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Mitchell’s NJPW Road to Sakura Genesis Results & Report! (3/31/24)

Rural Revitalization in Hamamatsu!

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Can the Silverback put in the hard work?

Great-O-Khan defends the KOPW Championship against Tanga Loa, but in a rather … unique style. Will Loa survive the Rural Revitalization in Hamamatsu?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Jeff Cobb VS Shoma Kato; Cobb wins.
  • Intergalactic Jetsetters VS Bullet Club War Dogs; Jetsetters win.
  • 10 Man Tag: Just5Guys VS Tomohiro Ishii, Toru Yano, Tomoaki Honma, El Desperado & Boltin Oleg; Just5Guys win.
  • Hirooki Goto & Tiger Mask VS Chase Owens & Taiji Ishimori; Chase & Taiji win.
  • Six Man Tag: Shota Umino, YOH & Togi Makabe VS The House of Torture; House of Torture wins.
  • Six Man Tag: Los Ingobernables de Japon VS The United Empire; LIJ wins.
  • Shingo Takagi & Tetsuya Naito VS EVIL & Yujiro Takahashi; Takagi & Naito win.
  • KOPW Championship Rural Revitalization Match: Great-O-Khan VS Tanga Loa; Khan wins and retains the title.

PLAY BY PLAY

KOPW Championship Rural Revitalization Match: Great-O-Khan w/ The United Empire VS Tanga Loa w/ Jado!

The Dominator won this title by going fast and furious, but now he’s going to put his nose to the grindstone! Rural Revitalization is a best two out of three rounds match: a ten minute “most covers” match; a five minute eel eating contest; and if need be, a four corners strap match! Will the Silverback be able to survive a hard day’s work? Or will Khan hold onto the title in Hamamatsu?

The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and we see who earns this title by the sweat of their brow!

Again, round one is most covers, so every count of a pin scores a point. The bell rings, we’re on the clock, and the two circle as the fans rally up. They tie up, are in a deadlock, then they break. They circle again, feel things out, and tie up again. They’re in another deadlock, but Loa uses his height for leverage to put Khan on ropes. Red Shoes calls the break, Loa lets off slowly, and the fans applaud the sportsmanship. The two circle again, tie up, and Khan pulls on an ear! Khan CLUBS that ear, but Loa gets in Khan’s face! Khan dares Loa to do something, so Loa fires a forearm! Khan gives it back, and the two go back and forth!

The fans rally as the forearms keep going, and even pick up speed! We’re already two minutes in but Loa unloads a flurry! Loa runs, but Khan RAMS him! Both men stagger but neither falls, and the fans rally up again. Khan runs, RAMS Loa, but Loa doesn’t fall! Loa runs, he RAMS Khan, but Khan doesn’t fall! Khan fires up, runs again, RAMS Loa, and Loa grits his teeth as he stays up. Loa gets in Khan’s face, they each dare the other to run, so they both run! They RAM shoulders and Khan staggers back! Loa runs up to clothesline Khan up and out! The fans rally, the Empire coaches Khan, but Loa goes out to fetch him.

Loa drags Khan up to SMACK him off the apron! Khan clutches his face but Loa talks trash with the Empire. Loa drags Khan up, CLUBS him on the neck, then brings Khan back up. Four minutes in, Loa whips but Khan reverses! Loa hits railing and tumbles up and over! Loa clutches a knee while the Empire coaches Khan. Khan goes out to No Man’s Land to get Loa! Khan stomps Loa, then uses railing to CHOKE him! Red Shoes reprimands, Khan lets off, and then he takes more railing to SLAM it onto Loa! Khan drags Loa up and we’re five minutes into this ten minute round as Khan puts him in the ring.

The fans rally as Khan drags Loa up, and hits Mongolian Chops! And more Mongolian Chops! But then Loa back elbows! Khan stops the hell stab to ELBOW and SAYANAGI! Cover, TWO! Khan has points on the board and the fans rally up. Khan drags Loa up, whips him to a corner, then runs in to clothesline! Khan turns Loa around and sits on his throne! The fans cheer, but then Loa slips out! Loa UPPERCUTS Khan down! The fans rally, Loa drags Khan up, and he fires point-blank clotheslines again and again in the corner! The fans cheer and count along, and Loa goes to TEN! Loa then whips corner ro corner to A-LIST LARIAT!

Khan falls, Loa goes up, and Khan stands for the CROSSBODY! Cover, TWO! Loa just tied this round up, with three minutes left! Loa scoops, but Khan slips free! Khan trips, waistlocks, and gator rolls to a bridging cover, TWO! That’s two more points! Khan trips to jackknife bridge, TWO! More points for Khan as he hurries to snap suplex! PANCAKE BRIDGE, TWO! Khan clamps on with a KATA GATAME! They didn’t discuss how submissions factor into this, but Khan is mostly just stalling to wear out the clock! Loa endures as Khan leans all his weight and even does a headstand! Khan thrashes Loa around but Loa keeps the shoulders up!

Loa reaches around as we drop under two minutes! Khan drags Loa from ropes, pushes on Loa, but Loa still avoids the cover. Loa fights around, ROPEBREAK! Khan holds on until Red Shoes counts, and Khan poses. Khan then drags Loa up, scoops, but Loa slips free! Khan still HELL STABS first! Loa stays up, Khan BOOTS him, but again Loa stays up! And LARIATS!! Cover, TWO! Loa gets points but he only has one minute to tie this up! Loa scoops, Khan slips free, but Loa PELES! Khan roars and rises, to then waistlock! Loa bucks the O’Conner, then SPEARS Khan down! Cover, FIVE!! Loa takes the lead!!

Loa clamps on the CROSSFACE!! Khan endures with just 30 seconds left! Khan has to get free or get a cover, but then we’re down to TEN seconds! Khan fights, moves, but time’s up! Loa takes the round!

Khan: 0; Loa: 1

Just as Khan had it in the bag, it slips through his fingers and the first round goes to Loa! Thee cornermen help both men refresh, and the ring crew helps bring in some tarps to set down. They’re setting the table for round two, the eel eating contest! Surely both men have worked up an appetite, but will Khan taste bitter defeat?

The table is ready, the unagi is served, and Khan gets his shirt back on so he can join Loa for the meal. Red Shoes helps with the soy sauce while both men bring out the chopsticks. The bell rings and they have five minutes to eat up! Loa and Khan seem to be enjoying the meal, at least. The fans rally as they dip, chew and swallow as fast as they can while still being safe. As we pass into the two minute mark, Khan appears to have a much better pace and much better appetite than Loa, having already cleared out a third of his plate compared to Loa maybe having cleared a fifth. But Loa won’t be deterred, he still has time as well as the first round in his pocket.

Khan takes a moment to stand and shake out his pants, trying to loosen them up so he can eat more. Loa soldiers on as Jado coaches him, but he is starting to feel stuffed. Khan has cleared about half his plate and looks to be hitting his stride. Two minutes left, the Empire cheers Khan on. Loa seems at a loss for words at how Khan is just putting these unagi away. Loa takes a deep breath, keeps going, and Khan again uses the shake technique. We’re at the one minute warning, and Khan’s lead is astounding! Loa is making some ground, and Khan is the first to drink some water, but Loa follows as we have 30 seconds!

The fans cheer as the countdown nears its end! TEN SECONDS! Khan chomps down a couple more, and that’s the round! Red Shoes and the refs examine the plates, counting each individual piece. Loa ate 34, but Khan ate 37! Khan wins the round!

Khan: 1; Loa: 1

Well, now that both men have had a good dinner break, and the score tied at a round apiece, it’s back to work! And that means putting on the strap! Though it really looks more like a rope. Either way, the goal is for each man to take their picture off the corners so note they’ve tagged them, and the first to get all four corners wins. The bell rings and the fans rally up! Khan and Loa each pull on the strap, the tug-o-war being rather even. Loa wants his red corner but Khan digs his heels in! Khan reaches for his blue corner, but now Loa digs his heels in! The fans rally as the two sit down with the tug-o-war, and Loa crawls his way around!

Loa reaches for an open white corner but Khan still tries for blue! They go back and forth, pulling and being pulled, and Khan stands back up. Khan tries to drag Loa along but Loa’s grapevining the rope! Loa reaches with his free arm but Khan keeps him back! Loa powers his way back, TAG! That’s one corner for Loa already, but still a long way to go. Khan gathers up slack to get closer to Loa and to keep him even further from the corner. Loa still digs his heels in but Khan roars as he drags Loa back! The fans rally, but those unagi might not be sitting well… Loa uses this opening to fight forward, but Khan still keeps him back!

Loa stands, pulls as hard as he can, and Khan loses grip! Loa falls back into the corner, but Khan runs up to tag, too! So then, both men score a corner? No, Red Shoes uses his discretion to say falling is not tagging, Khan has tied things up! But then Loa TAGS the corner after all! Loa takes the lead again, but Khan can still turn this around. The fans rally, Khan brings Loa up but Loa kicks. Khan blocks and is upset Loa was trying to hit him in the gut! Loa apologizes, Khan slowly lets him go, but then goes to kick! Loa blocks and is upset Khan was about to do the same! Khan apologizes, Loa lets him go, and the fans applaud.

Khan pulls on the rope, and the two both throw forearms! Loa gets the edge, then fireman’s carries! Khan panics but Loa is the one feeling the strain! Loa marches towards the blue corner but between Khan’s weight and the unagi, he’s a bit lethargic. Khan slips free, and uses the strap to CHOKE Loa! Legal in a strap match, after all! Loa endures, still reaches out, but he’s fading! Khan leans on Loa and grinds him to the mat! Khan then lets go, and he reaches for a corner. Khan ends up having to drag Loa along, and he TAGS the white corner! Now we’re all tied up at two apiece! Khan takes a moment to settle his stomach before standing again.

Khan goes for the blue corner but Loa anchors him using the strap! Khan frowns, storms up on Loa, and again uses the strap to CHOKE Loa! Loa is fading out again but the fans rally. Loa sits up but Khan stands on Loa’s shoulder blades! Khan pulls as hard as he can but Loa is still fighting! Khan drags Loa up and turns around, NECKBREAKER RACK! But Loa RAMS Khan into the corner! Khan is about to blow~! The fans freak out as Khan does his best to hold those 37 unagi potstickers in! Khan manages to breathe, but Loa is on him to fire forearms! Loa then whips corner to corner, but Khan reverses to IRON RIGHT the gut!

Loa drops to his knees, those 34 potstickers somehow staying inside! But Khan tags the other white corner, and now he takes the lead! Khan asks for help, The Empire gets him his shirt, and he uses that to wipe his mouth. Khan stomps Loa, but also has to drag him along. Loa resists so Khan rains down fists! Khan CHOKES Loa straight up, then stomps him some more. Khan reaches for the blue corner but Loa still holds him back! Khan kicks Loa around, stomps him again, then CHOKES him! Loa can only endure, but Khan lets up to stomp around. The fans rally, Loa rises, and Khan runs up, but Loa dodges the boot! STRAP LOW BLOW!

Khan gasps for air as he drops to his knees! Loa crawls over, reaches out, and he tags the white corner! We’re tied up again, and now it comes down to the blue corner! Loa is closer, but Khan hurries to grab the ropes on the opposite end! But Loa uses the strap to reel Khan in! Khan does the same to keep Loa from the corner! The fans rally, Khan scuffs Loa, but Loa still reaches out. Khan fires a forearm, but there’s not a lot behind it with the unagi weighing Khan down. Oh no, is Khan gonna puke after all? The fans rally as Loa comes back to forearm Khan. Not much behind that one, either, but both men still fall over.

Loa reaches out, Khan fires a forearm. Loa sits back up so he can fire a forearm back. Khan falls over but he still anchors Loa by holding ropes! Loa drags Khan up but Khan BITES Loa’s ear! A vicious attempt at dessert, but Loa throws hands! Loa gets Khan’s wrists, for KAMI- NO! Khan uses the strap to block! Then he IRON CLAWS, and has a leg, for a modified ELIMINATOR!! Khan crawls, the Empire and the fans all rally, Khan TAGS and WINS!

Winner: Great-O-Khan, 2-1 (still KOPW Champion)

Khan not only holds onto the title, but he holds in the potstickers! A valiant effort from the Silverback, but will it take even more intestinal fortitude to take this title from The Dominator?

Speaking of, Khan gets the mic to speak to the “peasants of Hamamatsu.” Khan says “only those who prepared the Hamamatsu dumplings today will be allowed at the table. We praise you for preparing such a delicacy.” The fans applaud that, and after Khan catches his breath again, he says, “Before you even start, you’re denied. Once you start, you’re halted. If you quit, you’re ridiculed. The only way is to persevere until you reach the end.” The fans applaud again, and Khan asks, “When you hear the words ‘pro-wrestling’ and ‘professional wrestler,’ what comes to mind? Antonio Inoki? Tiger Mask? Riki Choshu? The Three Musketeers?

“How long are we gonna talk about the past!? A new era is dawning!” The fans applaud that, too! Khan says he’ll make it so everyone thinks of HIM when they think of pro-wrestling! It starts in Japan, in all the small provinces. “But know this: The first step in Hamamatsu is a giant one.” The fans applaud again, and Khan likes that “Hamamatsu, the town of fine dumplings” feels the same. “Aren’t you proud of that association?” The fans applaud to confirm. Khan also brings up that there’s eels, mandarin oranges, strawberries, cedar, cypress, and Hamamatsu Castle! The fans applaud the many symbols of their region.

Khan says rest assured, while they rule KOPW and NJPW, when the Empire sees a crying child, they will offer them Hamamatsu dumplings, and make it more well-known than ever before! For this is the United Empire’s power! Callum Newman, Francesco Akira, TJP, Jeff Cobb and Great-O-Khan, “HAIL US, PEASANTS!” The fans cheer their Empire, will nothing stop them from conquering NJPW and the world?


My Thoughts:

Well, this time skipping matches isn’t really my fault. NJPW was unable to livestream from Hamamatsu, and I waited all day for the matches to be On Demand. They made sure the main event was uploaded first of all the matches, and I’m not going back to get the rest since they’re mostly tune-up filler anyway. But great stuff out of this Rural Revitalization match, I hope Khan suggests this one again next time. They weren’t quite as frantic going for pins in the first round but I suppose they were saving their energy for the final round since of course it was going to all three stipulations. And for a four corner style strap match, they were very creative in building the tension until the very end.

My Score: 8.7/10

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Coverage

Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Match Results & Ratings: 9.19.2024

Victory Road was damn good, but behind us now. So let’s see how the build for Bound for Glory starts!

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Well hot damn, Victory Road was a solid night of action, surprises and an overall enjoyable watch. Even with the major let down segments of SDL and the Knockouts Tag, they were placed right in the middle…so there was energy aplenty for the last four matches. We do get to see where they’re going with Bound For Glory in about 6 weeks.

My fantasy booking has The System, ABC and Hardyz heading towards a championship 3 way dance. DeMALISH is done, so at least Masha is back on the singles circuit. Lets hope she makes short work of Lish and/or Tasha.

Time to see where the early steps take us on the way to Bound for Glory.

Ratings:

  • First Cla$$ (KC Navarro & AJ Francis) vs Sinner & Saint ( Judas Icarus & Travis Williams): First Cla$$ win via Down Payment/Frog Splash combo – ** 1/4
  • Matt Cardona vs Rhino: Cardona DQ’d – My time wasted
  • Knockouts Tag Championship: Spitfire (Dani Luna & Jody Threat) (c) vs Kendal Grey & Carlee Bright: Spirefire retains via Pressure Drop – * 1/2
  • Texas Death Match: JDC vs Mike Santana: Santana wins – ** 3/4
  • Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & Tasha Steelz w/Alisha Edwards vs Masha Slamovich & The Hardyz: Hardyz win via Twist & Swanton combo – *** 1/4

 

Results:

Lish talks smack, Masha comes out, Lish says she doesn’t even understand her – AND FINALLY – Masha speaks English. So she runs down Lish, says she’s sick of her but Tasha jumps Masha from behind. Lish grabs Kendra, attacks Masha and we see Tasha and Lish beatdown Masha until Jordynne makes the save for Masha. The System comes out to tip the numbers game, but then The Hardyz come out to save Masha and Jordynne. 

Santino’s goofy music hits and I guess we’re heading to the 3×3 since Lish is still injured. Masha Slamabitch and the Hard Boyz will fight Tasha and System boys. Arianna’s music hits before Santino can say something to Jordynne, and she declares Jordynne gets an NXT friend next week to fight Rosemary and Wendy Choo. I just like Santino and Arianna playing together. It’s wholesomely moronic. 

First Cla$$ (KC Navarro & AJ Francis) vs Sinner & Saint ( Judas Icarus & Travis Williams)

KC and Travis start off, KC hits some athletic counters, taunts a little and extends the hand but Travis turns it into an Arm Whip, tags in Icarus, they Double Team, AJ blind tags as KC rope runs, Spiderman pose in the ropes, AJ levels  Icarus, KC takes out Travis, hits the tandem move The Deposit, into Tennessee Whiskey. KC tags back in, Snapmare into Footstomp and a near fall before AJ tags back in. They go for a tandem move on Icarus in the corner, but Icarus dumps KC to the outside, turns a Suplex into a DDT, and then crawls to Travis for simultaneous tags as Travis is working KC over. KC powders, tries to change sides but Sinner and Saint tandem redirect the dive. Inverted Suplex for a near fall.

AJ comes in, Lawn Darts Icarus into Travis, Down Payment, Frog Splash from KC…and First Cla$$ win!

Matt Cardona vs Rhino

Obviously just a step towards the eventual PCO versus Cardona, prolly at Bound for Glory. So this match is useless and Cardona has no reason to lose.

Cardona tries to pick his spot, but just gets his Foot picked out of mid air, and Rhino throws Cardona around the ring, Lariat, sets up for a Gore…but Cardona powders. Rhino follows and Suplexes Cardona onto the ramp, throws him back in and a Throat Chop from Cardona finally gives him some space. Missile Dropkick for an unnecessary pinfall, and then just grinding the Forearm into Rhino’s face in the corner. 10 Count Punches turned into a Powerbomb from Rhino for 2.

Rhino goes to get a chair, the ref admonishes him, Rhino throws the chair in, Cardona uses it in front of the referee and gets DQ’d. Radio Silence on Rhino after the DQ, Cardona looks to continue the punishment but lights go out and PCO attacks. Chokeslam, goes for the PCO-Sault, but Cardona powders and runs away. PCO goes full Ric Flair, attacks the chair and then PCO-Saults a steel chair.

Well…that’s new. 

Knockouts Tag Championship: Spitfire (Dani Luna & Jody Threat) (c) vs Kendal Grey & Carlee Bright

You know how I’ve said these titles are useless right? Now they’re being defended against…no one. Bright Grey? That’s not even a Crayola Crayon color. I think I would enjoy constipation more than this match.

Jody and…Grey?… start and its just slow, headlocky, I guess trying to get across Grey’s amateur background, but it looks terribly…meh. Dani tags in and now my attention is peaked. Powerbomb attempt but Grey tries to slip it into a Cradle, Dani kicks out, catches Grey and Sack of Shit into Kip Up. Tandem Stalling Suplex after the tag, but only 2. Dani gets tagged in, they don’t seem to be taking Grey super seriously, so Grey finally kicks off and gets the tag to Bright. Okay, Cartwheel Knees is unique offense, not the Cheerleader Back Handspirng, I can respect that. Oh nice Standing Moonsault from Bright. Grey tags in, Jody takes a few seconds too long for the “blind tag”, Senton off the ropes to kill the two NXT girls, Pressure Drop, title retained.

Burn these belts and push Dani as a singles. 

Texas Death Match: JDC vs Mike Santana

Jade looks like she’s cosplaying Peg Bundy during the intros but…ya know…not complaining. And it sounds like they’re doing the rules correctly with pinfall and then 10 count. So, that’s nice the rules seem to be clear.

JDC tries to attack Santana as he comes in from the crowd, Santana turns it around as expected and starts running JDC from corner to corner, Enzuigiri and multiple Bootwash corner spots. Santana looks for a Cannonball, but JDC powders, so Santana stalks a little, Tope con Hilo connects! Santana finds some chairs as the morons start chanting for tables when it’s 4 minutes in. That chant just screams inbred and stupid anymore.

Santana puts the two chairs back to back and looks to hit the old Eddie Kingston spot on JDC, but JDC fights it off, 10 count punches that JDC counters with the Powerbomb through the back to back chairs. Trash can and kendo stick time for Dango. Dude, Stomp is soo 1999 but its apparently cool in Texas. DOWN AND DIRTY on the trash can from JDC! But he can’t cover since now he’s selling his own pain for dropping on a can. Santana smartly powders and JDC tries to remember how to walk. Santana crawls up to his feet bleeding, but he also found a Barbedwire Bat! Dango tries to grab him, BAT TO FACE! Of course they head to a commercial right as the match gets bloody…sigh.

So we’re back and they’re fighting in the crowd, or no, some staging area about the crowd. Dango is bleeding, Santana is bleeding, Santana counters Dango and hits a Piledriver on the stage for 2! Brawling up some steps, JDC kicks off Santana and connects with a Tornado DDT for 2! Santana rolls over and flops off the stage as he crawls to…somewhere. JDC with the low speed pursuit, he finally charges and gets tossed into some broken barricade makeshift something! Santana slams a production case into Dango a few times, as Dango tries to crawl up a table to get away. Santana walks back up to the stage, and stops himself mid-charge. FINDS A LADDER. Santana gets the ref and someone else to hold it, goes to the top of the ladder…and Splash through JDC on the table.

Takes entirely too long, so while it looks cool its pretty stupid. 1-2-3, the pinfall happens, but lets see if the 10 count holds. 10 count goes through, Santana wins.

Moose attacks afterwards and just beats the tar out of him with a chair.

Hendry comes out, Kaz interrupts, Nic Nemeth basically agrees to fight everyone. So Santino makes it shot and succulent, and decides for Hendry and Kaz to have a number 1 contender match next week. Nothing of crazy merit was said during the promo, so I decided to take Santino’s directions and go for short and succulent. 

Eddie Edwards, Brian Myers & Tasha Steelz w/Alisha Edwards vs Masha Slamovich & The Hardyz

Well right after intros they cut to a commercial, so maybe we won’t get anymore. Tasha and Masha start off, and throw fists fast, things stay close and they trade. Masha gets the advantage after a Drop Toe Hold into the middle rope, kick to the face, running knees and Tasha tags out to Eddie. Masha doesn’t care she wants to fight Eddie but Eddie cheap shots Matt on the apron and Matt tells Masha to tag him in. So Eddie doesn’t look like a completely shitty heel, and the crowd pops for a Hardy.

Matt chokes Eddie along the ropes, Leg Drape attack and tags in my name is Jeff. A little classic Hardy tandem work, Myers just runs in, stack the dorks, Splash version of Poetry in Motion. System gets Lariated out, Tasha tries to attack Matt but Masha eats Tasha. Whips her 3 times into corners and Poetry in Moscow. All of the System is on the outside, so Masha goes to the top, Senton off the top rope and Bowling Balls The System. Ugh…picture in picture is awful…stop with commercials at bad times. I really miss the commercial free YouTube version.

So to no one’s surprise, of course The System take control during the distraction break, Masha is being isolated, Eddie tags in and he’s taking his sweet time for a chop. So again, Eddie doesn’t make contact. Masha drops Tasha, ducks the men, hot tag to Jeff! Jeff lights up Eddie, looks for Whisper in the Wind but Myers pulls Eddie out of the way and Jeff hits nothing. And unlike Jinder, Eddie didn’t bump to a breeze. Eddie tags out to Myers, Russian Leg Sweep and Front Face Lock is keeping Jeff down. Jeff fights back up, but Myers clocks him. Myers tags in Tasha, and Tasha goes with the Knife Edge Chops on Jeff, mocks the Jeff dance, then twerks in his face before tagging Eddie back in.

Myers attacks Matt off the apron and even Masha, but Jeff starts to fight back, goes for the Whisper again, and this time connects on both! Jeff tags in Matt, so he starts working through the System boys. Neckbreaker into the Delete Headsmashes for both members of the System. Side Effect on Myers for only two. Matt calls for the Twist, the crowd responds well, but the Twist is countered, Lish grabs Matt’s foot but the referee sees it. EJECTION! Poor Tami-Lynn, she doesn’t wanna go, Hardys and Masha laugh and sing the Hey Hey Hey song, Lish says no so the ABC walk down and pick her up and carry her out. Twist of Fates for everyone, Swanton Bomb from Jeff, Hardyz and Masha win!

 

Overall Score: 6/10

Serviceable in regards to setting up most of the threads for Bound for Glory. The actual wrestling could’ve been a lot better, but for a starting point, it could’ve been worse. Xia Li getting her new name revealed, which I like. Some kind of Thunder reference, mixed in with the fact her vignettes give Mortal Kombat vibes, its very cool. The Knockouts Tags definitely feel like useless metal, Santana and JDC was probably better to experience in person, because the commercial break broke the momentum…and Gods damn was that finish sooo slow. At least the Texas Death Match rules were correct.

Crowd was also hot for the Hardyz, so the combination of “evil Russian” dropping the accent and proving to be a Hardy fangirl and get the Hardyz babyface rub sets up Masha nicely. She should be the next face of the Knockouts Division.

Next week we’ll hopefully get a touch more clarity or reasons for multi-person shmoz matches. But reasons are reasons, and this moved in logical enough directions.

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Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

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Coverage

Mitchell’s ROH Results & Report! (9/19/24)

Is Dark Order good enough?

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Team Texas meets Dark Order on the Proving Ground!

Dustin Rhodes & Sammy Guevara need challengers for the ROH World Tag Team Championships, so Evil Uno & Alex Reynolds are put to the test! Will they last the necessary ten minutes?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • ROH Women’s World TV Championship Proving Grounds: Red Velvet VS Allysin Kay; Velvet wins and denies Allysin a title opportunity.
  • The Gates of Agony VS Dante Leon & Trip Jordy; The Gates of Agony win.
  • Preston Vance VS Brandon Cutler; Vance wins.
  • John Silver w/ The Dark Order VS KM; Silver wins.
  • Rachael Ellering VS Maggie Lee; Rachael wins.
  • The Infantry w/ Trish Adora VS Spanish Announce Project; The Infantry wins.
  • Anthony Ogogo w/ Shane Taylor VS Kit Sackett; Ogogo wins.
  • Brian Cage VS Deonn Rusman; Cage wins.
  • ROH World Tag Team Championships Proving Ground: Dustin Rhodes & Sammy Guevara VS Evil Uno & Alex Reynolds w/ John Silver; Dustin & Sammy win and deny The Dark Order a title opportunity.

PLAY BY PLAY

ROH Women’s World TV Championship Proving Grounds: Red Velvet VS Allysin Kay!

The Chef is cooking, and she even whipped up a new look for the belt! Will Velvet have the whole women’s division seeing red? Or will AK say pinkies out as she eats up this dish?

The Code of Honor is upheld with a pinkie swear, and the two circle. They tie up and Allysin shoves Velvet down. Velvet gets up, dodges Allysin, and wags a finger. Allysin runs up again, Velvet slides under, then she ducks ‘n’ dodges to tilt-o-whirl RANA! The fans fire up and Velvet fires off body shots in the corner! Velvet lets off, but then comes back to stomp high and low. Velvet lets off to dig her boot in! The fans cheer as Velvet does the splits and stirs it up. Velvet lets off as the ref counts, then she comes back to fire forearms. Velvet runs, wheelbarrows, but Allysin says no to the bulldog, WHEELBARROW GERMAN! Cover, TWO!

Allysin drags Velvet up to TOSS her to a corner, then CHOPS her! The fans fire up, Allysin CHOPS again. Allysin bumps Velvet off buckles, Velvet hits back, but Allysin fires her own body shots. Then a fireman’s carry to a SAMOAN DROP! Cover, TWO! Allysin drags Velvet up, Velvet fires body shots of her own again! Velvet runs, but Allysin catches the crossbody! FALL AWAY SLAM! Cover, TWO! Velvet toughs it out but Allysin drags her back up. Velvet fires more body shots, Allysin shoves her away, but Velvet runs up. Allysin sidesteps and runs, Velvet CALF KICKS, but Allysin deflects it! Then she gets an ANKLE LOCK!

Velvet endures as Allysin twists the foot. The fans rally, Velvet reaches out, ROPEBREAK! Allysin lets go at 4, then storms back up. Allysin snapmares Velvet, and clamps on with a straitjacket stretch! Velvet endures, even as Allysin digs a knee into her back. The fans rally up, Velvet fights up, and Velvet arm-drags free! Velvet runs up, to tilt-o-whirl and IRON OCTOPUS! Allysin endures, the fans rally, and Allysin powers right into a gut wrench! But Velvet clicks her heels, slips free, and hits a STUNNER! Velvet runs, but into a SPINEBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Velvet survives and Allysin grows frustrated.

Allysin drags Velvet up and in, Canadian Rack into the Gory Especial, but Velvet sunset flips it! TWO, and both women stand! Velvet LARIATS, but Allysin stays up! Velvet runs again, and she LARIATS again, but Allysin wags her finger. Velvet tries again, ducks Allysin’s lariat and LEAPING LARIATS! Then she CALF KICKS! Allysin falls, Velvet roars and the fans fire up! Velvet runs, wheelbarrows, and STUNNERS! Allysin falls back, Velvet goes after her at the ropes. The fans rally, Velvet pumps up and runs, to DOUBLE KNEE! Velvet YANKS Allysin off ropes, rolls with her, and dragon sleepers! JUST DESSERTS! Cover, Velvet wins!

Winner: Red Velvet, by pinfall (denies Allysin Kay a title match)

A solid win from The Chef, and she tells Diamante that she has the blood of a fighter! Eat, sleep, breathe, wrestling! Will everyone be served up some hot, fresh L’s in Red Velvet’s kitchen?

 

The Dark Order speak.

Dustin Rhodes wants more championships, and it makes Evil Uno sick! Alex Reynolds says that greed will lead to Dustin’s downfall. The funny thing about this Proving Ground is that The Dark Order has nothing to prove. Dustin & Sammy have to show they can beat The Dark Order in 10 minutes. All Dark Order has to do is beat the clock, and then unlike Dustin & Sammy, the Dark Order will earn a title opportunity. Dark Order is ROH, and they vow to get both revenge, and those ROH World Tag Team Championships. Will Evil Uno & Alex Reynolds show the world #DarkOrderisGood enough?

 

The Outrunners speak.

Truth Magnum tells The Iron Savages, “You wanna attack The Outrunners from behind?” Turbo Floyd & Erica Leigh shake their heads. But they don’t call him The Truth for nothing! And the truth is, if you’ve got beef, here are two Grade A master chefs, and they’re running hot! Keep your “savage sauce,” because you’re looking two young men absolutely jacked to the gills on “best-tosterone!” Turbo says the Savages have a few things he can respect: their muscles; their tans; their glitz; but they ain’t got no glamour! That’s what The Outrunners have! And in ROH, if you want it, let him tell you: Any time, any place!

Because if you haven’t seen The Outrunners, you haven’t seen nothing yet! Erica barks, but will Truth & Turbo find they’re barking up the wrong tree?

 

The Premier Athletes speak.

Mark Sterling says, “Whoa, whoa, hold on. Do you recognize this man? Of course you do. Because over a million of you saw him do the most impressive wrestling move you’ve ever seen in your life. But did you just see the move and scroll past it? Or did you actually think about who was the man that did the move? I’ll tell you who that man is. This is Josh Woods, National Champion, 108 collegiate wins, four-time All American! And there’s more where that came from.” Woods says he can do that to anybody. Anytime, anywhere. Then when and where will we see the Technical Beast do that for some gold?

 

The Infantry w/ Trish Adora VS Spanish Announce Project!

While Shawn Dean & Carlie Bravo have made amends with The Outrunners, they’re still aiming at the ROH World Tag Team Championships. But that just means they’re one of many, because the reinvigorated Angelico Y Serpentico want their shot! Who rises up the ranks with a win while the other falls in Sioux Falls?

The teams sort out and #BadNews&Tattoos starts against the South African Stud. They shake hands for the Code of Honor, and Bravo gets an “OORAH!” going. Bravo and Angelico circle, the fans rally, and the two tie up. Angelico wrenches, wristlocks, but Bravo reaches down, slips around, and he wristlocks back. Bravo says they’re really wrestling and the fans have a laugh. Bravo keeps on the wrist, but spins, opens the hold, then steps over for a modified cording hold! Then Angelico wrenches the other wrist, but Bravo rolls, handsprings, pops ‘n’ locks and he gets Angelico with that vibe! Then Bravo reels Angelico in for a headlock!

The fans cheer, but Angelico powers up and out. Angelico drops, then hip tosses, but Bravo spins through it to arm-drag! The fans cheer again, Bravo eggs Angelico on, ducks the haymaker, but Angelico ducks the backhand. Bravo ducks the roundhouse, jumps the sweep, and dropkicks cancel out! Angelico spins to his feet while Bravo kips up, and both men Bernie Lean and walk it out! The fans cheer, and the two tag to The Captain and #SNAKEMAN. The fans “OORAH!” with Bravo again, and Dean shakes hands with Serpentico. They tie up, Dean headlocks, but Serpentico powers out. Dean runs Serpentico over!

The fans rally as Bran says Dean is so strong. Things speed up, Dean hurdles but Serpentico ducks ‘n’ dodges to RANA! The fans fire up but Dean is on his feet. Dean runs up, but into BOOTS! Dean tries again but Serpentico RANAS! But then Dean arm-drags! And arm-drags again! And DROPKICK! The fans fire up and Dean brings Serpentico up. Dean wrenches Serpentico, tags Bravo, and The Infantry double whip. DOUBLE HIP TOSS! A rough landing for Serpentico, but Infantry DOUBLE FIST DROP! Angelico storms in, Dean blocks a kick, hands it to Bravo, then ENZIGIRIS Bravo slips around to hit a NECKBREAKER!

The fans fire up while Angelico bails out. Serpentico slowly rises, Bravo brings him up, but Serpentico headlocks. Bravo powers out but Angelico tags in. Serpentico ducks Bravo and Angelico scoops to BACKBREAKER! Angelico stands Bravo up, Serpentico runs in, NECKBREAKER DROP BACKBREAKER COMBO! Cover, TWO! Bravo stays in this but Angelico stays on him with a cording hold. Bravo endures, the fans rally up, and Bravo fights up, only for Angelico to knee low! Tag to Serpentico, SAP double whip, then they both drop. Bravo is very surprised by that but clears them both. Angelico hip tosses Bravo, then SAP ZENMAI! Cover, TWO!

The fans rally as Bravo stays in this. Serpentico drags Bravo up, tags Angelico back in, and SAP mugs Bravo. Angelico stomps Bravo while Adora rallies the fans with “Let’s Go, Bravo, Let’s Go!” Bravo CHOPS Angelico, Angelico KNEES low! Angelico JABS Bravo, wrenches and lifts, BIG back suplex! Cover, TWO! Angelico keeps Bravo down by bending his arm against a knee. Bravo endures, the fans rally, but Angelico top wristlocks. Bravo fights up, fires body shots, but Angelico ROCKS him! Angelico stalks Bravo to ropes, brings him up, and then wrenches. Angelico back suplexes, but Bravo lands out! Bravo reaches out, but Angelico keeps him back!

The fans rally, and Bravo BACKHANDS Angelico away! Hot tags to Dean and Serpentico! The fans fire up as Dean rallies on SAP with LARIAT after LARIAT! Then he floats on Angelico to DDT! Kip up, and he gets Serpentico, spin and “SONIC BOOM~” LARIAT! The fans fire up while Serpentico goes to a corner, and Dean says, “OORAH!” The fans echo “OORAH!” and Dean ELBOWS Serpentico! Bravo tags in then follows Dean as he takes Serpentico side to side. Buckle bump and a BOOT, then Dean goes back to a corner. Bravo bumps Serpentico off buckles again, and Dean runs in to LEAPING LARIAT!

The fans fire up while Dean lands safe on the apron, and Bravo scoops Serpentico to MICHINOKU DRIVER! Cover, TWO!! Serpentico survives and Bravo is stunned! Dean calls for Boot Camp and he tags in. Dean hooks Serpentico up, Bravo runs, but Angelico trips him! Angelico drags Bravo out to UPPERCUT, and Serpentico snapmares Dean. Serpentico mule kicks, ROCKS and SUPERKICKS! Angelico steps in to clinch and FLATLINER! Serpentico goes up, FROG SPLASH! Cover, TWO!! Dean survives and SAP is shocked! The fans rally up but SAP drags Dean up. SAP coordinate, Angelico runs, but Bravo trips Angelico up!

Bravo drags Angelico out now, and ROLLING ELBOW! Serpentico ROCKS Dean, runs, but Bravo returns! Infantry dodges Serpentico to fire off the Captain & Bucky combo! Then DOUBLE ROLLING ELBOWS! The fans fire up with The Infantry, and they hook Serpentico up again. Time for BOOT CAMP!! Cover, Infantry wins!

Winners: The Infantry, by pinfall

SAP put up a fight, but The Infantry are marching up towards the top of the rankings! Bravo says never fear, the Infantry is here! But will they be armed and ready for a title shot in the near future? And perhaps best of all, The Infantry offer the Code of Honor, and SAP takes it!

 

Shane Taylor Promotions speaks.

Anthony Ogogo says it is so good to be Anthony Ogogo! The skull-crackin’, jaw-jackin’ Gov’nah is back in ROH! Shane Taylor himself says it’s great to have him back. Ogogo says he was in Paris for the Olympics, watching the very best athletes win gold. But brother, it got Ogogo thinking. It’s time for him to win gold in ROH! Shane likes that, too. Shane says a wise man once said, “First you get the money, then you get the power.” Around here, winning gold is both! And STP is gonna start taking every championship ROH has to offer. AEW is where the best wrestler, but ROH is where the baddest rumble! Will Ogogo and Big Bad Shaney T. soon join Lee Moriarty as champions of ROH?

 

ROH World Tag Team Championships Proving Ground: Dustin Rhodes & Sammy Guevara VS Evil Uno & Alex Reynolds w/ John Silver!

Dustin is a double champion here in ROH, and that’s all the reason The Dark Order needed to despise him! But will they be able to bring down The Natural & The Spanish God? Or will Team Texas be riding high in South Dakota?

The Code of Honor is tentatively upheld, but Reynolds does go and push Sammy. The teams sort out and Sammy starts against Reynolds. The fans rally as the two circle, but then Reynolds bails out. Sammy is annoyed, the fans boo, but Reynolds reminds us, the Dark Order doesn’t even need to beat the champs, just last the ten minutes. Silver and Reynolds high-five, the fans rally for Sammy, and he waits on Reynolds. Reynolds takes his time returning, and then Reynolds tags Uno. And Uno tells Sammy, “I want this guy!” He points at Dustin, Sammy points at Dustin, and the fans fire up as Sammy tags Dustin!

Dustin and Uno circle, they approach, but then Uno bails out to troll Dustin. Uno does a sarcastic victory lap, but Dustin cuts him off. Uno says whoa, hold on, only to turn around and see Sammy! The fans cheer but Uno runs away into the ring! Team Texas grabs at him, knocks him down, and then Uno gets up into an UPPERCUT! Sammy hooks Uno up, Dustin joins in, DOUBLE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Sammy kips up, Reynolds runs in, but into a DROPKICK! Sammy kips real smooth, and then he tells Dustin to dive! The fans fire up, Dustin fires up, and while Dark Order regroups, Team Texas builds speed!

But then Dark Order scurries away, Sammy & Dustin put on the brakes, and the fans boo. Sammy spins and poses, so Dustin busts out the spinarooni! Dustin poses, too, and the fans fire up! The Dark Order gets mad, but turnabout is fair play. The Dark Order decides to just bail, but Dustin chases them down! Dustin SMACKS Uno, ROCKS Reynolds, then gets Silver to back off. Dustin UPPERCUTS Uno, SMACKS him off the apron, then stalks him around the way. Dustin puts Uno in the ring, but Reynolds storms up. Dustin counter punches! Uno distracts the ref, allowing Silver to POST Dustin! The fans boo and Silver protests, but Reynolds throws hands on Dustin.

Reynolds puts Dustin in, Uno bumps him off buckles, and he stomps a mudhole. Tag to Reynolds, the Dark Order mugs Dustin, and Reynolds snapmares Dustin. Reynolds steps on Dustin, then uses the ropes to IMPLODER ELBOW DROP! Cover, TWO! Reynolds keeps Dustin from Sammy, bumps him off buckles, and tags Uno. The fans rally, Uno CHOPS Dustin, then he soaks up the heat. Uno goes back to Dustin, but Dustin UPPERCUTS! Reynolds grabs Dustin but Dustin ROCKS him! Dustin fires more shots on Uno, but Reynolds barks at Dustin. So Dustin DECKS Reynolds! But he turns around into a kick from Uno!

Uno runs, but he runs into the SNAP POWERSLAM! The fans fire up while both men are down! Uno crawls to his corner, but there’s no Reynolds! Dustin crawls, but Silver distracts the ref from the hot tag! The ref stops Sammy, not knowing what happened, and then Uno BOOTS Sammy! Uno SPLASHES Dustin, bumps him off buckles, and Reynolds goes up. Uno sets Dustin up for a FLYING DOUBLE STOMP! Reynolds then DIVES onto Sammy! Uno hits a PILEDRIVER on Dustin! Cover, TWO!! Dustin survives and Uno is shocked! Another cover, TWO! Uno grows frustrated but we’re five minutes in, time is still on their side.

Uno calls to Reynolds, brings Dustin over, and tags Reynolds in. The Dark Order mugs Dustin, but Dustin fights back with big hands! But then Dark Order pushes Dustin back! Dustin dodges Uno, dodges Reynolds, and the ref sees this hot tag! Sammy goes up to DOUBLE CROSSBODY The Dark Order down! The fans fire up, Sammy CLOBBERS Uno, then keeps moving to duck ‘n’ dodge Reynolds so he can CLOBBER him, too! The fans fire up as Sammy kips up, and Sammy RAMS in to Reynolds! Sammy goes to the apron to ENZIGIRI Reynolds, and he SUPERKICKS Uno! Reynolds then springboards in, but Reynolds gets under!

Reynolds runs up, into a CUTTER! Dustin runs in to add a SHINING WIZARD! Cover, Uno breaks it! Dustin storms up, Uno shouts “STOP~!” Then he ROCKS Dustin with a right hand! But Sammy JUMP KNEES Uno! Uno tumbles out, Sammy goes for Reynolds, but Silver drags him out! The fans boo as Dark Order regroups again. Sammy says that’s fine, and he builds speed, to FLY! Down goes The Dark Order! Sammy puts Reynolds in for Dustin to hop on, DESTROYER! Dustin brings Reynolds up, Sammy climbs, and we get a FINAL RECKONING, into the SWANTON BOMB! Cover, Team Texas wins!

Winners: Dustin Rhodes & Sammy Guevara, by pinfall (denies The Dark Order a title match)

Uno & Reynolds played not to win but to not lose, and that only backfired every step of the way! But wait! THE CAGE OF AGONY ATTACKS! The fans boo, but Brian Cage fireman’s carries Sammy, for an F5!! The Gates mug Dustin, The Dark Order cheers while the fans boo! Kaun & Liona hold up the tag titles, then they stand Dustin up, for the DOUBLE LARIAT SANDWICH!! Dustin falls over, is this just a foreshadowing of what is to come? Or can Dustin & Sammy survive the gauntlet of challengers?


My Thoughts:

A very good episode of ROH, with it coming in at an hour and 10 minutes. It still had a lot of matches that were easily filler, but I again commend them on giving everyone good showings. A little surprised, and maybe a little disappointed, that Harley Cameron did not appear to go after Rachael Ellering. They could get that story going if they really wanted but they sure drag things out. But I do like that a big development was Red Velvet changing the belt, the red strap looks so good with the dark silver ROH uses for their belts. We just need them to hurry up and give us Velvet VS Diamante, not sure what they’re waiting on.

Sterling’s promo with Josh Woods was itself basically filler, because we already went through the phase of “Let’s hype The Premier Athletes up.” Just get Woods going in the Pure Division so he can eventually face Lee Moriarty, and maybe even give us some STP beating up on Tony Nese & Ariya Daivari. Speaking of which, after Ogogo of course “knocked out” his opponent tonight, good promo from him and Shane. STP is a team I’d definitely like seeing pull of the “dripping with gold” trope. Moriarty has the Pure Championship, the whole crew can be Six Man Champs, and I suppose Ogogo can “knock out” Atlantis Jr. to get the TV title while Shane finally beats Mark Briscoe to get the world title.

And a lot of good stuff is cooking in the Six Man as well as traditional Tag Divisions. We got a very good match from Infantry and SAP, and a very good promo from Outrunners calling out The Iron Savages. And while we got a really good tag match out of Dark Order and Team Texas, I figured Team Texas would win out. Clearly, Cage of Agony wants next, but I would think Kaun & Liona have a better chance getting the World Tag titles than the whole faction does the Six Man titles. Cage of Agony, while they were Mogul Embassy, already had a dominant run with the Six Man belts, let another faction have their time.

My Score: 8.6/10

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