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Mitchell’s AEW Dark Results & Report! (3/30/21)

Dark closes out March in a big way!

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AEW Dark 2

Dark is building up for the Spring!

Before Dynamite but after what they did on Elevation, Miro & Kip are in action on AEW Dark to tune up for the Arcade Anarchy! Will they level up before battling Chuck Taylor & Orange Cassidy?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • The Butcher & The Blade w/ The Hardy Family Office VS Milk Chocolate; The Butcher & Blade win.
  • Jazmin Allure VS Madi Wrenkowski; Wrenkowski wins.
  • Chaos Project VS Dean Alexander & Justin Law; Chaos Project wins.
  • Sonny Kiss w/ Joey Janela VS Angelico w/ Jack Evans; Angelico wins.
  • Six Man Tag: Evil Uno, Stu Grayson & Colt Cabana w/ The Dark Order VS Vary Morales, Bill Collier & D3; The Dark Order wins.
  • Jurassic Express VS Adam Priest & KC Navarro; Jurassic Express wins.
  • Diamante VS Vipress; Diamante wins.
  • Six Man Tag: Team Taz VS Jake St. Patrick, Sage Scott & Chandler Hopkins; Team Taz wins.
  • Six Woman Tag: Big Swole, Red Velvet & Kilynn King VS Vertvixen, Ashley Vox & Delmi Exo; Swole, Velvet & King win.
  • Michael Nakazawa VS Mike Magnum; Nakazawa wins.
  • Miro & Kip Sabian w/ Penelope Ford VS Baron Black & John Skyler; Miro & Kip win.
  • Max Caster w/ Anthony Bowen VS Alex Reynolds w/ the Dark Order; Caster wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

The Butcher & The Blade w/ The Hardy Family Office VS Milk Chocolate!

There’s not even time for teams to sort out, Butcher and Blade just jump Randy Summers and Brandon Watts! Butcher stomps Summers in the ring while Blade kicks Watts out. Butcher CHOPS Summers, then whips him corner to corner. Summers elbows back, throws forearms, then dodges Butcher’s forearms to ROCK him! Butcher deflects the drop kick, to then back suplex SLAM him down! Butcher hauls Summers up, scoops, tags Blade, and they combine for a lawn dart KICK! Bunny, Hardy and Private Party are loving this as Blade sends Summers to the corner. Watts tags in, but runs into a kick! Blade fires off haymakers and CHOPS, then stomps away!

The ref counts, Blade lets off, and he drags Watts up to CHOP him! Blade whips Watts corner to corner, Watts goes up and over to CHOP back! Watts whips, Blade reverses but Watts goes up and over to CHOP again! Fans rally for Watts but Private Party distracts! Watts goes up and over but Hardy drags him down to SLAM him onto the timekeeper’s table! Hardy fakes like HE is the one attacked, and the HFO play along. Summers checks on Watts, Butcher CLOBBERS him and drags Watts back to the ring. Blade chokes Watts on ropes, the ref counts and Blade lets off. Isiah Kassidy gets his shots in! Butcher tags in, digs his knee into Watts, but lets off as the ref counts.

Butcher drags Watts up, bumps him hard off buckles, then drags him back up. Butcher CHOPS Watts off his feet! Butcher drags Watts up, tags in Blade, and they double headbutt him down! Blade taunts Watts, drags him up and snapmares him to a neck wrench. Blade drives an elbow into Watts’ head, stomps him down, but Watts fights back. Blade rakes Watts’ eyes! Tag to Butcher, and Butcher DECKS Watts with a right. Butcher chokes Watts on ropes, Bunny Allie laughs at Watts again, but Watts hits a jawbreaker! Watts kicks a leg out, hits a mule kick, then tags in Summers! Butcher tags Blade but Summers fires off on Blade!

The ref has to back him down, but he comes back to ROCK Blade, go corner to corner and UPPERCUT! Summers keeps moving, he ducks to mule kick and FISHERMAN NECKBREAKER! Fans fire up, Summers tags Watts and then DECKS Butcher! Milk Chocolate coordinates, but Blade fights the double suplex to swing, into a ROLLING ELBOW, BOOT, front kick and ENZIGURI! Allie distracts, Butcher gets back in and Butcher CLOBBERS Milk Chocolate! Summers is thrown out, Blade gets Watts up, DRAG THE LAKE!! Cover, HFO wins!

Winners: The Butcher & The Blade, by pinfall

Milk Chocolate melted and now the HFO is getting that winner’s check! Now that we’re past the first quarter, will Big Money Matt and his clients be flush with cash?

 

Jazmin Allure VS Madi Wrenkowski!

On this week’s Dark: Elevation, Allure was alongside Tesha Price and lost to the AEW Women’s World Champion and the current #1 contender! Will she face reality that she’s just not there yet? Or will she show Madi otherwise?

Leva Bates is on commentary, as one: she’s excited to watch women’s wrestling growing in AEW, and two: she did team with Madi once and it didn’t really go well. Will the Librarian secretly be rooting one way or another?

The bell rings and Allure rushes and dropkicks Madi! Allure fires off forearms, stomps her in the corner, then brings Madi out. Madi shoves Allure, arm-drags her around, then clamps onto the arm. Allure endures, fans rally, and Leva runs down Madi’s outfit with the one leg tights. Allure arm-drags Madi but Madi drags her back to the armlock. Madi cranks the arm, Allure fights up and throws knees then CLUBS Madi on the back. Allure snapmares then KICKS Madi in the arm! Allure runs and basement dropkicks! Fans fire up, Allure drags Madi up and whips. Madi reverses and elbows Allure down! Madi brings Allure up, whips her, and back drops her high and hard!

Allure scrambles out to avoid the cover but Madi pursues. Madi lurks, runs in and CLOBBERS Allure! Madi puts Allure in the ring, brings her back up, but Allure jawbreakers! Madi staggers, Allure clubs her at the ropes, then stomps her down. Allure throws her armband at Madi then stomps her more! Allure snapmares Madi, rains down rights, but the ref counts. Allure lets off then drops an elbow! Cover, TWO! Allure grows frustrated with Madi already, lets out a squeal, and drags Madi up. Madi reverses the whip then follows, but Allure is ready with a clothesline! Cover, TWO! Allure drags Madi up, whips her but Madi holds ropes to kick back!

Madi CLOBBERS Allure again, then dropkicks her down! Allure flounders, Madi runs at the corner to fire off forearms! Madi runs in for another forearm smash, then scoops for a SPINNING SIDEWALK SLAM! Madi runs to SCISSOR KICK! Cover, Madi wins!

Winner: Madi Wrenkowski, by pinfall

Leva lets us know Madi calls that the Reality Check, and Allure just cashed it. Will Madi be checking off a top 5 spot with that in the near future?

 

Chaos Project VS Dean Alexander & Justin Law!

Luther & Serpentico have been up and down, but they’ll never stop trying! Will the Original Death Dealer and SNAKEMAN get back up against The Sensation and The Law?

Taking a cue from the HFO, Luther doesn’t let his opponents sort out, he makes Serpentico TOPE SUICIDA out onto Alexander! Law realizes what happened and Luther rushes him at the apron! Law shoulders in and slingshots over but Luther CLOBBERS him! Luther kicks Law to a corner, runs in and clotheslines then stomps him down! The ref counts, Luther lets off to then knee low. Tag to Serpentico, he jumps in and they mug Law. Serpentico throws elbows, bumps Law off buckles, stomps him and whips him corner to corner. Law goes up and over, hip tosses Serpentico then arm-drags him! Serpentico staggers into a scoop and SLAM! Cover, TWO, right before Luther runs in and elbow drops Serpentico!

Law dropkicks Luther out of the ring! Law throws hands on Serpentico, CHOPS him, then throws more hands. The ref counts, Law whips corner to corner but Serpentico slips out to avoid the corner clothesline. Law DECKS Serpentico but Luther drags him out to throw him into railing! Luther gets away and Serpentico stomps Law down. Serpentico puts Law in, drags him up, and bumps him off buckles. Tag to Luther and he KICKS Law, then reels him in for a clothesline! Luther calls his shot and brings Law up, LUTHER BOMB! Luther DECKS Alexander for good measure, then stomps Law. Luther scoops Law to SLAM him, tag to Serpentico for the slingshot stomps!

Serpentico digs his boots in, lets off to bring Law up, and hits a jawbreaker! Serpentico RAMS Law into the corner, tags Luther in, and Luther uses Serpentico as a weapon again for the human battering ram! Luther KNEES Law to the BUTTERFLY SUPLEX! Cover, TWO! Luther argues the count but it was fair. Luther drags Law up, tags Serpentico, and Serpentico goes up. Luther scoop SLAMS Law, then ROCKET LAUNCHES Serpentico, only for him to FLOP as Law evades! Law gets up, dodges, hot tag to Alexander! Alexander rallies on Chaos Project, uppercuts Luther then back drops Serpentico! Luther swings but misses and Alexander dropkicks him out!

Serpentico rules over to mule kick and whip, but Alexander reverses. Serpentico wheelbarrows but Alexander makes it a half nelson SLAM! Cover, Luther dropkicks it apart! Luther gets out to tag back in, and he runs to DECK Law! Luther swings a heel kick but misses, Alexander fires off haymakers! Alexander whips, Luther reverses and BOOTS him down! Luther drags Alexander up, tags Serpentico back in, and Chaos Project combines for the CREEPING DEATH! Cover, Chaos Project wins!

Winners: Chaos Project, by pinfall

And Chaos Project is back up! Will they stay up and prove themselves a top 5 tag team in AEW?

 

Sonny Kiss w/ Joey Janela VS Angelico w/ Jack Evans!

The Bad Boy won on Elevation, now the Concrete Rose looks to keep pace! Will Kiss add to The Hybrid2’s woes by beating the South African Submission Specialist?

The bell rings and Kiss circles with Angelico as fans rally up. The two tie up, Angelico gets the arm and wrenches to a wristlock. Kiss rolls, handsprings and handsprings again to wrench and wristlock back! Kiss hammerlocks but Angelico reaches back to get up. Angelico slips through to hammerlock back, then headlock. Kiss endures but Angelico shifts to an arm and wrenches to another wristlock. Angelico kicks Kiss before he can handspring, but Kiss spins and wrenches the wristlock back onto Angelico. Angelico spins, shoots in, has a standing armbar, but Kiss trips him! Kiss wants a kneebar but Angelico gets the ropebreak!

Kiss lets off and fans cheer as Kiss shows Angelico his own technical prowess. Fans rally, the two circle again and they feel out the grapple. Angelico traps both of Kiss’ arms to then get a modified straitjacket clutch! Kiss endures, Angelico headlocks, but Kiss tries to power up. Angelico resists, Kiss shifts to a waistlock, but Angelico switches out. Angelico half nelsons and spins Kiss just to kick him low! Evans mocks Kiss’ pain but Janela tells him to shut up. Angelico whips, then follows, but Kiss arm-drags! Kiss spins through to split leg arm-drag! Kiss goes Matrix to avoid Angelico’s counter attack, and then reaches back to headscissor Angelico down! Fans fire up as Kiss kips up!

Angelico flounders, Evans checks on him but the ref tells him to get away. Kiss runs in, Angelico drop toeholds him into ropes! The ref reprimands and Angelico distracts him so Evans can get a cheap shot! Janela storms over and chases Evans off but the damage is done! Angelico stomps Kiss, drags him around and hooks up the leg to NAPALM DEATH! Kiss endures as Angelico twists one leg and pushes the other. Kiss fights free but Angelico STOMPS Kiss down! Fans boo as Angelico takes a second to check his jaw. Angelico drags Kiss up, but Kiss throws body shots! Kiss ROCKS him with a forearm, then handsprings, but Angelico blocks the heel kick to get a STANDING CRAB!?

Kiss endures, doing his best to stay up, but Angelico throws him down to PENALTY KICK him in the face! Cover, TWO! Angelico keeps cool, drags Kiss back up and wrenches to reel Kiss in. Back suplex but Kiss lands on his feet to RANA Angelico, then dropsault! Angelico goes to a corner, Kiss handsprings in to back body block and BULLDOG! Cover, TWO! Kiss is shocked but Janela and the fans rally up. Kiss fireman’s carries but Angelico fights free and shoves. Kiss ducks the boot to back kick and run, but Angelico trips up the springboard! Kiss does the splits but Angelico STOMPS the leg!

Angelico gets the legs hooked up, NAVARRO DEATH ROLL! And NAVARRO DOS MIL!! Kiss endures, clubs at Angelico, but Angelico stomps away! Kiss taps, Angelico wins!

Winner: Angelico, by submission

TH2 goes 1-1 in the Dark, as does Jersey’s Finest. Will Angelico & Evans move up while Janela & Kiss sink down in the rankings?

 

Max Caster speaks.

“This is Platinum Max Caster, one half of The Acclaimed, the best wrestler alive, but tonight I’m going up against Alex Reynolds of the Dark Order.” Caster wants to take Reynolds back in time, when Caster beat Preston “Number 10” Vance like that, as he snaps his fingers. Everyone says Vance is so big and strong, but Caster is the same size as him! Reynolds is dealing with a heavyweight, so Caster knows he’s scared. Caster knows Reynolds will have back-up from the Dark Order. If it’s Vance, Caster beat him. If it’s Alan Angels, EVERYONE beats him! Hangman Page? Caster could beat Hangman with one hand tied behind his back. And it’d be the good hand, his right.

Caster promises that Reynold’s “nice little face” and his nice little win-loss record is going up against Caster’s “impeccable” record. And y’know what? Caster will have extra help, too! Anthony Bowens is getting better and will be back in Caster’s corner. Caster is going to make a mark, and Reynolds will learn why everyone loves The Acclaimed. And that is a mic drop!

 

Six Man Tag: Evil Uno, Stu Grayson & Colt Cabana w/ The Dark Order VS Vary Morales, Bill Collier & D3!

Once again, the Dark Order OG and BOOM BOOM combine forces! Will they keep rolling against this new combination before them?

The trios sort out and Uno starts with D3 while Cabana does his best Negative One on the stage. Uno and D3 tie up, Uno puts the Prince of Rom in the corner, but the ref counts. Uno lets off, D3 shoves Uno but Uno CHOPS him off his feet! Uno watches D3 stagger up and they circle again. D3 and Uno feel out the grapple, knuckle lock and have a test of strength. Uno is of course the bigger, stronger man but D3 rolls to wrench the knuckles! D3 laughs but Uno trips him up! Uno pushes the shoulders down, ONE as D3 gets an arm up. Uno pushes it down, ONE as D3 bridges up. D3 gets his legs through to headscissor but Uno pushes that away to flip D3 and drag him up.

D3 uses that to get a headlock, but Uno powers out. D3 rams Uno but Uno rebounds to run him over! Uno brushes off a shoulder and runs but D3 hurdles, into an ATOMIC DROP! Cover, TWO! Uno stomps the hands, hooks the arm, La Magistrol! TWO, but D3 avoids the stomps! Uno shows chop, D3 guards, but Uno waits. D3 lets his guard down, and Uno pokes him in the eye! Fans cheer but the ref reprimands and Uno apologizes profusely. D3 staggers about blindly, Uno is forgiven and he brings D3 around. D3 dropkicks Uno to tag in Collier! Collier is a big man so Uno stays back a second. Fans rally up, Uno and Collier tie up! Collier headlocks, grinds Uno, but Uno powers out.

Collier runs Uno over! Cabana gets in to get in Collier’s face but Uno tags Stu. Stu has Cabana stand down, and now Stu gets in Collier’s face! Collier shoves Stu, Stu CHOPS him! Collier CHOPS back, Stu CHOPS, it’s a CHOP fight! Collier kicks low, throws a BIG haymaker, and then a BIG uppercut! Collier whips corner to corner, run sin but Stu boots him! Stu goes up, leaps, but the tornado DDT is blocked to a suplex! Collier holds Stu up for 5 then SLAMS him down! Collier brings Stu up to headbutt, and then whip to ropes. Stu reverses, Collier kicks but into a RANA! Stu runs, dodges, springboards and FLYING UPPERCUTS! Vary tags in and waistlocks but Stu elbows him!

Stu RAMS Vary into the Dark Order corner, tag to Cabana! Stu rolls Vary for Cabana but Cabana is a bit confused. Vary and Cabana tie up. Cabana hammerlocks but Vary throws elbows. Vary goes up but the flying mare stalls for a count of 5! Things speed up, Vary hurdles, Cabana cartwheels, Vary springboards to RANA! Cabana is dizzy, Vary runs in but his rana is turned into an Electric Chair SNAKE EYES! Tag to Uno, Uno suplexes Vary, then stands on his head. Tag to Stu for the running frog splash! Stu bumps Vary off buckles, tags Uno then Uno tags Cabana. Stu whips Uno in to body block Vary, then Uno feeds Vary to Cabana’s scoop and SLAM!

Cabana says he’s okay, and runs corner to corner. Vary dodges the Flying Apple to tag in Collier! Collier bumps Cabana off buckles, throws hands but Cabana throws them and CHOPS in return! Collier RAMS Cabana back into the corner, D3 tags in and runs but into DOUBLE CHOPS! Vary tags in, D3 kicks Cabana then whips Vary for a FLYING BRONCO BUSTER! Vary keeps moving but he runs into a FLYING APPLE! Cabana scowls as he hobbles and tags Stu. Vary tags Collier but Stu rallies on them both! Stu gives Vary an OVERHEAD Belly2Belly! Collier storms over but into kicks and CHOPS and a HAYMAKER! Stu hits a HUGE URENAGE!

Collier staggers up into the torture rack, but he fights free! Collier shoves Stu, Uno tags in and Stu kicks. Collier tries to suplex but Uno saves him. Stu suplexes Collier, Uno helps hold him up, then they hit the ASSISTED COMPLETE SHOT! Vary runs in, is popped up then tossed for a BOMB! D3 runs in. Stu dodges and Uno ROCKS him! Stu PELES D3, Uno tags Cabana, and the Dark Order combines for the assisted CHICAGO SKYLINE!! Cover, the Dark Order wins!

Winners: The Dark Order, by pinfall

A strong victory from a strong combination! Will Cabana, Uno and Stu become major players in the AEW rankings soon enough?

 

Jurassic Express VS Adam Priest & KC Navarro!

Jungle Boy won big on Elevation, now it’s up to Luchasaurus and Mark Stunt to keep things rolling! Will the wrestling dinosaur and Fun Size be strong against the boy from Battleground and the #TrulyBlessed?

The teams sort out and Stunt starts against KC. KC brags that usually he’s the “small guy” in a match, but against Stunt, he’s looking huge! Stunt stomps KC’s feet and KC drops to his knees! Stunt says HE’s the big guy now! KC shoves Stunt, Stunt runs and slide sunder to arm-drag KC, then he springboards to SPLASH! KC runs, Stunt dodges and ENZIGURIS! Priest tags in, Stunt tilit-o0w-hrils him for a headscissor! Stunt runs into the corner, Priest dodges but Stunt dodges, too! Stunt goes up for a flying elbow to Priest’s back! Cover, TWO! Priest steadies himself but Stunt is after him. Priest knees low, and TOSSES Stunt to the corner!

Tag to KC, he and Priest bring Stunt up for a double back suplex, but Stunt lands out of it! Tag to Luchasaurus and the BIGGEST man in the match is here. KC runs into a choke grip, as does Priest! DOUBLE CHOKE SLAMS!! Double covers, Jurassic Express wins!

Winners: Jurassic Express, by pinfall

Now THAT was big! Jungle Boy makes sure KC and Priest are still breathing, which they are. Will Jurassic Express be bigger than life as they head after the AEW Tag Team Championships and beyond?

 

Diamante VS Vipress!

Diamante called out Thunder Rosa on Elevation, and now looks to show what’s in store for the former NWA Women’s World Champion! Will Vipress wish someone else drew the Cuban Diamond?

The bell rings and Diamante talks some trash on Vipress. Vipress gives it back and they go forehead to forehead. Diamante throws elbows and forearms, but Vipress gives them back. Diamante knees low, whips but Vipress reverses and follows. Vipress gets under to NORTHERN LIGHTS! Bridging cover, TWO! Vipress smirks but Diamante talks more smack as they circle. Diamante gets around to club away but Vipress trips her up! Vipress stomps, then digs her boot into Diamante’s face! The ref counts, Vipress lets off and brings Diamante up to double whip. Diamante goes up, Vipress denies the headscissors but gets a MULE KICK for it!

Diamante SHOTGUNS Vipress to the other corner, then adds a basement dropkick! Cover, TWO! Diamante is annoyed with Vipress but she still talks trash. Vipress throws Diamante out! Vipress takes her time following after, and kicks, only for Diamante to trip her up hard! Diamante drags Vipress back up to throw into railing! Diamante puts Vipress back in, covers, TWO! Diamante keeps focus as she pushes Vipress around then throws forearms. Fans rally up, Diamante runs to wheelbarrow but Vipress denies the next step. Diamante elbows, Vipress ducks one but not the COMEBACK DISCUS!

Diamante then throws short-arm lariats, and gets her for a straitjacket ARMBAR!! Vipress taps, Diamante wins!

Winner: Diamante, by submission

Diamante shows her versatility, will she use her entire arsenal to take Thunder Rosa down?

 

Six Man Tag: Team Taz VS Jake St. Patrick, Sage Scott & Chandler Hopkins!

Taz himself says everything is fine in the group, despite the (good) things Brian Cage has said about Sting. Will the Machine, Absolute and Powerhouse make their mark as a trio?

The trios sort out, Starks starts against JSP. JSP and Starks circle slowly, tie up, and JSP gets an arm. Starks fights but JSP wrenches to wristlock. Starks pulls hair to get a headlock and grinds JSP down. JSP spins out to then wrench and wristlock back. Starks throws a forearm to ROCK JSP, then he whips JSP to ropes. JSP dodges, RANAS, and dropkicks Starks to the ropes! JSP hurries to wrench, cording hold, and then gets Starks to the corner. Scott tags in., wrenches to an elbow breaker, but Starks again grabs hair. Starks brings Scott over and tags Hobbs, despite Cage reaching out. Hobbs mugs Scott, looms over him, and Starks claims he couldn’t see Cage’s hand.

Hobbs kicks Scott around, whips him hard into a corner, and then grins as he asks, “That hurt, huh?” Hobbs drags Scott up, whips him corner to corner the other way and just as hard! Hobbs scoops, holds Scott up with the one arm, and then RAMS him into buckles! Scott is put in the Tree of Woe, Hobbs taunts him then brings him up to CLUB him out of the Tree! Hobbs chuckles as Scott writhes. Hobbs drags Scott up, fans rally and Scott hits a jawbreaker! Hobbs keeps Scott away from his corner but the ENZIGURI frees him! Hot tag to Hopkins, who fires off with strikes! Hopkins runs but gets CLOBBERED by Hobbs! The Powerhouse is having fun as he looms over Hopkins.

Hopkins is understandably dizzy as Hobbs throws him out hard! Hobbs keeps the ref distracted, Hook gets his shots in! GUT WRENCH SUPLEX! Hook feeds Hopkins back in, Hobbs drags Hopkins to a cover, but JSP breaks it! That just angers Hobbs, and he TOSSES JSP out of the ring! Hobbs hauls Hopkins over, but Starks intercepts the tag! Even Hobbs is surprised by that, but Starks fire off on Hopkins. Starks reels Hopkins in, strikes his pose, and brings Hopkins up, but Cage tags in before the ROSHAMBEAUX! Starks didn’t know that, and the ref explains it! Cage brings Hopkins up to top this off with a DRILL CLAW!! Cover, Team Taz wins!

Winners: Team Taz, by pinfall

#WhoBetta? Well, while Hobbs might not see and and Taz himself denies it, there is something brewing between the Absolute and the Machine. Will Team Taz be torn apart over a simple difference of opinion?

 

Six Woman Tag: Big Swole, Red Velvet & Kilynn King VS Vertvixen, Ashley Vox & Delmi Exo!

Swole and Velvet made a winning combination before, so surely adding The King will only make it stronger! But will the Wrestling Gamer and the Sea Stars prove that otherwise?

The trios sort out, Vox starts against King. Vox and King circle, tie up, and King headlocks. King hits a headlock takeover but Vox headscissors. King kips free but Vox stays away. Tag to Exo, King tags to Swole. Swole and Exo circle as fans rally up for Swole. The two tie up, go around, and Swole spins Exo for a cravat to snapmare! And then a basement uppercut to the back! Swole has Exo on ropes, whips but Exo blocks. Swole ROCKS Exo, whips but Exo reverses, only for Swole to run her over! Swole keeps moving, things speed up but Swole turns the drop into a headlock! Exo fights up but Swole whips her to the corner!

Tag to Velvet, she and Swole double whip Exo for a trip up, but Exo fights through, only to get a calf kick! Cover, ONE! Velvet stays on Exo in a corner with body shots! Velvet throws more hands but Exo throws her to fire off forearms! Exo runs in but into a BOOT! Velvet runs to leap but into a catch, for a gut wrench and SLAM! Cover, Vox hits King and Swole, TWO! Velvet survives but Vert is there to throw King into railing! Swole runs Vert off but the Sea Stars isolate Velvet. Tag to Vox, Exo sets Velvet up for an uppercut! Tag back to Exo, and the Sea Stars double whip Velvet. Velvet ducks, tries to shove the sisters into each other, but Velvet switches to full nelson.

Exo runs in but Velvet dodges, Exo CLOBBERS Vox by accident! Velvet then dodges Exo to hot tag King! King spins Exo around to fire off forearms and CHOPS! King whips, Exo dodges and bails out to taunt King. Exo leads King on a chase, Vert is there to CLOBBER King! Vert shouts, “I told you it was over for you!” Exo puts King in and pushes her to a cover, ONE! King took on Aneki, Ryo Mizunami, this is nothing yet. Vert tags in to mug King and fire forearms! King gives them back, they brawl, and King kicks but so does Vert. They both dodge, DOUBLE ROUNDHOUSES take both women down! Fans fire up as both women crawl for their corners, hot tags to Swole and Vox!

Swole dodges Vox, DECKS Exo, then rallies on both Sea Stars with cross chops! Vox dodges the kicks but not the HEADBUTT! Swole runs at Exo, misses in the corner, but she turns Exo’s attack into an URENAGE! Swole sees Vox coming, gets out of the way and ROCKS her! Step-in CUTTER! Cover, TWO!! Vox survives but Swole keeps on her. Swole underhooks, Vert runs in to KNEE Sole down! King and Velvet get in, King DECKS Vert and Velvet brawls with Vox! Vox BOOTS Velvet down, Exo throws King away. The Sea Stars rally up and double DIVE! Down go King and Velvet! Vox fires up, she and Exo throw down hands, but Swole hits them back! It is chaos as Vert DIVES in and bowls them all over!!

Fans are fired up as Vert gets up and roars! Vert rallies her team, the Sea Stars put Swole in. The Sea Stars reel Swole in but Swole fires off forearms and CHOPS! Swole ROCKS Vox, kicks Exo and whips her to a corner. Swole whips Vox in to join her but Exo puts her on the corner. Exo gets Swole for an EXPLODER! Vox climbs up, coordinates with Exo, KNEE-BOARD SENTON onto knees! Swole saves her self, and tags in Velvet! Vert tags in, Velvet dodges her to SCREW HIGH KICK! Exo gets in but Velvet drop toeholds her to ropes! Velvet runs to DOUBLE KNEE Exo down! Vox runs in, King BOOTS her down!

Vert returns, Velvet bobs ‘n’ weaves then King ROUNDHOUSES her! Swole gives Vert some DIRTY DANCING, and Velvet hits the HEEL KICK! Cover off “The Chef’s Kiss,” Velvet and team win!!

Winners: Big Swole, Red Velvet & KiLynn King, by pinfall

Adding an extra ingredient DID make this combination stronger! They do a Big Swole, Stir It Up macarena, but then JADE CARGILL shows up! The Storm wants after Velvet and so does Velvet with the Storm! Referees, Swole and King keep these two apart, but it is only a matter of time! What happens when Jade and Velvet throw down 1v1?

 

Michael Nakazawa VS Mike Magnum!

Kenny Omega’s best friend, personal assistant and who knows what else, is doing this for himself! But will the Turkish Oil Master not be able to give #YourHero the slip?

Wait, Nakazawa’s changing up his name to be “MT Nakazawa,” and he isn’t even dressed in his tights! He’s in his khakis and polo! Does that mean he’s cleaning up his act? The bell rings and Nakazawa circles with Magnum. Nakazawa is getting notes from someone over his headset. Is it Omega? Callis? Nakazawa explains his match has started, he has to call them back. Nakazawa and Magnum circle, but then Nakazawa moves away to talk to whoever again. Magnum turns Nakazawa around to CHOP and CHOP! Nakazawa uses the purple nurple!! Nakazawa headlocks, Magnum powers out but Nakazawa dodges, until the THESZ PRESS!

Nakazawa powers it up to a sunset flip! TWO, and Magnum snapmares Nakazawa around, then cravat KNEE SMASHES! Cover, ONE!! Magnum grows annoyed, Nakazawa gets the headset and lanyard off, but Magnum climbs up. Nakazawa intercepts with a trip up! Magnum lands on his paintbrush, and Nakazawa gives him the HENTAI SLIDE! Nakazawa runs for a RUNNING ELBOW! cover, TWO! Nakazawa checks his headset, then uses the lanyard to CHOKE Magnum! The ref reprimands, Nakazawa lets go but they have to untangle the cords. The ref takes all the stuff off Nakazawa, and Magnum kicks low to SPIKE DDT!

Magnum has his paintbrush, wants to whip but Nakazawa holds ropes. Magnum kicks low, and again, then whips. Nakazawa reverses, Magnum goes up and over and then hits a NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Nakazawa narrowly escapes and Magnum grows frustrated. Magnum stalks up behind Nakazawa, brings him up and fireman’s carries, but Nakazawa grabs ropes! The ref counts, Nakazawa lets go but slips off to grab at the ref. The ref is a shield, Nakazawa gets his laptop and SMACKS Magnum! Fans boo as Nakazawa hobbles and drags Magnum up to scoop and hits a… Uh, Tiger Driver 69? Cover, Nakazawa wins!

Winner: Michael Nakazawa, by pinfall

Kenny Omega’s assistant wins, will he prove himself worthy of both the Kenny Omega AND AEW Top 5 some day?

 

Miro & Kip Sabian w/ Penelope Ford VS Baron Black & John Skyler!

Team SuperBest prepares for Arcade Anarchy against the Kentucky Gentleman and Freshly Squeezed by taking on the EmpBRUH and the Southern Savior! But will this little bit of level grinding be enough to prepare for such a unique challenge on Dynamite?

The teams sort out and Miro gets in Baron’s face. Miro tells Baron to just back out now before it gets worse. Baron refuses so Miro fires off forearms! Miro throws Baron into railing, then more railing! Miro shouts this is a waste of his time, and he TOSSES Baron into the front row of wrestlers ringside! Miro then chases Skyler into th ering but Skyler hits back! The bell rings, Miro shoves Skyler but Skyler gets up to headbutt and uppercut! Skyler knees Miro, Miro CLOBBERS Skyler! Miro drags Skyler for elbow drops over and over! Miro drags Skyler up and ROCKS him with a forearm! Kip just takes a break to talk with Penelope while Miro ROCKS Skyler again.

Miro DECKS Skyler with that third shot! Fans boo but Miro soaks it up with a big smile on his face. Miro does a very Kurt Angle-esque spin around, but he runs into Skyler’s boot! Miro blocks the next boot, Skyler elbows him away and hops up for a FLYING UPPERCUT! Miro doesn’t fall so Skyler fires off forearms and CHOPS! Miro just gets mad and whips Skyler to the apron. Miro hauls Skyler up but Skyler hotshots Miro! Miro just frowns, but Skyler KICKS him away! Skyler springboards, dodges Miro, then goes up again. Miro yanks Skyler off for THE BEST SAIDO! Skyler staggers about, into THE BEST KICK!

Miro grins as he shouts, “Oh, Charles~!” He wants Chuck to watch as it is GAME OVER for Skyler! Stomp and yes, Game Over DEEP CAMEL CLUTCH!! Skyler taps, Miro and Kip win!

Winners: Miro & Kip Sabian, by submission

Okay, it’s just Miro who won this. And he makes Skyler suffer just a little longer to send a message to Chuck & Cassidy. Miro doesn’t like wasting time, and he vows not just to deal with Chuck & Cassidy quickly, but that he will rip out and eat their guts! Will Miro prove to be the final boss and end this game with the Best Friends?

 

Max Caster w/ Anthony Bowen VS Alex Reynolds w/ the Dark Order!

The 5 Tool Player is back, and that means The Acclaimed has truly arrived! And of course, Platinum Max has a diss on deck for Number 3! “Platinum Max, I’m fighting Alex Reynolds. He walk around like he a handsome devil. That fake ass wig, no, it didn’t fool me. He’s got more bald spots than QT! I’m bringing The Acclaimed to you. You weren’t my trainer but I’m ’bout to run a train on you! I beat your whole crew up, even Hangman. Your fake tan’s way faker than… Man I hate you! Don’t look at me like that!” Reynolds is getting on Caster’s nerves just from that, will he really get under Caster’s skin after the bell?

Speaking of, the bell rings and Reynolds circles with Caster. They tie up, are in a deadlock, but Caster pushes only for Reynolds to get a waistlock. Caster switches and throws Reynolds down by his hair! Fans boo, Caster taunts Reynolds but then hurries out to the apron as Reynolds storms over. Caster regroups with Bowens and Caster tells John Silver to stay back. Reynolds patiently waits and Caster gets back in. They circle, tie up, Reynolds wrenches an arm and wristlocks but Caster spins through to headlock. Reynolds powers out but Caster pulls hair! Caster wrenches but Reynolds returns the favor and uses hair to throw Caster down!

Caster gets bad but Reynolds fires counter punches and EuroUppers! Reynolds wrenches, whips but Caster reverses. Reynolds holds ropes, drop toeholds Caster into them, then goes out for the Drive-By Dropkick! Fans fire up as Reynolds climbs a corner to leap and CROSSBODY! Reynolds bounces off the cover and clutches his arm, Caster goes for it but Reynolds pushes him away. The ref checks with Reynolds, he says it’s alright, and he elbows Caster away to then run and run Caster over! Reynolds holds the bad arm, it is really bothering him. Caster hammerlocks that arm to RAM Reynolds into buckles! Caster goes after the arm to knee it in the elbow, then stomp it down!

Caster gets the arm, brings Reynolds up, CLUBS the bad arm, but Reynolds fires forearms! Caster ROCKS Reynolds, top wristlocks for the SLAM! Cover, TWO! Reynolds grits his teeth and clutches his arm but Caster stalks him to a corner. Reynolds DECKS Caster with a right! Reynolds brings Caster up but Caster gets a leg to a takedown and roll. Caster gets the bad arm to dig his knee into it. Caster hammerlocks the arm and adds a chinlock for a modified camel clutch. Fans rally, Reynolds fights up, and Reynolds throws body shots. Reynolds ROCKS Caster again, whips but Caster reverses. Reynolds holds ropes to kick back! Reynolds throws more big forearms, then CLOBBERS Caster!

Fans rally, Reynolds swings but Caster uses Reynolds’ hair for a HEADSHOT! Caster gets the arms for SHANKLY GATES! Reynolds endures the wristlock camel clutch and gets the ROPEBREAK! Fans fire up as Caster lets go at 4, then stands on Reynolds’ head. The ref counts again, Caster stops at 4, and then catches his breath as he drags Reynolds up. Fans rally, Caster turns Reynolds with his hair, and does it again. Caster keeps wrenching the hair but Reynolds throws body shots and haymakers! Reynolds fires off forearms but Caster wrings the bad arm! Reynolds rolls and BOOTS him away! Reynolds LARIATS, then whips but Caster reverses.

Caster misses, Reynolds goes side to side to elbow! Reynolds keeps going, LEAPING BACK ELBOW! And then a dropkick! Reynolds handsprings and fans fire up with him as Caster staggers up. Reynolds spins Caster to ROCK him, then CRAVAT PLEX! Cover, TWO! Caster survives and Reynolds grows frustrated. Reynolds drags Caster up, reels him in, and tries to fisherman but the bad arm makes that hard. Caster WRINGS Reynolds out this time to then STOMP the bad arm! Caster drags Reynolds back into Shankly Gates but Reynolds flips him to ghost pin! TWO!! Caster swings, Reynolds ducks to waistlock and O’Conner Roll, TWO!

Caster slips under the roll, blocks the school boy and sits on Reynolds, TWO! Reynolds sunsets, ONE, but Caster runs into a pop-up KNEE! Fans are thunderous as Reynolds hurries to cover, but Bowens helps Caster get the ropebreak! Silver storms over to back Bowens down, but Reynolds puts Caster in the drop zone. Reynolds climbs, MOONSAULTS, but FLOPS as Caster moves! Caster gets the 5 Tool Boombox and Bowens distracts the ref! Reynolds ducks the cheap shot, Silver takes the boombox away, but Caster sends Reynolds at Silver! The Beaver Boys avoid the collision, Bowens tosses Caster his chain! It ain’t brass, it’s a PLATINUM KNUCKLE!!

Reynolds is down, Caster goes up top, for the MIC DROP!! Cover, Caster wins!!

Winner: Max Caster, by pinfall

Silver chases Platinum Max off after all that cheating, but The Acclaimed are still going to the winner’s circle. Will Number 4 look to avenge Number 3? Or will he just end up part of a remix on tonight?


My Thoughts:

A very good episode that kept it to a manageable dozen matches and just over 90 minutes. Some of these matches felt like they should’ve been on Elevation given star power and competitive nature, but I guess they’d be gutting Dark that way. Keeping the balance between the two supplemental AEW shows is the key to keeping fans interested. That said, the Six Woman Tag, the Six Man with Team Taz, and the main event of Caster VS Reynolds were all really good stuff that helps with both story and building up the various midcards.

Vox & Exo, aka Sea Stars, would make a great addition to the unofficial AEW Women’s Tag Team Division. Those medals Diamante & Ivelisse have need to be traded in for belts and then those get defended on all sorts of AEW programming. The dysfunction in Team Taz was a good element to their match, but I do like that the only one who has a problem with Cage is Starks, as he was the only one refusing to let him into the match. If it comes down to less Cage VS Team Taz, more Cage VS Starks, winner stays in Team Taz, that’d be a much better take on this. AEW likes being unique, this would be how to do it. And put the FTW Championship on the line for a little extra.

Caster had a good promo on Reynolds and by extension the entire Dark Order. Caster mentioning Hangman hopefully leads to Caster VS Hangman, because I want to hear Caster’s rap promos on him. Caster VS Reynolds was very good, probably one of Reynolds’ best singles matches in AEW. If Bowens is back on the mend, I’m hoping we get The Acclaimed VS Beaver Boys at some point, too. That is an Elevation main event, maybe even a strong Dynamite opener right there.

My Score: 8.2/10


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AEW Coverage

Mitchell’s AEW Dynamite Results & Report! (5/22/24)

Roll the dice!

Published

on

It’s a risky gamble before Double or Nothing!

Double or Nothing is on Sunday, so Dynamite sets the table! Will AEW World Champion Swerve Strickland use Nick Wayne to send a message to Christian Cage?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Will Ospreay & Orange Cassidy VS Trent Beretta & Roderick Strong w/ The Undisputed Kingdom; Trent & Roddy win.
  • FTW Championship #1 Contender’s Triple Threat: Hook VS Katsuyori Shibata VS Bryan Keith; Hook AND Shibata win and will both challenge Chris Jericho for the title at Double or Nothing.
  • Konosuke Takeshita w/ Don Callis VS Matt Sydal; Takeshita wins.
  • Swerve Strickland VS Nick Wayne; Swerve wins.
  • Malakai Black VS Kyle O’Reilly; Malakai wins.
  • Toni Storm & Mariah May w/ Luther VS The Outcasts w/ Zak Knight; Storm & Mariah win.
  • Bryan Danielson VS Satnam Singh w/ Team Triple J; Bryan wins, by disqualification.

PLAY BY PLAY

Will Ospreay & Orange Cassidy VS Trent Beretta & Roderick Strong w/ The Undisputed Kingdom!

Don Callis is on commentary as “both his guys” are teaming up as an unlikely duo against another unlikely duo! Will the Aerial Assassin get help from the former International Champion in gaining momentum for his match with the current International Champion? Or will it be #JustTrent and the Savior of the Backbreaker standing tall tonight?

The teams sort out and Ospreay starts against Roddy, but then Cassidy and Trent rush each other on the outside! Ospreay sees that and is distracted, so Roddy CLUBS Ospreay! The fans fire up as there is brawling in and out of the ring! Roddy ROCKS Ospreay, CLUBS him, then whips. Ospreay ducks ‘n’ dodges to tilt-o-whirl RANA! Then Ospreay PLANCHAS Trent! Cassidy goes up to CROSSBODY Roddy! Cassidy then DIVES onto Trent and they hit the desk! PIP PIP CHEERIO for Roddy! Cover, TWO! Ospreay keeps on Roddy but Roddy fights the underhooks! Bennett gets on the apron, Taven throws in a belt, but Ospreay kicks that belt back out.

The ref reprimands The Kingdom but Roddy clinches to an IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKER! Roddy tags in Trent and Trent storms up on Ospreay. Trent drags Ospreay up, CHOPS him, then stalks him to a corner. Trent stomps Ospreay, brings him up to ROCK him, but Ospreay ROCKS Trent back! Ospreay fires more forearms, then runs, but Trent CLOBBERS him! Trent tags Roddy, Roddy pushes Ospreay down and rains down fists! Roddy stomps Ospreay, drags him up, but the fans rally up. Roddy stomps Ospreay, fires body shots and a CHOP, then keeps on him with a clinch, Ospreay ROCKS Roddy in return!

Ospreay fires more shots but Roddy DROPKICKS! Cover, ONE!! Roddy clamps onto Ospreay with a chinlock and he grinds Ospreay down. Ospreay endures, the fans rally, and Ospreay fights up. Ospreay throws body shots then ROCKS Roddy! Roddy knees low, fireman’s carries, but Ospreay slips free to shove and back drop! The fans fire up while Roddy flounders around! Both men crawl, hot tag to Cassidy! Cassidy goes up, Roddy gets under the jump, but Cassidy just BLASTS Trent! Cassidy runs, tilt-o-whirl, but Roddy stops the DD! Roddy sends Cassidy to the corner, but Cassidy goes up and out!

Roddy runs in but Cassidy bumps him off buckles! Then he goes side to side to bump Roddy off more buckles! And then back the other way! The fans fire up, Cassidy climbs, but Trent YANKS Cassidy down! Cassidy is stuck up top, Roddy goes up after him! GUTBUSTER on the top buckle! Then Trent drags Cassidy from the corner! The fans boo as Trent hauls Cassidy up, but Ospreay makes the save! Ospreay sends Trent into barriers! Roddy WRECKS Ospreay with a dropkick! Then he gives Cassidy an APRON BACK SUPLEX, and Trent SPEARS Cassidy down! The fans boo as Trent & Roddy stand tall, but Dynamite goes picture in picture.

Trent flexes, Roddy drags Cassidy up, and Roddy ROCKS Cassidy. Roddy puts Cassidy in, stomps up and stomps on him in a corner, then brings him over to bump off buckles. Tag to Trent, but Cassidy fires off forearms! Trent knees low, Cassidy sits down, and Trent stomps him at the ropes. The ref counts, Trent lets off at 4, and The Kingdom taunts Cassidy. Trent gets Cassidy’s legs to ROPE GUILLOTINE! Cassidy sputters and falls out of the ring, The Kingdom taunting him. Trent distracts the ref and The Kingdom stomps away on Cassidy! Roddy then drags Cassidy up to put him in the ring. Trent covers, TWO!

Trent is annoyed but he drags Cassidy up to tag in Roddy. They mug Cassidy, Roddy CHOPS Cassidy, then Roddy clamps on with a chinlock. Cassidy fights up but Roddy CHOPS him again! Cassidy grits his teeth, stands up, but Roddy CHOPS him down! Roddy soaks up the heat, then drags Cassidy up to pull on his arms. Cassidy endures the motorcycle stretch, fights up, and he works to put his hands in pockets! Roddy turns him around to CHOP! Dynamite returns to single picture, Cassidy puts his hands up, and then in his pockets! Roddy swings, misses, but he reels Cassidy in. Cassidy rebounds to SHOTGUN!

Cassidy works his way over, kips up, and hot tags to Trent and Ospreay! Ospreay rallies on Trent with haymakers! Ospreay whips, Trent reveres but Ospreay ducks ‘n’ dodges to FLYING FOREARM! Roddy runs back in to knee low! Roddy & Trent double whip, but Ospreay handsprings to DOUBLE PELE! The fans fire up, Ospreay covers Trent, TWO! The fans fire up and Ospreay has Trent in a corner. Ospreay runs in but Trent dodges! TORNADO- NO, Ospreay stops the DDT to suplex. Trent slips free, to HALF ‘N’ HALF! Trent tags Roddy, Roddy runs in to KNEE Ospreay! Then back suplex, but Ospreay sunset flips it! TWO!!

Roddy runs up but into a CHOP! Ospreay runs, into a kitchen sink knee! Roddy goes side to side to forearm again and again and again! Then the atomic SLAM! Cover, TWO! Ospreay is still in this and Roddy is frustrated. The fans rally, Roddy drags Ospreay up, and Roddy reels Ospreay in to suplex. Ospreay slips free, ducks Roddy’s knee, and tucks him in! CHEEKY NANDOS! Tag to Cassidy, and Ospreay Electric Chairs Roddy for the POWERBOMB! Then Ospreay goes up, gives Cassidy a thumbs up, and then hits the LEAP OF FAITH! Cassidy’s turn, he LAZY ELBOWS! Cover, TWO!! Roddy is still in this but Cassidy throws off his elbow pad!

Cassidy aims in a corner, but Trent grabs his foot! Cassidy kicks Trent away, Roddy runs up, but Cassidy BOOTS him! Cassidy goes up, but Roddy GAMANGIRIS! Roddy then goes up after Cassidy, but Cassidy fights the suplex! The fans rally, Ospreay joins in and he knocks Roddy down! Trent gets up to get Ospreay, SUPER GERMAN SUPLEX! But Ospreay lands on his feet! The fans are thunderous, and Ospreay BOOTS Trent into the DEEP IMPACT! Roddy CHOPS Ospreay, ROCKS Cassidy, then KNEES Ospreay. Roddy runs, into the TIGER WALL KICK and ENZIGIRI! Tilt-o-whirl DDT from Cassidy!

Cassidy covers, and Ospreay keeps Trent back, but Trent powers through to break it up! All four men are down and the fans fire up again! Trent rises first, “This is Awesome!” as he rips at a buckle pad. The ref says stop it, and then Cassidy mule kicks Trent! SICK KICK from Roddy! The Kingdom distracts the ref, Callis hops off commentary to anchor Cassidy! Roddy can’t suplex him like that! Roddy gets mad at Callis, Callis hurries away, END OF- STUN DOG MILLIONAIRE! OSCUTTER!! But as the ref checks Roddy, The Kingdom run in! Ospreay dumps them both out! And then builds speed to FLY! Down go Taven & Bennett!

The fans are thunderous but WARDLOW CLOBBERS OSPREAY! The fans boo as the War Machine comes outta nowhere! ORANGE P- NO, Roddy ducks and Trent’s BUSAIKU KNEE hits! END OF HEARTACHE!! Cover, Roddy & Trent win!

Winners: Trent Beretta & Roderick Strong, by pinfall

The Kingdom’s numbers are just too much, and now they’re beating down Cassidy & Ospreay! Callis is furious, but then where’s his family!? Trent DECKS Cassidy, Roddy grabs the International title belt! BELT SHOT to Ospreay! Trent won’t let Callis get close, either! SNAKE BITE on Cassidy! Ospreay is busted open! Roddy tells Ospreay he will never have this title! Then Roddy drags Ospreay up, reels him in, and hits END OF HEARTACHE!! Ospreay flounders and writhes, and Roddy paints himself with Ospreay’s blood. Is nothing going to stop The Undisputed Kingdom from conquering AEW?

 

The Young Bucks speak.

Matthew & Nicholas Jackson want their own Elite security to get a good look at who they’re looking for. Nick then says, “Hey, Darby Allin, ya p*ick! You attacked The Elite unprovoked last week, so guess what? You’re barred this week.” Matt adds that in the interest of having the safest locker room in the business, sorry, no Darby allowed tonight. Matt tells the security to be very careful, Darby is resilient. He broke his foot, practically got Final Destination’d by a bus, and he’s still standing, and out for blood! Do NOT let this man in the building! What’re they doing still standing here? Get to your positions! And tuck your shirts in!

In walks Sonjay Dutt and he wants to commend these two for the great job they’ve been doing, and for knowing how to take care of problems. Darby won’t be an issue tonight. Last Saturday, they took care of two more problems in FTR thanks to The Righteous & Lance Archer. And tonight, it all comes to a head. Sonjay’s Indian Giant destroys the American Dragon. Matt says if Satnam beats Bryan, cool. But if he hurts Bryan, great. Alright, so long as the money’s in the envelope with a few rupees, because tonight, Satnam breaks Bryan like a pencil! HAHAHAHAHA! Sonjay heads out, Matt tells everyone to keep the energy up, next segment! Can he get some water? Thanks.

 

Bullet Club Gold is here!

Bakersfield, California fires up as The Bang Bang Gang brings their gold to the ring in a little black wagon. Granted, they don’t need all nine belts, just the one set that represents the Unified AEW & ROH World Trios Championships. Though, they do like to mix and match as they hold one each. Jay White gets the mic and hushes the crowd before saying, “Well, well, well, look at you! The greatest three man team in the game is here!” Fully Cocked Colten Gunn! Switchblade Jay White! And… Austin! THE Unified Trios Champions, the Bang Bang Gang! And White knows what they want. Guns up for the Bakersfield Gold Members~!

But y’know, on that note, White thinks there might be one very special little gold member out there walking around feeling confused, asking himself how he ended up in the situation he’s in. How he ended up burning int he spotlight at the feet of the Bang Bang Gang! That one little gold member is… Pac? Puck? Pock? Pack, but without K. Oh. Okay, okay, Pack. Let White tell him how you ended up here! You made three big mistakes! One: when the Bang Bang Gang is walking down the halls, you run, scatter, turn the other way. What’d Pac do? Looked at them with… that face.

Mistake two: When Bang Bang Gang handled Bang Bang Gang business in this ring with “Azucar” Rocky Romero, one little Bastard decided to stick his ugly bastard nose where it doesn’t belong. Mistake three and biggest of all, Pack, is questioning them. He asked, begged, pleaded for them to make him care, so they gave him what he asked for. But see as the- WAIT! Pac is on the tron! And he tells the Bang Bang Toy Guns that this is what he’s talking about! They warmed him up a bit. And he can’t even be made at them. Like they said, he provoked them first. But gentlemen, three on one? That’s not exactly fair now, is it?

So allow Pac to introduce them to his amigos. His hermanos! His LUCHA BROTHERS! The fans fire up as Penta El Zero Miedo, Rey Fenix y The Bastard, Pac, all stand as one! Death Triangle is reunited! White & The Gunns get ready, but Pac TACKLES White while the Lucha Bros DOUBLE SUPERKICK the Ass Boys! Pac throws adown fists, the others brawl, and the fans fire up! Pac ROCKS Colten, ROCKS Austin, but White knees low! White puts Pac in a corner but Pac dodges to stomp away! Death Triangle stomps away on the whole Bang Bang Gang! They then SUPERKICK everyone out! The fans are fired up but the Bang Bang Gang is in retreat!

Pac gets a mic to tell the boys, “You think you’re hard? Well this Sunday, Double or Nothing, AEW Unified Trios Championships! You think you’re hard? I guess we’ll find out.” Death Triangle wants gold again, will they take it from the Switchblade and his boys?

 

Chris Jericho is here!

The Learning Tree makes his way out, “Big Bill” Morrissey right behind him, because Jericho is joining commentary for what’s up next.

FTW Championship #1 Contender’s Triple Threat: Hook VS Katsuyori Shibata VS Bryan Keith!

While the Cold-Hearted Handsome Devil wants payback on The Learning Tree, so does The Wrestler! They and The Bounty Hunter fought and won last Saturday on Collision, and now they all fight for a chance to go Double or Nothing with Jericho! Will wins big to then go after Jericho “For The World?”

The bell rings and Keith BOOTS Hook right down! Keith runs up on Shibata, Shibata dodges to CHOP! And CHOP! And CHOP int he corner! Hook storms up to fire hands on Keith! Shibata pushes Hook aside to CHOP, CHOP and CHOP! Hook pushes Shibata, the rivals stare down, but Keith RAMS Hook into Shibata! Keith then fires forearms on Hook. Keith runs, but into a SAYANAGI! Hook shoots around, REDRUM, but Shibata gets Hook in a SLEEPER! Keith DOUBLE JAWBREAKERS free! All three men stagger to their feet, and Hook clinches Shibata for an EXPLODER! Shibata comes back to BELLY2BELLY Hook!

Keith gives Shibata an EXPLODER! Hook gives Keith an EXPLODER! Shibata hits an STO on Hook! All three men are down again and the fans fire up! Keith, Hook and Shibata slowly sit up as Dynamite goes picture in picture.

Shibata runs up on Keith, throws him down, and has a HEEL HOOK! Shibata endures, crawls back, and has the ROPEBREAK! Shibata doesn’t have to but he does let off given the hold won’t count for anything now. Shibata drags Keith back, steps through, and FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCKS! Keith fights it, but Shibata clamps it on tight! But then Hook throws down forearms on Shibata! Shibata lets Keith go, crawls to a corner, and Hook drags Shibata up. Hook throws knees into Shibata, then brings him out of the corner to TOSS him out of the ring! Hook then goes for Keith, but Keith wrenches to a HOOK KICK!

Hook falls, Keith goes to a corner, and Keith huffs and puffs. Keith drops a knee on Hook’s head, covers, TWO! Keith huffs ‘n’ puffs more, and he CLUBS Hook to ropes. Keith CHOPS, then follows Hook around the way. Keith CHOPS again, then clinches, but Hook fights the exploder! Hook slips around but now Keith fights the exploder! Keith fires down elbows, but Hook still lifts! Keith fires down more elbows, but Hook tries again! EXPLODER! Both men are down, the fans fire up, and Hook rises. Hook stalks Keith, but Keith avoids the crossface forearms! Hook turns around, Keith KNEES him down!

Keith drags Hook up, underhooks, and Dynamite returns to single picture as Keith hits the TIGER DRIVER! Cover, Shibata breaks it! The fans rally, Shibata kicks and bumps Keith off buckles. Shibata BOOTS Hook in a corner, then runs to BOOT Keith! Shibata rains down forearms on Keith, then runs to BOOT Hook! Shibata HYDRAULIC DROPKICKS Keith! Shibata drags Keith up for a HALF HATCH! Cover, Hook breaks it! Hook knees low, clinches, T BONE SUPLEX! Shibata goes to a corner, Hook grabs Keith. Hook clamps on the REDRUM! But Keith RAMS Hook into a corner! Hook goes up and he goes for a HANGING REDRUM!

Keith RIDING HEADBUTTS! The fans fire up with Keith and he goes up, reels Hook in, DIAMOND DUST! PENALTY KICK from Shibata! Shibata gets Keith up, fireman’s carries, and USHIGOROSHI! Shibata stares Jericho down before putting on the FIGURE FOUR, with HEEL HOOK!! Keith endures, Hook gets in! REDRUM on Keith!!! Keith endures double submissions, he TAPS!! Then who wins?!? The ref has the two men let off of Keith, and declares they BOTH win?!

Winners: Hook & Katsuyori Shibata, by submission (both challenge Chris Jericho for the title)

The fans don’t want a draw, they want Hook and Shibata to fight it out! But Jericho gets on the mic and says yeah, he agrees! Hi, Bakersfield! He just wants to get camera time, right? But Rick Knox, what an interesting call. Two winners, two contenders, makes his job a little harder at Double or Nothing. But such is life, huh? Just gotta say, Hook and Shibata, he’s proud of you both for everything they’ve picked up from The Learning Tree and the Jericho Vortex. But he’s gotta warn you, as the longest reigning For The World Champion in history at over 33 days, he’s just getting started.

So even though it’ll be the first-ever Triple Threat “For The World” Rules match, he’ll walk out of Vegas the winner. Thanks, everybody! But he’s not losing to anyone ever, okay? Thanks, guys! Tony Khan texts Tony Schiavone, and it is official! The first ever FTW Triple Threat, will going Double or Nothing only guarantee Jericho loses?

 

Konosuke Takeshita w/ Don Callis VS Matt Sydal!

The Alpha wants to be IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, but he’s only getting a Title Eliminator match at Double or Nothing. Will the Zen Assassin simply be used as a warm-up and a warning for Jon Moxley?

The bell rings, Takeshita knees Sydal low then CLUBS him down! Takeshita brings Sydal up to CLAW Sydal’s face, then lets off as the ref reprimands. Takeshita drags Sydal up, and throat chops him! The ref reprimands, the fans boo, but Takeshita deadlift suplexes Sydal for a BRAINBUSTER! Takeshita stands up, snarls, and he  stomps Sydal around. Takeshita gives taunting kicks as Sydal sits up, and then Takeshita stands him up. BLUE- RANA! Sydal dropkicks the legs out, then BASEMENT DDTS! Sydal hurries to the apron, then the corner! Sydal goes up, leaps over Takeshita, then keeps going, but into the BLUE THUNDER BOMB!

Takeshita and Callis agree, time to break Sydal! Takeshita stands Sydal up, winds up, ALPHA FOREARM! Cover, Takeshita wins!

Winner: Konosuke Takeshita, by pinfall

Takeshita made quick work out of Matt Sydal, but then offers a handshake, The Code of Honor if you will. Sydal accepts it, but then Takeshita ripcord deadlifts Sydal into a HIGH ANGLE GERMAN!! No honor, no respect, and the fans boo! But Callis loves it! Takeshita stomps away on Sydal, but then here comes Moxley! The Maniac was gonna be here either way, and Takeshita wants to know where he’s coming from! Moxley slips in from the crowd, has a mic, and he steps up to Takeshita. Then he DECKS Takeshita with the mic! The fans cheer Moxley on as he paces around. Moxley kneels and tells Takeshita he’ll see him at Double or Nothing.

Takeshita sent a message with his win over Sydal, Moxley just sent his response! Will this Title Eliminator turn into a slobberknocker?

 

The Young Bucks speak, again.

Nick tells Darby Allin, “you stupid idiot,” that they know he’s watching from somewhere in Bakersfield. They saw him on the travel list, but again, he is banned from the arena! The tech staff is given wanted posters of Darby just so they know, and Matt says it’s time to actually run this show. But sitting at gorilla, right in their spot, is Swerve Strickland! The Realest asks, “What up, turds?” Oh, sorry, is this one of their seats? Matt says it’s fine, he’s the champ, he can make himself at home. Good to see him, by the way. Also, has he seen Darby? He’s banned from the building. Swerve takes a copy of the poster, crumples it up, throws it away, and says no, he has not.

Anyway, hit his music, his match is up next. Matt says yes, of course. Someone do it! Is it this idiot’s job over here? Press the buttons! The music gets going, and Bakersfield is now “Whose House?” “SWERVE’S HOUSE!” But will Nick Wayne simply be Christian Cage’s sacrificial pawn in this game he’s playing?

Swerve Strickland VS Nick Wayne!

The bell rings and Nick throws his shirt at Swerve. Swerve takes that shirt, rubs his junk on it, then throws it back. The two step up, the fans rally for Swerve, and then Nick bails out. Swerve is annoyed, storms out after Nick, but Nick slides back in. Swerve sighs, slides back in, but Nick slides back out. Nick plays cat ‘n’ mouse with Swerve as he again slides in just as Swerve slides out. Swerve feints the slide, and now he has Nick! The fans fire up as Swerve fires off body shots! Swerve whips Nick right into barriers! Nick sputters, Swerve says if Nick wants a father, Swerve will be that father. Swerve takes off his regular belt to SPANK Nick with it!

Swerve gives Nick a good lashing, Nick hobbles away, and the ref reprimands. But the fans want that “ONE MORE TIME!” So Swerve winds up and LASHES Nick’s butt! Nick falls over, Swerve puts his belt back on, and the fans chant, “Thank You, Swerve!” Swerve leaves Nick behind to uncover a crossbar! Swerve brings Nick over but Nick fights back! Nick body shots, but then Swerve back drops Nick into the ring! Swerve then steps in to dropkick Nick down! The fans cheer and Swerve pushes Nick around. Nick goes to a corner, Swerve runs up but Nick puts Swerve on the apron! Nick blocks a shot, and bumps Swerve off the exposed crossbar!

Swerve staggers, Nick triangle jump DROPKICKS him down! Swerve staggers away again, and Nick goes to the apron. PENALTY KICK! Then ASAI MOONSAULT, but Swerve catches Nick! But Nick swings to DDT Swerve on the floor! Both men writhe, and Dynamite goes picture in picture.

Nick drags Swerve up and RAMS him into barriers! Swerve falls in a heap, Nick soaks up the heat, and then Nick stalks Swerve into the ring. Nick clamps onto Swerve, then KNEES him in the back! Swerve staggers up, Nick kick shim down! Nick puts Swerve on ropes to CHOKE him! The ref counts, Nick lets off at 4 and soaks up more heat. Nick then stalks Swerve, snapmares him, and scrapes his soles off Swerve’s face! Nick swaggers as he soaks up heat, but Swerve gets up to fireman’s carry! Nick flails to get free, and he CLAWS Swerve’s face! Swerve goes to a corner, Nick is on him with a snapmare and KICK!

Swerve grits his teeth, Nick eggs him on, and Swerve stands. Swerve snapmares and KICKS Nick! Swerve frowns as Nick stands back up, and the two get forehead to forehead. Nick CLAWS Swerve’s face again! The ref reprimands, Nick lets off, and he kicks Swerve. Swerve hits back, but Nick mule kicks! Swerve goes to a corner, Nick CLAWS at his face again! The ref counts, Nick lets off at 4, and Nick soaks up more heat. Nick taunts Swerve, avoids the kick, then taunts Swerve more. Swerve swings blind as Nick taunts him, JABS him, and repeat. Swerve runs up, misses again and Nick JABS! Nick still taunts Swerve, but Swerve ROCKS him!

Dynamite returns to single picture as Swerve CHOPS Nick, then UPPERCUTS in the corner! Swerve snapmare, gator rolls, and deadlift suplexes, but Nick knees free! Nick then TOSSES Swerve out, goes up and out to the apron, then ASAI- NO, Swerve anchors him on the corner! APRON BACK SUPLEX! Nick falls to the floor and the fans fire up! The ring count starts, Swerve slides in at 4 of 10, and then goes back out to the apron. Swerve aims as Nick sits up, and the fans fire up for the KILL STOMPS to the floor!! The fans are thunderous as Swerve drags Nick up and puts him in the ring. Swerve says this is what Nick wanted!

Swerve goes up the corner, Nick eggs Swerve on! KILL- BOOTS from below! Nick somersault clutches, TWO! Swerve gets out, runs in, but into buckles! Roll up, feet on ropes! TWO!! Nick SUPERKICKS! Then somersault and CODE RED!! Cover, TWO!! Nick is beside himself and Swerve scowls as he sits up. The fans fire up for Swerve but Nick says he’s gonna take Swerve’s House! HOUSE- NO, Swerve blocks the call! Swerve slips around to get a BACKBREAKER, then a power lift into a POWERSLAM! The fans are thunderous again and Swerve drags Nick up. Swerve says, “I am sorry.” But then HOUSE CALL!! Cover, Swerve wins!

Winner: Swerve Strickland, by pinfall

The Realest apologized for his past with Nick Wayne, but that didn’t mean he was gonna show mercy. But then LUCHASAURUS ATTACKS! The monster now called Killswitch takes Swerve out and of course The Patriarch & Mother Shayna are here. Luchasaurus CHOKES Swerve while Christian checks on his favorite son. But Swerve LOW BLOWS the dinosaur and DUMPS him out! Christian doesn’t know until he turns around! Christian wants Swerve to hold on, but then he runs away! Swerve pursues, HOUSE CALL drive-by for Luchasaurus! Swerve chase Christian right up the ramp and backstage!

Cameras follow as we go through gorilla, then to the hallways! Christian tries to block the path as he hurries for the parking lot! Christian finds the rental, throws the valet out, and then drives off, leaving his “family” behind! But then someone pulls up in front of him! It’s PRINCE NANA! Nana was waiting in the parking lot for this! Swerve grabs at Christian, they brawl through the car window, and Swerve drags Christian out! Then he throws Christian into the production truck trailer! And then back into the rental! Swerve beats down on Christian but Christian gets loose. Christian is going up the rental? Swerve pursues, Christian kicks at him!

Both men get on the roof of the car and the brawl continues! Swerve kicks low, DDT onto the roof! Christian sputters, flounders to the hood, and Nana has a chair! Nana hands it to Swerve and Swerve takes aim! But Christian moves before the Car-Chair-To! Christian runs away, but he better be heading to Las Vegas. Will Double or Nothing be the end of The Patriarchy?

 

PROGRAMMING REMINDER for Rampage!

This Friday before Double or Nothing, Rampage will be at a special start time of 6:30 PM Eastern! Make sure your DVR is ready for this special edition!

 

Malakai Black VS Kyle O’Reilly!

Speaking of Double or Nothing, before the Dark Father brings out the darkness inside Adam “Edge” Copeland, he must settle things with #CombatKyle. Will Malakai simply use Kyle to sharpen his edge before he becomes the Face of TNT? Or will this not be The End of Kyle O’Reilly?

The bell rings and the two stare down. The fans rally up, the two slowly approach, then feel things out. They test the waters with kicks and jabs. They go around, Kyle keeps looking for an opening but Malakai clinches him. They go to ropes, Malakai turns things around on Kyle, but he lets off cleanly. The fans cheer, the two reset, and they feel things out again. Each man still tests the waters, and Kyle shoots in for a leg. Malakai fights it, Kyle goes for an arm but Malakai arm-drags free. They start throwing kicks but also guarding! Kyle BOOTS, Malakai BOOTS, and both men ELBOW JAB! Both men KNEE low! Both men back down and the fans fire up!

Malakai snarls, he headlocks Kyle, but Kyle powers out. Malakai runs him over, covers, ONE! Kyle goes for legs, Malakai blocks and throws more knees. Malakai shoves Kyle then sweeps the legs. Malakai runs and springboards, but Kyle kicks Malakai’s legs out! The fans fire up as Kyle storms up on Malakai. Kyle KICKS, SLAPS, and KNEES, but Malakai sweeps the legs again! The fans fire up, Malakai drags Kyle up, and KICKS him now! Kyle hobbles, goes to kick but Malakai blocks and KICKS back! Kyle fires a forearm, Malakai grabs the leg to then JUMP KNEE! Kyle tumbles out of the ring and the fans fire up! Malakai paces while Kyle is dazed, but Dynamite goes picture in picture.

Kyle sits up, shakes out the stars, but Malakai goes out to KICK! Kyle staggers away, Malakai KICKS him against barriers. Kyle KICKS back, KICKS again, but Malakai puts the leg on barriers! Malakai KICKS the leg and Kyle falls back! Malakai drags Kyle up, KICKS him against the apron, then KICKS him again. Malakai puts Kyle against barriers and KICKS! Kyle slumps down and Malakai paces. Malakai drags Kyle up but Kyle fires forearms and KICKS in return! Malakai BOOTS Kyle away! Kyle checks his chin, Malakai puts him in the ring. Malakai storms up but Kyle KICKS! Malakai KNEES low! Then Malakai grabs a leg to DRAGON SCREW! Cover, TWO!

Kyle grits his teeth as he toughs it out, but Malakai stomps him down. Malakai looms over Kyle, Kyle kicks at him from below. Malakai grabs the leg, and has a KNEE LOCK! Kyle endures as Malakai pulls on the leg! Kyle reaches out, fights with his free leg, and Malakai lets go. Kyle stands, hobbles, but Malakai blocks his kick! DRAGON- NO, Kyle sits down on the leg whip to have an ARMBAR! Malakai clasps hands, fights around, but Kyle pulls on the grip! Dynamite returns to single picture, Malakai hooks Kyle for a waistlock, but Kyle fights up. Kyle pries at the hold, wrenches out with a double wristlock, but Malakai KICKS the bad leg!

Kyle staggers back, yoyos int he ropes, but Malakai blocks the lariat and ELBOWS Kyle! Malakai reels Kyle in to suplex, Kyle knees free then fires more knees! Kyle fires off a strike fest, then WRINGS Malakai’s arm out! Malakai staggers away but the fans fire up! Kyle runs in to FOREARM SMASH! Kyle wrenches for an ELBOW BREAKER! But Malakai ROCKS Kyle! Kyle blocks a kick to KNEE and SNAP GERMAN! AX and SMASH! Cover, TWO! The fans fire up while Kyle grits his teeth in frustration. “This is Awesome!” as Kyle rises up. Kyle storms over to Malakai to KICK the bad arm! And KICK! And KICK! And KICK!

Kyle snarls as Malakai stands, so the KICKS keep coming! Malakai ROCKS Kyle, Kyle ROCKS Malakai! The forearms go back and forth, then Kyle KNEES low! Malakai fires a body shot, Kyle fires a one-two! Malakai gives that one-two back, so Kyle kick-kicks! Malakai fires off a flurry of his own, but Kyle fires forearms !Malakai blocks a kick, Kyle slips free, double leg takedown! GROUND ‘N’ POUND, then ARMBAR! Malakai fights it with a strong S grip, but Kyle gets the leg! ANKLE LOCK! Malakai endures and scrambles around while the fans fire up! Malakai reaches out, fights up, and Kyle shifts his grip.

Malakai ELBOWS Kyle, KNEES him, then suplexes, BRAINBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Kyle survives and Malakai is beside himself! Malakai storms over to Kyle, gets a leg, but Kyle steps over to KNEE! AX and- ELBOW from Malakai! Kyle stays up, DOUBLE ROUNDHOUSES hit! Both men wobble, Kyle ROLLING ELBOWS! Malakai feints then THE END!! Cover, Malakai wins!

Winner: Malakai Black, by pinfall

Kyle got caught by that change in flow, and he just faded to Black! But wait! The lights all turn red! Malakai looks around in confusion, but this can only mean one thing. BLOOD FROM ABOVE?! It’s like something outta Carrie! Malakai is not just drenched, he’s fumbling around from how slick the canvas is! And then, on the tron, walking down the steps… is EDGE! “Malakai. Malakai~! Up here. Be careful what you wish for.” Edge grins and he has fangs! “See you soon.” Is Malakai going to regret bringing out that side of The Rated R Superstar?

 

Toni Storm & Mariah May w/ Luther VS The Outcasts w/ Zak Knight!

The Leading Lady and her understudy have had just about enough of Saraya & Harley trying to troll there way to the spotlight, and now look to finally end this farce! But given she’s still parading around in Serena Deeb’s banner, will the AEW Women’s World Champion be ready for The Professor’s test this Sunday? Or will the madness truly go off the rails this close to Double or Nothing?

The teams sort out and Harley starts against Mariah, a partial rematch from last Saturday. The irony that Mariah’s Toni cosplay is also a Harley Quinn cosplay but Harley Cameron is in all black. The two tie up, Mariah waistlocks, but Harley reaches back, headlocks, and grinds. Mariah powers up and out, drops down, Harley rolls and kicks low! Harley clinches but Mariah ROCKS her! Mariah whips, Harley goes up and out, then ducks Mariah to RAM into her! Harley ROUNDHOUSES Mariah away, goes up and in, then talks trash on Storm. Harley runs but Mariah follows, trips Harley, then keeps moving to SHOTGUN!

Mariah smiles and the fans fire up as she paces around. Mariah gets Harley up, scoops, and SPIN-OUT SIDEWALK SLAMS! Then Mariah fireman’s carries, but Harley slips free to tag Saraya. Mariah waits on Saraya and the two circle. But then Saraya backs away to ropes for defense, she wants the REAL Toni Storm! The fans fire up, and Mariah tags Toni! The two former friends circle now, and Saraya ROCKS Storm! Storm ROCKS Saraya, repeat! The fans fire up as they go back and forth, and are definitely on Storm’s side. Saraya kicks low, whips, but Storm reverses and hits a THESZ PRESS! Storm rains down fists, then tags Mariah.

Storm scoop SLAMS Saraya, then Mariah offers herself up. Storm scoops Mariah to SLAM her onto Saraya! Cover, ONE! Saraya is tougher than that, but Mariah tags Storm back in. Mariah now scoops, but Storm is a bit sturdier. So Storm scoops Mariah to SLAM her on Saraya again! ELBOW DROP, cover, TWO! Tag back to Mariah, she brings Saraya up and fires forearms. Mariah snapmares Saraya, runs and KNEES Saraya down! Saraya flounders, has the ref check her, and Harley runs in to CLOBBER Mariah! Toni storms in but the ref stops her, completely missing the crazy one going after Mariah! Saraya has Harley slip away and she stomps Mariah now.

Saraya does jumping jacks to show off her cardio, and then she HEADBUTTS Mariah as Dynamite goes picture in picture.

Saraya stalks Mariah to ropes, puts her through them, and then steps onto the apron to fire off knee after knee! The ref reprimands and counts, Saraya lets off, and then she steps back inside. Harley storms right up to AX KICK Mariah down! The ref reprimands and Saraya just shrugs. Saraya drags Mariah around, whips her to the corner, then tags in Harley. They mug Mariah, Harley stomps away, then stands her up. Harley digs her boot in, lets off at 4, and then Saraya CHOKES Mariah while Harley argues with the ref! Luther protests, Storm is furious, but the Outcasts get away with that. Harley covers, TWO!

Harley stays between Mariah and Storm and drags her up. Harley bumps Mariah off buckles, tags Saraya, and they mug Mariah some more. Saraya TOSSES Mariah out, storms out after her, then drags Mariah up to RAMS her into barriers! Saraya taunts the fans, soaks up the heat, and blows a mocking kiss to Storm. Saraya digs her boots into Mariah, the ref reprimands, but Saraya drags Mariah up and into the ring. Saraya keeps Mariah from Storm, tags in Harley, and Harley RAMS Mariah into the corner! Harley then brings Mariah around for a NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Harley argues the count as Dynamite returns to single picture,

The fans rally, Harley drags Mariah up, but Mariah ROCKS Harley! And ROCKS her again! And again, and again and again! The fans fire up as Mariah just hammers away! Harley shoves Mariah away, brings her around, then JAWBREAKER! Harley runs up, Mariah dodges, and DOUBLE FACEBUSTERS collide! Mariah crawls hot tag to Storm! Storm CLOBBERS Harley, BLASTS Saraya, then goes up and over Harley! Storm runs back at the corner, blocks Harley’s boots, and puts her in ropes for a DRAPING BACKSTABBER! Saraya returns but into JAB after JAB! Saraya falls, Harley returns, but Storm HEADBUTTS!

The fans fire up as Storm poses! Storm then runs to SPLASH Harley in a corner! Harley sits down, Saraya runs in, but Storm drop toeholds Saraya into Harley’s hips! Storm laughs at them, then she drags Harley up for a SKY HIGH! Cover, but Saraya BOOTS it apart! Mariah returns, dodges the haymaker to HEADBUTT a la Storm! Mentor and protege help each other up, pose for a close up, then they each get an Outcast. “This is Awesome!” as they put Harley & Saraya up top! They each climb up, CLUB away, then coordinate. But Harley & Saraya each SMACK Storm & Mariah off buckles! STEREO SUPER SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMBS!! The Outcasts double cover, TWO!!!

Saraya & Harley coordinate now, they get Storm & Mariah in corners to stomp mudholes in! The ref counts, Saraya & Harley let off to coordinate again. They both storm back up for more, but Storm & Harley put a stop to that! They set those boots down, to plant some wet ones on their enemies! Consider their fates sealed with a kiss, because now we get STORM ZERO and MAYDAY!! Harley is then fed to a STORM ZERO!! Cover, Storm & Mariah win!

Winners: Toni Storm & Mariah May, by pinfall

This dynamic duo dominates, and now they again adorn Storm with Deeb’s banner. But wait, Serena Deeb is here! She SMACKS Luther down with a chair!! Then she JAMS Mariah, and HEADBUTTS Storm! The fans are torn as Deeb grins. Deeb brings out a SHOE! HIGH HEEL TO THE FACE!! Deeb grins as she watches Storm crawl, then she picks the chair back up. Deeb uses the chair to take a seat on Storm’s back, and then pulls on a leg! FULL METAL HALF CRAB! Storm taps out, not that this is a legitimate hold in any way! The ref reprimands, other refs rush out to tell Deeb to stop, but Deeb only lets go when she says!

Deeb has just made Storm suffer, and she takes her banner back. Will she also take that AEW Women’s World Championship when she and Storm go Double or Nothing?

 

BREAKING NEWS for next week’s Dynamite!

No matter what happens at Double or Nothing, there will be an AEW World Championship #1 Contender’s Casino Gauntlet match! The winner will receive their shot at the title at Forbidden Door in New York!

 

The Bang Bang Gang regroups backstage.

They have their wagon of gold and are laughing off that surprise from earlier. Jay White’s pretty sure he knows what Death Triangle wants! They want Bang Bang Gang’s loot! They want Bang Bang Gang’s gold~! You want the gold? This is who you bring? The Lucha Bros? When White already has THE GREATEST brother tag team behind him? Colten says it’s just as White says, The Gunns ARE the best brother tag team in the world. And if you wanna shot at the titles, you gotta earn it! So how about a Gunn fight in the Collision Corral. Penta & Fenix are brothers, but so are The Gunns! Penta & Fenix are former AEW World Tag Team Champions, but so are The Gunns!

And Austin says don’t worry, they won’t be hard to find. Just walk into town, look above the saloon doors, and you won’t see “Cero Miedo,” it’ll say GUNNS UP! The Bang Bang Gang is locked and loaded, will Death Triangle win the right to fight for the gold?

 

Bryan Danielson VS Satnam Singh w/ Sonjay Dutt!

The American Dragon always fights against corporate corruption, that’s why he’s standing up against The Elite alongside Team AEW this Sunday! But The EVPs have been doing everything they can to make Anarchy in the Arena a foregone conclusion. Will the One in a Billion be just the thing to ruin Double or Nothing? Or will Bryan prove everyone’s the same size when down on the ground?

As the two get in the ring, Satnam gets right in Bryan’s face. Well, Satnam’s chest does, as he’s quite literally head and shoulders above Bryan. Satnam goes to pie face Bryan but Bryan pushes that big hand away. The bell rings, the fans fire up with “YES! YES! YES!” and the two circle. Satnam puts Bryan in a corner, but Bryan dodges the chop to KCIK, KICK and KICK! “YES! YES! YES!” Bryan climbs up to fire hands but Satnam shoves him away! Satnam BOOTS Bryan down and the fans boo. Satnam stands Bryan up to bump off buckles, then stalks him to another corner. Satnam winds up to CHOP!

Bryan sputters and falls over, and Satnam soaks up the heat. Satnam drags Bryan up, suplexes, and holds Bryan up! Then the SLAM! The fans boo more while Bryan flops out of the ring. Satnam goes out after him, then RAMS him into steel steps! Sonjay clears the desk of the drinks, the action figures, the hood, everything, but then the whole thing falls apart! Satnam kicks the steel steps aside, drags Bryan over. The fans tell Sonjay how he messed that one up, but Satnam still lifts Bryan. Bryan goes to the apron! Bryan KICKS Satnam, and KICKS and KICKS! Bryan gets space, runs up, and FLYING KNEES!

Satnam staggers but stays up, so Bryan resets! FLYING KNEE again! Satnam staggers and takes a seat in the corner of the barriers! Bryan runs in to DROPKICK Satnam down! The fans fire up and Bryan rises. The fans want that again, so Bryan runs back in, only for Satnam to get up and catch him! APRON CHOKE SLAM! Bryan writhes, Sonjay is all fired up, but the fans boo. Satnam shoves Bryan into the ring, Sonjay and the rest of Team Triple J applaud, then mockingly say “YES! YES! YES!” Satnam steps in for a cocky cover, TWO! Bryan is still in this, but Sonjay pulls at a buckle pad. Satnam YANKS it right off!

Satnam storms up on Bryan, drags him up but the ref won’t let him use the bare buckle! Sonjay argues with the ref, so Bryan LOW BLOWS Satnam! Now that Satnam’s cut down to size, Bryan runs and BUSAIKU KNEES!! Satnam even hits the bare buckle! Bryan keeps moving, but Satnam still grabs him! So Bryan KICKS at the legs! And CLAWS at the eyes! And KICKS at the chest! “YES! YES! YES!” Then BUZZSAW! Satnam stays up!? This is a sturdy tree! He CHOPS Bryan, and then he looms over Bryan. Satnam hauls Bryan up, suplexes, but Bryan slips free! HAMMER ‘N’ ANVIL ELBOWS! Satnam drops to his knees as Bryan keeps going!

Bryan then shifts to the omoplata, and puts on the biggest LEBELL LOCK ever!!! Satnam endures, TRIPLE J ATTACKS!

Winner: Bryan Danielson, by disqualification

The fans boo but The Bucks said themselves that this wasn’t about getting the win but about inflicting damage! Jeff Jarrett runs the ref off while Lehtal drags Bryan up. Jarrett gets his guitar, but Bryan slips free! Jarrett avoids hitting Lethal, but then Bryan dodge shim again! BUSAIKU KNEE for Lethal! BUSAIKU KNEE for Jarrett! Sonjay tries to sneak in, but Bryan has the guitar! Sonjay clubs Bryan, but it was weak! Bryan swings, Sonjay dodges, and Satnam PUNCHES through the guitar!! The mugging continues, then Satnam hits a SPLASH in the corner! The fans boo, but now The Bucks make their way out here!

Matthew & Nicholas step out of the Codyvator and they have that envelope! That’s the payment for this hit job on Bryan! Jarrett CHOKES Bryan, then rains down fists! Sonjay receives the payment, and it looks good to him. The Bucks have Jarrett stand down, he did great. They shake hands, then The Bucks get to stomp Bryan! The fans boo as the EVPs drag Bryan to center, sit him up, and give him an E V P- NO! Bryan avoids the knees and they hit each other! Bryan KICKS and KICKS and KICKS! “YES! YES! YES!” Bryan fires hands on Matt, “YES! YES! YES!” But here comes The Rainmaker! Bryan is ready for Okada, but then JACK PERRY ATTACKS FROM BEHIND!

The fans boo as Scapegoat takes down Bryan, and now The Elite all mug him! Ripcord, RAINMAKER LARIAT!! This isn’t over, either, as they drag Bryan out of the ring and up the ramp! And surprise! There’s a table waiting! But wait, who is this pulling up to the arena? It’s DRABY ALLIN! He fist bumps Tony Khan, who drove him here!! TK can travel now!? Darby storms into the ring, armed with some kind of airsoft gun! The Elite is freaking out, but here he comes! That’s not an airsoft gun, that’s a FLAMETHROWER!! The Elite freaks out even more, and then Bryan finally gets to fight back! He fires off KICKS on Nick, then TOSSES Nick down through the table!!

The fans are going nuts, and Anarchy in the Arena is only going to be crazier! Will nothing stop the revolution against The Elite’s “revolution?”


My Thoughts:

 


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Mitchell’s AEW Rampage Results & Report! (5/18/24)

Deonna Purrazzo’s on a Rampage!

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The Virtuosa is sharpening her edge!

Deonna Purrazzo wants to tear into Thunder Rosa, but she’ll have to settle for Robyn Renegade first! Will The Virtuosa fine tune her style for La Mera Mera?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Kyle O’Reilly VS Lee Moriarty w/ Anthony Ogogo; Kyle wins.
  • Rush VS Cody Chhun; Rush wins.
  • Deonna Purrazzo VS Robyn Renegade; Deonna wins.
  • Brian Cage VS Anthony Bowens w/ Billy Gunn; Cage wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Kyle O’Reilly VS Lee Moriarty w/ Anthony Ogogo!

#CombatKyle may have lost out on the TNT Championship, but he isn’t going to stop the comeback over it. Will he build back up towards another title opportunity? Or will #TAIGASTYLE prove he’s the one deserving of those chances?

The bell rings and the two circle. The fans rally, Kyle and Lee tie up, Kyle waistlocks, but Lee wrenches out. Kyle wrenches to waistlock, but Lee sits to switch. Kyle switches, facelocks, wrenches, but Lee rolls and rolls until he rolls free. The fans rally as the two circle again. They knuckle lock, go shoulder to shoulder, but Kyle gets under. Kyle lifts but Lee fights that. Lee lifts but Kyle fights that. Kyle tries again, but Lee trips him! Kyle uses his leg guard, trips Lee, knuckle lock cover! ONE as Lee gets an arm up! Kyle pushes it down, ONE as Lee gets the other arm up. Kyle puts that arm down, TWO as Lee bridges!

The fans cheer this technical exchange, Kyle jumps but Lee catches him! DOUBLE WRISTLOCK! Kyle scrambles around, slips free, ARMBAR! Lee clasps hands, stacks Kyle, TWO! Lee rolls Kyle to get the SLEEPER! Lee also has body scissors! But Kyle pulls on Lee’s leg, and that makes Lee let go of the sleeper! Kyle gets the leg, twists for a toehold, but Lee rolls over. Lee reels Kyle in, headlocks, then cravats. The fans rally, Kyle wrenches free to cravat back. Lee ELBOWS Kyle in the chin! Lee BODY SHOTS, then BODY SHOTS again! Lee runs but Kyle KNEES Lee low! Kyle snapmares, runs, then SLAPS Lee!

The fans fire up but Lee gets up. They get face to face, then go forearm to forearm! Kyle fires off fast strikes and he KICKS the legs out! Kyle wrenches to YANK the arm, then CLUBS it! Kyle wrenches, YANKS the arm again, then wrenches to an ELBOW- NO, Lee shoves Kyle away! Kyle runs up but Lee BUCKLE SHOTS him! Kyle staggers away, the fans are torn, and Lee runs up to KICK the bad leg! Ogogo applauds, Lee fires himself up, and Rampage goes picture in picture.

Lee stomps Kyle down, drags him back up, and top wristlocks. Lee isolates that arm, flexes, and STOMPS the arm! Lee paces around, drags Kyle up, and SNAP HALF HATCHES! Cover, TWO! But Lee still has the arm and he hammerlocks it, to then SNAP LOCK it! Kyle endures, grabs at Lee, but Lee bridges and moves around. Lee traps the one arm, pulls on the other, and then makes it a RECLINER! Kyle endures as Lee leans back! Lee lets off as he loses the hold, but then he stomps the bad arm! Lee soaks up the heat as Rampage returns to single picture. Lee grinds Kyle’s bad arm, but Kyle fights up to throw body shots.

Kyle wrenches, ELBOW- NO, Lee has a SLEEPER now! Kyle rolls but Lee holds on tight! Kyle fights up to back suplex! Lee lands out, but Kyle KICKS! SLAPS! KNEES! KICKS! LEG SWEEP! The fans fire up and Kyle snarls as Lee goes to a corner. Kyle runs up to forearm smash! Kyle wrenches, ELBOW BREAKERS, and hits a BIG back suplex! HEEL HOOK! Lee endures and fights towards ropes! ROPEBREAK! Kyle lets go, Lee stands, and Kyle KICKS the leg out! Kyle runs up but Lee dodges the kick to SOBAT! Kyle goes to a corner, Lee runs in, but Kyle blocks the boot! Kyle shoves Lee down, KNEES him, then reels Lee in.

Lee wrenches out of the suplex, to SNAP the fingers! Lee runs up to BOOT Kyle in the corner! Kyle falls, Lee covers, TWO! Kyle survives but Lee reels him in, BORDER CITY STRETCH!! Kyle endures, powers through to clasp hands, and he deadlifts Lee into a CAPTURE SUPLEX! Lee is dazed and Kyle slowly rises. The fans fire up, Kyle storms up, and KICKS Lee’s arm! Lee KICKS Kyle’s arm in return! Kyle KICKS again, but Lee KICKS again! They KICK and KICK and KICK! The fans are behind Kyle, both men block kicks, so they start throwing palm strikes! The fans are thunderous! Both men let the other go, but then they DOUBLE ROUNDHOUSE!

The fans are thunderous as Kyle and Lee are both down! A standing count starts, both men slowly rise, and they stagger into each other. Lee gets Kyle first, suplex and- NO, Kyle knees free! GUILLOTINE! Lee wrenches free to RAM shoulders! Lee wrenches, to ELBOW- NO, Kyle wrenches to ELBOW BREAKER! Hammerlock, GUILLOTINE HOVERBOARD COMBO!!! Lee endures, and he uses his free arm to pry free! For HEADBUTT after HEADBUTT! Kyle drops into a TRIANGLE HOLD!! Lee is fading fast, but he deadlifts Kyle with the one arm! Only to go out! Kyle is free to PENALTY KICK!! Kyle gets Lee up, to ORANGE CRUSH into the ARMBAR! Lee taps, Kyle wins!!

Winner: Kyle O’Reilly, by submission

Shane Taylor Promotion takes another loss on the night, but it was a hell of a fight against Kyle O’Reilly! But Kyle is going to face Malakai Black this Wednesday, will Dynamite be The End of Kyle’s comeback?

 

Backstage interview with The Acclaimed.

Lexy Nair is with Max Caster, Anthony Bowens & Billy Gunn. First off, congrats on the recent success of the newest video. Thank you, Lexy. And Bowens is facing Brian Cage in tonight’s main event, how- Daddy Ass has us stop there. Let’s talk about everyone going crazy, running wild. The Embassy turning on Swerve, The Elite abusing their authority. Billy isn’t sure if Lexy has watched older wrestling, but Billy has a thing about authority. So if they wanna get wild, if they wanna go nuts, that is right up their aisle!

Caster says that’s right! He also thanks Lexi for saying those nice things about his song. But that song was about him and Bowens going back to the Tag Division. If you read the lyrics, which are great lyrics, but none of those team decided to wrestle The Acclaimed. Perhaps they’re a little too afraid to wrestle the best team alive. So they took the first match they could find, and that turned out to be Bowens VS Brian Cage 1v1. Sure, Brian is The Machine, but there are a lot of machines that are now antiquated, and we know Brian doesn’t have AI in his brain. In fact, he can’t update his software! It’s about time Bowens takes Brian to the junkyard!

Bowens says that’s right! Platinum Max & Daddy Ass said it themselves, there is a lot of chaos and madness going on in AEW! Bowens tells Brian and his cronies that they decided to side with The Elite, well you’re looking at the foundation of AEW! The best tag team alive, the best homegrown stars, The Acclaimed! That train is gonna roll right through Brian tonight, courtesy of the Scissor King! Because EVERYONE loves The Acclaimed! Say it again, EVERYONE loves The Acclaimed!! The Five Tool Player is fired up, but will he need all those tools to dismantle The Machine?

 

Rush VS Cody Chhun!

El Toro Blanco is back again, and this time he is looking to reach the top of AEW. Will he stampede through everyone put in his path until he is adored with AEW gold?

The bell rings, the fans rally up with “FOUR C! FOUR C!” Chhun runs up but Rush dodges! Chhun hits buckles, then Rush CLOBBERS him! Chhun sits in the corner checking his jaw, but Rush goes to the far side. “If you mess with the bull…” You get BULL’S HORNS!! Rush drags Chhun to a cover, Rush wins!

Winner: Rush, by pinfall

Rush stands tall, but he doesn’t even care to celebrate, because this was more an inevitability than a victory to him. But then he sees Chhun stirring, and Rush drags him out of the ring! Rush CHOPS Chhun right down! Then he whips Chhun hard into barriers! The ref reprimands but Rush THROWS Chhun around again! Rush fires down fists, the fans boo as Rush DECKS Chhun! Rush won’t stop, he finds his favorite bright green cord! Rush LASHES Chhun, even as more refs rush out here! Rush CHOKES Chhun with the cord!! The refs all shout for him to stop, and Rush does. But he wants everyone to remember: Nothing happens unless HE says so!!

Rush storms off, spits on Chhun, and then grabs a chair! The refs warn him, so Rush simply stands on the chair to soak up the heat. Will nothing and no one stop Rush from rampaging his way to the top?

 

Lexy Nair is outside the trainer’s room.

She notes that to close Collision, Lance Archer & The Righteous viciously attacked FTR after the match. Bryan Danielson walks out, Lexy asks for a medical update. Well, The Elite put a bounty on Team AEW’s heads, and it seems to have worked. FTR won’t make it to Dynamite next Wednesday. But the Elite also failed, because here’s the thing. The Elite wants to change the world? They don’t even show up on Saturdays! And the failure is that Bryan is still here! So this Wednesday, Bryan will be on Dynamite. The Elite can take whatever shot they want, but they better get it done the first time. Otherwise, they won’t like the consequences.

Bryan heads out, but are The EVPs going to make sure no one makes it to Double or Nothing to oppose them?

 

Deonna Purrazzo VS Robyn Renegade!

The Virtuosa is still seething over her many run-ins with Thunder Rosa, but it seems their rematch isn’t destined to happen just yet. Will Deonna one-up La Mera Mera by beating Robyn worse than Rosa did?

The bell rings, the two circle, and they knuckle lock. Deonna spins to wrangle Robyn, but Robyn rolls back. Robyn wrenches, wristlocks, but Deonna rolls, rolls and gets free. The fans cheer, Deonna smirks, but Robyn runs up. Robyn waistlocks, Deonna switches, but Robyn switches back. Deonna pries free to switch again, then she trips Robyn up. Deonna runs, Robyn stays low, then Robyn hits a rolling fireman’s carry takeover! Robyn runs up but Deonna ducks the kick to roll her up! TWO, and Robyn staggers up into an arm-drag! Deonna has the armlock, the fans cheer, but Robyn endures.

Robyn fights up, Deonna hits another takeover, and she traps the arm. Deonna makes it a cover, ONE as Robyn gets the shoulder up. Deonna knuckle locks, wrenches, then clamps onto the arm. Robyn fights up to whip free, then runs to sunset flip! Deonna stays up, then slaps the arms away to clamp on an ARMBAR! Robyn fights around, flails, and has the ROPEBREAK! The ref counts, Deonna lets go at 4, and Rampage goes picture in picture.

Deonna stalks Robyn, brings her around and whips, but Robyn holds ropes. Deonna ROCKS Robyn, Robyn still holds ropes! Deonna ROCKS Robyn again, whips, but Robyn reverses. Robyn ducks the forearm, and the backhand, then clinches for a HALF NELNSON FACEBUSTER! Robyn fires up, she sits Deonna up, and runs to SHOTGUN her down! Cover, TWO! Robyn is frustrated, but she drags Deonna back up and bumps her off buckles. Robyn CHOPS Deonna, smirks, and winds up to CHOP again! Robyn says one more time, then puts some stank on it. But Deonna dodges to CHOP back! Deonna whips corner to corner, but Robyn reverses.

Robyn runs in, but Deonna puts her on the apron! Robyn ROCKS Deonna first, steps in, but Deonna ARM CODE BREAKERS! Robyn writhes, Deonna storms over, and Deonna drags Robyn up. Deonna knuckle locks, wrenches, then top wristlocks to wrangle Robyn. Deonna traps the arm for a SNAP LOCK! Cover, TWO! Robyn clutches the arm but Deonna is on her again. Deonna pulls on the bad arm, then top wristlocks. Robyn endures as Deonna thrashes the arm, and Rampage goes to break.

Rampage returns and Deonna wrenches Robyn’s arm. Robyn ROCKS Deonna, but Deonna wrenches again. Robyn fires off a flurry of forearms and the fans fire up! Deonna shoves Robyn but Robyn LARIATS on return! The fans fire up with Robyn, then she wrenches Deonna to reel her in, put her in ropes, and KNEE her! Robyn runs to then STOMP Deonna down! Cover, TWO!! Deonna survives and Robyn is frustrated. The fans rally, Robyn drags Deonna up, then fireman’s carries. Deonna slips free, shoves, and BOOTS Robyn down! Deonna slashes her throat and vows to end this! The fans fire up as Deonna drags Robyn up.

Deonna Gotch hooks, but Robyn slips free! Robyn pump handles, but Deonna arm-drags free! Deonna BOOTS the lariat, ARMBAR DDT! FUJIWARA!! Robyn taps, Deonna wins!

Winner: Deonna Purrazzo, by submission

Deonna didn’t even need Venus De Milo, but then she puts that on Robyn anyway!! The ref reprimands, the fans boo, but Deonna makes Robyn suffer in Rosa’s place! But wait, here comes Thunder Rosa!! La Mera Mera rushes the ring, but Deonna runs away! So when does the part about regretting to mess with a Jersey girl come in? Rosa checks Robyn, and Deonna slithers back in! Deonna CLOBBERS Rosa from behind! Oh so that’s the part about Jersey? Rosa gets up, though, and Deonna retreats again. Rosa runs Deonna down and grabs her by the hair! Rosa drags Deonna back to the ring to RAM her into the apron!

The fans fire up as Rosa tells Deonna to fight her now! Rosa puts Deonna in, Deonna rolls out of the ring and runs into the crowd! The fans boo as Deonna flees into the night. When and where will Deonna have to give Rosa this fight?

 

Scorpio Sky speaks.

“I have done things people dream about. I’ve made money, faced legends, won championship after championship after championship. And you might not wanna hear this, but that was easy. And that doesn’t mean I don’t relate. I understand a normal person put in my position would fail. Because since time began, when people wanted to see a star, they’d look up at the Sky. And all that does is put me in the perfect place to reach down and lift you all up here with me. So to all the fans around the world, I’m coming back. And I’m here for you.” But will this comeback finally be the time Scorpio Sky reaches the top of the mountain?

 

Backstage interview with Sonjay Dutt.

Lexy Nair says Sonjay asked for this time, what is on his mind? Sonjay says first off, he sure doesn’t need Lexy here so hit the bricks. Skedaddle, peace, see ya. Lexy sighs and leaves, and Sonjay says this is for Bryan Danielson. The Elite have put a price out on Bryan’s head, and Sonjay just got off the phone with them, they have worked out quite the deal. Bryan says he’ll be on Dynamite, and so is Sonjay. But no, Sonjay isn’t the one that’ll take him out once and for all. This Wednesday, it will be The American Dragon VS… The Indian Giant! Yeah, that’s right! The one in a billion, Satnam Singh!

And y’know what? Dragon meat is expensive, so hopefully he goes well with a little chicken masala. This Wednesday, it will be one hell of a cookout! Sonjay laughs to himself, but will Bryan be the one with the last laugh after taking on this giant roadblock?

 

PROGRAMMING NOTE for Rampage next week!

Yes, Rampage returns to Friday nights next week, BUT at a special time of 6:30 Eastern, 3:30 Pacific! Make sure your DVRs know so you don’t miss this special Double or Nothing weekend edition!

 

Brian Cage VS Anthony Bowens w/ The Acclaimed!

The Machine turned on Swerve and then got beat by Swerve, crossing him off the list of top contenders. But will he reboot and head for other title opportunities? Or will The Acclaimed prove they can get it done in any division?

As always, Platinum Max has a diss track! “I heard Brian Cage got captain plans. We leave you bleeding so hard, you got menstrual cramps! Damn you are ugly, lookin’ pathetic. You are so small, get off the Ozempic! When did Brian Cage stop lifting weights? Beat him so bad, whip his ass into shape! Run you outta town just like Daim, because in Portland, Everybody Loves The Acclaimed!” Bowens then says, “PORTLAAAAND~! The Acclaimed have arrived! Scissor me, Daddy Ass~!” And he does~! The fans are fired up, but will Cage get his stuff in in response?

The bell rings and the fans sing “OH~ Scissor Me, Daddy~!” Cage and Bowens circle, tie up, and Cage shoves Bowens away! Cage flexes, fans are torn, and Cage says to scissor that. Bowens has Cage hold on, and then Bowens flexes. The fans cheer for Bowens, and he does scissor that! Cage runs up, Bowens gets around, then CHOPS! And CHOPS! Cage TOSSES Bowens to a corner, takes a swing, but Bowens dodges! Bowens CHOPS and CHOPS, but Cage shoves Bowens away. Cage runs up, Bowens gets under and kicks low. Bowens whips, Cage reverses, but Bowens goes up and over. Bowens hurdles, headlocks, but Cage powers out.

Bowens hurdles, slips around the lariat and DDTS! Cover, ONE!! Cage is tougher than that but the fans fire up behind Bowens. Bowens gets Cage up but Cage SPINEBUSTERS him! Cage says no more scissors! Cage storms up to RAM into Bowens! And RAM in again! And then CHOP! The fans “WOO~!” while Cage stalks Bowens. Cage bumps Bowens off buckles, then says one more time! NOT! Cage trolls the fans, whips Bowens, then runs up to UPPERCUT! LARIAT! SAIDO! Cage asks who betta but the fans are torn. Cage storms over to Bowens, drags him up, and ROCKS him with a forearm. Cage CHOPS, ROCKS Bowens again, then CHOPS again.

The ref counts, Cage whips corner to corner, then runs up. Bowens dodges the splash, blocks the kick, CLUBS the knee then KNEE JAMMERS into a DRAGON SCREW! Cage writhes and flounders to the apron while Bowens catches his breath. Bowens storms up, brings Cage up, but Cage swings! Bowens ducks, feints, then kicks the legs out! Cage hits apron on the way down, and Bowens aims. Bowens slingshots but Cage moves, so Bowens just goes to the apron. But Cage blocks the Penalty Kick to bring Bowens down, POST BOMB!! Cage gloats, then leaves Bowens behind, while Rampage goes picture in picture.

Bowens writhes, Cage goes back out to drag him up, and RAMS him into barriers! Cage brings Bowens around, SMACKS him off the apron, then drags him up again. Cage whips Bowens hard into steel steps! Bowens falls over in a heap, Cage flexes, then Cage refreshes the ring count. Cage drags Bowens up but Bowens pushes him away. Cage BOOTS Bowens down, then brings him up for an APRON BACK SUPLEX! Cage gloats some more, steps into the ring, and storms up on Bowens. Bowens kicks low, throws hands, but Cage JUMP KNEES! Cage digs his boots into Bowens at the ropes, lets off, and Bowens sputters.

Cage CHOKES Bowens again, the ref counts, and Cage lets off again. Cage drags Bowens up, scoops and uses him for bicep curls! Cage then TOSSES Bowens away! Cage swaggers around, flexes, and covers, TWO! Bowens KICKS Cage from below! And kicks him again! Cage KICKS Bowens, whips him to ropes, then CLOBBERS Bowens! Cage clamps onto Bowens with a chinlock and grinds him down! Bowens endures, Cage grinds him into the mat, but the fans rally up. Bowens fights up to his feet, throws body shots, but Cage KNEES him away. Cage wags his finger, gloats a bit more, then runs corner to corner to forearm smash!

Cage soaks up more cheers and jeers as Rampage returns to single picture. Cage run sin, but Bowens BOOTS him! And BOOTS again! Bowens goes up, leaps, but Cage catches him! Cage suplexes, but Bowens cradle counters! TWO!! Cage escapes but Bowens ducks the discus! Bowens hobbles but he still ROCKS Cage, throws more hands, but Cage SOBATS! KICKS! Cage runs, Bowens follows. Cage dodges, Bowens redirects and spins Cage for Rock, Paper, Scissors, SUPERKICK! The fans fire up with Bowens! Bowens mule kicks, front kicks, runs and FAMOUSERS! Cover, TWO!! Cage survives and Bowens can’t believe it!

The fans rally up and Bowens rises. Bowens waits on Cage, runs up to clinch, but Cage fires elbows! Cage waistlocks, full nelsons and SLAMS Bowens down! Cover, TWO! Cage is frustrated, but he wants Bowens to get up. Cage runs up, Bowens moves aside to KICK Cage in the ropes! Then DRAPING APRON DDT!! Both men are down but the fans fire up! Bowens rises, drags Cage up, and fireman’s carries! Cage fights that to POST Bowens! And ENZIGIRI! Bowens flops around the corner, Cage brings him up from inside! DEADLIFT SUPERPLEX!! Cover, TWO!!! Bowens is still in this and Cage is beside himself!

Cage starts up Terminator drums, the fans join in, and he drags Bowens up. Cage pump handles and lifts, but Bowens slips free of the driver! Bowens runs but Cage ducks the kick to roll Bowens up! Bowens rolls through, and he ducks the discus! The SOUTHPAW hits! Cage reels Bowens in, suplexes, DRILL- NO, Bowens slips free to ROLLING ELBOW! And SUPERKICK! Cage falls, Bowens runs to SHINING WIZARD! Cover, TWO!! Cage survives but the fans fire up! Bowens huffs and puffs and fires back up! Bowens waits on Cage, fireman’s carries, but the bad leg stops him! Cage shoves Bowens at the ref!

Cage runs up, Bowens sends him at the ref! Bowens waistlocks but Cage LOW BLOWS!! The fans boo but Cage reels Bowens in! DRILL CLAW!!! Cover, Cage wins!!

Winner: Brian Cage, by pinfall

Bowens may be an excellent former Tag & Trios Champion, but sadly he isn’t at the level needed as a singles guy. Will The Acclaimed have to regroup and focus on going after The Elite? Will The Machine be granted golden opportunities by said Elite?


My Thoughts:

A very good Rampage to once again follow up Collision, but I’m relieved that next week is going to be a partial return to normal schedule. Because as great as the matches here were, they just felt thrown together to tangentially tell stories. For example, Kyle VS Lee was a great match but Kyle has beef with The House of Black but they didn’t want Kyle getting one over on Buddy or Brody before facing Malakai next Wednesday. Shane Taylor Promotions deserves a touch better than being fed to the bigger stories, but maybe they come around as a trio after Double or Nothing to face like Bang Bang Gang or something.

And even our main event was an example of this. Great promo from Acclaimed, great rap from Caster as usual, but also a good choice for Cage to still win out. Cage has done singles champ stuff, is going to be the singles champ guy in whatever the former Mogul Embassy becomes after this, or even just a singles guy all on his own. Rush of course squashes his opponent tonight but him going after Chhun after was a good touch. At the same time, I kinda wanted the ref to reverse the decision and disqualify Rush after the match, throwing him into a worse rage and beating up on Chhun more. And again, why no La Faccion Ingobernable? Donde esta Dralistico, Preston Vance y Jose?

Good match from Deonna VS Robyn but of course Deonna won. Rosa going after Deonna and Deonna running away was not what I was expecting, it’s rather disappointing, and why not just give us their rematch with escalated stipulations already? Deonna VS Rosa in a Last Woman Standing maybe? Iron Woman Match so that it goes right to half an hour? Something cool like that would really show Tony Khan finally wants to do more with the Women’s Division after promising it like two or three times already.

And very good promos from Bryan and Sonjay Dutt to set up Bryan VS Satnam. I would think Bryan wins, but there’s a good chance Team Triple J goes after him post match anyway. As I just said in the Collision article, Anarchy in the Arena being No Disqualifications of the highest level, we could actually get way more than just the eight men advertised as the roster starts choosing sides, a very Avengers Civil War/Endgame type situation.

My Score: 8.6/10


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