Tasha grounds her and holds her in a Front Facelock. More terrible body shots as Ava tries to fight out but 3 Amigos start from Tasha, but Ava counters the third. Ava’s strikes are the worst I’ve seen in a long time…Holy Crap who let this woman debut? Everything is slow, lanky and awkward with not aggression. Thank God Steelz with via Okurrr.

Someone teach Ava how to throw strikes and not look like a complete dweeb. She’s like AEW women’s division level of awful.

Overall Score: 2/10

The main event was a steaming pile of shit and I hate to say it was Ava’s fault. When you make Tasha Steelz look like the technical master of the match, just retire. ICYMI is a better pivot than yet another vault match; but I hate the WCW Worldwide vibe. Also the fact the Top 5 is always 2 weeks behind by the time this comes out is just stupid. But I’ve complained about the misuse of the Top 5 ad nauseum, so from now on just assume I hate everything about it unless they change it.

Give us 2 undercard matches, 1 Digital Media Championship adjacent match and 1 other whatever match. The fact that we only got 1 new match and it was terrible really means that Gia’s interviews are the only thing worth watching on this program anymore.

FIGURE IT OUT. It’s really not hard. No one needs Dirt Sheet rundowns and clip shows, this isn’t 2001, everyone has access to all of this information in the blink of an eye. There’s good reasons that the G4 concept didn’t work on a relaunch, aside from no Diane Mizota; YouTube does anything and everything clip or review based programming did…but better and faster.