Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!
“Mad Man” in my crop duster for an initial flight over SmackDown Live. Turbulence may be harder to avoid. I snuck some things on board to compensate. Wheels up, let’s fly. SmackDown tends to feel more thrown together than Raw. Ten minutes in, here they go again. It’s The City of Angels so WWE brought out the big guns, and Cena doesn’t make a habit of lying. Big Match John comes out cutting a promo and looking for an opportunity to live up to his moniker once again at Mania.
There is a five-way championship match coming at Fast Lane. Naturally, Cena wanted in. Shane comes out. Says SmackDown is the land of opportunity. Daniel Bryan’s music hits. The bearded one says passage into a big match required overcoming a big challenge. Bryan set the main event; another Styles/Cena showdown. This time Shane agreed with him. The hand-holding of these two impersonating a decades-long married couple would stop after the first match started.
The goofy Canadian tweener Sami Zayn took on the heel with no pulse, Baron Corbin. The goat allowed the obnoxious Canadian tweener, Kevin Owens to do commentary. Graves should take notes because KO is actually funny. Watching the match in back, the married couple started arguing over whether Owens would interfere. Corbin won when Dolph Ziggler did a run in from behind the announce table to Superkick Owens in the head. Zayn got distracted and took an End of Days from Corbin upon turning around. After getting the win, Corbin took A Zig Zag from Dolph. All parties in this match are scheduled to compete with AJ Styles in the main event at Fast Lane. After the match, Daniel passive-aggressively said Shane had everything under control and asked to go home. His request was granted. We’ll see if this leads to more friction.
The women were spotlighted next. Mini flashback: The Scrimshaw Shadow began to flip the script on The Queen last week. Charlotte has been dealing with The Riott Squad for a while now. Her frustration led her to count Riott and her cohorts as victims on a hit list. The Squad Leader is the only one remaining on Charlotte’s list. Unfortunately for Becky and Naomi, being Second Nature’s backup comes with a price. Riott took The Lass Kicker out last week. The Glow Worm followed suit this week. Both ladies are squared up and ready for their high noon showdown for Gold at the PPV.
Breezango took us on a painful trip that was pure B movie. They are usually better than this, but it was so bad. The lead actor of USA’s new series on the Biggie/Tupac murders was involved. WWE’s Big E nor The New Day could save the segment. The level of seriousness went from 0 to 5 when The New Day cut an in-ring promo rehashing their rivalry with The Usos. Intensity increased to an 8 when the Samoans responded with a face-to face rebuttal. Turn it up to 12 and rip the knob off…IT’S THE BLUDGEON BROTHERS! They slowly walked to the ring, hammers in hand and switched places with both of the teams they were looking at. Didn’t need to say a DAMN thing. Give The WWE Universe the triple-threat match already!
The next few segments ran together. Rusev Day was pestering Shane because they hadn’t been on TV in two weeks. Their efforts earned Aiden English a match with Shinsuke Nakamura. Dolph cut a brightly colored promo. Then Bobby Roode cut a backstage promo questioning Randy Orton’s problem with him. Was it the contrived SmackDown Live Top 10 List? The Viper was quick to clarify by interrupting. The United States Championship was the only Gold he hadn’t held yet.
We all knew what would happen when The Songbird met The Artist. Still the match was solid and longer than expected. When the camera panned to Rusev, I couldn’t help pining for the singles match between Nakamura and The Bulgarian Brute. We’ll have to wait. Cena and Styles closed things out this week. It was a rock-solid match for current WWE. Intensity from both men. High spots and false finishes everywhere. Of course Cena won, making the main event at Fast Lane a Six Pack Challenge. The Mad Man thinks this was a good show. Many elements fell into storyline. I hope the flock enjoyed it. Join me soon for our next departure from fly over country!
MadMan: She’s Handing Out Blues Better Than A Namesake Will
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
I may not be in regular rotation, but when they give me a chair, I swing for my fences. As a decades-long consumer of the art, I don’t have many left. The only Home Runs WWE has placed within my scope, can be found in Women’s Division on both Monday Night Raw & SmackDown Live.
The year I began watching wrestling, some very interesting circumstances took place surrounding cable television. WTBS; (Atlanta), WAS the home of The NWA’s Jim Crockett Promotions. At least until “Black Saturday,” which ultimately saw Vinnie Jr. Hijack the famous 6:05 time slot. This nearly cause riots among cable viewers opposed to McMahon’s product and presentation.
Though the million dollar ransom The Crocketts paid to get their flagship spot back on the dial gave the head of Titan Sports the backbone to finance WrestleMania, which helped to wreck most of the territories. Hell, it can be argued somewhat convincingly upon its 30th Anniversary, Vince himself ruined his biggest display’s pristine intentions for two consecutive years with Lesnar beating the streak instead of Bray Wyatt; and, Sting losing his ONLY Mania match because someone else had the right bride on their marriage license.
Despite the objections of both smarks and sheep in certain cases, we must respect the history of this pop culture institution. IF WrestleMania is Woodstock, it is only appropriate that Tito Santana opened the show with a victory!
In recent years, there has been only one person on The Main Roster who has matched the swag of Santana’s initial accomplishment without even trying, and she wrestled in the last Mania Match I cared about. Finally got tired of giving fans The Blues. She’s ready to deal some out in the form of steel chairs and God knows what else.
“Cut Her talent LOOSE!” We kept screaming. “A REAL run with Gold, PLEASE?” Like a kid aching just before Christmas. As with Solis, she was a true pro, until the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in the modern art form washed over us.
Fans and insiders alike FORGOT about Social Media! Don’t get me wrong, it’s still here. Can’t get away from it. Hell, I’m doing a roll-in on the internet right now! If you’ve been fans of us long enough, you’ll realize that last sentence was not a botch! Seriously, this thing felt like the territories back in the day. No one knew a damn thing! Even some of those paid to know were flipping a coin every five minutes. Thanks for the constant stress, you ancient prick!
Come on folks. If you know my current wrestling HEART at all, you KNEW the last Chair Shot on her return was coming from her Super Mark in Middle America! When older dudes at this circus describe what true fandom is like; they’ll often say: “That’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, BUT THAT’S REAL!”
For her boatloads of fans and the woman herself, Christmas is here! The Stamford’s latest Blues enthusiast is very real, And WWE’s Black Magic Woman IS BACK! Line ’em up. they’re all falling. Charlotte & Ronda too. To The Man and those in charge of her Twitter Account, thanks for keeping the possibility top of mind when things first got weird. We never gave up, but you will! MISSED YOU LADY BANKS!
Mad Man’s Spinal Tap & 20 Questions
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox. Does this article go to 11? Are the retread concepts, just hollow nowadays?
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox! Does this article go to 11?
When you have decades of experience watching the art form, your eyes and thought processes change. It’s the reason my colleagues can break down pending news and angles we haven’t seen yet. Mr. Meltzer made a cottage industry out of it. A ton of people on The Internet are trying to follow suit. Then, there are fans like me. As much as I love twitter, Professional Wrestling fans were never meant to receive “spoilers” every day.
This is NOT a “Back in my day…” thing. My eyes have changed too. However, I am focused more on WWE’s calendar when watching Stamford’s offering. If I think about wrestling. it’s very simple. My suspension of disbelief is gone for very few performers. In fact, I would say it’s gone for most fans. If we know it’s a work, why are scripts and outcomes still based on the assumption that we don’t? If I have seen a gimmick before, I am VERY hard to impress. Make me believe you can beat somebody; and stand out doing so, or I will chew you up and spit you the Hell out.
For those who say I should keep my mouth shut because I can’t perform and never have, I DON’T CARE! Saint Dave gets a pass, and y’all still watch the current product like his lap dogs and clones, despite “knowing’ the outcome? I don’t watch for the outcome anymore. Based on character development and pushes, I can see that coming. Call me a hypocrite and I will play 20 Questions with you. Can you get me to the finish line without looking like an idiot or a laughable copy of someone else?
Su Yung is 5’6’’ish. Marks and sheep world wide are transfixed and petrified? Make up aside, why? She is impersonating three legends with no unique move set and doing it very badly. Without her zombies, can she beat anybody? Mr. Calloway used druids. He was 6’10’’ and did not need them to kick your ass. Mick Foley put himself and you through HELL before using The Mandible Claw. You had no choice but to take it. The Great Muta was arguably the best Rising Sun performer of all time. He had a move set most American fans had never seen before. The Mist was believable in his hands because audience and opponent were spinning trying to keep up with him. Where is Su Yung’s Mysticism? As much as fans love her, there are no OMG moments in her matches, and her gimmick is predicated on them.
She is far from the only example. Twitter went crazy about a month ago because a top name on the indies put something in her opponent’s mouth during a match. Outside of a prison fight, when would this EVER HAPPEN? Why is this necessary? If this is a work, why would any girl allow someone to do this? Tell me why either woman gets hired again without the parrot response? Same question applies to Joseph. Dude ain’t pickin’ up anybody like that in real life. I dare him to pick my wheelchair up with his finish. He would be in traction.
Tony Schiavone is our crazy wrestling fan uncle. Our memories of him when we were kids and teenagers all ROCK! He is without question one of the best to ever call the action. God Bless Conrad Flair for bringing him back to the art form. Among other fun stuff, he now does commentary for MLW. With tongue firmly planted in cheek; I must say, I have a slight problem with him. I understand that it is his job. He continues to put MJF over because?? I get the gimmick. It’s just OLD! He is ripping off The Miz. One look at him, and you can see that. “I have more money than you.” So did DiBiase. And if you did, you wouldn’t need the $50.00 a night you made before Tony started calling your matches because you’d be paying him. Just wait until Mike retires before you go to New York.
Finally, we arrive at the biggest tent. Vinnie’s circus was on The West Coast in The House of Hot Rod & Billy Jack Haynes. Sheep under 25 are now asking a three-worded question. The only help you’ll get from me is to say that he may have been the father of Modern Independent Wrestling. Sometimes, it wasn’t his choice, and he is still fighting demons today.
Back to this week. Didn’t Spinal Tap all stand in the Center Ring around a month ago and do a babyface promo? “It’s our fault. We’ll do better for you. This is YOUR product.” First, I believe Stephanie as a babyface as much as I believe Saint Richard as a babyface. Shut up and go home as a shoot. Second, as big a moron as Vince is, he’s NOT leaving the person carrying the big top out of WrestleMania! Outside of the obvious, Becky’s leg is a work. SHE WAS LIMPING ON THE WRONG ONE ON MONDAY! Seth Rollins is hurt as a shoot. He WASN’T at Monday Night Raw. If Becky wasn’t cleared, she wouldn’t be on either show. So WHY is everybody going apes*** over this?
Sometimes, I can’t tell which group is Spinal Tap?
Is it the group on stage or the sheep who believe what they’re watching? I truly wish this art form was treated more like real competition.
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