My apologies for getting this out late. Human interaction headed into a weekend is rare. The robots understand. I hope my readers and Twitter followers do as well. Let’s find out if there was anything interesting coming from the last episode of Impact Wrestling.
As marks may remember, this was the first television out of Orlando since Redemption. My boys and I felt weird from the opening bell when Trevor Lee faced Brian Cage. “How can you be the head of a two-person cult?” PC Little Dragon laughs. Cage was dominant in the 6-way X-Division Match at the PPV. Of course, he was dominant here. The Cult Leader got a small amount of offense in the ring. His decent flurry was on the outside, but it wasn’t enough. The Machine went over with a Discus Lariat and a Drill Claw. Cage’s movement and strength evoked a Kerry Von Erich comparison from Commentator Don Callis. Physically, this is understandable, especially when new old-school marks watch the man deliver a Discus Clothesline. Very faint shades of the former NWA Champion are visible. Even I smile when I see it. However, Kerry still has an emotional connection with fans across the globe 25 years after his passing. The kid won’t touch that.
The Owl’s next segment is a recap of the 6-Man Hardcore Rules Match from Redemption. Quick refresher: Eddie Edwards has had a very personal issue with Sami Callihan & OVE for weeks. After The Ohio Funhouse’s treatment of both Eddie and his wife, no fans following this storyline were blaming him for any emotional reaction surrounding this match. Based on happenings at the PPV and the fallout, the former wolf has gone off the deep end. Manifestations continued as Edwards called the trio out again, even after winning last Sunday. AI Hercules is exacerbated. “Bad enough there’s a low-budget vibe to this place, but why do organizations have a need to flip scripts to keep programs going when they should be done?” On the video board in the arena, we see Edwards’ wife in her hospital room after HE HIMSELF struck her in a blind rage at Redemption? Sometimes writers are stupid, and they make me HATE wrestling! The original psycho, Sami Callihan is now a bloody mess who just wants to apologize? Eddie sees his wife in “danger” and flies to the “hospital” to attack Callihan and get arrested for his trouble. As a mark for decades, this concept is rare and drives me crazy. Phrased simpler: If something appears resolved, why turn it into Hart/Austin? This feud isn’t on the same level. Sheep, prepare to keep pulling your hair out.
Now for a partially understandable soap opera. Braxton Sutter tried to cut an in-ring promo. Does anybody wanna see this dude in his current form? Does anybody take him seriously? I don’t know whether to feel sorry for the dude or throw up listening to him. Moose came out to put The Walking Wedding Proposal out of his misery and did so relatively quickly. The odd thing about this match was later confirmed by geeks all over the Internet Wrestling Community. It was Braxton Sutter’s final match in Impact for the foreseeable future. Afterward, the former Offensive Lineman took the mic to run down Austin Aries and remind New Impact World Champion Pentagon Jr. of his presence. This Action fits perfectly after The Golden Vegan’s sham of a State of The Union Address that kicked off the show.
Late act recess finds Taya Valkyrie tangling with Champion Allie for Knockouts Gold. Is there a practical reason why Su Yung lost at Redemption? Anyway, the match on television was nothing more than a showcase for Taya’s professionalism. Johnny’s Better Half lost clean from a Superkick and a Code Breaker. Lucha Royalty’s defeat wasn’t the point of the segment. As soon as Allie stands up from her victory, spooky music is accompanied by lights out, yikes! Six female zombies could be seen carrying a coffin. The Paula Bearers set it down at the base of the ring. “Why are these girls impersonating Calloway’s daughters? There is one Dead Angel in wrestling and Jacobs’ Monster knows who she is.” PC Little Dragon says with a smile in his voice. Back to programming. Lights come up to find Su Yung behind Allie! The Undead Bride begins beating The Knockouts Champion up and threatens to put her in the coffin. LIGHTS OUT AGAIN! Rosemary is here to protect her friend! After an EPIC stare down and quick exchange, it’s pitch black for a final time, allowing Su Yung to escape!
Heading backstage, we see someone laid out after being attacked. What could a red flag with a black X possibly mean? Jump to The LAX Clubhouse minus Konnan. We are to infer that he was the one assaulted. Naturally, a void in leadership translates into a frazzled LAX with split agendas. The former champs invoked their rematch clause after losing The Impact Tag Team Gold. In a mild surprise, the straps belong to Eli Drake & Scott Steiner. The Self-Induced Hyphen and Ham Cube still have The Gold because of distracted challengers. This just got interesting, stay tuned. Last week’s festivities concluded with four athletes and a ton of Gold in the ring, including Austin Aries and Pentagon Jr. The curtain falls and we’ll see everybody next week
MadMan: She’s Handing Out Blues Better Than A Namesake Will
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
I may not be in regular rotation, but when they give me a chair, I swing for my fences. As a decades-long consumer of the art, I don’t have many left. The only Home Runs WWE has placed within my scope, can be found in Women’s Division on both Monday Night Raw & SmackDown Live.
The year I began watching wrestling, some very interesting circumstances took place surrounding cable television. WTBS; (Atlanta), WAS the home of The NWA’s Jim Crockett Promotions. At least until “Black Saturday,” which ultimately saw Vinnie Jr. Hijack the famous 6:05 time slot. This nearly cause riots among cable viewers opposed to McMahon’s product and presentation.
Though the million dollar ransom The Crocketts paid to get their flagship spot back on the dial gave the head of Titan Sports the backbone to finance WrestleMania, which helped to wreck most of the territories. Hell, it can be argued somewhat convincingly upon its 30th Anniversary, Vince himself ruined his biggest display’s pristine intentions for two consecutive years with Lesnar beating the streak instead of Bray Wyatt; and, Sting losing his ONLY Mania match because someone else had the right bride on their marriage license.
Despite the objections of both smarks and sheep in certain cases, we must respect the history of this pop culture institution. IF WrestleMania is Woodstock, it is only appropriate that Tito Santana opened the show with a victory!
In recent years, there has been only one person on The Main Roster who has matched the swag of Santana’s initial accomplishment without even trying, and she wrestled in the last Mania Match I cared about. Finally got tired of giving fans The Blues. She’s ready to deal some out in the form of steel chairs and God knows what else.
“Cut Her talent LOOSE!” We kept screaming. “A REAL run with Gold, PLEASE?” Like a kid aching just before Christmas. As with Solis, she was a true pro, until the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in the modern art form washed over us.
Fans and insiders alike FORGOT about Social Media! Don’t get me wrong, it’s still here. Can’t get away from it. Hell, I’m doing a roll-in on the internet right now! If you’ve been fans of us long enough, you’ll realize that last sentence was not a botch! Seriously, this thing felt like the territories back in the day. No one knew a damn thing! Even some of those paid to know were flipping a coin every five minutes. Thanks for the constant stress, you ancient prick!
Come on folks. If you know my current wrestling HEART at all, you KNEW the last Chair Shot on her return was coming from her Super Mark in Middle America! When older dudes at this circus describe what true fandom is like; they’ll often say: “That’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, BUT THAT’S REAL!”
For her boatloads of fans and the woman herself, Christmas is here! The Stamford’s latest Blues enthusiast is very real, And WWE’s Black Magic Woman IS BACK! Line ’em up. they’re all falling. Charlotte & Ronda too. To The Man and those in charge of her Twitter Account, thanks for keeping the possibility top of mind when things first got weird. We never gave up, but you will! MISSED YOU LADY BANKS!
Mad Man’s Spinal Tap & 20 Questions
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox. Does this article go to 11? Are the retread concepts, just hollow nowadays?
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox! Does this article go to 11?
When you have decades of experience watching the art form, your eyes and thought processes change. It’s the reason my colleagues can break down pending news and angles we haven’t seen yet. Mr. Meltzer made a cottage industry out of it. A ton of people on The Internet are trying to follow suit. Then, there are fans like me. As much as I love twitter, Professional Wrestling fans were never meant to receive “spoilers” every day.
This is NOT a “Back in my day…” thing. My eyes have changed too. However, I am focused more on WWE’s calendar when watching Stamford’s offering. If I think about wrestling. it’s very simple. My suspension of disbelief is gone for very few performers. In fact, I would say it’s gone for most fans. If we know it’s a work, why are scripts and outcomes still based on the assumption that we don’t? If I have seen a gimmick before, I am VERY hard to impress. Make me believe you can beat somebody; and stand out doing so, or I will chew you up and spit you the Hell out.
For those who say I should keep my mouth shut because I can’t perform and never have, I DON’T CARE! Saint Dave gets a pass, and y’all still watch the current product like his lap dogs and clones, despite “knowing’ the outcome? I don’t watch for the outcome anymore. Based on character development and pushes, I can see that coming. Call me a hypocrite and I will play 20 Questions with you. Can you get me to the finish line without looking like an idiot or a laughable copy of someone else?
Su Yung is 5’6’’ish. Marks and sheep world wide are transfixed and petrified? Make up aside, why? She is impersonating three legends with no unique move set and doing it very badly. Without her zombies, can she beat anybody? Mr. Calloway used druids. He was 6’10’’ and did not need them to kick your ass. Mick Foley put himself and you through HELL before using The Mandible Claw. You had no choice but to take it. The Great Muta was arguably the best Rising Sun performer of all time. He had a move set most American fans had never seen before. The Mist was believable in his hands because audience and opponent were spinning trying to keep up with him. Where is Su Yung’s Mysticism? As much as fans love her, there are no OMG moments in her matches, and her gimmick is predicated on them.
She is far from the only example. Twitter went crazy about a month ago because a top name on the indies put something in her opponent’s mouth during a match. Outside of a prison fight, when would this EVER HAPPEN? Why is this necessary? If this is a work, why would any girl allow someone to do this? Tell me why either woman gets hired again without the parrot response? Same question applies to Joseph. Dude ain’t pickin’ up anybody like that in real life. I dare him to pick my wheelchair up with his finish. He would be in traction.
Tony Schiavone is our crazy wrestling fan uncle. Our memories of him when we were kids and teenagers all ROCK! He is without question one of the best to ever call the action. God Bless Conrad Flair for bringing him back to the art form. Among other fun stuff, he now does commentary for MLW. With tongue firmly planted in cheek; I must say, I have a slight problem with him. I understand that it is his job. He continues to put MJF over because?? I get the gimmick. It’s just OLD! He is ripping off The Miz. One look at him, and you can see that. “I have more money than you.” So did DiBiase. And if you did, you wouldn’t need the $50.00 a night you made before Tony started calling your matches because you’d be paying him. Just wait until Mike retires before you go to New York.
Finally, we arrive at the biggest tent. Vinnie’s circus was on The West Coast in The House of Hot Rod & Billy Jack Haynes. Sheep under 25 are now asking a three-worded question. The only help you’ll get from me is to say that he may have been the father of Modern Independent Wrestling. Sometimes, it wasn’t his choice, and he is still fighting demons today.
Back to this week. Didn’t Spinal Tap all stand in the Center Ring around a month ago and do a babyface promo? “It’s our fault. We’ll do better for you. This is YOUR product.” First, I believe Stephanie as a babyface as much as I believe Saint Richard as a babyface. Shut up and go home as a shoot. Second, as big a moron as Vince is, he’s NOT leaving the person carrying the big top out of WrestleMania! Outside of the obvious, Becky’s leg is a work. SHE WAS LIMPING ON THE WRONG ONE ON MONDAY! Seth Rollins is hurt as a shoot. He WASN’T at Monday Night Raw. If Becky wasn’t cleared, she wouldn’t be on either show. So WHY is everybody going apes*** over this?
Sometimes, I can’t tell which group is Spinal Tap?
Is it the group on stage or the sheep who believe what they’re watching? I truly wish this art form was treated more like real competition.
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