Andrew’s Impact Wrestling Results & Match Ratings: 7.6.2023

Now we’re back to regular coverage (barring anything else crazy happening), and Impact is moving towards Slammiversary. With only 9 more days until their second biggest show, what exactly does Impact have planned? PCO is supposed to have a warm up feeding, the singles challengers are teaming against the champs…who are also one of the best Tag Teams in wrestling history. So those two things alone mean this should be a fun a show.

Let’s hope it all makes sense, and anything stupid is that fun kind of dumb.

.@IamLioRush and @RealNickAldis may not be friends but they HAVE to beat the Motor City Machine Guns TONIGHT! #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/qslftpOh3U

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) July 7, 2023

Ratings:

• Eddie Edwards w/Alisha vs Frankie Kazarian: Eddie wins via Boston Knee Party – ***
• Sami Callihan & Rich Swann vs Champagne Singh & Shera: Sami wins via Assisted Cactus Driver – N/A
• Angels w/The Design vs Jonathan Gresham: Gresham wins via Octopus – ** 
• 2v1 Handicap Match: PCO vs Good Hands: PCO wins via PCO-Sault – N/A
• Gisele Shaw w/Jai Vidal & Savannah Evans vs Courtney Rush w/JesSICKa: Gisele wins via Roll-up w/feet on ropes – *
• Motor City Machine Guns vs Lio Rush & Nick Aldis: Lio wins via Final Hour – *** 1/4

Results:

Eddie Edwards w/Alisha vs Frankie Kazarian

The feud started bubbling up a few weeks ago when they had the stereotypical dysfunctional tag team situation. Kaz comes out hot and lays into Eddie early. Clubbing forearms that sound like there’s some malice behind them and even a nice Fisherman’s Suplex for an early near fall for Kaz. Eddie finally turns things around and knocks Kaz to the outside, with Lish hoping on the apron and connecting with a Tornado DDT while the referee stays distracted.

Eddie keeps the momentum, whips Kaz into the ring, then into the ropes, big lariat with a cocky cover for like…1 1/2. But Eddie maintains control, connects some of those heavy NOAH chops, Kaz lays on the ropes, Eddie distracts the ref and Lish gets involved again. Kaz is just eating slow and deliberate moves, with no offense at all. After Eddie gets frustrated that the half-assed offense hasn’t put him away, Kaz fires back. Lish gets involved again, Kaz backs her down but Eddie uses the distraction to regain control.

The Edwards’ take too much time kissing and pandering, so Kaz slingshots himself out to the apron and catches Eddie with a DDT. At the count of 8, Kaz connects with a big Lariat, breaks the 10 count and then they start moving back inside. Kaz catches Eddie coming back in with a knee, then the Guillotine Leg Drop while Eddie is draped, and now it’s all Kaz. Enzuigiri in the corner gives Eddie a chance for the Backpack Stunner, but Kaz counters into a Chicken Wing, Eddie manages to counter that into a Blue Thunder attempt but Kaz slips it and lands the Unprettier/Killswitch for 2!

Blue Thunder again, slip again for a Chicken Wing, but Snapmare counter into a Tiger Driver attempt but Kaz counters that as well. A few swings and misses and then Eddie finally connects on the Tiger Driver. Knees to the back from Kaz, Chicken Wing again but Lish distracts the official into a corner, and Eddie runs Kaz into that corner before Kaz can sink in the submission. Eddie tries to take advantage, Kaz fights back, Eddie is on the top…Kaz looks for the Flux Capacitor, but Lish runs into the ring and hits Kaz with a kendo stick! Boston Knee Party follow up, and Team Edwards wins.

I love Lish being involved in angles without relying on her wrestling. She’s a great character, but not a very good wrestler. 

.@FrankieKazarian just challenged @TheEddieEdwards at #Slammiversary and he's not coming alone! Former IMPACT Knockout @TheTraciBrooks will be in his corner! #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/jAWTgJAQpP

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) July 7, 2023

Now Traci was never a tolerable wrestler, but its nice for her to be involved because she is the original Knockout. So if Traci and Lish are more pests and swing in with simple offense, this could be a lot of fun.

Sami Callihan & Rich Swann vs Two Trash Bags from India

They cut to the start of this match right off the interview and no one gets intros. Singh and Shera are such job jokes at this point…even production doesn’t respect the match enough for entrances. This should be more foundational momentum for this fairly new tag team.

I’m not doing a recap on a match nobody cares about with a finish that anyone can see coming. Easy win for a team in the tag team 4 way match at Slammiversary.

.@DirtyDangoCurty talks about his love of WCW, His hatred for pro wrestling, and his issues with @milanmiracle and @HEATHXXII!

#IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/LdwLHZ6IAD

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) July 7, 2023

Angels w/The Design vs Jonathan Gresham

Oh the garbage ass Design is still on life support? Such a wasted concept.

Apparently the weeks I’ve missed Angels and Deaner are butting heads, so thankfully it seems like The Design won’t live much longer. Angels is not a legitimate challenge for Gresham, and if he’s got all these extra distractions; how is anyone supposed to buy into this match?

After the commercial break Gresham is working over Angels, to no one’s surprise. See this was an issue before my lapse in coverage, and that is as entertaining as Impact may be…they don’t have well built divisions. These are supposed to be participants in the X Division match at Slammiversary, and looking at the match its 3 people who might win and 3 people who are filling space. Impact needs to learn how to build up the middle of the divisions so matches like this seem less insulting. Anyone that argues “its a good match, so that helps” – no it doesn’t. If the Bears lose a game by 3 or by 30, they’re still the Bears and they still suck. Good losses don’t make lower mid card guys in a random TV match.

Oh yeah and Gresham wins via Octopus Stretch. Are we shocked? No. Do we care? No. Which sucks because Gresham is a great wrestler, but this was a waste of TV time.

Angels tells Deaner he doesn’t listen to anyone and shakes Gresham’s hand and walks away. So The Design is crumbling and no one cares. The Design went from a Suzuki-Gun style of brutal heel team under Eric Young, to a bunch of Job Squad joke groups. 

2v1 Handicap Match: PCO vs Good Hands

Coach D’Amore comes out to the announce table in support of his French Canadian Frankenstein. The Good Hands come out, run their mouth, and this is the only way they can even try to get over because they are a Job team. But I give them credit for trying to get over outside of winning matches.

Both Good Hands attack PCO and he no sells everything, lays them out with a Double Lariat, they Powder and he Cannonballs to the outside to wipe out both guys. Deanimator on Hotch, so now Skyler is the only one that can still move.

Scorpion Death Drop from PCO, PCO-SAULT for the win!

Hotch gets in D’Amore’s face after the match, literally starts poking the bear. Pops him with a few shots, and now Scott gets to do a few things, SKY HIGH! Before he can hit another Canadian Destroyer Bully Ray’s music hits. Maclin attacks from behind, Low Blow’s PCO, Chairshot on D’Amore. Bully comes in an lays into both with the chair, Maclin handcuffs D’Amore. Hotch gets the table they talk shit to D’Amore, Double Chokeslam PCO through the table. They throw PCO down a ramp and follow. They’re gonna try and take out PCO so D’Amore has no help at Slammiversary. 

.@bullyray5150 and @SteveMaclin LIT @PCOisNotHuman on FIRE! #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/Q0mNs76y5s

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) July 7, 2023

Gisele Shaw w/Jai Vidal & Savannah Evans vs Courtney Rush w/JesSICKa

I’m still not sure if I like Courtney Rush, it feels a little too similar to Jessicka and a little too Indie bullshit. I miss the Rosemary gimmick but its refreshing to see her get a change of pace.

This match is weird, Gisele gets aggressive early, but then pays for some arrogance. Courtney has a goofy moment with Jessicka after taking some momentum but then gets distracted by Jai and Gisele takes back over.

Gisele’s hubris is always her downfall. Courtney gets a flurry of offense that gets punctuated with a big Belly to Back suplex, but then when Gisele gets angry, that’s when her wrestling shines. I really enjoy when Gisele gets a little savage because she can wrestle, she’s just very gimmick heavy at the moment. Gisele takes advantage of all the interference with the Schoolgirl Roll-Up with feet on the ropes.

.@SheldonJean_ and @KennyKingPb2 had an interesting chat with @joehendry and @Im_YuyaUemura backstage on #IMPACTonAXSTV! pic.twitter.com/J7juYNbLjF

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) July 7, 2023

Motor City Machine Guns vs Lio Rush & Nick Aldis

Lio looks to start, so Sabin tags in but Lio tags out immediately to deny the champion. Quick trade, up and over from Sabin but Aldis lays him out with a Back Elbow and tags out. Sabin hits a few early shots, but then Lio literally starts running circles around Sabin. Rear Naked Choke from Lio wears down Sabin a little.

Sabin powers up, MCMG with a little tandem offense to finally neutralize Lio’s speed. Lio has a small burst of offense when Shelley is working him over but Shelley Kitchen Sinks him. Lio powders, which baits him into a chase and Aldis is able to sneak a Lariat on the outside. After the commercial we see Nick working over Shelley. Abdominal Stretch turned into an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex from Aldis. Interesting offense, utilizing his size advantage and staying in the old school vein he has become known for. Rush tags in, and tries to choke the life out of Shelley. Snap Suplex and back to back pinfalls for only a 1 count.

Aldis gets tagged in and sinks in a Headlock to wear down Shelley. Cheapshots from both challengers, but Shelley manages to fight out of it. Lays out Lio and Flatliner on Aldis into the turnbuckles. Sabin Hot Tag and he’s cleaning house. PK on the apron for Aldis, quick shots for Lio into classic MCMG tandem offense. MAGIC KILLER for 2! Aldis tries to knee Sabin in the back, but Sabin sees it, catches the leg and Dragon Screw! Shelley Dragon Screws Lio, tandem kicks on Aldis…but there’s Lio with a Back Handspring into a Tope con Hilo taking out the Guns!

Fisherman Driver from Lio into a Flying Elbow from Aldis…still only 2! Final Hour misses, High Speed Dirt, Aldis tries to stop things but MCMG fight him off, Cutter for Aldis into the Assisted Sliding Facebuster from the Guns. Aldis throws the King’s Lynn Cloverleaf on Shelley but Sabin breaks that up with a Superkick. Shelley gets thrown into the steps, Low Blow from Lio that the referee doesn’t see. Sweeping Overhead Kick from Lio to lay out Sabin, Final Hour, Lio and Aldis win!

Overall Score: 6.5/10

I’ll say I took a few points for having back to back job matches, but at least there were two matches that bookended the show in quality wrestling and storytelling. Setting up for Kaz w/Traci Brooks vs Eddie w/Alisha Edwards, is a fun idea, especially for Slammiversary. Dango is doing some great work with these Reality Show gritty promos and Santino actually taking things a little seriously is kinda fun. I don’t know who I’m rooting for in that in that feud. Wentz is my homie, as I’ve said last week and many times during the initial Rascalz run, Zachary Wentz is on the Next Level. Trey is his friend, so I have to accept him with Wentz, so I’ll advocate for whoever Wentz brings along his rise (well it better be a rise). Also, Yuya getting involved the Joe Hendry stuff is amazing. Yuya seems to take to the style of comedy well, and I’m definitely here for that.

Let’s also not overlook the challengers getting the win is a great momentum device going into the Go Home week for Slammiversary. So now aside from people fantasy booking Sabin cashing in Option C on Shelley, both titles have a real sense of danger. Aldis was already a legit challenger, which is why Lio got the pinfall win. While I will always complain about Impact not having great depth recently, their main angles in any of the divisions can be put against any other company. Impact does a better job than most to feature some lower card angles, gimmicks and stories; but they don’t elevate the floor very well.

If there are any shock upsets in the multiman matches at Slammiversary, that can change everything. 9 more days…