Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 5.9.2024

Well Under Siege kind of sucked except for the last 2 matches…so I really have no clue what to expect from this episode. We’re apparently kicking off with a System championship celebration party, so this could be slow and cringe or actually interesting. Really only two ways to go with this.

Let’s find out if I’m drinking early tonight.

.@The_Ace_Austin and @DashingChrisBey could be facing off for the X Division Championship after tonight! @MeanGiaMiller #TNAiMPACT pic.twitter.com/xDfizmHBsz

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) May 10, 2024

Ratings:

FBI (Ray Jaz & Zack Clayton w/Little Guido) vs First Class (Rich Swann & AJ Francis): Swann wins via Frog Splash – * 1/2

The Rascalz (Zachary Wentz & Trey Miguel) vs Jake Something & Cody Deaner: Rascalz win Tandem Goomba Stomp/Sit Out – *

Jonathan Gresham vs Will Ferrera: Gresham wins via CephaloPin – Squash

ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) vs Speedball Mountain (Trent Seven & Speedball Mike Bailey): Speedball Mountain win via Ultima Birminghammer – *** 1/2

Results:

So Myers opens up the segment, and the crowd is a bit flat, but both Myers and then Moose start laying in the “greatest faction of all time” stuff, so I guess we’re gonna start to see some cracks soon. But this is a rough promo to open with. The crowd is just barely reacting and having the local minor league team cheerleaders or something come out for their entrance was just awkward. This is all going over like a fart in church.

Lish says she put a video package together, but it gets interrupted by Broken Matt Hardy with a steel chair, and at least the crowd cares a little and Hardy seems to be into the promo a bit. Not as much as Under Siege, but definitely better than when he first came back. OH MY GOD! Lish says people can’t understand Broken Matt because of HIS accent. Okay, that’s a fantastic line. The promo is still kinda flat, but Lish had the line of the exchange so far. Hardy fights them with the chair, does pretty decent until Lish brings out Kendra the Kendo Stick and interferes enough to get the others to use the numbers advantage. But Ryan Nemeth hits the ring and makes the save for Matt. 

The cheerleaders turn on The System and start doing the “Delete” motion. Very…stupid. 

FBI (Ray Jaz & Zack Clayton w/Little Guido) vs First Class (Rich Swann & AJ Francis)

Rich gets thrown around a little early on from Zack, until he goes to the eyes and gives AJ a shot to come in and hit some assisted moves. Zack it draped over the ropes, the referee backs off AJ and Swann takes cheap shots over and over while the referee is distracted. AJ gets too cocky, slowly goes for a corner Splash and misses, but he grabs Zack’s wrist to try and stop the tag. Big car crash Double Lariat leads to a simultaneous tag and Ray Jaz takes the hot tag. A few quick strikes into a Running Backdrop Driver for a near fall. AJ breaks up the pin, Zack tries to even the odds but AJ handles him and chucks him out. Rich Dropkicks Ray into AJ, Chokeslam into the Frog Splash, First Class wins.

Speaking of furious! @JakeSomething_ has a bone to pick with The Rascalz! @CodyDeaner @ZacharyWentz @TheTreyMiguel @milanmiracle #TNAiMPACT pic.twitter.com/rg40S7khHb

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) May 10, 2024

Alan Angels stupid talk show is back and he’s flirting with SDL and Kon is still in the mix. This is cringe, awful and I’d rather shoot myself in the head. This sucks. 

The Rascalz (Zachary Wentz & Trey Miguel) vs Jake Something & Cody Deaner

So this is a Tornado Tag now because of Deaner’s stupid “People’s Choice” gimmick. I have lost nearly any desire to care about this match purely because Deaner is a plight on wrestling. Deaner and Something have early control, but I literally don’t care. I’m just waiting for Deaner to screw this up somehow since he’s not likable or charming, and this is painful. I’d rather have a root canal than watch this, and we all know I love Zachary Wentz.

Thankfully Wentz and Trey start to turn things around, but I want to get away from this match faster than Tom Brady left his own roast. We all know that if the Deaner team ever starts to build momentum its because of Jake. I just really want nothing to do with this match. Its trash, its spots for spots sake, spray paint in Jake’s eyes, Double Superkick, into the Rocket Launcher/Super Kick tandem and then Goomba Stomp Sitout Powerbomb for the Rascalz to win. Thank Christ its over.

OH more good news! Maclin comes out and kills The Rascalz on the ramp! 

.@SteveMaclin just took down both Rascalz and now he's clashing with @FrankieKazarian in the back! #TNAiMPACT pic.twitter.com/qGRsQULTJk

— TNA Wrestling (@ThisIsTNA) May 10, 2024

This Gabby segment is awful. She’s just asking about names, its almost as stupid and irritating as Art Donovan “How much does this guy weigh”.  I usually love the ASH gimmick, but with this moronic Gabby chick, this is awful. Gabby is terrible, baiting the comedy reactions from ASH and Iceman makes their gimmick less charming because being obliviously goofy in serious situations is what makes them great. Not feeding into the comedy. Too much talking in this episode, and by people that shouldn’t be talking. 

Jonathan Gresham vs Will Ferrera

The local jobber doesn’t even look like enhancement talent, he looks like a temp at a run down office. Gresham comes out with a few low kicks, then a Dropkick and a little bit of the Muta flourish as he goes to tie up the jobber Heel Hook, Butterflied Arms behind the calf, and the official starts to cough. The referee coughing distracts Gresham enough to give Ferrera a few spots, but a Asai Moonsault into a Trailer Hitch, Kneecap Smash and then he just stalks his prey. Octopus hold with the ink, hand over Ferrera’s face, CephaloPin.

ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) vs Speedball Mountain (Trent Seven & Speedball Mike Bailey)

So there’s a weird wrinkle to this match, the winning team will face each other in the number one contender match.

Bey and Bailey start off and Bailey catches Bey with a Dropkick, tags in Trent, Chops, Kicks, Trent with the Assisted Corkscrew Senton for a near fall. Trent does his Kojima Chops, Bailey tags in, Poetry in Motion for another near fall. Bey finally finds a tag and they rip off a Tandem Overhead Hammerlock Takeover, near fall, Ace continues to work on Bailey, Snap Suplex, Bey tags in, Low Clothesline for a near fall, Knee to the spine into another cover but only a 1 count. Bailey makes the desperate tag out, Trent comes in with some Chops, Back Elbows and Scoop Spinning Fowsion for 2! Bailey tags back in, some back and forth big attempts, Superplex from Trent, Bailey goes for the Shooting Star Press but hits only the mat! Things spill to the outisde and they’re just throwing chops, Speedball Mountain both miss chops at the same time into the post, ABC try to capitalize.

Bey works over the hand that just crashed into the post, Cross Arm Breaker attempt, Key Lock attempt but Bailey is fighting back. Bailey tries to prevent Bey from tagging in Ace while also trying to protect the hand. Flurry of Kicks out of nowhere! Bey falls back into his own corner so Ace tags in while Speedball is selling fatigue. Bailey Roundhouse Kick miss, Superkick miss cause Ace Matrix dodges, Ace goes for the Spinning Heel Kick but misses, they both go for High Round kicks and connect at the same time. Both sell and then crawl to their corners, simultaneous tags on Trent and Bey. Bey tries the Satellite DDT, Trent stops him, Bey with a Roundhouse Kick, Trent spins the momentum with a Spinning Backfist. Seven Star Lariat attempt, block, Gamengiri into a Cutter for two for ABC! Tandem Ripcord Knees from ABC, into the Brianbuster with the Round Kick, Bailey makes the save at 2! ABC in control, Trent and Bailey try to fight from underneath, Bop and Bang gives them a moment, Ace throws Trent’s backfist into Bailey’s face. Breakdown, Superkick rewinds Ace into the Seven Star Lariat! 1-2-Phenomenal Forearm from Bey sends Bailey falling into the pinfall to break it.

Ace tags in Bey, 1-2-Sweet is called for but Bailey pulls Trent to the side, Dive and Asai Moonsault keep Speedball Mountain alive. Briminghammer/Ultima Weapon attempt, but Ace gets out of the Birminghammer, Bey knocks Bailey off, Ace kicks Trent out, Fosbury Flop from Ace levels both Mountain members. Ace is busy talking shit to Mustafa while Bey is yelling since Ace is legal, they take too long. Tornado Dragon Suplex takes out Bey, Ultima Birminghammer wins!

Overall Score: 2.5/10

This was the worst episode I’ve seen since the terrible AEW crossover time. 75% of the show was talking, the segments were cringe, dead or just straight up bad. Gabby LaSpisa has no business on a televised product. I couldn’t care less if she’s part of the Busted Open idiot squad, she can stay in podcast form buried far away from people with personalities. Deaner is worthless, Kon and Angels are both insanely worthless, Jake absorbing a bunch of losses is JUST like his last run with the company. PUSH HIM. He’s got a great look, he’s athletic, yes he needs a better name than “Something” but get Deaner far away from him. I mean the stupidity of this show made me dislike the ASH by Elegance segment, which annoys me since I really love her gimmick.

Only good things were we’re seeing some kind of return/repackage of Giselle Shaw and the main event was decent even though they’re really being heavy handed with the ABC breaking up thing. The fear a bunch of us had after Scott left was just watching a ton of factions and teams fall apart…and that’s happened. MCMG are gone, Dango hasn’t been seen in like a month, ABC is on the way out, Kevin Knight hasn’t been around with Kushida so I guess they aren’t a thing in TNA anymore. Ugh…and I am not looking forward to the 16 person clusterfuck next week.

I’m going to be purchasing a lot of alcohol before next week. This was unabashed garbage.