Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!
Mad Man in a low altitude cruise over Bluegrass Country, specifically Louisville. Don’t worry. My passengers and I are completely safe. Just passing over three landmarks of the pugilistic arts in the shadow of Churchill Downs. Two that still call the city home, and one that was recently called home. If you know geography, sports, and American history, obviously our fly over starts with Cave Hill Cemetery. Throughout his career, Mohammed Ali was asked where and how he learned to talk trash. His answer was always the same: A California bad boy, and an OG of boxing’s showoff cousin who made his money cutting heel promos. We called him Gorgeous George. As for his mind and hands, those were given by God. Copying him is equivalent to a guitarist copying Hendrix. Others can try, but there will only be one. Thank God for, and posthumous blessings to The Louisville Lip, Mohammed Ali.
As we settle into our field of markdom, The Kentucky Fried Tour continues after entering the wealthy side of town and doing a quick flyby of Castle Cornette. Despite blocking me on Twitter, the man is a true genius of the art form. His accolades within Professional Wrestling cannot be questioned. Thanks to his Googlish memory and blade-like wit, I enjoy listening to both of his podcasts on MLW Radio, and I encourage passengers on this flight to do the same. The final stop before the main event is a large, tall structure with a brick façade. Constructed around the turn of last century, she sits abandoned, screaming faint echoes of the city’s glorious past in the art form. Her name is The Louisville Gardens. The Polyester Tennis Racket has chronicled the institution’s history in his book; co-authored by Mark James. Tuesday Night At The Gardens: Pro Wrestling in Louisville I would not mind having a copy. If you are a fan of wrestling history, I implore you to contact the proper government agencies in Louisville to help insure the building be made a historical landmark and remain standing. There might be enough money in Commonwealth Thoroughbreds to make it a museum or reopen it. What do I know?
We’re off to Vinnie’s circus. Guess who opens the show? It’s Mike, The Fake-Lister, who makes fake movies and steals money! Our first Miz TV on Tuesday in several years sees Mike claim that SmackDown Live is now The “A” Show because of his presence. He continues to hold his newborn up as the light that changed him. Claiming he no longer holds grudges, even though Daniel Bryan still does. Miz tells us he understands and says Bryan is welcome to come out and punch him in the face. After two false starts, different music hits. It’s Big Cass wearing a custom suit and Rolex. Last I checked, baby faces don’t wear suits. Cass takes his time getting to the ring. The Long Island Redwood proved he can still cut a decent heel promo. Hammering the fact that he was rehabbing too, and compared to the former GM, The Big Accent says no one cared about his comeback. He compares Daniel to a younger version of himself. Saying he was weak, and only worth beating up. Later, we see Bryan coming out of the training room with an iced shoulder. The Yes Man talked to Paige and has a match with Big Cass at Backlash.
Athletic activity started on this week’s episode with early recess. A Ladies Tag Match with Becky Lynch and Asuka against The Iconics. The Aussies must be good on the mic to be heels. They can certainly pull this off. After a good promo, the match began with a quick baby face advantage until The Sexy Koalas got good heat on The Lass Kicker until The Japanese Ace got the tag. Asuka is so physical. Everything she does looks like it hurts! She played boomerang, then Becky got the tag. The Kangaroos got to the outside and Becky was posted and thrown back into the ring close to the ropes. The Rising Sun Mystic had been knocked from the apron by accident and couldn’t make the save. Peyton Royce put her feet on the cables to get the win. Asuka may slowly be making a heel turn to justify the loss of her streak at WrestleMania.
Welcome to the promo section of our program. My apologies for playing hop scotch. Here we go. A rather ghostly-looking Renee Young is standing outside Shane McMahon’s office when a happy AJ Styles emerges. He explains that he can get his hands on Shinsuke Nakamura through the device of a 6-Man Tag Match later. Next, we get a vignette letting us know Andrade “Cien” Almas and Zelina Vega are coming soon. Good thing he’s got talent. Otherwise this could be another Lita situation. Cut to The Usos locker room and Naomi walks in. She is concerned for her husband’s safety after The Bludgeon Brothers attacked him last week
Jimmy told her not to worry or come to ringside again. Wives rarely listen. The segment housing the singles match between Jimmy Uso with both partners outside was short and a typical beating until the place went dark. The Glow Worm’s music hit, and she actually made her full ring entrance. Everybody was distracted, allowing Jimmy to roll up Rowan for an interesting win. This might have been used too early for storyline purposes. I like WWE “breaking” the fourth wall and using Naomi here. I hope they are very careful with this. PS: Again, where the HELL is Lana for Rusev Day? Just asking!
Human Nyquil portion of the night because Stamford has to shove Carmella down our throats. Thankfully, it was a shorter segment than it could’ve been. The Fake Wrestler hijacked procedure by insisting the production truck put her “highlight package” on a loop. Honey, I can’t climb a ladder, but I KNOW I can cut a better heel promo than you. After all, I brought you out of hiding all by myself. That’s not a work is it Ms. NFL Cheerleader? Charlotte was finally given permission to quell the insanity. Second Nature came to the ring, signed the contract for her SmackDown Gold rematch, and clocked Wasting Time’s jaw into the table. God Bless you Charlotte! I have no life and a hypothetical question: Would Vince McMahon and WWE Creative do anything differently with a nuclear heat heel like Blondie Circus if sheep emptied their seats and cleared out when her music hits instead of giving the desired Pavlovian reaction of booing?
A game of musical chairs broke out surrounding United States Gold once again. It was “supposed’ to be a Hardy/Benjamin reset. The script was flipped though. The Champions music was cut off half-way down the ramp. The void was filled by a venomous melody. Randy Orton’s participation led Jeff Hardy to sit at commentary while The Gopher and The Snake had an even contest until a scrawny man in a mask comes through the crowd to distract Randy and give Shelton the victory. The Masked Shrimp turned out to be Sunil Singh. Dammit, of course they’re gonna find a way to make this a Triple Threat Match.
Nain Event time. Here we go with AJ’s 6-Man. This match was unique in only one sense. How was The Artist Formerly Known As going to be a heel in the ring? The full instrumental entrance theme is gone. Dubbed over with Rising Sun rap lyrics. His competitive attitude is intensified, with a cunning and viciousness that would make a Samurai proud. Nakamura has amplified himself without the low blows. Add them, and good luck stopping him. Karl Anderson took the loss and multiple Kinshasha Knee Strikes to protect Styles. This may be a normal finish for Shinsuke now. If so, this is what a heel is meant to feel like, Ask The Greatest, he knows. Decent matches with awkward ancillary happenings. If my passengers will allow me some leeway. A dude like me lasts two seconds in Saudi Arabia. I’ll pick everyone up for the double shot in Montreal.
Mad Man’s Spinal Tap & 20 Questions
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox. Does this article go to 11? Are the retread concepts, just hollow nowadays?
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox! Does this article go to 11?
When you have decades of experience watching the art form, your eyes and thought processes change. It’s the reason my colleagues can break down pending news and angles we haven’t seen yet. Mr. Meltzer made a cottage industry out of it. A ton of people on The Internet are trying to follow suit. Then, there are fans like me. As much as I love twitter, Professional Wrestling fans were never meant to receive “spoilers” every day.
This is NOT a “Back in my day…” thing. My eyes have changed too. However, I am focused more on WWE’s calendar when watching Stamford’s offering. If I think about wrestling. it’s very simple. My suspension of disbelief is gone for very few performers. In fact, I would say it’s gone for most fans. If we know it’s a work, why are scripts and outcomes still based on the assumption that we don’t? If I have seen a gimmick before, I am VERY hard to impress. Make me believe you can beat somebody; and stand out doing so, or I will chew you up and spit you the Hell out.
For those who say I should keep my mouth shut because I can’t perform and never have, I DON’T CARE! Saint Dave gets a pass, and y’all still watch the current product like his lap dogs and clones, despite “knowing’ the outcome? I don’t watch for the outcome anymore. Based on character development and pushes, I can see that coming. Call me a hypocrite and I will play 20 Questions with you. Can you get me to the finish line without looking like an idiot or a laughable copy of someone else?
Su Yung is 5’6’’ish. Marks and sheep world wide are transfixed and petrified? Make up aside, why? She is impersonating three legends with no unique move set and doing it very badly. Without her zombies, can she beat anybody? Mr. Calloway used druids. He was 6’10’’ and did not need them to kick your ass. Mick Foley put himself and you through HELL before using The Mandible Claw. You had no choice but to take it. The Great Muta was arguably the best Rising Sun performer of all time. He had a move set most American fans had never seen before. The Mist was believable in his hands because audience and opponent were spinning trying to keep up with him. Where is Su Yung’s Mysticism? As much as fans love her, there are no OMG moments in her matches, and her gimmick is predicated on them.
She is far from the only example. Twitter went crazy about a month ago because a top name on the indies put something in her opponent’s mouth during a match. Outside of a prison fight, when would this EVER HAPPEN? Why is this necessary? If this is a work, why would any girl allow someone to do this? Tell me why either woman gets hired again without the parrot response? Same question applies to Joseph. Dude ain’t pickin’ up anybody like that in real life. I dare him to pick my wheelchair up with his finish. He would be in traction.
Tony Schiavone is our crazy wrestling fan uncle. Our memories of him when we were kids and teenagers all ROCK! He is without question one of the best to ever call the action. God Bless Conrad Flair for bringing him back to the art form. Among other fun stuff, he now does commentary for MLW. With tongue firmly planted in cheek; I must say, I have a slight problem with him. I understand that it is his job. He continues to put MJF over because?? I get the gimmick. It’s just OLD! He is ripping off The Miz. One look at him, and you can see that. “I have more money than you.” So did DiBiase. And if you did, you wouldn’t need the $50.00 a night you made before Tony started calling your matches because you’d be paying him. Just wait until Mike retires before you go to New York.
Finally, we arrive at the biggest tent. Vinnie’s circus was on The West Coast in The House of Hot Rod & Billy Jack Haynes. Sheep under 25 are now asking a three-worded question. The only help you’ll get from me is to say that he may have been the father of Modern Independent Wrestling. Sometimes, it wasn’t his choice, and he is still fighting demons today.
Back to this week. Didn’t Spinal Tap all stand in the Center Ring around a month ago and do a babyface promo? “It’s our fault. We’ll do better for you. This is YOUR product.” First, I believe Stephanie as a babyface as much as I believe Saint Richard as a babyface. Shut up and go home as a shoot. Second, as big a moron as Vince is, he’s NOT leaving the person carrying the big top out of WrestleMania! Outside of the obvious, Becky’s leg is a work. SHE WAS LIMPING ON THE WRONG ONE ON MONDAY! Seth Rollins is hurt as a shoot. He WASN’T at Monday Night Raw. If Becky wasn’t cleared, she wouldn’t be on either show. So WHY is everybody going apes*** over this?
Sometimes, I can’t tell which group is Spinal Tap?
Is it the group on stage or the sheep who believe what they’re watching? I truly wish this art form was treated more like real competition.
Mad Man’s Consequences Of Sainthood
Does the lineage of Saint Ric need no explanation?
It’s been a while since Mad Man has landed his Sea Duck in our waters. He has a Flair for gold and the bold! Let’s see where this goes.
Let’s see if I remember how to do this. The Internet Wrestling Community has not seen this from me in months. Something BIG had to happen to get me out of hiding.
I’d say this week at Vinnie’s Circus certainly qualifies. If you’re expecting me to wax poetic about the dudes, take some Nyquil and go back to sleep. The Royal Rumble is both brilliant and flawed at the same time. And yes, it is about effing time the ladies got their shot to steal the show. Although, it can be quite successfully argued, they do so on a nightly basis already. All did a fabulous job last year. Including my girl; Lady Banks, going well past an hour over two nights. Drawing The Shawn Michaels Slot at #1, And then, making a beeline to the ring for a nose-to-nose promo with The Female Muta, Asuka.
The Female Dragon had two words echoing through Philadelphia to kick off Monday Night: “I’M READY!” Those who saw the full confrontation know she was. Who was her opposition in the desert again? The thought of The Rumble being flawed is not new. Especially when its ultimate goal is taken into account. Win the damn thing and Main Event The Showcase of The Immortals! Wait, what did I just say? Back to that shortly.
Blemishes in the execution of this concept make their first appearance innocently enough. The victor in this contest is not based on who participates in it. The Champions headed into WrestleMania dictate the finish. What results from algebra like this? Simple, in most years over 80% of the field is background noise. Most of the time, smarks and sheep alike have a pretty good idea who’s headed to Mania. Overwhelmingly, we don’t mind as long as we get a great match. This changes when the feminine equivalent of Mike Tyson shows up on Vinnie’s doorstep, signs a convoluted contract, and just might bail after the biggest show of the year. Storyline and logic; what little there is in this art form we love, take a beating when Vinnie says Tyson MUST face Holyfield before she runs off to have kids and turn into Brock Lesnar.
What the Hell does he do with the Female Connor McGregor?
The BEST organic baby face in the industry this decade. He turned into Helen Keller on Monday Night. No, you little prick! I am in the wheelchair. You are not disabled! Did he see or feel the crowd in Phoenix? I certainly did. In fact, my neighbors knocked on my apartment door to ask if I was alright. That’s how loud I was. Vince, you haven’t had an honest crowd reaction like that in 20 years, and you wanna pollute it? “Jesus, she wasn’t supposed to be here. You mean these fans AREN’T sheep?” Don’t worry Vince, they’re still sheep and this is still all about Flair and McMahon, DAMMIT! For those laughing at me and saying it’s a work; guess what? It doesn’t have to feel like a work!
I started feeling like something was different about Professional Wrestling in the late ‘80s, when nobody could kick Ric Flair’s ass and get rid of him. First switch of NWA Gold I remember? Ronnie Garvin taking out Flair in Detroit, 1988. As an eight-year-old, I was hardly thinking about math. Why does this matter? Garvin had The Gold six weeks. He had one Title Defense at the end of that window, against Ric Flair. Guess who won? Everybody does cartwheels over his trilogy with The Dragon in 1989, not me. Don’t get me wrong, phenomenal matches, but Ric Flair was always walking out with Championship Gold. Hey Ric, the art itself was a work. Why show us The Gold was too? Spanning from 1984 and Kerry Von Erich to 1993 And Barry Windham, Ric Flair was GIVEN no less than five runs with NWA Gold or its equal because he was Saint Richard Flair isn’t the only idiot in the modern art. During his last holy act with Ricky Steamboat, Vincent Kennedy McMahon walks into a New Jersey courtroom and gigs the business hard way. Exposing it simply because he doesn’t wanna pay taxes on an authentic sporting event. Excuse every child under ten at the time? THANKS VINCE!
Two years later, WWF Gold was held up. How does he deal with this? First, let’s bring Ric Flair in because those in charge of WCW were absolute MORONS! Wait, Vinnie can’t have Hulk Hogan pinned in 1992. “It’s okay, we’ll put Gold on the line at The Royal Rumble. Winner gets The Strap!” Awesome, a boatload of great performers! Did ANYBODY really think Ric Flair wasn’t winning this match? HELL, Hogan pulled Sid Justice out from the floor! At least Flair won in 1992. Flash forward almost three decades. If the concept is, “Winner gets choice of Champion at WrestleMania” Why is Sid Justice going to Main Event Mania FROM THE FLOOR? Hey ass****, if you NEED Tyson/Holyfield, do the Bret/Luger finish! Becky WON the match! Here’s an idea, every televised event from here to Mania is held in an empty arena until we are given a collective Heimlich Maneuver to expel Ashley from our systems. The WWE Universe would never do this because sheep love this circus. If this stands, The Women’s Royal Rumble has jumped the shark just two years in. Vince, we know it’s a work.
Why must you insist on making it THIS! Give Asuka to Ashley. You don’t need to verify Charlotte Flair’s Sainthood. Sasha Banks has seen it three times.