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Mitchell’s Lucha Underground Report! (6/27/18)

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Lucha Underground Season 4

Lucha Underground, Season 4, Episode 3: “Rest In Pieces”

Pentagon is STILL Lucha Underground Champion, even after facing The Monster, Matanza Cueto. Who will step up to the throne of the Collector of Bones? Meanwhile, it will be a first time ever, Three Way to the Grave Casket Match! Jeremiah Crane wants to bury both Mil Muertes and Fenix alive, for the love of Catrina!

 

Gifs to come courtesy of http://frentique.tumblr.com/

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Put Up or Shut-Up Challenge: Jack Evans VS ???; XO Lishus wins.
  • Three Way to the Grave: Fenix VS Mil Muertes w/ Catrina VS Jeremiah Crane; Muertes wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

The Worldwide Underground meets in the locker room.

Ricky Mundo explains his trip to the Island of the Dolls. Dario Cueto told him about it, and it’s real! It’s amazing! It seems more creepier than anything to Jack Evans and PJ Black. But Ricky shrugs it off as he introduces “Rosa”. Rosa’s shy around new people. He pulls her string and she says “hola.” She’s a lot friendly than she looks.

Johnny Mundo and Taya walk in and thank the others for coming to the meeting. Rosa creeps them out as much as she does PJ and Jack. But Rosa aside, Johnny says the Reptile Tribe has declared war on the WWU. And Johnny is happy to give them a war. The WWU struck back last week, and tonight, Jack gets to give the second. Call out a snake and take them to Slam Town! Jack hates snakes… But he’s the Dragonslayer. But Dragons aren’t snakes, they’re fire-breathing monsters and honorable. Snakes are just gross. The WWU argues but Jack dismisses himself. Jake’s fear of snakes aside, has anyone seen Angelico? Johnny owes him a beating. The others leave Ricky and Rosa alone. She says not to worry, his secret is safe with her.

 

Put Up or Shut-Up Challenge: Jack Evans VS ???

The Dragonslayer and big mouth of the WWU puts out an open challenge like Johnny Mundo wanted, but no Reptile Tribe member answers. Jack’s fine with that, and he instead gets the flamboyantly confident new LU talent, “XO Lishus”! Fans are strongly behind XO, which is amplified by how they hate Jack. Especially after Jack snags the mic to introduce himself as “The Man, The Myth, the Legend”, Evans from the Heavens! The bell rings and we begin.

They circle, speed up and XO handsprings over to then slide under. XO hops up, rolls back and headscissors Jack. Jack runs back but XO dodges to then headscissor Jack again! XO wheelbarrows and arm-drags while doing the splits. XO runs in at Jack with a handspring SLAP! Jack doesn’t like that, but XO goes Matrix to dodge the clothesline. Jack runs over to standing moonsault XO down! XO kicks back from the floor, then gets to ropes. Jack runs over but is dumped out. XO runs, and FLIES! A powerful crossbody, and XO celebrates with twerking. XO puts Jack back in, then does a twerking standing moonsault. Jack rolls out of the way but XO handsprings back to come in. Jack trips XO into the ropes, to then rake his fingers into XO’s face!

Fans boo and jeer but Jack tells them all to shut up. Jack drags XO over and into the Rings of Saturn. XO endures while fans rally. Jack wrenches the arm, and wonders what fans are clapping for. Fans rally anyway, and Jack whips XO corner to corner. Jack runs in with his own handspring, to eye rake! He backs off at 4, but fans boo and jeer. Jack grinds his boot into XO, then brings XO up over for muay thai knees. Fans cheer XO on and XO revesres the whip. Jack cartwheels and arm-wrings XO into a modified triangle! XO endures, and Jack shouts for him to “put up or shut up”. Fans rally again, and XO stomps on Jack. Jack shoves XO away, then runs in at XO in the corner.

XO hops up to boot and roll off the back. XO dropkicks then back elbows, then adds a jawbreaker! He then uses Jack as a step stool for a leg drop! Cover, TWO, and XO’s inexperience shows with forgetting to hook legs. Fans rally for the young star, and he whips Jack corner to corner. Jack goes up and over to then wheel kick XO down! Jack hits a standing corkscrew moonsault, cover, TWO! XO now shows his heart! Jack grows annoyed, but he doesn’t lose his confidence. He climbs up, but XO handsprings to headscissor Jack down! XO climbs now, and hits a splitting leg drop! Cover, TWO! XO grows a bit flustered, another sign of inexperience. Fans rally for him though as he climbs back up. Jack intercepts with a boot! Jack climbs up, but XO fights back, SUPER facebuster! Cover, XO wins!

Winner: XO Lishus, by pinfall

XO may be new, but he put up and shut up Jack! Given some time, will this fabulous new star find his way to the top of the Temple?

 

Pentagon Dark is here!

The Lucha Underground Champion reviews that in Aztec Warfare, against 19 other great luchadors who all wanted his title, all failed to take it. Cueto’s Monster even tried, but he failed! And anyone else who wants this title, be prepared to fail, too. Because all his challengers will be broken, because Pentagon has #CeroMiedo!

But wait, the Machine Called Cage attacks with a discus lariat! Cage throws furious right hands, and then lifts up the belt. Cage, who lost his Gauntlet of the Gods to Mil Muertes, and who wasn’t even one of the 19 challengers in Aztec Warfare, makes it clear he wants his shot, by using the belt to SMACK Pentagon in the head. He leaves Pentagon down in the ring, but then thinks of something more: a table! The Terminator drums sound as he sets the table up at ringside. Cage drags Pentagon onto the apron, and into bomb position, to BOMB him through the table!

“Meet the luchador you can’t break. Because I’m not a man, I’m a Machine! And your next Lucha Underground Champion!” The Swolverine wants to break the Breaker of Bones, but will he regret challenging him with such aggression?

 

Fenix prepares for the main event.

Melissa Santos is with him backstage just moments from this life-or-death match. She can’t lose him. But he vows she won’t. He won the last Grave Consequences match he was in, remember? But last time, it was just one opponent. Tonight he has two, and they’re deadly. But don’t worry, he’s the Man of 1000 Lives. And they all belong to Melissa. She gives him a kiss for luck. Will it be the last kiss between her and the Bird of War?

 

Three Way to the Grave: Fenix VS Mil Muertes w/ Catrina VS Jeremiah Crane!

The Man of 1000 Lives, the Man of 1000 Deaths, and the Lucha Death Machine who loves pain. All three men battle for survival, but also for the destruction of the other two! Who will survive to grab glory, and power, in their hands?

As Catrina leads Mil Muertes down, she surely knows that both victory and the return of her own mortality are so close, she can taste it. Will she taste life again? Or will she just taste more defeat? Likewise, the twisted Crane does this for love, as he wants Catrina back. Will he be made whole through the demise of his opponents? Or will his body be broken along with his heart?

Lucha Underground returns from break and this first-ever match begins. Fenix, Crane and Muertes all stare down. Crane gives a thumbs down, but he gets SPEARED down by the Reaper’s Trident! Fenix kicks Muertes while Crane rolls away. Fenix throws a forearm, then runs, but Muertes whips him to a corner. Muertes runs in as Fenix slips out to the apron. Fenix kicks Muertes away, then hops up to springboard back. Muertes gets clear but runs into a SUPERKICK. Fenix comes back for a leaping DDT! Crane stands up and Fenix handsprings, but into a half-nelson DDT! Crane sits up and rallies the fans. He runs in at Muertes for the shining wizard, then goes side-to-side for the boot wash. Fenix runs in for a running boot!

Fenix climbs up, springboards but Crane dodges. Crane throws Fenix to the apron, mule kicks him, then drags him back in with a hip toss. Fans rally while Fenix gets out. Crane runs, and DIVES! The low-pe almost doesn’t hit, but it gets Fenix right in the waist. Crane fires up and drags Fenix up to throw him. Fenix hops up and mule kicks back, to then SUPER moonsault! Both men land roughly, but fans rally. Muertes climbs up?! And he falls onto them both! The Believers are fired up while all three men are down. Muertes gets up and uses the flower arrangement to hit Crane in the face. He then drags Crane up and around to bump him off a casket lid over and over and over. Fenix flounders while Muertes BOMBS Crane against the coffin.

Muertes drags Crane up while fans chant “Otra! Otra!” So he goes to bomb Crane at the announce desk. Crane resists and hits back, then boots Muertes into a seat. Catrina grows concerned as Crane gets a full lap around the ring. Crane makes the final turn, but Muertes SPEARS him again! The Trident almost splits Crane in half! Fans are shocked, but are still loving this, too. Muertes goes under the ring to pull out a table. He sets it up at a corner, and fans move aside. Muertes drags Crane up but Fenix climbs to walk the rails. Fans give him space, to fly and huricanrana Muertes down! Fenix turns around, and Crane SMACKS him with an entire bouquet of roses! Crane drags Muertes up, but Muertes powers him back in a choke, to then CHOKE SLAM Crane on the casket!

Muertes goes back to his table, and to Fenix. Fans chant “Animo! Animo!” for Fenix, but Muertes brings him around. Crane hits Muertes, but it barely affects him. Muertes grabs Crane and brings him in, but both Crane and Fenix fight off the Flatliner. So Muertes just grabs them both around the throat. They break free again, SUPERKICK and boot combo. Fenix SUPERKICKS Crane, then huricanranas Muertes near the table. Crane uses Fenix as a step stool to knock Muertes into the table. It doesn’t break, so Crane BOMBS Muertes through that table! Fans lose their minds again, but Fenix goes right after Crane. Fans know “This is Awesome” as they brawl and go up the stairs. Crane and Fenix reach the top, and go around behind the fans. Crane prepares something, and gives Fenix a piledriver on the concrete! But the doors open, and Muertes appears behind him!

Muertes drags Crane in and rams the doors into him from both sides. Muertes rocks Crane down with a right, then drags him back up. Fans are on Muertes’ side, but Fenix is climbing up again. Meurtes has Crane in a fireman’s carry, but Crane fights for dear life as Muertes tries to toss him down to the ground! Crane gets down and rakes Muertes’ eyes, but Fenix FLIES IN!! He wipes them out with that insane crossbody! The Believers are riled up but Catrina is worried. Fenix stands first, and brings Muertes up. Muertes hits him first, then hits him more. They go back to the stairs, and Fenix tumbles down every step. Crane is sent down after Fenix, and Muertes takes his time lumbering down to join them.

Muertes has the Believers on his side as he drags a new table out. He places it off to the side, and fans rally up. Muertes puts another table up in the ring, but Fenix revives. Muertes goes for Crane first and goes into the ring. He drags Crane up and over to a corner. Muertes hoists Crane up, and adjusts the table. He climbs up but Fenix joins in for a kinder surprise kick! Muertes is hung up, and Fenix pushes him down. Fenix goes after Crane with rights and chops, then climbs up to join him. Muertes rests by the other table he prepared, and Fenix hops up, but Crane denies the steiner with a shove, and Fenix crashes down on Muertes through that table!

Fenix gets back up quick, and sees Crane resting on this other table. Crane trips Fenix up hard, and positions the table again. Crane climbs up, rakes the eyes, and then hits a PILEDRIVER through the table! Fans lose their minds all over again, but Crane gives a thumbs up to Catrina. Crane opens a casket, and rolls the limp Fenix around. This much Catrina likes, because she hates Fenix with a burning desire. Melissa panics because she loves Fenix with a burning desire. Fenix is in the casket, but that’s just part one. Crane goes to close it, but running in with hair fire red with rage, it’s IVELISSE! And with poetic justice, she uses a ball peen hammer on Crane’s leg!! That’s in return for what Crane did to her last season!

Crane shouts and screams in pain, but Ivelisse shouts she wasn’t going to forget what he did. Crane grabs at her, so she smacks that arm, too! She smacks him a third time, and with such force that the hammer head comes off! So she just uses the handle to hold him still for knee strikes. Crane is draped over the ropes, but Ivelisse wants him to get back up. He does, and he flips her the bird. Bad move, because she takes that finger and breaks it! The Baddest Bitch is back in the Temple, and she’s busted Crane open! And with no mercy, she hits him again! Now Crane is in the casket, and she closes it on him! Crane is ELIMINATED! The pallbearers come and take him away, leaving it at Muertes and Fenix. The fans go nuts for Ivelisse while we go to break.

Lucha Underground returns once more, and Muertes moves the wreckage of wood tables out of his way. Fenix also returns to the ring, leaning against a corner. Muertes runs in, but into a SUPERKICK! Fenix side steps then back kicks Muertes, then rolls Muertes out, only to run into a stiff spinning powerslam! Muertes rains rights down, and rakes at the mask! This is a common thing for Muertes to do against Fenix, because if you hate someone, you definitely don’t respect them. Melissa protests, but there’s nothing the rules can do against that. Muertes then goes to untie a buckle pad. Fenix revives, and waistlocks Muertes. Meurtes elbows out, but runs into a boot. Both men stagger, and Melissa gets the fans going again.

Fenix runs at Muertes but is alley-oop’d overhead. Fenix stops himself from hitting that exposed buckle, but is ran right over! A close call, but Muertes is going to ensure Fenix hits that exposed hook, with a catapult swing! Fenix’s face goes right into steel, and he bleeds profusely. Muertes makes it worse by raking his fingers in, and even biting at the wound! Fenix is limp on the apron but Muertes just punches away even more. Melissa shouts for Fenix to get up, but Muertes works to undo more of that turnbuckle’s axle. Melissa finds herself surrounded by the Man and First Lady of Death, but Fenix revives. Fenix and Muertes brawl, then shift to a chop fight. Shot after shot but Muertes gets an edge with that killer right. Muertes stares into the eyes of Catrina, they both know what comes next.

Muertes drags a casket around while Melissa and the ref check on Fenix. That casket is put into the ring, another familiar sight of any Grave Consequences match. Fans chant “Animo!” and “Let’s Go Fenix!” Muertes has the casket up in a corner. He opens it up, and whips Fenix corner to corner at it. Fenix stops himself just inches away, Muertes runs in, but Fenix dodges him. Muertes stops himself short, but Fenix kicks him into it! But not all the way, that lid won’t close like that. Fenix stands Muertes up, to dropkick him back in! Now Muertes is all the way inside, and that’s part one! Fenix goes to close but Muertes holds it open! Melissa and Catrina shout for their men, but it’s Muertes who pushes Fenix away!

Muertes stalks Fenix but Fenix runs and doges. Fenix kicks back, then runs back, but is thrown overhead onto the casket! Fans lose their minds one more time, but then duel between the two. Muertes positions the casket on the mat, and then lifts Fenix. Fenix resists as Muertes tries to pick him up. Fenix fights back, but Muertes grabs him around the throat. But Fenix gets free to then chop and chop away! Fenix runs, handsprings, but Muertes slam dunks Fenix down! Muertes drags Fenix back up even as fans chant “Animo!” Muertes runs, but Fenix rolls, for Fenix Injection!! Both men are down, but stirring. Melissa and Catrina are both worried, but fans know “This is Awesome!”

Fenix fires off forearms and a heel kick! He gets to a corner, hops up, and flies, but into a CHOKE SLAM on the casket! The lid is dented, that casket might not even open. Muertes doesn’t care, he lifts Fenix up again, only for Fenix to headscissor him out of the ring! Fenix gets up, hops up, and as Muertes returns, missile dropkick! Fans fire up and it gives Fenix life. Fenix climbs again, jumps, but into a FLATLINER! Melissa can barely watch as Muertes looms over Fenix. He drags Fenix up again, then drags him out. The third casket is still viable, and Muertes opens it. He drags Fenix over like a sack of potatoes, and plops him down inside. Muertes closes the lid, and wins!

Winner: Mil Muertes

The pallbearers return, and Melissa reluctantly makes the announcement. The Man of 1000 Deaths is victorious, and Catrina is almost euphoric over this defeat of the Immortal Firebird. Has Muertes earned himself his own Lucha Underground Championship opportunity? Has Catrina gotten the life force she needs?

 

In an undisclosed location…

The Monster, Matanza, is chained up again. “My boy”, Antonio says from above, “I know it’s not much, but it’s better than the cell you’ve been locked in.” Matanza must be upset over failing his father, but Antonio admits he failed Matanza. When Antonio offered up Matanza as the vessel to the Aztec Gods, he asked they let Matanza retain a little of his humanity. The gods granted that wish, which is why he has the key. The key holds his mortal soul. Dario took both key and Matanza from Antonio, planning to exploit the Monster. Dario kept the key close because he cared for his brother, just as Antonio cared for his son.

But that’s what got Dario killed and what weakened Matanza. Antonio does not tolerate weakness. He knows what he must do. Matanza will always be his son, but he was meant to be so much more. He tosses the key to Matanza?! Because he wants Matanza to kill what’s left of his own humanity by breaking that key! Become a true God! Do it! Matanza does, and the chains no longer hold him. “Good-bye, my boy.” What has Antonio done?! What will Matanza do to the world!?

 


 

My Thoughts:

A really solid episode for only two matches on the card. Clearly there’s something bigger and much more sinister planned for Ricky Mandel Mundo and “Rosa”. And for saying they’re going to call out the Reptiles and keep this fight going, I’m a bit disappointed we didn’t get a hint at it in the backstage area. But good for Jack to be fodder to a debuting wrestler, his ego calls for him to be the kind of guy to do that. Lucha Underground has always been a touch more progressive, and XO Lishus looks to pick up the mantle for Pimpinela, assuming Pimpi doesn’t return. Pentagon Dark has a good promo, but that attack from Cage was really good. Cage hasn’t had many chances at the top title for being a long-standing staple of the show, this will be a great feud.

The Three Way to the Grave, for being the first, is already the best of its kind, and just the best of all the Grave Consequences matches LU has put on. It also did an amazing job of integrating multiple stories, as Ivelisse makes a shocking return at the best possible moment. She screws Crane over for revenge, but surely he’ll come back somehow to get back at her. Lucha Underground is also progressive in this regard of co-ed matches, so expect at least one of those to be their blow-off. And Muertes goes over for many logical reasons: he’s already lost his fair share of Grave Consequences, it’s time for him to win one; Muertes needs wins overall to keep himself a credible threat to everyone; and it pushes Catrina’s story forward. I’m not really sure what she’ll do once she’s mortal again, but that’ll be for next week.

My Score: 8.7/10


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