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Mitchell’s Lucha Underground Results & Report! (11/7/18)

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Lucha Underground Season 4, “Ultima Lucha Cuatro – Part 2”

It’s the finale of Ultima Lucha Cuatro! Will Johnny Mundo survive Matanza Cueto? Who will be the Lucha Underground Champion after a deadly Cero Miedo Match?

 

Gifs can be found on http://frentique.tumblr.com/

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Best 2 out of 3 Falls: El Dragon Azteca Jr. VS Fenix; Fenix wins.
  • Death Match: The Mack VS Mil Muertes; Mack wins.
  • Sacrifice to the Gods Match: Matanza Cueto VS Johnny Mundo; Mundo wins and is not sacrificed.
  • Lucha Underground Championship Cero Miedo Match: Marty “The Moth” Martinez VS Pentagon Dark; Pentagon wins and becomes the new Lucha Underground Champion.
  • Lucha Underground Championship, Gift of the Gods Cash-In Match: Pentagon Dark VS Jake Strong; Strong wins and becomes the new Lucha Underground Champion.

PLAY BY PLAY

The Worldwide Underground prepare for tonight.

Namely, Johnny Mundo air guitars with his new Gauntlet of the Gods. “This thing is gonna look so sweet mounted on the wall of my dojo.” If he ever takes it off. And Taya reminds him it’s their dojo now. Right, of course. But it’ll look even better with the blood of Matanza on it. Mundo wants to give it another test run, and the power courses through his body. Taya will be there just in case, right? She wouldn’t miss it for the mundo. Clever. But if Mundo fails, never to be seen again, just know he loves you, Taya. “I love you, too.” Rosa…? “You’re so pretty.” Thanks? But she doesn’t have a string… Rosa knows Taya is the Perfect Woman. And the perfect host! Rosa is going to possess Taya?!

 

Best 2 out of 3 Falls: El Dragon Azteca Jr. VS Fenix!

The Heir of the Eagle Tribe is a friend to Melissa Santos, but Melissa’s heart belongs to Fenix. However, Fenix’s soul is left tainted with darkness after Aerostar used Catrina’s stone to resurrect him. Can Azteca help bring back Fenix’s humanity? Or will the darkness only grow stronger?

Lucha Underground returns as the bell rings. Fenix glares at Melissa, but then rushes Azteca. Azteca dodges and kicks but Fenix dodges to CHOPS! Azteca chops back and it’s a chop fight! Fenix back hands but Azteca kicks, kicks and enziguris! Then he slides under, for another enziguri! Azteca runs, but Fenix somersaults for a cutter! Fans fire up as Fenix brings Azteca into a waistlock. Azteca blocks and fights out, Fenix shoves him. Azteca mule kicks Fenix, then hops up, but Fenix kicks out his legs! Fenix has Azteca hung up on the second rope, and shovels him onto his shoulders. Electric chair spin, but Azteca tries a huricanrana. Fenix blocks that and brings Azteca back up, but Azteca makes it a Code Red! Cover, TWO!

Azteca dropkicks Fenix down, Fenix bails out. Fans rally, Azteca springboards and FLIES! He wipes Fenix out but Believers fire up. Azteca puts Fenix back in the ring, then climbs up top. Fans duel as Azteca leaps! Fenix rolls out of the way so Azteca rolls through his 450. Fenix boots Azteca to a corner, then runs corner to corner, into a boot! Azteca hops up but gets a SHORYUKEN! Fenix brings Azteca out, spinning muscle buster! Cover, Fenix gets the first fall!

Azteca: 0 – Fenix: 1

The Black Bird takes the lead, but his eyes lock back on Melissa. Fenix goes to a corner, the second fall begins when we return from break!

Lucha Underground returns, and Fenix is bringing in chairs! Azteca is vulnerable as Fenix wedges a chair in a corner. Fenix goes back out, to bring out a table! Azteca stirs as fans rally up. Fenix sets the table up on the outside, then he fetches Azteca. Fenix brings Azteca up in a waistlock, for a German Suplex! No cover as Fenix drags Azteca by his mask over to the corner with the chair. Fenix runs in, but Azteca dodges. Azteca runs in for a clothesline, then rolls and comes back for a forearm. He rolls Fenix, slides and calf kicks FEnix down! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up for Azteca as he and Fenix grind foreheads. Fenix shoves but Azteca moves to hit the DDTJ! Cover, Azteca gets the second fall!

Azteca: 1 – Fenix: 1

Things are all tied up super fast, and now we can go into the final fall! But Antonio Cueto decides to come out at this point. “Papa Cueto” says that this match has already been quite a show. But now we need to take it to the next level! “After all, this is Ultima Lucha.” Therefore, this final fall shall be… Falls Count Anywhere! The stakes are raised, as is that chair by Fenix! He SMACKS Azteca in the head! The Believers are thunderous for this final round, but we go to break!

Lucha Underground returns again, and Fenix clubs Azteca down. He pushes Azteca out, and he “borrows’ chairs from Believers. Fenix makes a pile of wood then puts Azteca back in the ring. He brings Azteca to that side of the ring where the table is, and goes for a suplex. Azteca holds on for dear life, then kicks Feniz off the apron! Fenix’s face bounces off the table! Fans fire up as Azteca goes out to fetch Fenix. Azteca brings out steel chairs, and THROWS one at Fenix’s face! They go around the corner and Azteca throws Fenix into the announce desk! Azteca has the Believers on his side as he brings out yet another table. The only one not really enjoying this fight is Melissa, as it is friend and lover fighting it out.

Fenix hits Azteca, they brawl, Fenix gets a German Suplex! Bridging cover, TWO! Azteca survives, so Fenix brings out a third table. And then a fourth! Fenix arranges these tables in the ring and Believers like that. Fenix runs in but Azteca dodges to send him into the post. Azteca kicks Fenix from the post, then springboard missile dropkicks! Believers rally up as Azteca takes care of the tables in the ring. He fetches Fenix on the outside but Fenix hits him. They have another chop fight back and forth, fast and furious! Azteca gets another DDTJ, to the floor!! But Azteca can’t make a cover, so he goes for that original table.

Azteca goes up to the bleachers, but Fenix follows. Fenix goes after Azteca at the rails as fans beg “Please Don’t Die!” The two brawl while trying to throw the other over. Both men stand, Azteca SUPER STEINERS! Fenix clips the table and fans lose their minds! Cover, TWO!! Fenix lives, so Azteca puts him in the ring. Azteca hits Fenix away but slingshots into a SHORYUKEN! Fenix goes out to fetch Azteca, and they go to the second table. Fenix reels Azteca out for forearms, then puts him on the wood. Fans duel as Fenix climbs up. Melissa can barely watch as Fenix SUPER SWANTONS! The table doesn’t break, but maybe one of the two luchadores did… Believers know “This is Awesome!” as Fenix drags Azteca around the corner.

Fenix CHOPS Azteca then puts him on the apron. He tucks Azteca for a muscle buster but Azteca gets out to boot back. Azteca then climbs, but Fenix follows. Fenix stops Azteca up top, then joins him, and Melissa begs someone else do something to stop them. Azteca fights Fenix off, turns things around, then throws hands. He hits a SUPER Victory Roll Bomb, through a table!! Cover, TWO!? Fenix survives and Melissa is physically ill. Believers are losing their minds again as Azteca throws in more chairs. Azteca is armed with steel, and Believers rally up. He aims at Fenix, but Melissa tells him no! They’re friends, aren’t they? She says this isn’t Fenix’s fault, he’s not himself. But then Fenix SMACKS Azteca! And he scares Melissa off!

Fenix aims at Azteca, and SPEARS him through the third table!! Believers lose their minds again as Melissa begs for this to stop. Fenix sits Azteca on the top rope for a CHOP! Then, another Black Bird muscle buster! Cover, Fenix wins!

Winner: Fenix, by pinfall, wins 2-1

Melissa may have just cost Azteca the win, and Fenix his soul. Will the Dark Flame rise and take over the Temple?

 

Antonio Cueto is ringside again.

“Love makes you do strange things, huh?” Melissa refuses to be out here after what just happened between Fenix and Azteca, but luckily Antonio has been in “intense negotiations” as of late. And as of just earlier tonight, Antonio has made a blockbuster deal with an incredible talent! This person is lucha royalty! Antonio introduces the guest ring announcer for the rest of Ultima Lucha, Shaul Guerrero! A major get from the family of lucha libre! Shaul picks up the mic, and is honored to be here. But it’s time to get the action going again! She makes the introductions for this following–

Wait, Famous B comes out? He’s introducing himself as the one true guest ring announcer of The Temple. Fans disagree, and tell B to “Git!” But Famous B ignores them to head into the ring. He brushes Shaul aside, staking his claim as the only guest ring announcer. And he tells her to git! Well, before that, take his card, maybe give him a call. He has no idea who she is nor who her family is, so maybe if she wants to be famous– “Excuse~ me!” Just like mama! Shaul doesn’t know who Famous B is, but she’s gonna straighten him out.

The Guerrero family IS lucha libre! From Gory to Mondo to Hector to Chavo to Chavo Jr, to Mama Vickie and yes, Papa Eddie! Guerreros are lucha libre, but also warriors that “would kick your ass before you even know what hit you, Famous Bitch!” Sick burn, and she throws his card back at him. Famous B is angry as the fans echo Shaul. He figures if she’s too stupid to leave, then he’ll make her! The jacket comes off, but Believers chant “Kick his ass!” But wait, here comes Uncle Chavo! He scares Famous B, Shaul pokes B’s eyes then kicks him for a snap suplex. That’s one amiga! Then a second amiga! Then yes, the THIRD! And to do the honors for the entire Guerrero family, Chavo climbs, and hits the frog splash! They throw Famous B out, and now he can “Git! Git!”

 

Death Match: The Mack VS Mil Muertes!

Death comes for us all, but the Man of 1000 Deaths embraces the darkness. The urban underdog lost his cousin, Big Ryck, to Muertes’ wrath, but can he outrun the reaper and succeed on Lucha Underground’s biggest night?

Muertes brings a coffin with him, telling Mack now what to expect by the end of this. The bell rings, and Muertes rushes Mack. Mack dodges and throws big haymakers! Muertes pushes Mack back and puts him in the corner to throw heavy hands. Muertes whips corner to corner but runs into a boot. He blocks Mack’s next boot and reels Mack in for a lariat! Muertes drags Mack up as fans duel. He headbutts Mack and whips again, but Mack comes back with a flying enziguri! Muertes staggers but Mack runs in to clothesline him out. Muertes lands on his feet by his coffin, but Mack builds speed to FLY! Mack bowls Muertes over! Believers fire up as Mack says a prayer of thanks. Mack gets Muertes up and rocks him with more haymakers. Muertes hits back, and then bounces Mack’s face off the casket lid.

Muertes moves the casket aside and brings Mack up onto the apron. They brawl with haymakers and forearms while fans duel. Muertes kicks low and gives Mack a DDT to the apron! Believers are stunned silent a moment, but then rally back up. Muertes drags out a second casket?! Well, actually it makes a lot of sense given who Muertes is. Mack hits Muertes and they brawl again by the second coffin. Muertes bounces Mack off the lid again, then drags Mack up on top, for a facebuster! Mack’s head dents the casket! Muertes puts Mack in the ring and stands him up in a corner. Muertes fires off those close-range clothesline! He gets nine, and backs up as fans build the tension. Muertes runs in, but Mack drop toeholds him into buckles!

Mack goes side to side for the forearm smash, then the other way for the boot! Mack gives Muertes a back2back backbreaker! Muertes is down and Mack goes to the far side, to run back in for a cannonball! Fans fire up as Mack has a wild look in his eyes. He drags Muertes to a cover, TWO! Fans duel again as Mack decides to open up Muertes’ first coffin. Behold! An arsenal of brutal weapons! Mack goes for the tools, the kendo stick, the chain, and more, putting them in the ring. But then Muertes DIVES and tackles Mack into the coffin! Fans lose their minds all over again as Muertes stands up. Muertes drags the coffin up, and narrowly avoids the lid biting his fingers off, to go back for the rest of the items: a hatchet, a brick, and a meat hook!

Muertes puts Mack in the ring and brings in the lumberjack ax! This is becoming a horror movie as Muertes drags the ax around. Mack stands, but blocks the ax swing just in time! Mack kicks and gets the ax, but Muertes ducks the swing to give Mack an uppercut! Then the SPEAR! The Devil’s Trident knocks Mack down, but Muertes looks to use even worse on Mack. Muertes picks up the ice pick, and stands Mack up to JAB him in the head! Fans cringe as Muertes makes Mack bleed with more jabs of the steel spike. The referee gets squeamish but Muertes forces him to stay. Muertes brings Mack up and whips. Mack reverses and hits a windmill kick! Both men are down, and Mack has a crimson mask of blood. Mack grabs the chain, and shouts “Kunta Kinte 3000!” before giving Muertes a steel chain punch!

Muertes goes down but rolls to a corner. Mack goes out of the ring to bring in a trash can. Mack returns into the ring and fans rally up. He has the can and places it in front of Muertes. Mack hurries to the other corner, and fans chant it out, Mack leaps for the Coast2Coast! Direct hit on the “Mackinator”! Cover, TWO!! Muertes survives, but Mack still has more to give. He brings Muertes up, but Muertes gets him in a choke grip! And the choke slam! The fans duel as both men crawl to corners. Mack drags himself up, but Muertes runs in. Mack dodges and sends Muertes to the post! Muertes tumbles out and Mack pursues. Mack tears at the black mask of death to add insult to injury! Mack grabs himself a kendo stick, and SMACKS Muertes in the head!

Both men stagger and Mack throws Muertes back in. Muertes stands, and realizes he is dripping blood himself now. Mack runs and hits a jumping DDT! Cover, TWO! Muertes survives but Believers know “This is Awesome!” Mack keeps going because there’s still blood to spill. He swings on Muertes but Muertes spins him around for a BIG lariat! Cover, TWO!! It was so close, but Mack survives. Muertes gets up as fans chant “Lucha! Lucha!” Muertes runs at Mack for a crucifix takedown, but Mack makes it a Samoan Drop, albeit sloppy. Mack kips up and fans fire up! He hits a moonsault! Cover, TWO! Mack is shocked, but his blood helps him focus. He runs, but into the powerslam! Cover, TWO!! Another close call but this match isn’t over yet.

Muertes grows furious but Mack grows confident. Mack throws forearms, but ends up in a Flat Liner!! Muertes crawls to a cover, TWO!? Mack lives?! The look of shock is clear through Muertes’ masks of crimson blood and black leather. Muertes goes after Mack and wants another, but Mack elbows out of the Flat Liner. And elbows, and elbows, and elbows! But then he turns around into the choke grip! Muertes lifts, Mack hits the stunner! Muertes staggers, so Mack hits him with another! But Muertes still hasn’t fallen, so Mack gets that brick. This brick is for Ryck! Then the double dirty birds as Mack tells Muertes to “Go to Hell, you mutha f*cka!” STUNNER!! Cover, Mack WINS!!

Winner: The Mack, by pinfall

Death has been conquered!! Muertes is no longer undefeated at Ultima Lucha, and Mack decides to put the last nail in the coffin. He drags Muertes over to the coffin, and as Believers chant “Put Him In!”, Mack rolls Muertes into his own prop. And to cap it all off, Mack gets some beers, to pour out one for the homeys. And finally, he closes the lid. Does this incredible win mean big things for The Mack next season? Or will death rise again?

 

Sacrifice to the Gods Match: Matanza Cueto VS Johnny Mundo!

The first sacrifice was the last remaining shred of humanity within the vessel of Antonio Cueto’s last living son. From there, the Monster God of the Temple would dispatch of the dead weight in the locker room. However, he would be unleashed by a psychotic Ricky Mantel Mundo to ruin the Worldwide Underground’s wedding night. The Guru of Greatness was not able to seek revenge himself for a time, thus leaving his friends, Joey Wrestling and Jack Evans, to be preyed upon by the Cuetos. Taya was almost sacrificed if not for the heroic return of Johnny himself! However, knowing Mundo is mortal, the Super Amigos, Drago and Aerostar, felt this was the time to grant someone the power of the Gauntlet of the Gods! Can Mundo use his power-up to take Matanza to #SlamTown? Or will he sadly be the latest and greatest Sacrifice to the Gods?

Antonio hurries out to ringside, having recognized that gauntlet. He shouts that the gauntlet is not Mundo’s to have! It doesn’t matter where he got that gauntlet, but he won’t have it for much longer, as he’ll just end up in a puddle of his own blood on the Aztec seal in the ring! And Matanza now makes his entrance, in new ceremonial, and frightening, garb. Believers already lose their minds seeing this terrifying transformation, but the true terror will begin after the break.

Lucha Underground returns and the bell rings. Mundo and Matanza each sport new gear, and Mundo eggs Matanza on. Matanza runs in, and Mundo gets him with a choke grip! Mundo powers Matanza to his knees! Then throws him backwards! Fans fire up, and Mundo grins with the new found power. Mundo runs in but Matanza avoids the Superman Punch. Mundo still feels great, and swings another punch at Matanza. Matanza avoids it, and goes after the gauntlet itself! Matanza and Mundo struggle, and the gauntlet flies off! It ends up at the stairs, and now Mundo is without his equalizer. Mundo still throws hands, but they do nothing. Matanza hits back but Mundo gives a kick and forearm. Mundo whips but Matanza reverses, but Mundo slides under. Mundo scrambles but Matanza drags him back in. Matanza throws Mundo but Mundo lands on his feet!

Mundo keeps moving, but runs into a pop-up SPINEBUSTER! Matanza looms over Mundo as fans rally up. Matanza drags Mundo up for a torture rack. Running rack Samoan Drop! Then a deadlift German Suplex! Matanza looms over Mundo, and drags him back up, for the fisherman back suplex! Bridge cover, TWO!! Mundo narrowly escapes, but Matanza is still on him. Matanza brings Mundo up to whip, and scoops for Wrath of the Gods, but Mundo counters with a crucifix! Roll through, but Mundo roundhouses and SUPERKICKS! Mundo kicks more, then hits Moonlight Drive! Antonio watches as Mundo drags Matanza to a drop zone. Mundo drags himself up, split leg for the Fin del Mundo! Cover, TWO!! Matanza survives, not even the end of the world can kill a god.

Believers rally up, and Mundo hurries out of the ring. He still wants the gauntlet, but Matanza gets him at the apron! And lifts him right up to the top rope, for a SUPER GERMAN SUPLEX!! Believers lose their minds again as Matanza sits up. The Monster is, for the first time, feeling fatigue. But oh no, Matanza wants the Gauntlet of the Gods?! But knowing Mundo is still near, Matanza leaves the gauntlet alone to go after his prey. Mundo goes under the ring, and Matanza goes looking for the sly Sultan of Sexy. Mundo pops out on the other end, but ducks back in before Matanza can get him. Matanza goes looking under the ring, but Mundo has made it to the stairs! And he gets the gauntlet back! Mundo hurries to put it back on, but Matanza runs him over! Now the gauntlet is on the bleachers.

Matanza moves up the bleachers and fans move aside. Matanza has the Gauntlet, but tosses it up WAY into the rafters?! Mundo hurries to climb up, but Matanza yanks him off the ladder. Mundo fights him off, then hurries up the stairs! Matanza pursues and drags Mundo down. Mundo ducks the punch to SUPERKICK! But Matanza isn’t bothered. Mundo leads Matanza on a chase, and finds a back way up to the top level. Matanza cuts him off at the stairs, but Mundo keeps going up. Mundo flips Matanza off to egg him on. There’s a large gap between where Mundo is above the band, and where Matanza tossed the gauntlet. But Mundo trusts his parkour training, and hops from roof to fuse box to ledge! But Matanza yanks him off, to throw him into the wall!

Believers rally up, they still have faith in Mundo. But Matanza lifts Mundo, and goes to bomb him over rails! Mundo fights off, and gets up to the ledge! Matanza hurries up with a ladder but fans know “This is Awesome!” Mundo crawls to where the gauntlet is, but still has no time to put it on. Matanza grabs him around the throat! And choke slams Mundo through the floor! Mundo goes through wood and is now in the Modelo freezer! Believers lose their minds all over again, and Matanza seems to have won. Antonio directs Matanza back to the ring, and that is where the Monster heads, chair in hand. But wait! The doors open, and Mundo stands! He has the gauntlet on! Mundo has the POWER! And he punches the chair out of Matanza’s hands!

The two head back down the stairs and to the ring. Mundo and his power seems to scare Matanza now! Mundo throws a punch, Matanza dodges, and Mundo hits post! But it doesn’t hurt at all. Mundo swings but Matanza dodges again, Matanza’s running scared! Matanza cowers by the stairs, Mundo uses the apron as a springboard for a Superman Punch into the ground! But Matanza narrowly gets away, and into the ring. Mundo follows Matanza into the ring, and Believers are thunderous. Mundo leaps, but into Matanza’s arms! WRATH OF THE GODS!! Cover, TWO!?! Mundo survives the Wrath of the Gods?! Even Mundo is surprised at how powerful he’s becoming. He gives Matanza a BIG gut punch, then a BIG haymaker. Matanza is staggered, SUPERMAN PUNCH takes him down! And then, as Mundo stares at Antonio, he climbs up top and flips Antonio off.

Antonio is furious as Mundo aims at Matanza. FLYING SUPERMAN PUNCH!! Matanza is down, Mundo turns him over for a cover, Mundo wins!!

Winner: Johnny Mundo, by pinfall

The modern day mix of Adonis and Hercules, Mundo conquers the Monster God! The Gauntlet has given him the power and the glory, but will it give Mundo the world?

 

Johnny Mundo walks backstage.

The Guru of Greatness feels great with the Gauntlet of the Gods on his arm, but then Aerostar appears and surprises him. Mundo asks if he’s seen Taya, but Aerostar is more concerned with the debt having been paid. Yeah, but Mundo would like to hold onto the gauntlet for a little while longer. Aerostar says that the power Mundo feels is not enhancing him, but destroying him. Mundo thinks Aerostar is just saying that to get the gauntlet back. Aerostar says Mundo only won thanks to the gauntlet. But if he wears it any longer, he’ll be nothing but a shell, as another god inhabits his body.

Mundo feels that power surging, but admits that no one gets to have his perfect body but himself. Aerostar asks for the gauntlet back, and Mundo takes it off. He gives it back to Aerostar, and Aerostar says Mundo’s a good man. Mundo says he’s not. But for now, he’ll go “celebrate” with Taya. Mundo managed to fight off such addictive power, but will there be a nasty surprise waiting for him in the locker room?

 

Lucha Underground Championship Cero Miedo Match: Marty “The Moth” Martinez VS Pentagon Dark!

The beginning of Marty’s reign has been controversial to say the least. First, the “Creepy Bastard” paid his way into a Gift of the Gods Championship match, and took advantage of a beaten down El Dragon Azteca Jr. Then he paid Antonio Cueto to make it an instant cash-in! And with the help of his Black Widow girlfriend, he took the title from Pentagon after Pentagon had been through a Triple Threat against Mil Muertes and King Cuerno. However, Marty’s the only man crazy enough to think he can beat the Bone Collector at his own game. Will Marty prove there’s a method to his madness? Or will Pentagon again prove that he is the only one truly with #CeroMiedo?

Weapons are already set up, and Believers are thunderous for Pentagon the moment he makes his entrance. And in the complete opposite, the fans rain down boos as Marty makes his way down the stairs. This fight without any rules but to win will begin, after the break.

Lucha Underground returns with the bell, and with Pentagon tossing a chair into Marty’s face! Pentagon goes out to fetch Marty, and bowls him into chairs! Fans are still cheering as Pentagon brings Marty over and around to kick him in the leg. Marty scurries away but Pentagon kicks him again. Pentagon throws Marty into a post, and the champion is busted open! Pentagon tosses items into the ring, such as a trash can full of other items. Fans chant “SI! SI!” as Marty grimaces through his own blood. Pentagon SMACKS Marty with a trash can! The brawl in front of the announce desk, and Pentagon CHOPS and CHOPS Marty. But Marty grins and laughs?! Pentagon kicks Marty in the leg, then bowls him through more chairs!

Pentagon keeps on Marty with stomps and haymakers. He whips Marty at the propped up table, but Marty stops himself. Pentagon runs in but Marty goes to hip toss, only for Pentagon to stop himself. Pentagon hits back, then SUPERKICKS Marty! Marty staggers, but ducks to then hip toss Pentagon through the propped up table! Believers lose their minds once again as Marty enjoys his own crimson mask. Marty stomps Pentagon, then rains down rights. Marty picks up a kendo stick and SMACKS Pentagon! And SMACKS! Pentagon gets into the ring, but Marty has his #AztecPride lunch box. He hasn’t brought this with him in a long time. Marty goes after Pentagon’s mask with bloody fingers! He tears away, but Pentagon resists, so Marty clubs him down.

Marty picks up the lunch box, his blood dripping all over. Marty opens it up, and turns out there’s some leftover beef jerky in there. He snacks on that while digging out what he’s really after: the fork! The same fork he used on Fenix, back when Fenix had a soul and when they were fighting over Melissa Santos. Believers chant “Fork you! Fork you!” as Marty brings the four-pronged weapon over. Just as he did to Fenix, Marty digs into Pentagon’s forehead with the metal silverware! Believers boo, jeer, and some even cringe. Marty tosses the fork aside, and drags Pentagon out of the ring. Marty drops a fist from the apron, then goes back under the ring for plenty of steel chairs. Fans rally for Pentagon, but Marty starts burying Pentagon under chairs. Marty did this to his own sister, Mariposa, not too long ago.

Marty throws chair after chair onto Pentagon, and then SMACKS the entire pile with other chairs. Pentagon manages to get out of the chair pile, and uses one to SMACK Marty in the head! Then Pentagon leaps for a Destroyer to the floor!! Believers lose their minds for about the eighth time tonight while Pentagon puts Marty in the ring. Cover, TWO! The blood continues to flow as this match continues on. Pentagon goes to the trash can, dented and broken as it is, and puts it aside. Marty kicks Pentagon low! There are no rules so that low blow is legal. Marty then hoists Pentagon onto the top rope. He clubs away, then grabs that trash can to put on Pentagon.

Pentagon is in a Tree of Woe with that can around him, and now Marty grabs the barbed wire bat. Marty goes over and swings for the fences on Pentagon! Once, twice, three times, so many times until the trash can splits open! Fans rally up again as Marty digs around under the ring for a can of gasoline! Marty teased doing this before Ultima Lucha, and now he looks to make good on the threat. Marty picks up the bat to hit Pentagon again, then starts pouring on the gas. Pentagon is gasping for air, and Marty pulls out the lighter! Believers love brutality but they don’t want this. Marty holds the lighter up, but Pentagon kicks it away! Marty SUPERKICKS Pentagon then clubs and stomps away as he shouts “Die, Pentagon!”

Believers shout as loud as they can as Marty grabs the bat again. Marty looks to hit another homer, but Pentagon dodges! The bat hits the ropes and comes back to hit Marty! Marty staggers, but grits his teeth and runs at Pentagon. Pentagon hip tosses Marty out and through a table!! Marty is down on the outside while Pentagon is down on the inside. Believers again lose their minds, but then rally behind “Cero Miedo!” with Pentagon. Pentagon gets Marty up and around for a BIG kick. They keep going, and Pentagon aims for the glass! Marty reverses, but Pentagon stops him. Pentagon SUPERKICKS Marty, and throws him through the glass!! Not even Matt Striker can keep from shouting “HOLY SH*T!” The Believers make it an even ten for losing their minds.

Pentagon drags Marty up and around and back into the ring. Marty now bleeds from face and arms, but Pentagon isn’t done with him. Pentagon puts chairs in, and starts setting them up. Fans sing “Ole~! Ole ole ole~! Cero~, Miedo~!” Pentagon brings Marty up onto the half dozen chairs, tucks him in, PACKAGE PILEDRIVER through chairs!! Cover, Pentagon WINS!!

Winner: Pentagon Dark, by pinfall; NEW Lucha Underground Champion

The match is done, the belt returns to its former master, but the carnage is far from over. Pentagon drags Marty into place, but here comes Reclusa! The Black Widow won’t let her man lose an arm along with the gold. But Vampiro has had enough, and gets in the ring. He protects his former protege as he runs off Reclusa and Marty. Vampiro holds the belt and fans again sing “Ole~! Ole ole ole~! Cero~, Miedo~!” Pentagon stands as our first-ever two-time Lucha Underground Champion and the Believers couldn’t be happier for him. Vampiro holds the belt out to Pentagon with respect, and Pentagon takes it. The Bone Collector has come full circle, but the former mentor isn’t happy about it, as he kicks Pentagon in the balls!

But Pentagon doesn’t go down so easy, he kicks Vampiro in the balls, too! The two men from the original Cero Miedo match brawl in the aftermath of this one! They kick and punch each other, but then Vampiro whips Pentagon. pentagon reverses and hits a corner clothesline! Pentagon fires off, but who is this in the skull mask? They SMACK Pentagon with a chair! He takes off that mask to reveal a very similar mask to Pentagon’s own. Vampiro gets a mic, and introduces everyone to his master?! Vampiro throws Pentagon out for The Master, as he climbs up high. Pentagon staggers, as The Master hits a crazy Shooting Star off the camera deck! Believers are confused as Vampiro puts Pentagon back in, for a Crimson Arrow! Just who is this new luchador?

But wait, The Savage, Jake Strong appears! He is the newest Gift of the Gods Champion, and we know now that the title is instant cash-in… Strong tells Pentagon that he can cash in whenever he wants. “Do you hear me?! Whenever I want!” That voice change wasn’t just a trick of the mic… And yes, he’s cashing in!!

Lucha Underground Championship, Gift of the Gods Cash-In Match: Pentagon Dark VS Jake Strong!

The Savage shows no mercy as he picks the bones of the bloodied and battered Bone Collector. And speaking of bones, Strong puts the Ankle Lock on immediately! Fans don’t want this, but they can’t do a thing as Strong snaps Pentagon’s ankle! Pentagon doesn’t tap, but he does pass out. The boos rain down as the match is over!

Winner: Jake Strong, by submission; NEW Lucha Underground Champion

Believers call “Bullsh*t!” but Strong has taken advantage of the new and corrupt system in The Temple. The Savage Era begins as the season ends, where will everything go from here?!

 

In an undisclosed location…

Aerostar, King Cuerno, and El Dragon Azteca Jr. meet, the Gauntlet of the Gods still in the hands of the Man of Time and Space. Cuerno says the gauntlet is too dangerous, so it must be sent back into hiding. Azteca says Matanza has already grown too strong, but after what Mundo did, they can use the gauntlet to strike The Monster down for good. Aerostar breaks the tie by telling Azteca, “Make it quick.” Azteca says, “She plans to.” And just below them, Matanza Cueto paces. But she walks in, armed with the gauntlets. Now she knows the truth: El Dragon Azteca Primero didn’t kill her parents, but Matanza did! It’s BLACK LOTUS! She’s armed with the Gauntlet, and will finally have her revenge!

Matanza runs in, but into a flurry of strikes! Fiver finger death palm! The Monster’s heart is crushed, and Matanza Cueto is dead. Azteca Jr. says that her parents can finally rest in peace. And so can his master. Lotus returns the gauntlet, but then Strong finds Azteca! Strong attacks quick, and says the gauntlet isn’t Azteca’s to have. Strong breaks Azteca’s ankle, and takes the gauntlet! The Gauntlet belongs “to US!” The Savage now has the gauntlet AND the title! Will he soon have everything in his possession?

 

Meanwhile…

Johnny Mundo finally meets up with Taya. Did she see? Babe? She okay? Why wasn’t she in his corner? Okay, he gets it, she wanted him to prove he could do it himself. And he did! Revenge is theirs, but how about that honeymoon? Huh, Mrs. Mundo? “Sorry, Johnny. I’m not your wife.” ROSA HAS CONTROL!! And she uses Taya’s body to beat up Mundo with one hand! “I am a god.” What is the fate of the Guru of Greatness?!

 

And elsewhere…

Everything is coming together. “Just as prophesied.” Agent Winter, Antonio Cueto, Vampiro’s Master, they all sit in the limousine together, fully aware that more Aztec gods have taken human form while the Lucha Underground Championship is back under their control. Now on to destroying the Seven Aztec Tribes! Savage joins this dark council meeting, and everyone takes note of the blood on his shirt and on the gauntlet. Sorry to say, it’s Matanza’s blood. But Matanza was a worthy host, “and The Order will never forget his sacrifice.” But now, they need a new host. So says Lord WADE BARRETT!! “Does anyone else have any bad news?” No? Then time to take over the world!

 

Flashback to one year ago!

When Antonio took Matanza’s key from Dario, Aerostar popped in later, to give HIM the Amulet of Life!! “Come with me.” Dario was alive again, and sprang up in the coffin. “What the f–”

TO BE CONTINUED!!

 


 

My Thoughts:

This was an INSANE finale! And hopefully not a series finale, either. That 2 outta 3 Falls could’ve been better, as that second fall was really quick. However, Fenix winning makes some sense, as they might not be done exploring his darker turn. The Death Match was pretty great, and Mack winning makes sense because he’s been building great momentum as this underdog fan favorite for years. Holy crap Taya is now Rosa in human form, and though Mundo uses the Gauntlet of the Gods to defeat Matanza in epic fashion, it looks like she might’ve killed him. Maybe he should’ve have given the gauntlet up after all, and then there’d be an epic battle of demigods backstage. But oh well, Mundo is busy in Impact so maybe he won’t be around for Season 5.

That Cero Miedo match was the most insane part of this, and man that was a lot of blood. I thought Reclusa would show up sooner, but I guess it didn’t matter when the real screw job was Vampiro and “The Master” beat up Pentagon to leave him for dead and so that Jake Strong could cash in. I had a feeling Strong was going to cash in regardless of the other twists, but this makes him seem even more of a vulture. Of course, now that we know he’s been working with everyone else in this “Order”, it makes sense. I was really shocked to see Black Lotus return to wreck Matanza and kill his character off, but Jeff Cobb being in both NJPW and ROH now must have something to do with it.

Then the twists kept coming at the end as The Order gets the title, the gauntlet and we finally see their leader’s face! PLUS Dario is back from the dead. That’ll get awkward if father and son meet again, since they’re the same actor, though… I have no idea where the story goes from here but it’s fitting to be an epic battle from here on out.

My Score: 8.9/10


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Coverage

Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (1/18/21)

Will Raw be on fire tonight?

Published

on

Coverage Raw 2021

Will Alexa Bliss have a twisted surprise for the Raw Women’s Champion?

She gave Randy Orton a taste of his own medicine, but she might be hungry for something more! Will Alexa be ready for Asuka and earn herself a shot at the title?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Charlotte Flair VS Peyton Royce; Charlotte wins.
  • Xavier Woods VS Mace w/ Retribution; Mace wins.
  • Mandy Rose w/ Dana Brooke VS Shayna Baszler w/ Nia Jax; Baszler wins.
  • Ricochet VS AJ Styles w/ Omos; Styles wins, Ricochet is NOT in the Men’s Royal Rumble.
  • Six Man Tag: The Hurt Business VS Matt Riddle & The Lucha House Party; The Hurt Business wins.
  • Jeff Hardy VS Jaxson Ryker w/ Elias; Hardy wins, by disqualification.
  • Asuka VS Alexa Bliss; Bliss wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

“Now is the time.”

Martin Luther King Jr’s dream lives on, but only if we live it. Do not judge by the color of one’s skin, but by the content of their character. We will reach the promised land together. #LongLiveTheDream.

 

Randy Orton speaks.

“There is a saying that people who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. Ashes of the one responsible for their affliction.” Orton wears a mask to cover his burned face. “The voices in my head have never been louder. Encapsulating my every thought, just like this mask encapsulates my face.” Orton held Alexa Bliss’ fate in his hands, yet showed a side of himself he didn’t know he had: compassion. Orton rewatches the footage for himself. The hatred he had for himself needed to be redirected, and he was ready to make Triple H “like a lamb to the slaughter, until she interrupted.”

It was only just last week that HHH was shockingly spirited away so that Alexa could throw a literal FIREBALL at Orton! “And now look at me. LOOK AT ME! This is the damnation I receive for showing compassion? I haven’t been able to sleep because every time I close my eyes, all I see is that ball of fire hurtling towards my face.” Orton seethes as he says “that inescapable feeling of the fire burning my flesh will never go away.” Whatever compassion was in him, it left with that inferno. Orton wears this mask to not only protect himself, but to shield everyone else from the horrors that he endured.

Orton watches himself from last week flail and writhe as he clutched his face in pain. “Despite the agony I felt that would mortify a lesser man, I consider myself… lucky.” Orton came away with just first degree burns and not much worse. He could’ve been disfigured forever! But Orton doesn’t blame Alexa. He blames THE FIEND! Orton already sent him straight to Hell. “There’s no doubt The Fiend is responsible for this. Alexa was merely the vehicle. And I know exactly what The Fiend wants. He wants to stop me from achieving the inevitable.” That is to say, winning the Royal Rumble again, going back to WrestleMania, and becoming a world champion.

Orton is sure everyone else in the locker room loved seeing his face burn, “knowing that their biggest threat may have just been eliminated from competing in the Royal Rumble match. But you could chop off all my limbs and it wouldn’t stop me from winning this year’s Royal Rumble match. Because despite my sickening affliction, I vow to remain in the Royal Rumble match. I can only compete as long as I can tolerate the pain, but the funny thing is… I enjoy the pain. It fuels my every move.” Orton has a match! Orton wants everyone to thank The Fiend when he burns their dreams to ashes and goes on to main event WrestleMania! He lights the match, watches it burn, then blows it out. Will this new, even darker Orton extinguish 29 other lights before going back to the Grandest Stage of Them All?

 

Ric Flair arrives at the ThunderDome, with Lacey Evans!

Lacey wants to hear some Four Horsemen stories but Charly Caruso comes over to ask about this “relationship” first. Lacey says that’s so nasty. This isn’t TMZ. This is beneath Charly! Charly is compelled to ask because Ric helped Lacey beat Charlotte Flair, his own daughter! Lacey says to show respect to the 16-time world champion, and a living legend. But to answer the question, there’s a reason Ric is the Dirtiest Player in the Game. He was just living up to that name. As far as the relationship goes, Lacey is simply learning from the greatest man to ever step in the ring. Now, they are going to go watch Peyton Royce knock the nasty Queen of her throne.

Charlotte Flair VS Peyton Royce!

But speaking of dirty, Peyton attacks Charlotte from behind at the ramp! They brawl, referees hurry to separate them but this match is going to happen, after the break!

Raw returns and the bell rings and Charlotte tackles Peyton to a corner! Then stomps away on her! The ref backs Charlotte off but she goes right back for more! She RAMS Peyton, RAMS her again, but Peyton sends Charlotte into buckles to fire stomps back! The ref counts, Peyton stops at 3 and brings Charlotte out to hammer away. Charlotte trips Peyton, gives some ground ‘n’ pound, then tackles her to ropes! They spill out of the ring and Charlotte CHOPS! And CHOPS! And CHOPS! Charlotte puts Peyton in but Peyton rolls out the far side. Charlotte pursues but Peyton kicks back, only for Charlotte to CLUB her, and bounce her off the desk!

Charlotte stalks Peyton around the way, they go back in the ring, then back out the ramp side. Another CHOP, CHOP and CHOP into the post! Peyton shoves Charlotte into the post, then into the ring! Cover, TWO! Charlotte is still in this but Peyton drags her around to drop elbows. Peyton puts on a thrashing chinlock but Charlotte endures. Charlotte fights up, arm-drags free, and CLOBBERS Peyton! Charlotte looms over Peyton, drags her up and bounces her off buckles. Charlotte bends Peyton against ropes, lets go at 3, and brings Peyton around for another buckle bump! Peyton dodges, Charlotte hits buckles, and Peyton throws Charlotte down by her hair! Cover, TWO!

Peyton is frustrated but she kicks Charlotte down and around. She pushes Charlotte to ropes, bumps her off buckles in return, then digs her boot into Charlotte’s face! The ref counts, Peyton lets off and bumps Charlotte off more buckles. Peyton whips corner to corner, Charlotte goes up and out to shoulder back in! Slingshot and roll up, TWO, but Charlotte ROCKS Peyton with a right! Charlotte blocks boots, has Peyton in the ropes, DRAPING NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! But now Ric makes his entrance?! Ric swaggers on stage and Charlotte is annoyed, because here comes Lacey in one of Ric’s robes!

Charlotte is confused as ever, but Peyton catches her with the HEEL KICK! Cover, TWO!! Peyton is furious that Charlotte survives and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns and Peyton goes to buckle bump but Charlotte blocks to CHOP! And O’Conner roll, TWO! Charlotte goes into buckles but she dodges to send Peyton back into buckles! Both women are down and Peyton crawls away. Charlotte gets up, checks her nose, and then goes after Peyton. Peyton jawbreakers, whips, but Charlotte holds ropes to KICK back! Peyton dodges to HEEL KICK back! Peyton runs but Charlotte puts her on the apron, but Peyton SCORPION KICKS! Peyton goes up, leaps, but Charlotte gets under! Peyton turns around into the backbreaker and BUCKLE SHOT! Cover, TWO!

Charlotte watches Peyton go to the apron, runs in and BOOTS her down! Charlotte dares Lacey to do something again, but no, Lacey stays in the back this time. Peyton drags herself up as the ring count is 8 and is in at 9, but gets stomped by Charlotte! Charlotte puts Peyton’s leg on the rope, then drops a knee, only to miss! Peyton mule kicks then hobbles away from her back hurting. She dodges Charlotte’s clothesline to elbow, kick and HEEL KICK, to then ENZIGURI! Cover, TWO!

Peyton is furious and she drags Charlotte up to suplex. Charlotte slips out to CHOP BLOCK the leg! Knee breaker after knee breaker, Charlotte shows no mercy! Charlotte steps through, Figure Four, to FIGURE EIGHT! Peyton taps, Charlotte wins!

Winner: Charlotte Flair, by submission

But she doesn’t let go! She wants Peyton to suffer on behalf of Lacey! Charlotte finally does let Peyton go, will Peyton even be able to team with Lacey now? Will anyone want to?

 

Matt Riddle crosses paths with The Hurt Business.

Riddle just wants to say hi but MVP doesn’t want to hear it. Does he wear this same lame outfit on the streets? Of course. Riddle lives his life free and untethered. And unkempt, it seems. Uncalled for, bro. But Riddle will take the high road. Of course he will. Riddle just wants to say he admires how nice they all dress. MVP is like Gordy Gecko, then there’s “Ceddy the Cheddy,” and Benjamin spending the Benjamins. And of course, who would ever call Lashley “Slobby Bobby.” Lashley handles this and the others head out.

Lashley tells Riddle that if it were him, he actually likes the flipflops. But he heard they’re bad for your feet. What? No they’re not. Lashley STOMPS one of Riddle’s feet, and says that proves his point. Riddle says Lashley will see this foot later, right up his ass! Will The Bro and his “brochachos” make the Hurt Business pay in their 3v3 later tonight?

 

Raw returns as Lucha House Party checks with Riddle.

Is he going to be okay for the match? Riddle says when he was in high school, his cousin ran his foot over with his truck, and Riddle was still able to go to prom. He’ll just tape it up. If he says so…

 

Xavier Woods VS Mace w/ Retribution!

Here he goes again on his own! Mustafa Ali says this is their time to strike. Kofi Kingston at home with a broken jaw isn’t enough, Ali wants to break his spirit, and that’s by breaking one of his most beloved friends! Ali prays Kofi can’t compete or even be in Elimination Chamber or WrestleMania. Then Kofi will feel what Ali did just one year ago! Will this revenge a long time coming be carried out by the menacing monster at Ali’s command?

Ali shouts at Woods about Kofi being a coward. Woods DECKS Ali for that and the ref has to keep Retribution back! Woods is ready for a fight but Raw goes to break!

Raw returns and the bell rings! Woods circles with Mace but is cornered! Mace keeps Woods from getting away but Woods CHOPS back, only for Mace to shrug it off. Woods and Mace go again, Woods CHOPS and fires off hands but Mace shoves him away. Woods kicks low, climbs up and throws more hands but Mace shoves him away again. Mace catches Woods with both hands and brings him out to center for a CHOKE SLAM! Cover, TWO!! Woods survives but Mace choke grips Woods again and dead lifts him to shove him to a corner! Mace runs in to elbow Woods down! Ali mocks Woods’ pain as Mace whips Woods and KNEES him in the back! Mace looms over Woods, covers, TWO!

Mace sits Woods up, pries on fingers and then clamps on for a neck wrench! Woods endures, Mace fish hooks Woods’ mouth, and Ali says Kofi doesn’t need to worry. Woods will break his jaw and be right next to Kofi tomorrow. Woods bites Mace’s hand! Woods mule kicks, CHOPS away, then kicks low to CHOP and CHOP again! Mace ROCKS Woods with the uppercut! Mace whips, Woods dodges and ducks to dropkick a leg out! Woods keeps on Mace with haymakers and elbows! Mace shoves Woods away but Woods CLUBS him! Mace shoves Woods but runs into a boot! HONOR- NO! Choke grip! Woods fights the grip, gets free, and ENZIGURIS!

Mace flops out of the ring but Ali shouts at him to get back in. Mace goes up, but Woods baseball slides under Mace to hit Ali! Woods hits Mace off the apron again but Ali tells them they stop this. They’re going to shut Woods down! Mace gets in, the other members run distraction, Woods SUPERKICKS but runs into a BOOT! Mace drags Woods back up, fireman’s carries, and SWINGING AIR RAID CRASH! Cover, Mace wins!

Winner: Mace, by pinfall

Retribution wins again, and Ali stands over Woods. “Tell Kofi, Retribution says, ‘Get well soon.'” Ali and his cohorts are laughing now, but will Kofi make a comeback to shut them up?

 

Backstage interview with Asuka.

She’s been invited to Alexa’s Playground, what does she expect? Asuka honestly doesn’t know. But after seeing her set Orton on fire, Asuka hopes it isn’t Alexa’s dark side.

 

It’s the WrestleMania Report!

It’s Hank E. Panki, totally not Triple H, and Anita Reelman, totally not Stephanie McMahon. Don’t question it. But they’re sending it over to the weatherman, Sunny McCloud. Nope, it’s Roman Reigns, and there is no weatherman. Roman sits at the rightful place as Head of the Table. He’s not going to play along. But if they were, Paul Heyman is sure someone would say, “The extended forecast-” Paul, no. Just give it to them straight. Heyman says Tampa Bay’s Raymond James Stadium will be the home of WrestleMania 37! Wow, big news! It’s going to be buck wild this April! And how great that they get to host WrestleMania again, for the first time.

But some real breaking news in sports, “Hailey Mary” and not Sasha Banks has the exclusive! But then an assistant makes sure she got the report about how WrestleMania is coming back to AT&T Stadium for 2022. Uh, y-yes, now she does! Now shoo. But you heard it here first! WrestleMania 38 will be right here in Texas! It doesn’t get much bigger than that! Dropping exclusives like it’s hot! And what a spectacle! Hank’s a spectacle. Rawr. But now, to Huge Kantseeme for entertainment news! Hugh? Hello? We can’t see him. It’s totally not John Cena! They love it when he does that. And you know what Huge loves? LA!

CUT! When Cena- er, uh, Hugh, says that, it sounds so fake. Um, Hugh, we’re live… Okay, he’ll try again. “Y’know what else I love? LA! That’s right, Hollywood!” Who doesn’t love drama? Cue zoom. Here’s some drama: WrestleMania is going Hollywood in 2023! PLOT TWIST! Thanks, Hugh, but you got a bit carried away. It will be in SoFi Stadium, or as Anita likes to call it, “So FINE Stadium.” Nothing like a good giggle. And that wraps things up for the WrestleMania Report. And we’re good. Phew! HHH and Stephanie take off the “costumes” and are pretty sure no one realized it was them all along. But yes, WrestleMania is all set for the next THREE YEARS! Who will make it to each of them? Will you be there?

 

Raw presents… Alexa’s Playground…!

Alexa goes to her swing and welcomes us back. She is so excited we’re all here, but before we get started, she wants to address The Viper in the room. “Randy, last week, I was just coming out here to talk to you. Y’know, clear the air. And then, things got a little… heated!” Alexa laughs at her own joke and says if Orton needs some sunblock, just let her know. But either way, good to see he’s feeling okay. Now to tonight’s very special guest! Alexa is so excited to invite her opponent, the Women’s Tag Team and Raw Women’s Champion, ASUKA! Asuka makes her entrance, and joins Alexa on the swings. Alexa says no, that’s not her seat. Oh, okay…

Is Asuka okay? Yes, yes! Asuka is okay. Sorry, Alexa wasn’t talking to her. Oh, okay. Asuka says she’ll just stand over here by the slide… They giggle, and Asuka more nervously than Alexa. Alexa knows they have a match tonight but for now, let’s have fun! Alexa has breaking news! It’s big news! Should she tell them or do you want to, invisible friend? Okay, she’ll say it. Alexa is entering the Women’s Rumble! Asuka wishes Alexa good luck. But wait. If Alexa wins the Rumble match and Asuka is still champion, then they might face off at WrestleMania! Asuka says that would be her honor! And Asuka is a big fan of Alexa’s! Really? Yes! Thank you, that’s so sweet! Well of course! YOWIE WOWIE~!

Alexa doesn’t like Asuka saying that. Asuka hopes Alexa still wants to have fun. Let’s dance! It’s Asuka’s theme, but Asuka still dances. Alexa doesn’t want that. Alexa says STOP IT! Asuka’s music stops and Asuka is a bit startled. Alexa’s friend says something and Alexa says they’re right. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. If Alexa had done something differently, he’d still be here… Asuka says it’ll be okay. Asuka tries to explain in Japanese, and then says The Fiend’s still here. “Do NOT say his name!” Alexa then gets a smile as she waves at the rocking horse. Asuka is spooked and leaves the ring. Alexa switches to the rocking horse, but will she flip the switch when the bell rings?

 

Backstage interview with The Miz and John Morrison.

Can they give us a hint at what they have in store for Goldberg tonight on The Dirt Sheet? Oh, she wants to know? Of course Sarah wants to know! “I WANT THE SCOOP~!” NO! No spoilers. Tune in like everyone else. But what Miz will say is that what is in store will definitely be controversial. Controversy creates cash, much like the Money in the Bank. CHACHING!

 

Raw hears from Jeff Jarrett!

Double J has a prediction for Drew McIntyre VS Goldberg for the WWE World Championship at the Royal Rumble PPV. Jarrett knows both men, but he quotes his old buddy, Toby Keith. The hook goes, “I ain’t as good as I once was, but I’m good once as I ever was.” That will be the story of the Rumble, because we’ll see Goldberg’s Spear, Jackhammer and win for a NEW WWE World Champion! Will McIntyre deny that prediction when the  match actually happens?

 

Mandy Rose w/ Dana Brooke VS Shayna Baszler w/ Nia Jax!

While the #SexyMuscleFriends go to the ring together, the Queen of Spades gives fair warning backstage. “Last week, I made Mandy Rose tap out, and then I threw Mandy Rose out of the ring like an empty can of White Claw.” She promises to do the same thing tonight, and then everyone the Women’s Rumble better watch out because she’ll do the same to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s Charlotte, Bayley, or even her own tag team partner. Nia is surprised by that, but it IS every woman for themselves. Nia says she’s been the one carrying the team, but will Shayna prove she can do bad all by herself after the break?

Raw returns and Nia joins commentary as the bell rings. Mandy and Shayna tie up, Mandy shoves Shayna then trips her up with a leg. Shayna gets up, Mandy waistlocks, rolls Shayna up, ONE! Shayna kicks Mandy’s legs out, KNEES her down then covers, TWO! Shayna drags Mandy around and clamps on with a neck wrench. Mandy endures and Dana coaches her up. Shayna drives an elbow into Mandy’s face! Shayna CLUBS Mandy, Mandy hits back but Shayna CLUBS and KICKS her around! Shayna throws forearms, drags Mandy up for knees, then snapmares to KICK her again! Cover, TWO!

Shayna is back on Mandy with the neck wrench. Mandy fires up, throws body shots but Shayna throws her down by her hair! Shayna clamps onto Mandy again, pulls on arm arm for a half straitjacket, then stands on the arm! It’s a new take on the ARM STOMP! Dana checks on Mandy but Shayna tells her to back off. Mandy rolls Shayna up, TWO!! Mandy runs Shayna over but shakes out the bad arm. Mandy ducks a kick and uses the good arm to lariat over and over! And hit a FLAPJACK! Mandy manages a kip up, runs in and powers Shayna to a corner! Mandy fires off forearms, the ref backs her off but Mandy comes back to throw more forearms and even stomps!

The ref counts, Mandy backs off but Shayna gets around to KICK the bad arm! Shayna wrenches that arm, but Mandy fires off forearms with the other! Mandy pulls Shayna’s hair but Shayna twists the arm! KEYLOCK TAKEDOWN! KIRAFUDA KLUTCH! Mandy taps, Shayna wins!

Winner: Shayna Baszler, by submission

The Queen of Spades took care of this by herself, just as she said she would! Nia says Mandy almost had her, but Shayna argues it wasn’t even close. But Dana sneaks up and dropkicks Nia into Shayna, and they both hit post! The Flex Appeal gets away with Mandy, and they aren’t out of the running yet! Will one of these women win the Women’s Rumble to go after the Raw Women’s Championship?

 

Shayna and Nia argue backstage.

Shayna says that was Nia’s fault for getting involved but Charly Caruso comes by to ask about them not getting along. Well they’ve never really gotten along, even as champions. But meanwhile, the current champions, Charlotte has her daddy issues and Asuka is being creeped out by Alexa, are they really getting along? In fact, now is the perfect time to get that rematch for the titles! Nia says that’s actually a good idea. They go off to find management, will they regain the gold before getting into the Rumble?

 

Backstage interview with Charlotte Flair.

Before discussing the tag titles, how uncomfortable was it for her to see Lacey wearing one of Ric’s robes? Ever since stepping foot in the ring, people accuse her of living off her family name. Now there is literally a woman draping herself on Ric’s arm, begging for her 15 minutes of fame, and living off the name! Charlotte knows that Lacey is just using Ric to get to her. But Charlotte’s been learning from Ric her entire life. She just never went down that path. Maybe Charlotte needs to rethink things, because one person can only take so much trash. Lacey may have one of Ric’s robes, but she will never has Charlotte’s crown.

 

Adam Pearce talks with Ricochet.

We know that there are superstars who need to earn their way into the Rumble match. And this match is perfect timing. A win can go a long way towards opportunities. Ricochet is just glad to have this opportunity. Maybe this is the start to his road to WrestleMania. But then AJ Styles comes by and says it’s funny that Pearce is talking about opportunities. Who would take advice from Pearce, who just literally ran away from the Universal Championship? Yes, he would’ve lost, been embarrassed, but at least he’d have his dignity. Look at Ricochet. Ricochet is going to lose, but he’ll lose with dignity.

Ricochet says Styles has selective amnesia, like 50 First Dates. What’s he talking about? Well, Drew Barrymore’s character couldn’t remember a thing past a certain date because- Styles knows the movie! It’s in his top ten, right next to The Notebook. What’s he talking about here tonight? Ricochet’s point is that Styles has forgotten about TLC when he got embarrassed- Hey! That was The Miz’s fault! Well all Ricochet knows is that Styles will need more than a seven foot giant by his side to prove Ricochet doesn’t belong in the Rumble. The One and Only heads out to the ring, but will he be better than Phenomenal once again?

Ricochet VS AJ Styles w/ Omos!

Styles hangs back long enough to tell Pearce that he doesn’t like him anymore. And when he doesn’t like someone, Omos doesn’t like someone. Omos literally looks down on Scrap Daddy, but what will Pearce do about it, after the break?

Raw returns and Styles makes his entrance. The bell rings, Styles and Ricochet circle, tie up, and Styles powers Ricochet to a corner. The ref counts, Styles lets off and Ricochet circles with him again. They tie up, Styles headlocks, Ricochet tries to power out but Styles holds on tight. Styles grinds Ricochet down, Ricochet rolls to a cover, ONE and Styles holds on. They get up, Ricochet tries to power out again but Styles still holds on. Ricochet makes it a cover again, ONE! Ricochet throws body shots, powers out this time but blocks Styles’ kick to hit an arm-drag! Ricochet whips, Styles gets around to backslide, but Ricochet rolls through. Styles reels Ricochet in but Ricochet trips him up to jackknife bridge! TWO, and Styles tilt-o-whirls to a sunset flip, TWO!

Styles wants the Clash but Ricochet pops free to get around and roll him up, TWO! Ricochet dodges, runs, and headscissors! Styles pops up but into a RANA! Styles is back again, Ricochet rolls and handsprings to headscissor again! Styles is dizzy and flounders, into a dropkick! Ricochet talks some smack to Omos as Styles flounders out. Ricochet runs, slides, but Styles catches him, only for Ricochet to still headscissor him! Ricochet is getting fired up, but Omos glares at him from around the way. Ricochet puts Styles in and follows, but Styles runs in. Ricochet sends Styles out, slingshots, but Omos catches him!

The ref warns Omos to set Ricochet down, and Omos DROPS Ricochet! Ricochet is down but not out yet, and Raw goes to break!

Raw returns and Styles drags Ricochet up to bump him off buckles. Styles scoops Ricochet for a RUNNING BACKBREAKER! Ricochet writhes but Styles paces around. Styles sits Ricochet up to dig a knee in and clamp on with the chinlock. Ricochet endures, fights his way up and throws body shots. Jawbreaker! Styles staggers, but he dodges to waistlock and GERMAN SUPLEX! Ricochet lands on his feet! Ricochet dodges Styles, runs and tilt-o-whirls for the DDT! Both men are down and Omos stares as fans clap on their screens. Ricochet gets to ropes and uses them to get up, and he counter punches Styles then fires off strikes! DISCUS LARIAT! Cover, TWO!!

Ricochet is frustrated but Omos is relieved as Styles survives. Ricochet fireman’s carries but Styles fights out. Ricochet mule kicks a leg then back flips into the DEAD LIFT GERMAN! Bridging cover, TWO! Ricochet grows further frustrated but he watches Styles stand. Ricochet runs out from the corner but Styles dodges. Styles runs in, Ricochet elbows back, QUEBRADA into a LARIAT! Styles gets Ricochet up, SNAP BRAIN BUSTER!! Cover, TWO!! Styles fireman’s carries Ricochet for USHIGOROSHI! Cover, TWO! Omos says it’s alright but Styles is still surprised Ricochet survives!

Styles goes to a corner, goes to the apron, and takes aim. Styles springboards, but Ricochet hits the RECOIL!! Both men are down, Ricochet crawls to the cover, TWO!! Styles survives and Ricochet is beside himself! Ricochet goes to the corner, climbs up top, but Styles trips him up! Ricochet lands hard on his stomach and flops to the apron! Omos coaches Styles as Ricochet drags himself up. Styles goes to the corner, brings Styles up, but Ricochet hotshots! Ricochet aims, slingshots, but into Styles’ suplex, that rebounds off the ropes! Into the STYLES CLASH!!! Cover, Styles wins!

Winner: AJ Styles, by pinfall

Now that was a PHENOMENAL way to win a match! But once again, Styles denies another entry into the Rumble, will he continue to eliminate superstars before they ever get in?

 

Raw presents The Dirt Sheet!

The Miz and John Morrison are in the ring and Morrison welcomes us. When you want to enjoy a top tier steak dinner, you’ve gotta be ready to pay the bill. And Miz says tonight is the biggest edition of Dirt Sheet ever. It will be extra dirty because tonight’s guest is someone who everyone knows and loves, someone who was a childhood hero to many adults, and could be a hero to an entirely new generation if he defeats Drew McIntyre for the WWE World Championship at the Royal Rumble PPV! Welcome the biggest guest in Dirt Sheet history, one of the most intimidating men to ever step inside the wrestling ring, the legendary WWE Hall of Famer, it’s GOLD~ BERG!

Goldberg makes his entrance and both Miz ‘n’ Morrison are excited. Wait a minute, that’s GILLBERG! And he still gets hurt by those sparklers. Morrison and Miz can’t believe “Goldberg” is more massive than before. Now, the Rumble will be one of the most important matches in his career, it’ll be like Godzilla VS King Kong! How has he been preparing? Well first, he bashes his head into the wall because he’s so pumped up. The adrenaline is flowing, the veins are hyped and he’s foaming at the mouth! There’s smoke coming out of his nose and fire out of his ass! Okay just be careful not to hit a ring post. And careful with those chairs, they’re not cheap.

Wait, Drew McIntyre is here?! Miz and Morrison are surprised most of all! Wait, that’s not even close. That’s an impersonator with a wig! And he has a tiny toy sword! “That’s the ‘Clayless,'” says Samoa Joe. Miz and Morrison give Drew “Mockingtire” roll in, and the Dirt Sheet just keeps getting bigger! Mockingtire says he is here to meet his opponent face to face. Let’s not get into fisticuffs, Dirt Sheet is classy. Use your words. Does Mockingtire have anything to say to Gil- er, Goldberg? “I’m gonna kick yer ass back to 1998, and then I’m gonna go home and eat some haggis!”

Whoa, c’mon, the Scottish accent is more like this, mate. Are they going to cut and go again? NO IT’S LIVE! Morrison, where did you find this guy? New Jersey… No, the best actors are from New York, LA and Cleveland! Cleveland?! What? Because of Miz! But now this show is a train wreck! What are they even doing? Gillberg? Really? Miz, you’re making this awkward. Oh HE’s making this awkward?! This was MORRISON’S stupid idea! It’s a GREAT idea! It’s comedy gold! Pff, it’s not even comedy silver! Gillberg speaks up and does his crazy Goldberg face. Oh shut up! And let’s just do the thing.

“Hey, John~!” “Yeah?” “Is Goldberg going to lose at the Royal Rumble?” Of course! CORRECT! But is Drew McIntyre also going to lose at the Rumble? Duh. CORRECT! But how can that be? Because The Miz will cash in his MITB contract. COOOOOOOOOOOORRECT! “You are looking at the future WWE Champion, because I’m the Miz! And III’M! NEXT!” Miz is finally getting serious, but will he make the real Goldberg and McIntyre the butt of his joke?

 

Six Man Tag: The Hurt Business VS Matt Riddle & The Lucha House Party!

The WWE United States Champion put the hurt on The Bro both last week in their title match, but also earlier tonight just to bully him. But will the Golden Lynx and King of the Ropes help Riddle rebound while also getting themselves an opportunity at the Raw Tag Team Championships?

Raw returns as Lince Dorado and Gran Metalik make their entrance, followed by Riddle. Alexander insists he start and Metalik starts with him. Alexander kicks low, clubs away on Metalik then talks trash. Alexander throws forearms and puts Metalik in a corner to whip corner to corner., Metalik boots back, runs and slings but into a back suplex! Metalik lands on his feet, dodges but Alexander dropkicks! Alexander says that’s how you do it, but MVP says don’t talk about it, just do it. Alexander doesn’t want to tag and he CHOPS Metalik! He scoops Metalik to a backbreaker! Alexander stares Benjamin down as he lifts Metalik again, but Metalik slips out to get to his corner and tag in Lince!

Metalik boots Alexander away, Lince jumps in and gets a boost for the FLYING RANA! Lince clubs away on Alexander, wrenches, but Alexander ROCKS him with a right! Alexander CLUBS Lince, and now he wants a tag, only for Benjamin and Lashley to let him handle this. Alexander turns around into CHOPS! Lince QUEBRADAS! Cover, TWO!! Alexander narrowly escapes but Lince clubs away! Lince gets the arm, Alexander fights up and pulls the mask! Alexander puts Lince on the ropes, throws body shots, and Benjamin tags himself in. The tag champions glare at each other, then Benjamin circles with Lince. Lince rolls Benjamin, TWO, Benjamin CLOBBERS Lince!

Benjamin puts Lince in a corner, whips him corner to corner hard, and storms over to cover, TWO! Tag to Lashley, the Hurt Business whip and double shoulder Lince down! Lashley throws Lince to a corner, fires off haymakers, then bumps Lince off buckles. Alexander tags himself in and drags Lince up for forearms. Benjamin tags himself in and MVP wants his guys to stop arguing. Benjamin keeps Lince in the corner and he fires off haymakers and stomps. Lince tries to fight out but Alexander tags himself back in. Alexander whips, Lince handsprings, GOLDEN REWIND! Both men are down, MVP says this is what happens!

Alexander drags Lince from his corner in time, and tags Benjamin in. The tag champions argue again, and then Benjamin shoves Alexander right out of the ring! MVP keeps Alexander back, Lashley tags in, but Raw goes to break.

Raw returns and Alexander is on Lince with an armlock. Metalik and Riddle rally for Lince as he endures and fights up. Lince clubs but Alexander WRINGS his arm out! Cover, TWO! Alexander smothers Lince with a chinlock and reaches out for a tag. Lashley takes it and he drags Lince up to bring him around for a scoop and SLAM! Lashley asks why Alexander has a problem but MVP says to worry about that later. Lashley tags Benjamin, Benjamin drags Lince around and TOSSES him across the way! Benjamin drags Lince back up, snap suplexes, then takes his time looming over Lince. Alexander tags himself back in and Benjamin contains his frustration.

Alexander bumps Lince off buckles, fires off hands, but lets off at the ref’s count of 4. Alexander hoists Lince up top, throws hands, but Lince throws them back! Alexander staggers, Lince adjusts and leaps, BIG crossbody! Lince bounces off the cover but both men are down! The fans clap on their screens, hot tags to Riddle and Benjamin! The Bro spins Benjamin around for a PELE! Kip up and forearm smash! Riddle runs to DECK Lashley, then he forearms Benjamin again! Benjamin holds off the suplex to throw knees, then a powerbomb lift. Riddle fights out, ROUDNHOUSES then Penalty Kicks, only to miss! Benjamin rolls, Riddle rolls through, FINAL FLASH! Cover, TWO!

MVP panics as Riddle goes up, FLOATING BRO FLOPS! MVP shouts as Riddle crawls, hot tag to Metalik! Metalik springboards to crossbody! Then he brings Benjamin up to knuckle lock and CHOP! Metalik goes up, up and RANA! Metalik runs, wheelbarrows but Benjamin SLAMS Metalik down! Alexander tags in again, for a BRAIN BUSTER! Alexander gets fired up but Lashley tags himself in. Lashley runs past Alexander to DECK Riddle, then SPEAR Metalik! But Lashley isn’t done, he puts on the HURT LOCK! Metalik taps, The Hurt Business wins!

Winners: The Hurt Business, by submission

Lashley sees Alexander and Benjamin arguing again, but Riddle CLOBBERS Lashley! Riddle gets away because the Hurt Business isn’t on the same page! Will they be able to pull things together to keep the gold in their possession?

 

Elias talks with Jaxson Ryker backstage.

After the miscommunication last week, The Drifter hopes he and Ryker don’t misunderstand each other this time. When Elias told Ryker not to help him, he didn’t mean it, he was being subtle. Ryker took it literally, signals got crossed. Signals? This isn’t Thomas the Tank Engine, this is Monday Night Raw! This is the WWE! And WWE stands for #WalkWithElias. That Ryker understands. Now Ryker did not walk with Elias last week. But tonight, when they take on Hardy again, what is Ryker’s mission? To finish what Elias started, embody the Universal Truth, and beat Hardy until he accepts the truth. Good. They head out, and Ryker double checks. Is Elias not helping in the match or “not” helping in the match? Just go…

 

Drew McIntyre speaks!

He’s still asymptomatic for COVID and is feeling stronger than ever. But he’s still at home. He had a good laugh at Gillberg and the mini-McIntyre “with the body of a melted candle.” But the WWE is like the circus, with a little bit of everything for everyone. There are clowns like Miz ‘n’ Morrison, then the lions like McIntyre. And sometimes, the lions eat the clowns. McIntyre promises to see them again really soon.

But that wasn’t reality. The reality is, the championships aren’t given. But they can be taken, and in McIntyre’s case, it could be at a Spear or Jackhammer’s notice. McIntyre respects Goldberg, but he won’t hold back to keep his title. McIntyre never misses. He will be prepared, focused and intense. That same intensity he saw in Goldberg’s eyes. Not the kind in the delusions he had or the words Goldberg put in McIntyre. McIntyre means the intensity when he insulted Goldberg. That look was the real Goldberg!

McIntyre suggests Goldberg bring that guy to the Rumble because that’s what the title deserves. If he doesn’t, McIntyre will eat him alive in two minutes. But if Goldberg wants to try again, McIntyre will be back on Raw next week! Will there be thunder and lightning from these two titans even before the Rumble?

 

Jeff Hardy VS Jaxson Ryker w/ Elias!

The Charismatic Enigma knew The Drifter’s thumb was not broken last week, and he made sure Elias did not get away unscathed. But while Elias had a helping hand in Ryker’s win over the living legend, will they not get away with it again?

The bell rings and Ryker runs in but Hardy dodges him! Hardy puts Ryker in a corner, rams his shoulder in over and over, but Ryker turns things around to throw body shots! The ref counts, Ryker bumps Hardy off buckles then watches him flounder around. Ryker toys with Hardy, Hardy hits back but Ryker CLUBS him down! Ryker drags Hardy up, puts him in the corner and whips him corner to corner. Hardy goes up, mule kicks back then headscissors Ryker to ropes! Ryker flounders up but Hardy rallies with forearms! Atomic drop, leg splitting leg drop! Basement dropkick and a splash added on, cover, ONE!

Hardy keeps his cool and watches Ryker stand. Ryker blocks the kick but not the spinning back kick! Hardy runs in to corner splash, then he whips corner to corner, only to miss. Ryker runs back in and CLOBBERS Hardy! Elias likes that as Ryker covers, TWO! Ryker drops ax handles on Hardy again and again, then rains down right hands! The ref counts, Ryker lets off, and he drags Hardy up to back suplex! Cover, TWO! Ryker drags Hardy into a chinlock and grinds him down! Hardy endures, fights up and throws body shots to then jawbreaker free! Kick and TWIST OF FURY! Hardy throws off his shirt, climbs up top, but Elias again interferes! The ref saw it this time, that’s a disqualification!

Winner: Jeff Hardy, by disqualification

Ryker is a bit upset, didn’t they agree Elias was not going to help? Elias thought they agreed he was “not” going to help, aka he would. But it doesn’t matter as Hardy WRECKS Elias with a dropkick! Ryker is after Hardy again but gets another Twist! He powers out, Hardy dodges but runs into a SCRAPBUSTER! Elias gets in to stand tall with Ryker, and it looks like this issue is not over. What will it take to finally get Hardy to #WalkWithElias?

 

Asuka VS Alexa Bliss!

The encounter earlier tonight was eerie and scary, but now the Empress and Lil’ Miss Bliss will battle it out! Will Asuka be able to shrug off the chill up her spine? Or will she be burned by the darkness lurking inside Alexa?

The bell rings and Alexa smiles as she and Asuka circle. They tie up, go around, and Asuka wrenches to a wristlock. Alexa rolls, wrenches back, but Asuka moves around to spin, wrench and wristlock again. Alexa steps through, slips through and headlocks. Asuka fights out, pushes Alexa and then follows to run her over! Asuka has fun now as she dances around, but then she runs, Alexa trips her up, and Alexa Oklahoma Rolls, TWO! Alexa sits and smiles and Asuka runs in, but Alexa ducks the kick to roll her up! TWO, and Asuka fires off palm strikes, body shots and a BACK HAND! Asuka shoves, pop-up KNEES Alexa down, then SLIDING WIZARD! Cover, TWO!

Asuka keeps cool as Alexa is smiling about getting hit. Asuka sits Alexa up and says no more fun, she wants her lock! Alexa resists the armlock and chinbar, pries free, but Asuka wrangles her back down. Alexa fights again, gets up, and gest to ropes! The ref calls for the break and Asuka lets off fast. Alexa is outside, Asuka runs and slides but Alexa gets under. Alexa gets in the ring, and then the screens start to change? The lights are going down! What is this warped circus music?! Raw goes to break while things get creepier!

Raw returns once more and Alexa is standing there, but has transformed! Her makeup, hair, outfit, it’s all different! Asuka is as confused as we are as to how she did this! Asuka circles but Alexa doesn’t budge. Alexa watches Asuka then finally takes a step. They circle slowly, commentary doesn’t even want to talk too loudly. Asuka swings a back hand but Alexa easily avoids it! And the same for the roundhouse kick! Alexa deflects Asuka’s strikes, ducks one kick but not the mule kick! Asuka runs but into a shoulder! Alexa’s stoic as Asuka rolls out of the ring. Asuka is getting mad and she gets back in the ring. The two circle again, Asuka blocks Alexa’s punch, POP-UP KNEE!

Alexa staggers to a corner, Asuka runs in, but Alexa does the SPIDER WALK! That’s just like Bray Wyatt! Alexa stands upright, wipes some blood from her mouth, and then just stares at her hand. Asuka waits on Alexa, but Alexa wants to grab at Asuka! Asuka fights off the Mandible Claw! Alexa kicks, Asuka blocks, waistlock but Alexa elbows out! And DECKS Asuka! Cover, TWO!! This dark side of Alexa’s that Asuka was talking about is stoic again as she paces about. Asuka shakes out the cobwebs as she sits up, but Alexa walks over to look at her in the eyes. Alexa lifts Asuka up by her chin, Asuka ROUNDHOUSES! And BACK HANDS! ANOTHER ROUNDHOUSE!!

Asuka fires up, drags Alexa up but Alexa grabs Asuka and smirks! SISTER ABIGAIL!! Cover, Alexa wins!!

Winner: Alexa Bliss, by pinfall

Alexa just pinned Asuka!! And then in a flash, she’s back to her bubbly side! “Let me in!” She spoke with The Fiend’s voice!! Maybe Asuka was right, he IS still here! But if she truly #LetHimIn, will there be any stopping her on the road to WrestleMania?


My Thoughts:

A really good episode tonight! For starters, less strange copy-paste from last week, and they did continue with stories that got started last week to great effect. I am a little saddened that it seems we’re no longer doing Ricochet VS Retribution if only for now, but I do like how they shifted to make Retribution’s story work against The New Day. They had Ali bring back things that happened all the way back in 2019 when #KofiMania happened for WrestleMania 35. I hope we get Ali VS Kofi out of this, on top of New Day VS the various combinations of Retribution. Ricochet VS AJ Styles was a great match, perhaps one of the most creative ways to get someone into the Styles Clash, and it is interesting that Styles is the gatekeeper to the Men’s Rumble on Raw.

Charlotte VS Peyton was a very good showing for Peyton, even though she loses. They aren’t overdoing things with Lacey and Ric just yet, so it isn’t exactly cringeworthy. Though, the endgame is clearly Lacey using Ric just to get at the tag titles. Shayna beats Mandy Rose down again, but it was pretty good for Dana to get the better of her and Nia. Nia and Shayna want a tag title match and that probably happens on the go-home to the Rumble. I can see the distractions for Charlotte getting the better of the #QueensOfTomorrow, and the titles going back to Nia and Shayna, but there could still be dysfunction on the other end that changes that around.

Dysfunction is also growing in the Hurt Business, and while it’s a bit early, they are acting it out very well. Alexander is too fired up and thinking he’s the one winning everything, but it was a good move for Lashley to take over the match and put this away for the team. LHP is doing a lot with also having their part in the Dusty Rhodes Classic on NXT, but I think that means they can fall back on one show if they’re losing in the other. And I would think Riddle is getting another match for the US Championship, but perhaps after the Rumble. Hardy VS Ryker was better than last week, but the story is still something that they’re clearly trying to force more Elias and Hardy stuff.

The Dirt Sheet having Gillberg and a fake McIntyre was actually a great twist. It was goofy in the right way, and it was made even better with Miz getting serious to top it off. I suppose he does have a point that he can cash in again, or rather “actually” this time, against McIntyre and Goldberg, but that seems like an even worse idea than at TLC if you go by Goldberg’s kayfabe rankings. McIntyre had a good response promo, and it’s great to know he’ll be back already. I don’t expect him and Goldberg to throw hands, but I bet there will be a tease of Goldberg getting hit with a Claymore or McIntyre getting hit with a spear. And Goldberg should prioritize Spear so that he doesn’t have to risk lifting then dropping McIntyre.

The related stories of Orton, Fiend and Alexa just got even more interesting. Orton has an apparently medical lucha mask now, adding a new layer to how creepy he’s being lately. It’s like he’s becoming The Fiend after having burned The Fiend alive in a twisted version of the Santa Clause. And at the same time, Alexa has inherited The Fiend’s powers, too. She really creeped Asuka out, and that’s not so bad, because while Asuka can be scary, Alexa is being a different kind of scary. Giving Alexa her own transformation was a great twist, and this Alexa could probably take the Raw Women’s Championship.

And to be fair, it would be better if we got Asuka VS Twisted Bliss Alexa at Rumble because it’d be a lot for Alexa, even this new form of hers, to win the Rumble when there are many great contenders from both Raw and SmackDown. Bayley and Bianca are a strong rivalry from SmackDown and one of them probably deserves to win so they can challenge Sasha Banks.

My Score: 8.3/10


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Andrew’s Impact Wrestling Hard to Kill Results & Match Ratings: 1.16.21

Three title matches, the return of Decay, Barbed Wire Massacre and a main event with Kenny Omega. Impact Wrestling’s Hard to Kill definitely sounds like it’s got a little bit of everything. Check out how it went!

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So the news that made many people cry a few days ago, was that Alex Shelley would be out of the main event. He went out of his way to film a response/promo/apology so fans knew it was something non-pandemic related, so that was an effort that wasn’t necessary, though appreciated.

Aside from losing it’s “Dream Match” luster, we get Moose as a replacement, which could really work for the cold calculated persona he’s taken on after his EC3 encounter. We also get to crown Knockouts Tag Team champions for the first time in seven and a half years. Let’s also not forget, this could end up being Taya’s swan song from Impact, so we should expect a good match but no Wera Loca victory.

Let’s see if we get any surprises!

Ratings:

  • Decay (Rosemary & Crazzy Steve) vs Tenille Dashwood & Kaleb: Steve wins via King Kill 33 @8:55 – * ½
  • Old School Rules Match: Violent by Design (Joe Doering, Eric Young & Deaner) vs Tommy Dreamer, Rhino & Cousin Jake: EY wins via Piledriver @9:55 – ** ½
  • Knockouts Tag Team Title Finals: Fire & Flava (Kiera Hogan & Tasha Steelz) vs Nevaeh & Havok: Kiera wins via Face the Music @8:40 – ***TITLE CHANGE!!
  • Ace Austin w/Madman Fulton vs Matt Cardona: Cardona wins via DQ @2:30 – N/A
  • X Division Championship: Manik (c) vs Rohit Raju vs Chris Bey: Manik retains via Ole Cradle @13:50 – *** ½
  • Knockouts Championship: Deonna Purrazzo (c) w/Kimber Lee & Susan vs Taya Valkyrie w/ Decay: Deonna retains via Venus de Milo @11:40 – *** ¼
  • Ethan Page vs The Karate Man: Karate Man WINS…Fatality – 200 Stars
  • Barbed Wire Massacre: Sami Callihan vs Eddie Edwards: Eddie wins via Diehard Flowsion @18:50 – *** ¾
  • Moose, Rich Swann &Chris Sabin vs Kenny Omega, Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows: Kenny Omega wins via One Winged Angel @20:30 – ****

 

Results:

During the last few moments of the Countdown, Madison Rayne officially retired from wrestling and from Impact Wrestling. Not sure how long she’ll stay a house wife, but good for her. She did great to actually prove to people she was a decent wrestler since her run during the WOH tournament, she was a fun commentator, so good for her.

Decay (Rosemary & Crazzy Steve) vs Tenille Dashwood & Kaleb

The weird thing about this match was the dynamic between who was involved and what went on.  Crazzy Steve showed a very high work rate in this match, with his strikes and moves looking fantastic. But Rosemary got exposed a bit on still being less than 100% with the knee and generally sloppy on a lot of spots.

Kaleb and Tenille definitely tried to add comedy and their quirky personalities, but the fact that we saw a lot of sloppiness, Steve working his ass off and just comedy spots or gimmick spots too often; this was a giant mess of a match. It also didn’t help that D’lo and Striker are still getting used to each other, so the announcing was distractingly bad.

It can only get better from here!

Old School Rules Match: Violent by Design (Joe Doering, Eric Young & Deaner) vs Tommy Dreamer, Rhino & Cousin Jake

This starts the same way every Tommy Dreamer match starts, with a brawl and weapon use.  This wasn’t a terrible match, but it’s really not anything worth going deeply in to. EY did the flair corner to top rope spot, which ended with Dreamer hitting him with a cookie sheet. We had a Tower spot in the corner, with Joe Powerbombing a Suplex, and it landed right into Dreamer’s face.

Doering got to look like a beast when the entire team took the chairs to him, and he still fought back, ending up in control. Dreamer introduced tacks, then we saw the Signature/Finisher spam which ends with EY breaking up the pinfall and hitting Cousin Jake with the Piledriver.

Again, decent enough, but nothing really special.

Knockouts Tag Team Title Finals: Fire & Flava (Kiera Hogan & Tasha Steelz) vs Nevaeh & Havok

Oh, Brian Hebner is back for this match. Slightly surprising.

Kiera and Tasha try to start fast, but the bigger women over power the smaller team and throw them around a little bit. Havok beats up on both of them, Neavaeh comes in to keep up the momentum, but eventually Tasha and Kiera start making a comeback. We see Fire and Flava go for a lot of quick spots, fast tags and trying to spin around the larger women, but they just get taken for a ride more often than not.

It’s not until Kiera hits a High Round Kick, followed by Tasha with the Springboard Neckbreaker actually takes Havok off her feet. Nevaeh tries to make a save and get things back on track, but Tasha picks her leg, Havok gets wiped out after a great Super Kick from Kiera, Tasha and Kiera use some tandem attacks on Nevaeh, then Tasha slows down Havok as Kiera hits Face the Music and we have new Knockouts Tag Team Champions!

Ace Austin comes out to declare himself into the X Division Triple Threat to make it a 4 way! D’Amore comes out, says he can have a match, just not the title match. Matt Cardona comes out.

Ace Austin w/Madman Fulton vs Matt Cardona

Ace tries to go at Cardona before the ring jacket is off, but Cardona absorbs some offense and then fires back a bit. Fulton gets in the way quite often during this match, so the finish is a little telegraphed. But right as Cardona starts building momentum; Fulton slides in to cause the DQ.

Decent enough way to protect Ace and give Cardona quick win.

X Division Championship: Manik (c) vs Rohit Raju vs Chris Bey

Rohit went after Manik to try and prove his point that it’s TJP. Bey seemed dead set on finding a way to win, and as we expected in an X Division match; there were a lot of spots, but they all made sense. Rohit does manage to take off the mask, but TJP painted his face under the mask, so it still throws off Rohit. TJP strings together a few moves, goes for the Mamba Splash, but gets caught by Bey with a Cutter. Bey then hits a Double Art of Finesse, but his brief moment of not knowing who to pin, caused the pinfall breakup.

Rohit almost won the title back after his call back to hitting his Tiger Knee after a Mamba Splash but Bey kicked out. Haymakers get thrown, Rohit hits the Dragon Stomp on Bey, and looks to finish things, but TJP slides in for the style of Cradle he’s used a bit lately, and retains his title after a fun, hard fought match.

Knockouts Championship: Deonna Purrazzo (c) w/Kimber Lee & Susan vs Taya Valkyrie w/ Decay

Early on all of the seconds get kicked out, with the beauty of the situation being that Susan pulls out her phone and says she’s filming the whole thing. So Susan, really may be a middle aged transformation of Su Yung. Susan might as well be named Karen.

As we focus on the actual match, Deonna starts slowly picking apart Taya. Going after her left arm, then her left knee and just trying to apply submission and weaken different limbs. Taya was able to push back and have her own submission attempt moment. Taya went for an STF, but the submission game isn’t her wheelhouse.

Deonna was able to pick her apart, counter a pinfall attempt and keep Taya grounded long enough to work in some holds. The normal Fujiwara didn’t get her submit, so Venus de Milo followed up and Taya verbally submitted.

Ethan Page vs The Karate Man

Since this is cinematic or at least green screen, I won’t rate this as a real match. But it was amazingly entertaining. Dragon Ball Z references, Karate Kid, and Mortal Kombat references, it was just amazing.

Barbed Wire Massacre: Sami Callihan vs Eddie Edwards

Interesting pacing to get across the familiarity, twisted respect and love for punishment between these two. We saw Barbed Wire Tables, Chairs, Baseball Bats, Kendo Sticks and even an…N64 Controller!

Sami took a ton of punishment, but the story was basically playing with Eddie’s emotions to bait him into bad dives, and openings for Sami to move out of the way, or sneak in a barbed wire shot. Eddie hit a Blue Thunder Bomb on a barbed wire chair, Sami hit an Avalanche Piledriver through a barbed wire table, but none of this was enough. If anything, the Piledriver just pissed Eddie off.

Going for the callback that started it all, Sami tries to hit a Barbed Wire Chair into Eddie’s face with a Barbed Wire Bat, but Eddie hits a low blow to get a moment. Sami tries to bring himself up with a chair, Eddie hits the Boston Knee Party, then the Diehard Flowsion for the win!

Eddie hasn’t hit that Flowsion in a long time. I did appreciate Sami paying homage to Cactus Jack and Striker acknowledging Jun Akiyama and Mitsuharu Misawa on commentary though.

Moose, Rich Swann &Chris Sabin vs Kenny Omega, Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows

The early onset is interesting. Karl Anderson and Chris Sabin start off and there’s some solid technical counter wrestling, and it’s fast paced action. Moose and Gallows come in to do a big boy showdown which worked fairly well, where Swann and Omega had a brief lockup before the Brothers come in to start heeling it up.

We get a lot of Japanese tag stylings, from the triple team that Team Impact pulls off, to the way the Club breaks up any type of momentum with their own train attacks into the corner. Moose looked amazing in this match. He went toe to toe with everyone, pulled off great moves like a Standing Moonsault, leaped to the top rope for a Spanish Fly and was a really good teammate, regardless of his issues with Rich Swann. Hell Swann and Moose even hit a Doomsday Device variant together. Small aside, I did like seeing Chris Sabin pull off Cradle Shock, which just doesn’t happen often enough anymore.

Omega almost has the match one on Rich, but the only one able to break it up was Moose, and he did so. Omega went into V-Trigger spamming mode to wipe out Moose, rock Rich and then a One Winged Angel won the match for the Bullet Club former members.

 

Overall Score: 6.75/10

Well this started off pretty bad, but at least it built upwards. The main even had a lot of fun wrinkles which increased the storytelling, psychology and overall enjoyment of the show. Hell even when Callis nearly jumped into the ring to break up a pin on Kenny was a good little nugget.

As I said in the weekly coverage, this is probably Taya’s final match, or at least one of the last, especially since they logically moved Rosemary back to Decay with Crazzy Steve. Eddie and Sami had a hell of blood feud and it was nearly cathartic. Let’s also not overlook the fact that Tasha and Kiera actually won the Knockouts Tag titles. I almost thought they wouldn’t win just because they are so charismatic and attractive without the titles, where Havok and Nevaeh don’t exactly have electric personalities. But I’m ecstatic that Kiera finally has a title in Impact!

With the pretty awful start for the wrestling and the commentary, which put the show behind the eight ball; but it did recover fairly well. Not nearly as good as Genesis, but it managed to keep the stories rolling and end on an interesting note. A pretty good show after all was said and done.

 


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