Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 5.2.2024

Not gonna mislead anyone here, Under Siege looks nearly as bad as a Steven Segal film by the same name. Lots of useless tag matches, only really the X Division title to care about. It reminds me of a “Road to” show that New Japan does. Bunch of worthless matches with a few story wrinkles but entirely skippable.

Hopefully something crazy happens or the show is good enough to cover the bad card. But let’s hope something happens tonight to maybe create some reason to watch.

.@TheSamiCallihan debuts the first episode of #DMTV! #TNAiMPACT pic.twitter.com/OWrTeBtRZ6

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) May 3, 2024

Ratings:

• Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin: Ali wins via 450 – **
• Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich: Lish wins via Russian Death Device – ** 1/4
• Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner: Hammerstone wins via Torture Rack – *
• #1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz: Ace wins via The Fold – ***
• TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita: Grace retains via Juggernaut Driver – *** 1/2

Results:

Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin

Ali with a simple Headlock takeover, Bey fights back up and tries to create something with a rope run; but Ali gets the best of things with a Back Elbow. Ali gets cocky as Bey retreats to the corner, Bey turns things around quickly, lands the 10 Count Punches in the corner, Ali tries to fight back but Bey snaps off a quick DDT for a near fall. As Bey goes to continue the offense, Ali Drop Toe Holds Bey into the ropes neck first. Ali again, demonstrating some of the worst in-ring trash talk, Bey turns things around since Ali is running his mouth too much. Ali gets set in the Tree of Woe, Bey goes across to another corner and does a Coast to Coast Elbow Drop as Ali tries to sit up. Honestly, stupid looking since its obviously too coordinated. No one would stay half sat up just to eat an elbow.

While the move looked cool, I now care significantly less about what’s going on. Illogical spots just because “they’re cool”, should not be rewarded. Bey controls the match after the stupid spot, hits his Corner Uppercut Hip Attack, Ali tries to duck a few moves and create something but eats a Spinebuster for 2. Art of Finesse attempt, but Ali shoves him to the outside. Working back inside Ali goes for his Rolling Neckbreaker but Bey connects with a Roundhouse Kick to stop Ali in his tracks. Fighting Spirit spot, they run into the ropes, Ali has a bad Double Leg takedown that he tries to turn into a Cradle with feet on the ropes, but Ace pushes the feet off.

As security starts to move on Ace, Ali hits a Suicida, then Bey connects on a Tope con Hilo. Bey starts rocking Ali, hits the Kudome Valentine but Ali manages to pull himself under the bottom rope just enough to avoid losing. Bey climbs the corner, Ali German Suplexes Bey to the apron, Ali goes for the 450, misses, Bey goes to finish the match but the security get involved again, hit Bey with the flag and then Ali lands the 450 for the win.

I liked when the Security Guards were window dressing instead of mooks to cheat with. This just makes the matches dumber and significantly less interesting, especially when its nameless mooks and its not even a talent getting heat. 

Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich

Dani starts strong and fast, forearm shots, lariats and a quick near fall sends Alisha retreating to the ropes to get some advice from Masha. Dani goes to attack Lish, Lish with a Drop Toe Hold, Masha takes advantage of the distracted ref and Lish hits a Satellite DDT and then taunts entirely too much. As Lish talks too much, Dani stands up and starts beating the hell out of Lish, Suplex into the rope assisted Blue Thunder Bomb. Dani goes for the Luna Landing, but Masha climbs on the apron, distraction happens, then Lish goes after Jody and the ref stays distracted with Lish. Masha slides into the ring, Roundhouse Kick into the Russian Death Device and Lish turns around for the win!

Sami’s little segment is aptly named DMTv since it feels like a weird hallucination or trip with the way he does stuff. 

Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner

Am I supposed to care about this? Hammerstone looks like he’s chiseled out of granite and Deaner looks like he’s fished out of a trailer park. Hammerstone says a lot of how I feel that the Deaner schtick is pathetic. Deaner says he’s given the power to add a stipulation, Hammer says Arm Wrestling Match, Deaner wants a Sin City Street Fight. So we know what the crowd will pick. Christ this is so carny even Court Bauer blushed.

Deaner bonks Hammer with the mic, low dropkick, goes to grab a trash can lid and hits Hammer…but it just pisses off Captain Hammer. Stomps a mudhole in him, Irish Whip into a Back Elbow and Hammer deposits him to the outside to utilize the gimmick I would assume. This is going on much longer than it should, Deaner finds a chair, clocks Hammer once, goes for Twice, but this isn’t Kpop; so Hammer says no and hits him with a Backbreaker. Then Hammer hits him with a chairshot, 10 Count Punches in the corner, Sack of Shit, Deaner goes for the Ricky Morton lean against the ropes and sell to the crowd spot, but Hammer leans into him and starts using the chair again.

Deaner does his nerd Hulk Up, tries to call for a Body Slam but Hammer doesn’t move and drops the dweeb down. Deaner is back to the begging the crowd Ricky Morton spot…but the crowd doesn’t care since Deaner is a jabroni. Hammer tosses Deaner like a pizza ribs first into the back of the chair and just takes a few moments to revel in his handwork. Deaner fights back, lands a few right hands, tries to call for the Body Slam again like an idiot, gets Hammer half way and falls over so Hammer just rains down punches (can we end this waste of time please). Hellavator, I mean Nightmare Pendulum but Deaner floats over and lands the Scoop Slam onto the steel chair for only 2.

The crowd starts chanting for table, so of course Deaner obliges…this is going on so damn long. Hammer no sells the forearm, Vertical Suplex, goozle, and then Hammer Chokeslams Deaner through the table and calls to for the Torture Rack. Deaner is Rack’d and dead. ‘Bout damn time.

Like a Torpedo, Something is there…

Trent The Seventh and Ball Of Speed, alongside Broken Matt Hardy, are geared up to render The System obsolete tomorrow night at #TNAUnderSiege! pic.twitter.com/laEOlXayIc

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) May 3, 2024

I’m mad at myself that I popped for Ball of Speed. I’m not even sure why, but I like it.

"Can you please get fired?"

.@joehendry's live apology transformed into a new hit about @AJFrancis410! The "apology" song took things HIGHER than ever! #TNAiMPACT pic.twitter.com/6P7pDFbK3p

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) May 3, 2024

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it at least 3 dozen times, Joe Hendry is a treasure. Starting with a medley of the insult songs to lead into the Creed parody is genius. Odd apology, but I respect it. “Can you please get fired…”, such a great song.

#1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz

Typical Junior style start with counters and some chain wrestling and then a quick tension spot where Trey slaps Ace and then they fire off on each other for a few seconds before they get broken up because its just a shmoz. Trey baits Ace to the outside, Up and Over but Ace lands on the apron and then Wentz picks the ankle as Trey feigns injury to distract the referee. Back Rake back into the ring and just insulting Knife Edge Chops at a deliberate pace. Commercial break happens and Trey is still in charge. Ace shoots the Double and turns it into a Jacknife Cradle for 2 but Ace is still visibly hobbled.

Trey tries to keep Ace grounded but he tries to fire up and Trey finds different ways to keep Ace grounded including a Running Bodyscissors into Full Mount. Kick combination rush from Trey as he goes for the Asai Moonsault to punctuate it but Ace gets the knees up. Short range Knee Strike, Click Click Boom, Corner Splash Seated Lariat spot into a Triangle Kick for 2! Ace looks to set up The Fold, Wentz distracts, Trey grabs tights! But Ace kicks out! Trey with the Backflip Back of the Head Dropkick. Bey levels Wentz and Trey is talking shit to the fans, Ace goes for the Crucifix Pin, but kicks out at 2.

Jackie Bryant Headlock Kick from Trey, but Ace blocks it. Triangle Kick misses, Ace tries to jump on him but misses, Cheeky Nandos, then Trey heads up but Ace cuts him off. They struggle on the top rope, Trey Bell Claps Ace, Ace tries to duck but Trey turns it into the Sunset Flip, locomotion float away, Ace Face Stomp into The Fold! Ace wins!

.@TheEricYoung and @Walking_Weapon make their intentions clear: they're walking into #TNAUnderSiege ready to take down @SteveMaclin and @FrankieKazarian! #TNAiMPACT pic.twitter.com/idI78rvsYJ

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) May 3, 2024

The Bald Bearded Canadians, good ole team BBC…wait…

TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita

They start off respectfully, which is what you expect since Miyu is well respected in this generation. A few Headlock Takeovers, Shoulder Blocks and finally Miyu drops Jordynne with a Switchblade Kick. Miyu goes to follow up, but Jordynne catches the kick and T-Bone Suplex gives Jordynne a near fall. Juggernaut Driver early, but Miyu counters, rams Jordynne into the corner, Triangle Kick from Miyu for 2! Cravat into Knee Strikes and then a PK to the spine keeps Miyu in control. Miyu lets Jordynne up and they trade strikes a bit, Jordynne’s arms prove to be a little stronger than Miyu’s legs, takes out the legs and then the Jackhammer on the floor from Jordynne!

Jordynne tries to roll Miyu back in, but Miyu continues to roll out to buy some space, Jordynne goes for a dive and eats a foot. Miyu looks for an Apron Death Valley Driver, Jordynne fights it a while but Miyu eventually gets her over and down on the apron for 2. Miyu with a Headlock Takeover, but both ties the other one up and the ropes save the awkward but effective exchange. Strike exchange number 2. Miyu no sells a few Scoop Slams and lands Round Kicks. Spinning Backfist and Round Kick connect simultaneously for both women to drop.

Jordynne charges, Pink Striker tries to block with the front kick, but Jordynne plows through with a Back Elbow. Kinniku Buster attempt but Miyu knows how to get away from that and fights off with Knee Strikes, Jordynne is rocked but fights back up and Avalanche Back Body Drop for 2! Jordynne no sells a Roundhouse Kick, Miyu no sells a Lariat then another kick from Miyu and a Back Kick to the face for 2. Skull Kick attempt, blocked, Juggernaut Driver out of nowhere to retain!

Overall Score: 6.25/10

The second half of the show was pretty damn good, but God was the first half useless. Hammerstone and Deaner went on far too long, that was dumb, it looked dumb, I felt dumb watching it. Ali’s match was garbage with the stupid spot monkey indie garbage spot. If I want to watch wrestling that makes less sense than Chinese Dramas with Hindi subtitles, I’ll watch AEW and have a stroke.

Thankfully, Joe Hendry got a good chunk of time, the Trey and Ace match was pretty good and overlooking the stupid run in after match stuff, the Knockouts match itself was pretty damn good. So the new bookers have really consistently done this stuff, where there’s a ton of overbooked stupidity, but they sprinkle in enough okay stuff to make me not completely lose faith. OH – and we do get Kushida versus Gresham tomorrow, so at least that strengthens the lackluster card.

Lets see if they ever figure out how to really book, or if they eventually go full TNA 2015.