Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
Something wicked this way comes as WWE once again goes inside Hell in a Cell! Bayley and Sasha Banks will settle a grudge, Drew McIntyre once again battles The Viper, and if Roman Reigns makes Jey, the Usos MUST fall in line, or be disowned!
- Kickoff Show – WWE 24/7 Championship: R-Truth VS Drew Gulak; Truth wins and retains the title.
- WWE Universal Championship Hell in a Cell I Quit Match: Roman Reigns VS Jey Uso; Roman wins and retains the title, the Usos must “fall in line” behind him.
- Jeff Hardy VS Elias; Elias wins, by disqualification.
- Money in the Bank Contract Ownership: Otis VS The Miz w/ John Morrison; Miz wins and becomes the new Mr. Money in the Bank.
- SmackDown Women’s Championship Hell in a Cell Match: Bayley VS Sasha Banks; Sasha wins and becomes the new SmackDown Women’s Champion.
- WWE United States Championship: Bobby Lashley VS Slapjack; Lashley wins and retains the title.
- WWE World Championship Hell in a Cell Match: Drew McIntyre VS Randy Orton; Orton wins and becomes the new WWE World Champion.
PLAY BY PLAY
It’s the Hell in a Cell Kickoff Show!
Join Charly Caruso, Booker T, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Pete Rosenberg AND Jeff Jarrett to discuss, analyze and predict all of the action going down in this very scary PPV!
Backstage interview with Paul Heyman.
Ahead of the Universal Championship HIAC I Quit match, there is a lot of talk about consequences. Can Heyman tell us the consequences for Roman should Jey win? Heyman wants Kayla to do herself a favor and take the “hype” out of her voice. If Jey is man enough to make Roman quit, which he’s not, then Roman quits his claim of being champion, of being a main eventer, of being the top star ever in WWE, as head of the table, family and the destined Tribal Chief. But when, and Heyman emphasizes when, Roman makes Jey say, “I Quit,” inside the cell, Jey is an indentured servant who will do Roman’s bidding when and how Roman tells him, commands him to do so. “Those are the consequences that will occur tonight when Jey Uso says I Quit at the hands and the dominance of the razing, defending, undisputed Universal Heavyweight Champion and your Tribal Chief, Roman… Reigns.”
Backstage interview with Jeff Hardy.
Does he care to comment on Elias still thinking he was behind the hit & run? Hardy says he’s made a lot of mistakes and battled his demons for years. He is proud of what he’s done and owned up to every mistake he’s made. So of course he didn’t hit Elias with the car! They cleared him of that months ago. Elias is just pointing fingers at the wrong man. Hopefully they do find the real culprit. But if Elias wants to swing guitars at Hardy, Hardy will swing back. The only universal truth Elias needs to see tonight is that there is a Twist of Fate in his future.
R-Truth joins the panel.
Jarrett says hey to Lil’ Jimmy and Truth is excited to see Road Dogg! Where’s Truth? He’s here! Are you sick? Check the temp. But someone help Truth. Sam! Sup, Sam! No, this is Pete. Charly asks what Truth is doing here. Truth points out they told him he has a match to defend his 24/7 487 7-11 I-95 South European Television Championship for the kickoff show, but clearly Raw Talk is here and it’s got a full panel! Did he miss something? No, this IS the HIAC Kickoff. And you do have a match. And Booker’s Kofi Kingston. No, Truth knows who Booker is, Book! He’s sitting with Larry the King Live! But he does have a match with Drew Gulak, in a few moments. See with your eyes, not with your hands. Shouldn’t Truth go prepare? Yes, he will. Off he goes. This is the fourth kickoff show he’s crashed. They should try and guess when, not if.
Elias joins the panel.
Pete plugs the album while the others cheer. How is he feeling/ Looking great, feeling great. He has Hardy right where he wants him, in the ring. And then tomorrow, the album drops. Elias heard them talking and says, on top of Hardy ruining the concert last week, he tried to run Elias over back in May! No that’s crap and you know it. Booker asks when Elias is bringing the tour to Houston? When everyone starts touring again. Jarrett knows Hardy, he knows some redhead did it. Elias can’t believe this attitude. King says if you don’t like how people drive, stay off the sidewalk. But also, King heard Elias’ album has less dropped, more escaped. Hah, real funny. Pete says there’s a lot of jealousy because there are many wrestlers who tried to be musicians and they were frauds. No offense, Jarrett.
Elias says he was inspired by Jarrett. Because he’s everything Jarrett wasn’t. Elias gives Jarrett a special song right now. “Jeff I see your mug up on a ThunderDome screen. I know you’re gonna dress like Elias for Halloween. What’s with guys named Jeff? Jarrett and Hardy. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think ‘Jeff’ was Spanish for… Junky.” Elias heads off, Booker thought that was great.
The Miz and John Morrison join the panel via video chat.
Charly Caruso brings up how the case flipped in their favor when JBL was given a briefcase. What was in the case? A “key piece of evidence.” Heavy Machinery was playing checkers, Miz & Morrison play Chutes & Ladders. And it’s super easy to win that, if you know the way. But this is what’s wrong with the legal system. Otis won fair and square! What company does Pete work for? The WWE? Yes. Then do you see Otis being the face of the WWE in the media and around the world?! DO you care about your jobs?! Miz is thinking about the company! He isn’t looking at the MITB briefcase as a prop, but as something important! Miz will make sure to beat Otis, cash in and BE WWE World or Universal Champion! Then everyone will be on notice! Because if you hold the top title, he’s after you!
Otis isn’t championship material, but Miz is! MC M I Z will save the WWE! Booker does believe in finders keepers, losers weepers, so he’s with Miz. Miz wants to emphasize that people don’t understand being world champion, but Miz does and Booker does. Yes, Booker does understand and respect that. The others here may not, but this SIX-TIME world champion, TWO-TIME Hall of Famer, does.
Kickoff Show – WWE 24/7 Championship: R-Truth VS Drew Gulak!
The FORTY-TWO TIME 24/7 Champion is hoping to still hold onto his baby tonight. But will the Philly Stretcher use his submission skills to rip the title from Truth’s grasp?
The introductions are made, the belt is raised and this championship match kicks off the night!
Truth high fives Lil’ Jimmy but he tells Jimmy to be careful of Gulak. Gulak calls Jimmy over, gives him a high five, too, then another. Then a secret handshake, too! And he sits on Gulak’s knee? Truth is upset, but then he’s ANGRY when Gulak KICKS Lil’ Jimmy! Truth goes after Gulak with fury! Truth whips, hip tosses and covers, ONE! Gulak gets to a corner, Truth fires off haymakers then throws haymaker sin the corner! And he brings Gulak to bump off buckles. Truth climbs up, rains down punches, but Gulak pushes him away. Gulak CLOBBERS Truth with a clothesline! Gulak has the leg, kicks and stomps it, then steps through for a standing toehold! Truth endures, keeps his shoulders up, but Gulak drops back to tweak the leg! Gulak stands up again, Truth endures more, but Gulak drops again!
Truth uses his free leg to kick Gulak away, but Gulak brings him around for a headlock. Truth powers out, jumps over the somersault but Gulak sunset flips! TWO, Gulak drop toeholds and has the leg again. Truth crawls, Gulak chinbars but Truth keeps fighting! Ropebreak! Gulak lets go, looms over Truth and brings him up as fans rally. Gulak uses a chinbar stretch! Truth endures, flips up and over Gulak to throw haymakers! Truth dodges, and rallies with Cena shoulders! And the Spin-Out Bomb! Fans cheer as Truth says “You Can’t See Me!” Truth hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle! Gulak flounders around into the fireman’s carry! Gulak fights out to shove, but Truth hits the LIE DETECTOR! Cover, TWO! Truth keeps going but misses the scissor kick!
Gulak headbutts and whips to corner clothesline! Gulak stomps away but lets up at 4. Truth skins the cat to the top rope?! Gulak is up top fast, Truth resists the suplex and throws body shots to get under! Truth drags Gulak out in an Electric Chair but Gulak punches to a sunset flip! Truth slips out, jackknife, Truth wins!!
Winner: R-Truth, by pinfall (still WWE 24/7 Champion)
But that just means the chase is on! Lucha House Party run out but Akira Tozawa follows! Tozawa pulls Lince Dorado and Gran Metalik away, but they keep him from giving chase, too! Truth joins the panel real quick but has to run again! Gulak is last to come by, and he tells Truth, “your childhood hero, John Cena, SUCKS!” Does Gulak really think that?
Retribution is backstage.
Mustafa Ali asks the others if they know what the greatest thrill in life is. “It’s watching someone make a bad decision.” The past few months, Ali has watched everyone plot against each other and make bad decisions. But they planned while he laughed as he shut down the Hurt Business, “a group of greedy men,” who are an evil corporation like the WWE! There is unfinished business with the Hurt Business. So tonight, Ali presents a proposal. One of theirs VS one of Hurt Business. MVP can make the call on who will FALL before Retribution! That’s MVP’s bad decision to make.
SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK! The I Quit Hell in a Cell OPENS the night!?!? This could turn the entire world upside-down if Booker’s prediction of JEY winning comes true!
The ThunderDome is now, the HELLSCAPE of WWE!
The ominous structure of steel and fear has returned again. So consider this your warning! There will be consequences when blood fights blood. There will be nowhere to run when grudges reach never before seen levels. There will be hell to pay as legacy takes on legacy! Welcome to Hell in a Cell.
WWE Universal Championship Hell in a Cell I Quit Match: Roman Reigns VS Jey Uso!
What could have easily been the main event is OPENING the show! Roman insists that without him at the top of both the WWE and at the head of the table, the Anoa’i Dynasty will crumble. If Jey somehow wins, Roman insists it will bring about the ruin of their family’s legacy. But if Jey loses, he MUST acknowledge Roman as Tribal Chief. If Jey can’t, then he AND Jimmy, and their wives, and their children, and their children’s children, will be OUT of the Anoa’i family forever!! Is Jey willing to risk it all to be THE champion?
The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and this blood-boiling battle of blood goes through hell!
Jey and Roman stare down, and Roman says, “I told you it didn’t have to be this way.” Jey says Roman’s the one who is changing. Roman says he changed because he has to, to keep the family where it is. So then which is it? For the title or for the family? “Now we gotta get it!” They tie up, go around, Jey headlocks but Roman powers out and runs him over! Roman paces, brings Jey up and ROCKS him with an uppercut! Jey gets up, Roman paces as he says, “I told you.” Snap suplex! Roman paces more, not even really looking at Jey until Jey gets up. Roman brings Jey around to bump him off a buckle hard! Roman seethes as he corner clotheslines Jey down! Jey rolls, Roman stalks him, but Jey gets up and gets to a corner. Roman runs in again with another clothesline!
Jey falls to the floor but Roman just looms over him. Jey gets up and Roman tells him to just give it up. Roman goes in but gets boots! Jey throws a kick, it’s blocked but he comes back with the Dragon Whip! Mule kick! Pop, lock ‘n’ UPPERCUT! Roman is sent out of the ring, Jey builds speed to DIVE! Direct hit and Roman hits steel wall! Jey puts Roman in to clothesline him out again, and then DIVE again! Another hit into steel! It’s a bit double-edged this time but Jey gets up first. Jey brings Roman up to throw him into steel! “You about to get this work, too!” Jey throws Roman into more steel! The ref checks on Roman but he’s okay to continue. Jey says they “ain’t never quit sh*t,” but that’s gonna change today! Jey puts Roman in, follows after and has Roman in a corner. “UCE! OH!” Jey runs, but into the SPEAR!! Roman takes Jey down and catches his breath while Jey writhes.
Roman says he knows the one Spear won’t be enough. But he says Jey will wish he never even started this. Roman stomps Jey down! Jey checks his teeth while Roman shakes out the arm. Roman goes out of the ring and checks under it, and he grabs a chair. Jey runs and baseball slides Roman into steel! Jey runs again, DIVES, but into the forearm! Roman gets in, runs and SPEARS Jey again!! Roman tells Jey to just give it up but Jey refuses! Roman grows frustrated but he looms over Jey. “I don’t wanna have to do this!” Jey’s making Roman out to be the bad guy here. Jey sits up, Roman sighs and paces. “I will end you. I will end you!” Jey gets up, so Roman goes again, but into a KICK! Jey SUPERKICKS! Jey goes up top, leaps, USO SPLASH! Roman gasps and sputters but he refuses to give up. So Jey climbs up again! Jey leaps, USO SPLASH AGAIN!
Roman flounders, sputters, but manages to say, “Head of the table never quits.” Jey goes out, checks under the ring, and finds a LEATHER STRAP! Jey brings the strap into the ring, though struggling to walk on his own. Jey stands up, and LASHES Roman on the back! And AGAIN! Jey promises to “whoop the dogs*it” out of Roman! Roman sits up, Jey LASHES him again! Roman gets up to SPEAR!! Jey is back down and says he’s struggling to breathe, but that doesn’t mean he quits. Roman gets up, walks over and takes the strap from Jey. Roman can’t believe Jey would resort to this, but now it’s Jey’s turn with the LASH! “I do the whipping around here!!” ANOTHER LASH! Roman’s weirdly nostalgic over this as he LASHES Jey again! And again! Jey gets angry now but his body’s stinging. Roman puts the strap around Jey’s wrist, now it’s like a strap match!
And Roman says Jey will respect him, and he LASHES Jey right in the GROIN!! Jey writhes and flounders but also seethes, and yet Roman grins! Roman reels Jey in with the strap, Jey grabs ropes to resist, but then lets go to FOREARM Roman! Roman throws a forearm back! Jey forearms, Roman hits back with an elbow! Jey gets up again, and SUPERKICKS! Roman wobbles, leans on the ropes, the strap messes up the Superman Punch! Jey pounces on Roman to use the strap in a straitjacket stretch and then some!! Roman refuses to give up, but he might not even be able to breathe with the strap around his neck! Roman is fading! But an I Quit match is only won verbally! Roman revives, Jey is right on him!! Jey keeps pulling tight but again Roman fades out before ever saying anything! Jey is free of the strap himself, but the ref is checking on Roman.
Roman gasps back to consciousness but he’s refusing to give up! Jey is too tired to be frustrated, but he does go grab the chair Roman brought in. Jey uses the chair to stand up, and then aims at Roman. Roman slowly rises, Jey swings, into the SUPERMAN PUNCH! Jey wobbles into Roman’s GUILLOTINE! With body scissors!! Jey flails, but not even tapping out will stop this! Roman vows he’ll break Jey if he doesn’t quit! Jey is fading! Heyman even says Jey should just quit! Jey doesn’t say anything so Roman lets him go. Roman is beside himself as Jey refuses to say it! Roman says Jey should just say the words. Jey sits up as Roman tries to tell him that he needs to quit, or this is only going to get worse. Jey stays quiet as he slowly turns over. Roman wants Jey to say it, and they can all go home. Heyman says this is bad but Roman tells Heyman to shut up. Jey needs to learn to respect Roman.
Roman drags Jey by an arm, gets the chair, tosses the chair out, and then Roman drags Jey onto the apron. Jey is still in a daze as he grabs at Roman. Roman backs up, for the DRIVE-BY DROPKICK! That was a headshot into the post!! Roman tells Jey just to say it, but Jey refuses! Can he even say anything? Does he even know he’s still in the cell? Roman rains down haymakers on the “selfish” Jey, and even grinds him into the post! Roman gest the steel steps!?! Roman puts the steps very, very close to Jey’s body, and wedges him in between them and the post. Roman goes back to the corner, runs and FULL METAL DRIVE-BY!! The steps fall off the apron and the ref checks on Jey. Roman says this is over, just say it and they can all go home. But again, is Jey in any shape to say anything?
Roman says this has to continue. Jey knew what he was getting into. The ref says he’s going to call it, but then Roman grabs the ref! Roman tells the ref this match doesn’t end without the words. The ref say sJey is out, but Roman says the ref is out! He THROWS the ref out of the ring and into steel wall! The outside ref gets in to check on his coworker, and Roman drags Jey from the corner! Other referees and WWE officials get in the ring! Adam Pearce tries to reason with Roman, and Roman goes to leave. Roman says everyone is on Jey’s side. Roman closes the cell door and tosses the steel steps into the ring! The officials tell Roman to stop this already, but he’s not stopping at all! Roman chases them all off, circling around Jey. Roman grabs the steps, picks them up and has them press Jey down!
Roman tells Jey that Roman’s been better than Jey since they were kids. They’re grown men and Jey is STILL testing Roman! Roman is THE Tribal Chief! All Jey had to do was acknowledge him! And now he’s making Roman do what he doesn’t want to do! But that’s how serious it is at the top! There’s no going back! Jey needs to understand what the Tribal Chief is! Roman brings the steps back up, raises them high over head, but Jimmy gets in! Jey shields his brother and tells Roman to just stop! This is worse than Clash of Champions! This is JEY, for crying out loud! Whatever Roman is going through, they can fix this as a family! They don’t have to do it like this! This is JOSH FATU, not Jey Uso! Look at him! Look at them, Joe! Whatever he’s going through, he knows they’ve got his back. But this? This ain’t right.
Roman breaks down as he says, “I don’t even know who I am. I’m sorry.” Jimmy says that it’s fine. They’re family! They still love each other. Roman nods, and takes Jimmy’s hand. To then DRAG HIM INTO THE GUILLOTINE!! Jey flails, grabs for Jey, and Jey starts to wake up. Jey realizes what’s going on to his own twin and he grabs at Roman! “I QUIT! OKAY!? I QUIT!!” Jey quits, Roman wins!!
Winner: Roman Reigns (still WWE Universal Champion)
The Tribal Chief must be out of his mind, because he’s not even emotional at all now!! Was it all an act!? Roman may have lied, but no one understands who this man holding the title is anymore. Afa and Sika await Roman as he exits the cell. Roman walks up to his father and his uncle, the elders of the family, and celebrates with them as he is truly crowned Tribal Chief. Roman is truly head of the table. Will Roman hold this, and the title, over his cousins for the rest of their lives?
Jeff Hardy VS Elias!
The Drifter walks out to introduce himself and ask the question, Who Wants to Walk With Elias? Four months ago, “that degenerate” Jeff Hardy tried to end Elias’ career with a hit and run. But those events inspired Elias’ new album, The Universal Truth. So Elias has a song for Hardy first. Please silence cell phones, hold applause and most importantly, shut your mouths! “Jeff Hardy and Elias! We’re in the ThunderDome! Worst part of it, I gotta look at y’all in your filthy homes! Jeff Hardy and Elias, yes you’re gonna lose. But don’t worry, Jeff, you can always fall back on the booze. Jeff Hardy and Elias, what’s the difference between you and I? WWE is Walk with Elias, Jeff Hardy equals DUI.” But Hardy cuts Elias off to shut him up, and this rockstar grudge match begins!
The bell rings and Elias ties up with Hardy. They go to a corner, Elias turns Hardy around and pushes out of the break. Hardy comes back, they go around again but end up on ropes. The ref counts, Hardy lets off at 3. Elias comes back, knees low and throws forearms! Elias brings Hardy up to CHOP him, then has him on the ropes. Elias whips, Hardy dodges and ducks to atomic drop, snapmare and neck snapper! Cover, TWO! Hardy clubs Elias down, stomps him, then drags him up. Hardy wrenches, clubs the arm, wrenches again and hammerlocks. Hardy clubs Elias, Elias gets around and hammerlocks to snapmare and wrap on a chinlock! But Hardy slips out the back! Hardy has the hammerlock, cranks on the arm, but Elias fights his way up.
Hardy cranks on the arm more, they go around and Elias throws Hardy off and out of the ring! Elias catches his breath while Hardy slowly gets up. Elias goes out and throws Hardy into barriers! Hardy throws Elias into barriers in return! Hardy puts Elias in but Elias bails out, so Hardy wrecks him with a dropkick! Hardy goes out and leaps off steps, but into barriers as Elias dodges! The ring count climbs to 5 before Hardy gets up, and it’s at 9 just as Hardy gets in! Elias stomps Hardy then drags him around by his hair. The ref reprimands but Elias forearms Hardy down. Elias throws body shots and fast hands on Hardy but Hardy ends up in the corner. Elias keeps going, the ref reprimands and counts, Elias lets off to come back and stomp Hardy down! Elias drags Hardy up, whips him to ropes then runs him over! Cover, TWO!
Elias grows frustrated as he looms over Hardy. Elias drags Hardy up to wrap on a chinlock and he squeezes tight this time. Fans clap for Hardy as he fights up, throws body shots, and is free. Elias throws a fist, blocks a kick but Hardy spins to mule kick Elias down! Hardy rallies the fans as he gets to his feet. Elias runs in but Hardy throws counter punches! Hardy throws more haymakers, whips Elias but Elias reverses, only for Hardy to run Elias over! Atomic drop to leg splitting leg drop! Basement dropkick and splash, cover, TWO! Hardy keeps his focus as he watches Elias rise. Hardy kicks but no Twist as Elias shoves Hardy away! Elias Electric Chair lifts, spins Hardy around to POWERBOMB! Cover, TWO! Hardy survives and Elias is shocked! Elias and Hardy slowly rise in opposite corners.
Elias runs in but Hardy elbows him away! Hardy boots then climbs up, WHISPER IN THE WIND! Cover, TWO! Hardy keeps focused and gets Elias with the TWIST OF FATE! Off comes the shirt and Hardy goes back up top! Elias gets to the apron but Hardy just adjusts course, so Elias flails and gets to the floor! Hardy still doesn’t see the problem as he hops down. Hardy hurries after Elias and stops him from using the guitar! HARDY uses the GUITAR!!
Winner: Elias, by disqualification
Hardy doesn’t really care about losing, because he got to get Elias back for that “smash hit.” Hardy even stomps what’s left of the guitar to make sure the message sinks in. Will Elias accept the win and move on? Or will there be a sequel to this rough collaboration?
Backstage interview with Heavy Machinery.
Tucker is with Otis again as Otis prepares for his match, as ruled on in “Law & Otis.” Otis says mama always told him, if you got it, flaunt it! Otis has it, Miz wants it, so Otis is gonna rub that in Miz’s face! Otis had to sit in that hot court room in that itchy suit just for this! Otis is REAL angry, is he going to make sure Miz feels ever ounce of that anger?
Money in the Bank Contract Ownership: Otis w/ Tucker VS The Miz w/ John Morrison!
Mr. Dozer in the Bank is the victim of the Hollywood A-Lister abusing the WWE legal system! From a frivolous lawsuit with trumped up charges to literally bribing “The Honorable” JBL to rule in his favor! But just because Miz won the case in court doesn’t mean he’ll win the briefcase in the ring! Will Otis get payback on The Miz for everything that’s happened between them? Or will Miz once again be Mr. MITB and have another chance at rising to the top?
Otis has a new entrance just for himself! The #BlueCollarSolid working man is ready to go to work! The introductions are made, the briefcase is raised, and this legally allowed assault and battery begins!
Otis and Miz tie up and Otis powers Miz right to the corner! Otis fires off haymakers from all sides! The ref counts, Otis TOSSES Miz away! Miz gets to a corner, Otis runs in and RAMS him! Miz gasps and sputters but Otis scoop slams him! Cover, TWO! Otis stays fired up as he drags Miz up. Miz jawbreakers back but swings into a back suplex! Miz lands on his feet to get the full nelson! Otis breaks free, throws Miz out but Miz slides under to sunset flip! Otis stays up to STAND on Miz! The ref counts, Otis drops down on Miz! Miz crawls away, Otis stalks Miz but Miz throws body shots. Those don’t work on Otis! Miz throws Otis out of the ring, builds speed and dropkicks but misses! Otis CLOBBERS Miz! Otis drags Miz up to bounce him off the desk, then bump him off the desk again!
Otis puts Miz in, Morrison gets on the apron but gets away as Otis swipes at him. Miz kicks the legs out to basement DDT Otis down! Cover, TWO! Otis gets to ropes but Miz is on him to choke him! The ref counts, Miz stops at 4 but Morrison gets a cheap shot in! Tucker is angry but Miz gives Otis It Kicks in the corner! Miz goes corner to corner to hit the A-List Lariat! Miz goes up top, leaps, and ax handles Otis down! Cover, TWO! Miz seethes, stalks Otis to ropes but Otis hits back! Miz gets around to a sleeper! Otis flails but fades! Miz leans on Otis but Otis gets a second wind! Otis gets up, throws Miz off, but Miz BOOTS Otis right down! Morrison says that was money! Miz seethes as he looms over Otis. Miz sits Otis up for haymakers and It Kicks! Otis just powers up!
Miz kicks but Otis blocks! Miz kicks again but Otis powers up! Miz CHOPS, Otis starts thrusting! Otis throws haymakers and runs Miz over! And again! Otis is feeling it as he runs and BLASTS Miz off his feet! Otis rips his shirt off then whips Miz to FLAPJACK him! Fans fire up with Otis as Otis runs into the corner for a splash! Miz flops down and Otis pumps it up! Otis goes ocrner to corner with the CATERPILLAR, but Morrison drags Miz to safety! Otis pursues and throws Miz into barriers! Otis chases Morrison away and goes back to Miz. Otis puts Miz in, Miz BOOTS him again! Otis is in a corner now, Miz runs in but into an elbow! Miz distracts the ref, Morrison has the briefcase! Tucker points it out, the ref catches Morrison red handed! Morrison is EJECTED!
Miz is all alone, Otis rolls Miz up, TWO!! Miz runs into a DISCUS!! Cover, TWO!? Miz survives but Otis is right on him! Miz grabs the apron skirt, kicks Otis away and while the ref is busy with the skirt, TUCKER hits Otis with the briefcase?!? WHY!?! Tucker how could you?!? Miz covers Otis, and WINS!!
Winner: The Miz, by pinfall; (NEW Mr. Money in the Bank)
Heavy Machinery was no more because of the WWE Draft, but this is TRULY the ending of the blue collar solid friendship! And now, Miz has his choice of championship opportunity! Will Miz be watching McIntyre VS Orton very closely tonight?
Miz and Morrison celebrate backstage!
NEW Mr. MITB! Kayla comes by to congratulate Miz as he finally succeeded, but it seems at the cost of destroying Otis’ life. Miz say she did what was necessary for the WWE to thrive. Morrison says this is the biggest win of the night because the contract has meaning. Miz has been here 15 years, he has made others better, and has been ratings gold! He will not squander this opportunity! This is NOT a prop! This is a golden opportunity! And to the WWE Champion or Universal Champoin, you are now on notice! Miz has cashed in before, and he’ll do it again! Otis took it for granted, and took Tucker for granted. Tucker comes by and says this isn’t about Miz.
But then why did he betray Otis?! “We were supposed to be a team. But I was the workhorse! I carried the load!” Tucker did everything for Otis and for the team! Tucker treated Otis like a brother, but for what? So that he was always the afterthought? Tucky, tag Otis in! Give Otis the spotlight! But Otis can’t function without Tucker! Who gave Otis confidence to ask Mandy out? TUCKER. Who had Otis’ back all this time? TUCKER. But Otis can’t tie his own boots without Tucker! But Otis comes in and BLASTS Miz down and then brawls with Tucker! Tucker runs away and referees hurry to keep this from getting out of hand! With Tucker and Otis on separate brands, will these feelings go unresolved?
SmackDown Women’s Championship Hell in a Cell Match: Bayley VS Sasha Banks!
The (unofficially named) Golden Role Models were the best of friends and the greatest of combinations in the WWE in a long, long time! But all because they lost the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships, Bayley decided to betray Banks first! Now that they’re back to enemies, all of this animosity will burn bright inside the cell! Who walks out forged by the fire as THE greatest women’s champion ever? And who is left behind to pick up the pieces?
Bayley makes sure to bring her favorite chair, and has even painted “1-0” on it, to reference their record against each other for this title. There’s also an X on the other side to mark the spot she hit Sasha with several times already. The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and this friendship gone to hell now goes through hell!
Sasha DROPKICKS the chair out just before the cell finishes lowering! And then she throws Bayley down! Sasha dares Bayley to go get the one thing that helps her win. Bayley hurries out but Sasha intercepts with forearms! Sasha DECKS Bayley, stomps her then rains down rights! Bayley grabs the leg but Sasha throws down more fists! Bayley scrambles, Sasha stomps and knees Bayley into buckles! Sasha runs in, Bayley puts her up top and spins, only for Sasha to boot her away. Sasha runs and tilt-o-whirls to a takedown, into the BANK STATEMENT! Bayley flails, reaches, BITES and gets free! Bayley goes out, Sasha runs, but Bayley ducks to RAM Sasha into steel! Bayley RAMS Sasha in again! Sasha grits her teeth while Bayley goes looking under the ring.
Bayley brings out a kendo stick! Bayley swings, misses, but keeps swinging! Sasha keeps dodging, blocks the stick then takes it to shove it out of the cell through one of the gaps! Bayley hurries to get more kendo sticks but has to elbow Sasha away! Bayley swings but Sasha blocks it again! Sasha brings Bayley to KNEE her down! Sasha throws the kendo stick into the ring, then brings out a TABLE! Sasha sets it up in what little space there is between ring and cell. Bayley sucker punches Sasha down and clubs her down! Bayley sees the table, deconstructs it while stomping Sasha. Bayley wants to prop the table up but Sasha grabs the other end! Sasha RAMS Bayley into the steel! And again! And again! The table rams into Bayley at the same time, and now Bayley is stuck. Sasha runs up the table to METEORA against steel! Sasha puts Bayley in, goes up top and leaps, METEORA AGAIN! Cover, TWO!!
Bayley survives and Sasha can’t believe it! Sasha goes back out and brings in chairs of her own. Sasha taunts Bayley but Bayley gets around to roll her up, TWO! Bayley scrambles up, puts Sasha on the apron and trips her up! Sasha hits apron on the way down and even lands on the table. Bayley grabs a chair, talks over to Sasha stuck on the table, and SWINGS, only to hit table! Sasha gets under the table to kick it up into Bayley’s face! Then she goes up the apron to METEORA Bayley into the cell again! It was a rough landing for both but Sasha is up first. Sasha puts Bayley in, Bayley tries to run away but Sasha is after her through the ropes. Bayley hotshots Sasha down! Sasha crawls to the apron now, Bayley brings her up to throw her at the steel!
Sasha clings to it like a cat, Bayley jumps at her but Sasha jumps back! Sasha jumps over Bayley, Bayley throws Sasha at the apron but Sasha Tiger Feints to huricanrana Bayley into steel! Sasha gets up and hobbles back to her table. Bayley stands, Sasha runs and shotgun dropkicks Bayley into steel steps! Bayley looks out as Sasha drags her around. Sasha brings out more kendo sticks! Sasha uses the gaps in the steps and gaps in the steel to make some kendo stick bridges. Sasha drags Bayley over but Bayley fights back with fury! Bayley turns things around, Sasha resists and gets to the apron! Sasha kicks Bayley down, runs in but Bayley uses a drop toehold to send Sasha into stick sand steps!! Sasha’s neck is of concern and Bayley makes sure commentary gives her credit for it.
Bayley says Sasha had a good idea, though. Bayley puts the kendo sticks in through the many gaps of steps and cell, and then CATAPULT GUILLOTINES Sasha into them!! Bayley drags Sasha up and into the ring, covers, TWO!! Sasha still lives and Bayley is furious! Bayley drags Sasha back up to club her on the back, and stomp her, too! Bayley puts on a chinlock and pulls Sasha back. Bayley stomps Sasha, has chairs, and then brings Sasha up and turns her, NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Bayley grows frustrated as she stalks Sasha to the apron. “Boss of the Cell, huh? Boss my ass!” Bayley drags Sasha up but Sasha grabs ropes to resist the suplex! Sasha flips, and POWERBOMBS Bayley into the steel! Bayley is down again and Sasha puts her in! Cover, TWO!!
Sasha sits a chair up, and just like on Friday, puts Bayley through it! But Bayley fights out and trips Sasha, Sasha smacks her face off the chair! Bayley gets the other chair, wedges it into a corner, then stalks behind Sasha. Bayley brings Sasha up, whips her but Sasha slides under! Sasha knees back, climbs up, and uses DEADLY NIGHTSHADE to send Bayley into the chair! Sasha runs, Bayley dodges but Sasha avoids chair. Sasha hurries after Bayley but Bayley SUNSET BOMBS Sasha into the chair!! Cover, TWO!?!? Sasha survives but Bayley isn’t even dismayed. Bayley drags Sasha around, goes up top, and MACHO ELBOWS! Cover, TWO!! Bayley is furious but the count is fair. Bayley drags Sasha up, hooks the arm but Sasha slips out to BACKSTABBER, to BANK STATEMENT!
Bayley flails, reaches, moves around, gets the ropes but there are no ropebreaks! Bayley keeps going, traps Sasha in the apron skirt and clubs away! Bayley SMACKS Sasha off the ring frame!! Sasha is stuck upside-down, and Bayley SMACKS her on the back over and over with the kendo stick! Sasha slumps out of the skirt and Bayley grimaces as she goes looking for more. Bayley brings out DUCT TAPE! Bayley struggles with the tape, saying she’s all sweaty. Can the ref do this for her? The ref refuses to help her do whatever she’s planning. Bayley uses tape to combine kendo sticks into one extra big stick! And she puts those through steel fence and ring frame! It isn’t really working out but she just puts more tape around it. Well, that still isn’t working so Bayley leaves that where it is.
Sasha uses the FIRE EXTINGUISHER!! Bayley gets a face full of the smoke!! Bayley flounders about, wants water for her eyes, but she finds her favorite chair first! Sasha grabs it from her first! Bayley begs for mercy since she can’t see but Sasha just hammers away on her instead! “SCREW YOU!” Sasha throws Bayley into steel, then more steel! Bayley even pinballs off the post! “You’re nothing without me, Bayley! NOTHING!” Sasha SLAPS Bayley, and whips her into steel again! Bayley is down in the corner of the cell, Sasha runs and METEORAS again! And then knees and knees and knees away! Sasha puts Bayley back in, then goes searching for more things. Sasha grabs another kendo stick, stalks behind Bayley, and SMACKS away!
Sasha shouts Bayley isn’t a nobody, and she won’t be a champion! She is NOT better than Sasha! Sasha SMACKS and SMACKS and SMACKS then just throws the stick away in anger! Bayley is down, Sasha is emotional and watches her from a corner. Bayley crawls for her favorite chair, but Sasha stomps Bayley down first! Sasha goes to a corner and up top, for the FROG SPLASH, ONTO THE CHAIR!! Bayley used the chair as a shield!! It was still double-edged because Bayley was underneath the chair, too. Both women are down but stirring. Bayley rolls away, Sasha grabs her foot but can’t keep her inside. Sasha pursues, drags Bayley up but Bayley hits the PLANTER! Bayley puts Sasha in, covers, TWO!?!? Sasha survives and Bayley furiously hammers away!
Bayley drags Sasha up, throws her back out, then goes looking for things under the table. Bayley finds a LADDER?! Bayley puts that ladder in the ring, also gets a chair, and then another chair. Bayley makes the ladder a bridge between both chairs, then intercepts Sasha as she gets back in! Sasha gets up but Bayley clubs her down. Bayley and Sasha brawl, Sasha runs, but Bayley flapjacks her off the ladder bridge! Bayley puts Sasha on the ladder, then goes looking for more. Bayley has spray paint?! And she sprays an X to mark the spot. Bayley has her favorite chair, X for X! Bayley leaps, FULL METAL ELBOW, but onto ladder as Sasha moves! Sasha uses the ladder to leap up, METEORA! Sasha steals BAYLEY2BELLY onto the LADDER! Cover, TWO!?!? Bayley survives her own move, boosted by the metal of ladder and chairs!
Sasha is at a loss for words, but she clears space now. Sasha tries to backstab but Bayley throws her off and KNEES her! BAYLEY2BELLY FROM BAYLEY! Cover, TWO?!?!? Now Sasha survives as Bayley uses her move herself! Bayley is laughing in disbelief as she pushes Sasha around. And she has her favorite chair again. To SMACK Sasha on the back! And again! Bayley stalks Sasha as Sasha flounders. “Get up, Boss.” Bayley brings Sasha in, uses the chair, but no Bayley2Belly as Sasha arm-drags! FULL METAL BANK STATEMENT!!! Sasha even stomps at the chair to add onto the vice! BAYLEY TAPS, SASHA WINS!!
Winner: Sasha Banks, by submission (NEW SmackDown Women’s Champion)
GRAND SLAM BOSS TIME!! But Sasha doesn’t stop until she’s satisfied! These two went through hell, and it is Sasha who comes out the other side! But she doesn’t take the belt right away, as she stares at Bayley, barely stirring after what happened. Sasha finally stands, takes the belt, and stands over Bayley with it! Sasha ended Bayley’s reign, will it take even more than hell to stop her now?
Backstage interview with The Hurt Business.
Charly was looking for them, and judging from how he’s suited up, Bobby Lashley must’ve been chosen to step up to Retribution’s challenge. MVP says it isn’t stepping up. No one understands how the Hurt Business works. Lashley is the CEO of the Hurt Business, the lead predator in this pride of lions. And just like the warrior kings of old, he does not order others but leads them into battle. Then who do they want him to face from Retribution? That guy in the lame mask. Oh, wait, that’s all of them. Shelton Benjamin was thinking of Slapjack. Yeah, that’s who it’ll be. Slapjack VS Lashley.
And MVP directs this right to Ali: “We are not greed businessmen, but we are in fact businessmen. Professionals of the highest order. And yes, we are driven by profit, but also by our intense passion for inflicting pain.” MVP sees the challenge and raises it: let this be 1v1, no corner men and no back-up. And to raise the stakes more, this is going to be for the United States championship! And Lashley isn’t waiting for a response, he’ll see whoever wants it, out in the ring.
WWE United States Championship: Bobby Lashley VS Slapjack!
The Rocky Mountain Machine is so confident he can beat the Retribution member formerly known as Shane Thorne, he’s even putting up the prize! But is the Hurt Business wrong to think there’s a weak link in Mustafa Ali’s personal army?
The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and this stacked deck against Slapjack begins!
Slapjack throws his shirt at Lashley and fires off! Lashley throws Slapjack, stomps and hammers away in the corner but lets off only a moment to grind forearms and run in to RAM into Slapjack! Lashley drags Slapjack up to throw into the corner, throw more hands and even elbows! The ref counts, Lashley lets off but then comes back for more. Lashley whips corner to corner, Slapjack tumbles up and down the buckles! Lashley pushes Slapjack around, hauls him up and stalling suplexes before the slam! Lashley looms over Slapjack, puts him back in a corner and fires off more haymakers! Lashley pulls on the ski mask, the ref counts but Lashley lets up at 4. Slapjack gets around, Lashley tilt-o-whirls him but Slapjack slips off to shove Lashley into buckles!
Slapjack fires off on Lashley now but the ref backs him off. Slapjack goes corner to corner to CANNONBALL! Cover, but they’re in the ropes! Slapjack keep son Lashley with forearm sand clubbing fists. Slapjack chinbars and goes to cobra clutch, but Lashley powers up and out to throw Slapjack away. Slapjack boots back, runs and TORNADO DDT’S! Cover, TWO!! Lashley lives and Slapjack can’t believe it! Slapjack rains down rights and gets in Lashley’s face. Slapjack hurries up top, Lashley gets him first for a TOSS! And then clobbers him over and over! Lashley OVERHEAD belly2belly suplexes Slapjack! Lashley snarls, runs at Slapjack but Slapjack dodges, only to come back for the ALL MIGHTY SPINEBUSTER! Lashley stalks Slapjack, full nelson, HURT LOCK!! Slapjack taps, Lashley wins!
Winner: Bobby Lashley, by submission (still WWE United States Champion)
But then the rest of Retribution pounces! T-Bar and Mace attack with Ali shouting orders! Then he says, “Lights out!” Mace and T-Bar bring Lashley up but he fights out with big haymakers! The Hurt Business reinforces Lashley and Ali puts on the brakes! Retribution regroups and retreats, but this is far from over! What will it take to establish unquestionable dominance over on the red brand?
WWE World Championship Hell in a Cell Match: Drew McIntyre VS Randy Orton!
The Scottish Psychopath is entering his first ever, but The Viper is a veteran of this match. Will McIntyre continue to define his own legacy against the Legend Killer? Or will Orton solidify his by leaving McIntyre behind in hell?
But as McIntyre makes his entrance, ORTON reveals he’s in disguise! But McIntyre is ready, too, as he throws counter punches! McIntyre bumps Orton off barriers, and says he knew all along Orton had a plan! McIntyre rips the jacket off Orton to CHOP him! Orton stops himself from being thrown into steel and gets away! McIntyre pursues, Orton kicks back! Orton bumps McIntyre off steel and then clears off the announce desk! Orton drags McIntyre up and over, back suplexes but McIntyre blocks! McIntyre punches Orton down and brings Orton up to bump him off the desk hood! McIntyre brings Orton around the way to punch him and bump him off steel. Orton hits back and hurries away, but McIntyre pursues again. McIntyre kicks and clubs Orton, then puts him in the cell! McIntyre slams the door closed, and this match finally begins! “Now you belong to me!”
Orton and McIntyre stare down and McIntyre dares Orton to do something. They approach, Orton kicks low and they start brawling with haymakers! Orton kicks and clubs, McIntyre hits back with haymakers! McIntyre kicks Orton, clubs him and CHOPS him, then throws a headlock punch! Orton staggers but kicks back, but McIntyre denies the RKO! McIntyre clotheslines Orton out and Orton tumbles into steel! McIntyre goes out, drags Orton up and RAMS him into steel! McIntyre stands Orton up again to pick him up and RAM him in even harder! “Tell me how it feels!” McIntyre grinds Orton’s face into the steel! Orton clutches his ear as McIntyre lets up. McIntyre drags Orton back up and into the ring to cover, TWO! Orton rolls away, McIntyre pursues and they’re on the outside again.
McIntyre bumps Orton off steel, then scoops him to RAM him, and RAM him, and RAM him! McIntyre even POSTS Orton! Orton ends up in the corner of the cell and McIntyre smirks. McIntyre goes around and starts searching for something. McIntyre brings out a chair and brings it back. Orton gets up, but McIntyre JABS him and SMACKS him with the chair! Orton crawls around the way, McIntyre pursues and brings Orton up. McIntyre Russian Leg Sweeps Orton into the steel! McIntyre pulls the steel steps apart and aims at Orton. Orton stands, McIntyre RAMS him with the steps! Orton leans against the apron but McIntyre shoves him down. “You wanted this! You chose this match!” McIntyre goes back to the steps, aims at Orton again, and THROWS them! Orton gets clear, and the steps bounce off steel!
Orton gets in the ring for safety but McIntyre aims from a corner. McIntyre wants Orton to count down with him. “Three! Two! One!” But Orton SMACKS the leg with the chair! And then SMACKS McIntyre on the back! Orton digs the chair into McIntyre’s jaw! McIntyre’s jaw was fractured by Orton’s punt kicks, and now Orton wants to break the jaw again! McIntyre refuses to give up so Orton lets off to cover, ONE! Orton is beside himself as he finally sheds the rest of his disguise. McIntyre rolls away, Orton stalks over and grabs the legs, to CATAPULT GUILLOTINE McIntyre into ropes! McIntyre falls out of the ring, gasps and sputters for air, but Orton brings McIntyre to the base of the steps. Orton stands over McIntyre and STOMPS! McIntyre is in a daze after that, but Orton keeps on him!
Orton grinds McIntyre’s face into the steel fencing! Orton chuckles as he tortures McIntyre! And then Orton uses his jacket to blind McIntyre while digging him into the steel! Orton taunts McIntyre, “Do you want me to tell you what I see?” Orton says he sees a giant Scotsman getting his ass kicked! Orton lets off and McIntyre flounders back to the steps. McIntyre hits back with body shots but Orton headbutts him! Orton brings McIntyre around to whip into the other steel steps! Orton brings the base steps and stands them up the tall way. Orton goes back to McIntyre, brings him up and tries to bounce him off steps, but McIntyre fights back! McIntyre headbutts Orton, bumps him off steps, then shoves him into the steel wall! Orton thumbs McIntyre’s eye!
McIntyre is furious, Orton whips him into the BIG steps! McIntyre tumbles down with the steps while Orton goes looking for something. Orton brings out a TABLE! McIntyre flounders about as Orton stands the table up in a corner of the cell. Orton goes after McIntyre in the ring, but McIntyre throws body shots! McIntyre backs Orton down, punches him more, and CHOPS! McIntyre whips, Orton reverses and hits the back2backbreaker! Cover, ONE?! Orton is shocked by that! That had to be at least two, but no, it was one. Orton is frustrated but fans start to rally up. McIntyre rises, Orton brings McIntyre up by his beard, but McIntyre throws haymakers! Orton European Uppercuts, McIntyre throws more haymakers! McIntyre has Orton in a corner but Orton kicks low then whips corner to corner. McIntyre comes back with a clothesline!
McIntyre rallies, whips and OVERHEAD SUPLEXES! Orton gets to ropes, McIntyre runs at him again, and gets ANOTHER OVERHEAD SUPLEX! McIntyre is glaring at Orton and demands he stand. Orton slowly rises, McIntyre kicks and underhooks, but no Future Shock! Orton swings, but into a neckbreaker! McIntyre kips up! McIntyre is fire dup and fans are excited, too! Orton stirs, McIntyre watches him rise, fireman’s carry! Orton fights out of that, bails out of the ring, but McIntyre pursues! Orton kicks low, bumps McIntyre off apron and steel wall. Orton runs at McIntyre, but into another OVERHEAD SUPLEX, and through the table!! Both men are down, fans rally up and some agree, “This is Awesome!”
McIntyre gets Orton up, telling him he’s going to keep his promise of hurting him! McIntyre puts Orton in but Orton kicks the ropes! And again! Orton hits McIntyre in his claymore, then hits the DRAPING DDT! Cover, ONE?!? McIntyre shocks Orton again! Orton goes out and brings out bolt cutters! McIntyre used the cutters to get inside on Raw, but Orton is going to use them to get out tonight! Orton breaks the chain, opens the door, and walks outside. But there’s no count outs, and McIntyre pursues! McIntyre CLOBBERS Orton at the ramp, brings him back and bumps him off barriers! And more barriers! Orton flounders away but McIntyre pursues again! McIntyre brings Orton back, Orton turns things around and McIntyre is sent into the door!
McIntyre falls, Orton snarls, and then Orton gets an idea. We’ve seen superstars do this in the past, and Orton is doing it now! Orton is climbing the cell! And all the way up! McIntyre is surprised Orton is literally wanting to take this to a new level, but he accepts the challenge! McIntyre begins the climb! They’re 20 feet up, right in the heart of the ThunderDome! But Orton had something planned! There’s a big red pipe Orton has in his hand! McIntyre is wary as he approaches, ducks the pipe and trips Orton up to rain down fists! McIntyre stands up, roars, but Orton hits McIntyre in the leg with the pipe! Orton crawls back to the edge, tries to figure out how to climb down and begins the descent. But McIntyre won’t let him get away! McIntyre manages to climb down, but Orton hits McIntyre as he can.
They both make it halfway down and McIntyre hits back! Orton bumps McIntyre off the frame! And again! McIntyre wobbles but he clubs back! Orton CLUBS McIntyre’s hand off the cell, McIntyre falls THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE DESK!! Orton takes his time climbing back down while McIntyre stirs in the wreckage. McIntyre spits up some blood! But he’s still moving, so Orton slithers over. Orton stands over McIntyre, drags him around, and McIntyre sputters and gasps as he tries to get to his feet. McIntyre crawls, Orton stalks him, a little confused as to how and why McIntyre is still going. They somehow make it back to the cell door, and Orton hauls McIntyre up. McIntyre scrambles around the way but Orton puts him in the ring.
Orton takes his time following and revels in McIntyre writhing and shuddering. Orton hears the voices in his head, and they all want McIntyre to get back up. McIntyre somehow rises, Orton leaps, but into a backslide!! TWO!! McIntyre manages to run to CLAYMORE!?! But Orton gets sent out of the ring! McIntyre goes out, despite the pain in his ribs, to fetch Orton. McIntyre drags Orton up, despite Orton being dead weight. McIntyre gets Orton inside, hobbles to a corner, and still wants Orton to stand! Anger overtakes the pain in McIntyre’s body, and Orton rises, to drop under the Claymore! RKO!!! Cover, ORTON WINS!!
Winner: Randy Orton, by pinfall (NEW WWE World Champion)
For the FOURTEENTH TIME, Orton has the title of titles! McIntyre tried, but not even he could withstand everything he went through at Orton’s hands. Orton grins as he walks away with the belt. McIntyre gets up, but a little too late. Will McIntyre ever get back to that title? Will McIntyre ever get that title back?
Wow, that was a wild HIAC! We got a few surprises, and some were good but some were not so good. Well firstly, there were somethings not quite PPV quality. Hardy VS Elias was fine and all but it ended with a disqualification very quickly, so obviously this is going to be continuing. I figured this feud is far from over, but they could’ve done a much better job setting it up. And the same goes for the Hurt Business VS Retribution representative match. Obviously with the Hurt Business given the option, they were going to choose Shane “Slapjack” Thorne, considerably the smallest and doofiest member.
But if Ali and the others were going to be ready to pounce, they probably should’ve just done it without worrying about the title match. At the same time, WWE continues to write Ali and Retribution like weaklings. How are they supposed to be a threat if it isn’t equal between them and Hurt Business? And if Ali is WWE’s hacker, why didn’t he hack to use the cell? I would’ve loved something like that to really sell us on Survivor Series giving us an old school, story-based 4v4. But oh well, this is still Vince’s show. The 24/7 Championship match in the kickoff was alright. Truth winning with a mix of Cena’s moves and his was alright, but I feel like they could’ve done something having Truth lose and then have to find Gulak before the others do. Maybe Truth holds onto the belt long enough so that Survivor Series gets superstars from all three brands in on the chase.
Then, the main show OPENING with the I Quit match was incredible! I honestly feel like that could’ve gone on at the end and HIAC would’ve had an amazing close. I felt Jimmy being used against Jey like that was going to happen, but not with the set-up of evil actor Roman suckering them both in. Everyone has to admit that Roman is doing the best work he’s ever done, and probably the best character work anyone’s doing in WWE right now. We could even argue on the merits of Roman doing the best character work in American wrestling today, and that’d mean comparing Tribal Chief Roman to anything in AEW, Impact, ROH and anything else you can name.
I’m not sure who to feel worse for: Otis in kayfabe or Otis IRL. Otis was red hot just a few months ago, which is why he was made Mr. MITB. But then things stalled out, should’ve been a bit more obvious to WWE but because it’s Vince, pff so much for that. But with Roman as Universal Champion, and then the world title still in question, it didn’t look like it was Otis’ time anymore. I can understand WWE changing their mind now, but it still doesn’t look or feel that great.
Tucky turning on Otis one way or another is par for the course with WWE changing the tag divisions across both Raw and SmackDown, men’s and women’s. But Otis having nothing, is he going to demand a trade to Raw? It’d make sense, but it also seems like they could’ve just let Otis retain the briefcase and then Tucky betrays Otis by making him think he even has a chance cashing in on Orton or McIntyre. That way Tucker gets back at EVERYONE, both Miz and Otis.
The SmackDown Women’s Championship match was incredible! Great innovation, the animosity helped bring back all the story, but it’s great for Sasha to win. Bayley already passed the 365+ mark, she has her WWE Chronicle special now, and because surely, they’re still friends IRL, Bayley wanted Sasha to finally have the Grand Slam, too. Plus, literally on Friday, 10/30/20, The Mandalorian’s second season drops on Disney+ and Sasha is in that, so it’s a way to advertise and hype that up with a star of the show being a champion. Plus, Sasha being champion freshens up the division, so matches of Sasha VS Bianca, Sasha VS Natalya, Sasha VS Carmella would all be great to have.
And the world title HIAC match was itself a great closer. Orton’s sneak attack and McIntyre brawling with him before the bell were great, everything in the match was great, but they sure didn’t spend as much time up top as I would’ve thought. It seemed really just to set up McIntyre taking that fall off the side, a slight offshoot of the time Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose/Jon Moxley did it. But it was also a great way to plausibly get through the incredible toughness McIntyre has shown since WrestleMania. Orton wins because of it, but also because of that admittedly creative dodge of the Claymore. With Miz “putting the champions on notice,” I was hoping he and Morrison would jump Orton and cash in, but guess not. Now we have Heels as the top two champions and Mr. MITB, who would in reality be the one to cash in on them. But those complications are for later. Tonight was one hell of a PPV.
My Score: 9/10
Mitchell’s NJPW Castle Attack Results & Report! (2/27/21)
Let the Castle Attack BEGIN!
NJPW’s huge Osaka weekend event begins!
NJPW returns to Osaka for a Castle Attack! Will the Rainmaker still be atop the mountain? Or will Darkness Fall when Everything is Evil?
- Six Man Tag: Satoshi Kojima, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Hiroshi Tanahashi VS The United Empire; The United Empire wins.
- YOSHI-HASHI VS Tonga Loa w/ Jado; Loa wins.
- Hirooki Goto VS Tama Tonga w/ Jado; Goto wins.
- KOPW 2021 YTR Style Texas Strap Match: Toru Yano VS Chase Owens; Yano wins and retains the KOPW 2021 trophy.
- Tomohiro Ishii VS Jay White w/ Gedo; White wins.
- Kazuchika Okada VS EVIL w/ Dick Togo; Okada wins.
PLAY BY PLAY
Six Man Tag: Satoshi Kojima, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Hiroshi Tanahashi VS The United Empire!
The King of Cozy Style, Ikari no Mogyuu, and the Ace are all targets of Will Ospreay, Jeff Cobb & Great-O-Khan, and the Dominator is going after Tanahashi’s NEVER Openweight Championship on day two! But will the Once in a Century Talent and his iconic compatriots be able to stand up against the United Empire in this opening round?
As usual, the United Empire stands firm, even as their opponents make their entrance. Tanahashi shoves off the muscles and fans cheer. Tanahashi and Khan dare each other to step up, and so that’s who starts! Fans cheer and the bell rings, and fans rally up already as Khan and Tanahashi circle. Ospreay sneaks in with Cobb, but Kojima and Tenzan are ready to counter! The ref tells them all to back off, and Khan has the Empire stand down. But that’s a fake out! They attack Tanahashi’s team, and throw Tenzan and Kojima out! The Empire mugs Tanahashi, double whips him corner to corner, then send Ospreay in, only for Tanahashi to toss Ospreay out!
Cobb and Khan mug Tanahashi, whip him to ropes, but Tanahashi ducks the double clothesline to send Khan into Cobb! Tanahashi kicks Khan low then whips him to a corner, but Khan reverses. Khan runs in but into an elbow! Tanahashi hops up to crossbody! Fans fire up and Tanahashi air guitars before he tags in Kojima. Kojima DECKS Ospreay, and fires off the machine gun CHOPS on Khan! The ref is busy keeping Ospreay out so Kojima gets plenty of extra CHOPS in! Kojima whips Khan corner to corner, hits a forearm smash, and then throws Khan down. Kojima climbs, Cobb intercepts with forearms! Ospreay hits Tenzan and Tanahashi while Cobb TOSSES Kojima down!
Khan clamps on with the head-arm triangle! Cobb and Ospreay throw Tenzan and Tanahashi around ringside but Kojima gets a ropebreak! Khan lets go, drags Kojima over, tags in Ospreay, and the Empire mugs Kojima. Ospreay CHOPS Kojima then BOOTS him! Ospreay scoops and slams Kojima to then run and drop a leaping knee! Cover, TWO! Ospreay bumps Kojima off buckles, tags in Cobb, and Cobb headbutts Kojima in the back. Cobb CLUBS Kojima, stays between him and his team, and then scoops Kojima. Ospreay talks trash while Cobb taunts Kojima’s team. Cobb throws knees into Kojima, then RAMS Kojima into the Emipre’s corner.
Khan tags in, stomps Kojima, but Kojima hits back! Khan ROCKS Kojima, and hits the Mongolian Chop! Khan taunts Tenzan with how Tenzan can’t use this move anymore, and then Mongolian Chops again! Kojimma stands up and he ROCKS Khan with forearms! And a ROLLING ELBOW! COZY CUTTER! Both men are down but fans fire up! Hot tag to Tanahashi! Tanahashi runs to rally on Khan, then he hits Cobb an Ospreay for good measure! Tanahashi blocks Khan’s boot to bring him out for a DRAGON SCREW! Ospreay runs in, but he gets a DRAGON SCREW! Tanahashi catches Cobb in the ropes, DRAPING DRAGON SCREW!
Fans fire up with Tanahashi and he goes after Khan’s legs. Tanahashi ties the legs up but Khan clamps his claw onto Tanahashi’s face! Khan gets up, Tanahashi breaks free, but Khan ROCKS Tanahashi with a forearm! Tanahashi gives the forearm back and now it’s a brawl of forearms back and forth! Fans rally up as they pick up speed, Tanahashi fires off a strike fest but Khan Mongolian Chops! Tanahashi ROCKS Khan with a palm strike, then runs, but into Khan’s sleeper hold! Khan uses the claw, then shifts to INVERTED EXPLODER! Both men are down and fans rally up again. Khan tags in Cobb and Cobb drags Tanahashi up.
Cobb fires off forearms and headbutts, then whips Tanahashi to a corner. Cobb runs in but Tanahashi dodges! Tanahashi waistlocks, Cobb resists the lift, and pries free! But Tanahashi half nelson spins Cobb to TWIST ‘N’ SHOUT! Hot tag to Tenzan! Tenzan rallies on Cobb, DECKS Ospreay, and fans fire up. Tenzan wants to Mongolian Chop but he remembers he can’t! So he kicks Cobb low and gives him a headbutt! Tenzan has Cobb in the corner, and throws more kicks and haymakers. Tenzan whips corner to corner then runs in to clothesline Cobb! Fans fire up as Tenzan calls his shot, and he hits the suplex! Cover, TWO!
Tenzan calls in Kojima and Tanahashi, and the three go after Cobb together. They double whip Cobb corner to corner, then Kojima runs in to back elbow! Tanahashi hits a splash! They double whip into Tenzan’s windmill kick! Cover, TWO! Tenzan keeps on Cobb and gets the ANACONDA VICE! Tanahashi and Kojima go after the rest of the Empire but Ospreay BOOTS Kojima and CLUBS Tanahashi! Cobb powers up but Tenzan holds tight. Cobb elbows free but Tenzan headbutts! Cobb ROCKS Tenzan with an uppercut, then tags in Ospreay! Ospreay slingshots in for a ROLLING ELBOW! Cover, TWO! Ospreay drags Tenzan up, reels him in, and underhooks, but Tenzan resists!
Ospreay gives Kowata kicks and a SUPERKICK! Ospreay runs but into a back drop! Fans fire up with Tenzan and Tenzan dares Ospreay to stand. Tenzan remembers again he can’t Mongolian Chop, but Ospreay dares him to! Ospreay SLAPS Tenzan, and then Khan CLOBBERS Tenzan! Khan and Ospreay SUPERKICK BOOT COMBO! Cover, but Tanahashi breaks it! Khan BOOTS Tanahashi, clamps on the claw, and hits the ELIMINATOR SLAM! Kojima fires off on Khan and runs, but into a TOUR OF THE ISLANDS! The United Empire feed Tenzan to the OSCUTTER! Cover, the Empire wins!
Winners: The United Empire, by pinfall
United they stand victorious! Khan gets a mic and he wants everyone in Osaka to understand! They are THE United Empire!! Will this momentum bode well for Khan coming for the NEVER Openweight Championship? Or will the Ace be able to trump the Dominator’s iron hand?
YOSHI-HASHI VS Tonga Loa w/ Jado!
Before going 2v2 with the Guerrillas of Destiny for the IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championships, the Head Hunter will take on the Silverback alone! Will Loa make sure Hashi can’t #GetBackUp for tomorrow’s tag title match?
The bell rings and Hashi circles with Loa. Fans rally up and they tie up. Hashi manages to push Loa back a bit, but Loa pushes Hashi to the ropes. The ref calls for a break, Hashi turns things around, and Hashi drags Loa down to an ARMBAR! Loa holds off the extension, moves around, but Hashi stays clamped on. Hashi clubs at the clasped hands but Loa holds tight. Loa pries at Hashi’s own grip, but Hashi adjusts to get the other hand isolated! Loa gets the ropebreak with a leg and Jado protests, so Hashi lets go fast. Hashi clubs Loa’s arm but Loa shoves him away. Hashi comes back with a kick, Loa throws body shots but Hashi clubs and stomps him.
Hashi wrenches Loa to a wristlock, but Loa throws a forearm, only for Hashi to make it a takedown! Hashi wants the double wristlock but Loa moves around. Hashi has a short arm scissor instead! Loa endures, moves around, but Hashi stomps the arm! Hashi stomps Loa more, Loa throws body shots but Hashi clubs him. Hashi wrenches the arm, clubs it, then wrenches again to club it again. Loa pulls Hashi’s hair but Hashi elbows Loa’s elbow. Hashi wrenches again but Loa LARIATS him down! Fans cheer the exchange but then Loa stomps Hashi over and over! Loa drags Hashi up, whips him to a corner then runs in to clothesline!
Loa whips Hashi out then back in to clothesline again! Jado cheers while Hashi falls to his knees. Loa gets the bad arm moving, drags Hashi back up, and fans rally. Hashi throws body shots, wrenches, but Loa throws a haymaker and back hand! Hashi clubs the arm, Loa throws a forearm, but Hashi wrenches to an elbow breaker! Hashi runs, but the ref is busy checking on Loa and Jado trips Hashi! Loa hurries to get Hashi up for a suplex! Uno amigo, and then a wrench to a back suplex! Cover, TWO! Fans cheer but Loa grows annoyed. Loa drags Hashi up as fans rally again. Loa throws a forearm but Hashi gives it back. Loa headbutts Hashi and Hashi is down in the corner!
Loa stomps away on Hashi, but the ref reprimands. Loa lets off, Jado taunts Hashi, and Loa whips Hashi corner to corner. Loa runs in but into a dropkick to the legs! Fans cheer as Hashi evens things back up! Hashi and Loa slowly rise, Hashi throws forearms, body shots and a CHOP! Hashi whips, Loa reverses but Hashi dodges to hit the HEADHUNTER! Hashi fires up and fans rally for him. Hashi runs corner to corner, to CHOP Loa! Hashi whips, CHOPS, but Loa just grins! Loa wags his finger at Hashi, then throws a forearm! Hashi stays up and he forearms back! Loa doesn’t budge, and he ROCKS Hashi!
Hashi stays on his feet and Loa dares him to “give me your best shot! Don’t do this to me! You came to fight me, so fight me!” Loa wants Hashi to #GetBackUp and show him what he’s got! Hashi gets up and throws forearms and CHOPS! Mule kick, and a neckbreaker! Fans fire up with Hashi and he hurries to a corner! Hashi climbs up and fans rally harder now! Loa stands and hits Hashi with a forearm first! Loa climbs up, clubs away on Hashi’s back, but Hashi resists the superplex. Hashi throws bodys shots, clubs Loa, and sunset flips, to get the RUNNING POWERBOMB!! Cover, TWO! Hashi has the BUTTERFLY LOCK! Loa powers up but Hashi throws knees into him!
Hashi grinds Loa down but Loa powers up again! Loa fireman’s carries Hashi, but Hashi slips off to CHOP! Loa laughs, kicks, knees and ENZIGURIS! Hashi falls over but Loa tells him, “I’m gonna kill you! Don’t you die on me yet!” Hashi gets up, Loa runs, but into an elbow! Hashi runs, but into a SPINEBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Hashi still lives and fans fire up again! Loa likes this! “There’s that fighting spirit! I love it!” Loa drags Hashi up and vows it’s over now. Loa scoops but Hashi slips out to waistlock. Loa rams Hashi into a corner and fires off elbows! Loa runs in but Hashi dodges! SUPERKICK, but Loa just wants more! SUPERKICK, SUPERKICK and SUPERKICK!
Loa shoves Hashi and Hashi fires off another SUPERKICK! Loa still isn’t done, he wants more!! Hashi SUPERKICKS, and Loa finally wobbles! BACKSTABBER! Hashi drags Loa to a drop zone and goes up top! Fans fire up, Hashi SWANTON BOMBS! Cover, TWO!?! Loa still lives but Hashi keeps on him! Hashi gator rolls Loa into the BUTTERFLY LOCK! Loa grits his teeth and powers up again! Hashi slips an arm around to get the double wristlock! KIMURA-FLY! Loa still endures, slips his head under, but Jado gets in! Hashi is ready, and he kicks then mule kicks Jado first! Hashi sends Loa into Jado! Roll up, TWO!!
Loa swings but into a full nelson, DRAGON SUPLEX! Hashi fires up and the fans are with him, for the BASEMENT METEORA! Hashi isn’t done there, he drags Loa back up! Hashi gets Loa up, full nelsons again, but then shifts to a pump handle! Wait, Tama Tonga shows up! The distraction saves Loa, and he scoops Hashi for APE SHIT!! Cover, Loa wins!!
Winner: Tonga Loa, by pinfall
Well it was strange that Tama wasn’t here to start, and now we see he was an ace in the hole! And now they’re all beating Hashi up, 3v1! The ref reprimands but they’re not stopping! GoD drags Hashi up, but here comes Goto! Goto CLOBBERS Loa then fires off on Tama! After all, their match was up next, anyway! Tama whips Goto away but Goto comes back to block the hip toss and hit a hip toss! Fans cheer as Goto lariats Loa out of the ring, and the ref rings the bell on the next match!
Hirooki Goto VS Tama Tonga w/ Jado!
The Good Bad Guy rolls the Fierce Warrior up right away! With tights! TWO!! Goto swings, Tama gets under and Tama dropkicks Goto out! Tama hurries out after Goto, and he whips Goto into railing! Tama checks on Loa and sees he’s okay. Tama drags Goto back up, POSTS him, then goes in the ring as the ref wants. Goto stirs, the ring count begins, but Tama goes back out. The ref is busy with Tama and Jado SMACKS Goto with the kendo stick! Tama goes out to fetch Goto now, puts him back in, and clamps on with a chinbar. Tama clubs away on Goto’s chest, then paces about. Goto sits up, Tama drags him back up and snap suplexes! Cover, ONE!! Tama is annoyed but fans rally up.
Tama sits Goto up to claw his face! The ref reprimands, Tama stops, and fans rally up for Goto. Tama paces as Goto eggs him on. Tama CLUBS Goto, and Goto eggs him on more! Tama throws haymakers, but Goto gets power from it! Goto eggs Tama on, Tama headbutts, but that does more damage to Tama! Tama whips Goto, runs in but the splash misses! Goto hits a BIG suplex! Goto fires off on Tama in the corner, whips him corner to corner, and runs in to MURAMASA! Then, BULLDOG! Cover, TWO! Goto drags Tama up, fireman’s carries, but Tama fights free. Tama swings but into a hook! Tama fights free of that, gets Goto in a dragon sleeper, but Goto turns that around!
Tama slips through to suplex, but Goto resists! Goto suplexes, but Tama slips into the dragon sleeper, TONGAN TWIST! Cover, TWO! Tama is furious but fans rally up! Tama watches Goto, hears the voices in his head like he’s The Viper, and Goto rises. Goto turns around, but he denies the Gun Stun! Goto swings, but into Tama’s spin and leap, SATELLITE DDT! Both men are down but Tama is growling. Tama gets up, goes to a corner and climbs up. FROG SPLASH FLOPS as Goto moves! BLINDSIDE SLIDING LARIAT! Both men are down again and fans rally up. Goto crawls to ropes while Tama sits up. Goto staggers over and powers up!
But Loa returns to scoop Goto! Jado is distracting the ref! Goto slips out of the scoop, and HEADBUTTS Loa down! Goto DECKS Jado but turns around into GUN- NO! Goto blocks again, shoves Tama and follows. Tama stops to swing on Goto but Goto dodges, and comes back to swing. Tama ducks, redirects, dodges, hurdles, but Goto dodges the boot to swing! Tama ducks to GUN- NO!! Goto drags Tama back up, fireman’s carry, dragon sleeper, toss out, G T R!! Cover, GOTO WINS!!
Winner: Hirooki Goto, by pinfall
What a wild exchange to end this one! But now, Chaos is even with the Guerrillas, and the tiebreaker will be THE IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championship match! Will Goto and Hashi end GoD’s reign and be double champions? Or will it be Tama & Loa who #TurnItAllAround?
KOPW 2021 YTR Style Texas Strap Match: Toru Yano VS Chase Owens!
Mr. KOPW 2020 now defends his provisional 2021 KOPW trophy, and is going to put his twist on the Crown Jewel’s stipulation choice! But will that be enough for Yano to continue on through the year? Or will Bullet Club manage to add another accolade to the treasury?
The introductions are made, and Yano’s seems to get even longer with the more he does and has… But after all that, and some disinfectant spray, the trophy is to be presented, which comes as a surprise to Yano. The trophy is set aside, the strap is brought in, and Yano waits outside while Chase is strapped in first. Perhaps Yano doesn’t trust Chase. The strap is also taped down so there is no removal of it during the match. Chase tosses Yano the other end, and Yano is hesitant to strap in. Yano takes the cuff, puts it on, and the ref tapes it on. Then Chase tries to reel Yano in! Yano knew this would happen! The bell rings, and it’s a tug-o-war!
Yano gets enough slack that he can LASH Chase! And again! And again! Chase bails out but Yano reels him in! Chase tries to get away with what slack there is but Yano keeps reeling him in! Chase wants a time-out? And a handshake? Yano kicks him and SMACKS him instead! And another SMACK! Another SMACK! Yano uses the strap to choke Chase! That’s legal in a strap match but Chase grabs at ropes. Yano kicks Chase, whips him, but Chase grabs ropes to get out again! Yano decides to undo a buckle pad! Now we have a bare corner! Chase resists being reeled in, and he goes to undo a buckle pad!
Yano won’t let him, and Yano chases Chase around! Chase uses that to get the strap going through the corner, and he YANKS Yano into the post! Chase takes a moment to catch his breath before he stomps Yano. Chase goes into the ring to undo the corner trap, and he uses the slack to SMACK Yano now! And SMACKS him again! And again! Chase drags Yano up, puts him in, and stomps him down. Chase sits Yano up, rips Yano’s shirt off, and now has bare skin to go after! SMACK! There’s instantly a red mark on Yano’s back! Chase drops fists, chokes Yano with the strap, then lets off to go to a corner. Chase again copies Yano and undoes this buckle pad! The neutral corners are bare!
Chase tosses the buckle pad at Yano and Yano catches it. Chase dares Yano to use the pad, so Yano swings! Chase dodges and dropkicks Yano into the bare buckles! Chase stomps Yano at the ropes, throws the buckle pad down on him, then digs his foot into Yano’s face while mocking the YTR thumbs. Chase drags Yano up to throw him out, then he follows. Chase drags Yano up and whips him, but Yano reverses to send Chase into barriers! Yano gets something from under the ring! It’s extra tape! Chase CLUBS Yano first, then slips through the railing? He wants to reel Yano into the railing, but Yano resists! So Chase lets go and Yano falls over!
Chase is free to drag Yano up and YANK him into the railing! And then again! Yano falls back down, Chase slips back through and he gets Yano’s spare tape! Chase tapes Yano’s hand into a fist so he can’t open it! Then Chase drags Owens up and puts him in the ring. Chase stomps Owens, and gets the other hand! Chase tapes that one up, too! Yano can’t open either of his hands! Yano tries to resist but Chase claws Yano’s face. Chase finishes his handiwork, and gets some slack on the strap to again SMACK Yano on the back! Chase plays around as he stomps and kicks Yano down, then he mocks the Yano shrug! But Yano uses his fists to trip Chase! Yano still catapults Chase into bare buckles!
Yano runs as far as the strap allows, comes back, but Chase dodges! Yano gets bare buckles again! Fans fire up, and Chase undoes the blue corner buckle pad! That’s three, will Chase go for the fourth? Chase drags Yano up to reel him in for a haymaker! And then again! And again! Chase throws up the Two Sweets, but Yano slips under and uses the strap to flip Chase! Chase gets up to throw a strike fest, then he runs, but into an atomic drop! Yano dodges Chase’s swing, shoves him at the ref, and then LOW BLOWS! Chase couldn’t stop that with wrist tape! And Yano figures what the hell? Untile the last pad! But wait, the tape on his hands makes that tricky.
Yano tears at the tape and frees his fingers! Fans fire up as Yano goes for the last corner, but Chase reels him in! HAMMERLOCK LARIAT! Chase hits the Jewel Heist but he can’t cover from being too tired! Fans fire up, Chase gets up and says BANG, and he drags Yano back up. Chase reels Yano in, Yano shoves him away! So Chase goes out and uses the strap to reel Yano into the bare buckles! Chase drags Yano all the way out now, and whips him into the railing! Chase pulls up padding from the floor ringside!! He wants bare linoleum to come into play now! BANG, and the package, but Yano fights that off to back drop Chase onto the floor!
Yano is mad now, and he gets into the ring! The strap keeps Yano from the final corner pad, but fans rally up! Owens holds railing, Yano goes back out, but Chase gets the ring bell! Chase CLOBBERS Yano with the bell, then he gets in, and HE wants the final corner! But Yano’s dead weight is keeping him from getting close! Chase thought he had a fool proof plan but seems not. Chase goes back out to fetch Yano, and wraps the strap around Chase’s head. Chase drags Yano up and in, then drags him. Yano holds Chase back, reels him in, and Chase is annoyed. JEWEL TRIGGER!
Fans rally for Yano but Chase gets the buckle pad! Yano tries to pull Chase away but Chase’s one hand undoes all but one strap! Chase runs at Yano, but into a pop-up POWERBOMB! And YANO unties the buckle pad!! YANO WINS!!
Winner: Toru Yano (retains the KOPW 2021 trophy)
And that’s how you win YTR style! Will Yano continue to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat like this? Or will someone eventually beat Yano at his own games?
Tomohiro Ishii VS Jay White w/ Gedo!
The other third of the NEVER Openweight Six Man Tag Champions is in action as he looks to settle things with the Switchblade! But will the Stone Pitbull be made to look like a little puppy tonight?
White insists the ref be more concerned about Ishii than him in the check. White throws off the jacket, flexes for the fans, and then has Gedo get in so they can Low Sweet. But Ishii grows impatient and he rushes over! White and Gedo bail out, “cool off,” and White mocks the clapping before giving the Low Sweet. White returns to the ring, bails right bck out, and asks about the bell. White gets in, the bell rings, and then White bails out again. White has a laugh as he goes in and out and in again, only to slide right back out. The ref reprimands, White dares Ishii to go after him, and Ishii goes! White gets far away from Ishii, goes back in the ring but Ishii is ready to follow.
White goes out, Ishii follows again. Gedo creeps up on Ishii, and White attacks! White stomps Ishii, drags him up for knees, then whips. Ishii swings, White dodges and doges and knees low. White whips, Ishii reverses but White bails out! White has a laugh, but Ishii rushes after him again! White gets in, and pretends he pulled a muscle so that Gedo can rake Ishii’s eyes! Gedo RAMS Ishii into railing then gets away before the ref notices. Ishii gets in the ring but White stomps him at the ropes. White stomps Ishii around, drags him up and throws him back out. White goes out but Ishii gets back in and runs, to run White over! Ishii pursues White on the outside, drags him up and whips him into railing!
Gedo protests but Ishii drags White up by his hair. White pushes Ishii but Ishii whips White back into railing! Fans cheer but the ref says to get this in the ring. Ishii glares at Gedo as he creeps over, and Gedo backs off. White goes to the ramp and Ishii wants to chase him down but the ref tells him to stay by the ring. The ref checks on White and tells him to get back to the ring, but White stays where he is on the ramp. Ishii argues with the ref, but he goes back into the ring. White dares Ishii to fight him on the outside but Ishii dares White to get back in. White goes in, Ishii kicks and clubs him! Ishii ROCKS White with a forearm, stomps him down, and then drags him up at the ropes.
White holds the ropes, the ref calls for the break, but White fireman’s carries and HOTSHOTS Ishii to the apron! Gedo cheers while Ishii flops to the floor. White drags Ishii back up to SNAKE EYES him off the railing! The ref checks Ishii and White mockingly asks if Ishii is okay. The ref tells White to stay back, White goes into the ring, and fans rally up for Ishii. White goes back out to drag Ishii up and RAM him into the apron! And RAM him into railing! And RAM him back into the apron! And then back into the railing! Those ribs take serious damage as Ishii goes down in a heap! Gedo mockingly asks what’s wrong, and White drags Ishii up.
White says they have to get into the ring, so he’s putting Ishii in the ring. White asks if Ishii is done, but Ishii refuses to quit! The fans rally so White stomps Ishii over and over! White digs his fingers into Ishii’s face then stomps him again! White stomps Ishii in the ribs and Ishii goes to the ropes. White pushes Ishii around and then gets him into a corner. White RAMS into the bad ribs, the ref wants White to back off but White RAMS Ishii one more time. Gedo cheers but he’s the only one as White puts Ishii in a rear bearhug. Ishii endures the squeeze, so White JAMS a knee into Ishii’s back. White goes back to the rear bearhug, mockingly asking if Ishii has a hard time breathing.
White is squeezing tighter and Ishii shouts in pain! Ishii endures, reaches, and gets the ropebreak! Fans cheer the toughness but White stomps Ishii at the ropes! The ref checks on Ishii again but White drags Ishii back up. White whips Ishii hard into a corner and Gedo wants the ref to call this. White whips, Ishii reverses, and then Ishii runs in but White dodges! Ishii crashes into buckles, and White fireman’s carries him up! Ishii slips off, but White elbows Ishii away, only to run into a POWERSLAM! Both men are down and fans fire up! Ishii growls as he gets up and he stalks White to a corner.
Fans rally as Ishii CHOPS White, and CHOPS again! And CHOPS, and then hooks White’s arms in the ropes so he can CHOP again! White falls over and Ishii hammers away! The ref reprimands, Ishii backs him down with a glare! Ishii comes back but White RAMS a shoulder into the ribs! White goes to suplex but it’s Ishii who brings White up and over! Ishii sits up, fans rally, and Ishii looms over White. Ishii brings White up but White fights off the back suplex. White swings but Ishii spins him around. White switches, Ishii wrenches, but White avoids the back suplex to turn Ishii. Ishii fights out of the neckbreaker but White kicks low to DDT!
Both men are down again and Ishii gets to the corner. White runs in to uppercut Ishii, and fireman’s carry, for a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Cover, TWO! Ishii survives and White grows annoyed but fans fire up! White drags Ishii back up, reels him in, but Ishii fights the urenage off and they end up in a corner. White knees Ishii, CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS, but Ishii eggs him on. White CHOPS Ishii again, then puts some stank on the next CHOP! Ishii just turns things around to CHOP White high! The ref reprimands but Ishii shoves him away! Ishii CHOPS White high again! Ishii drags White up, CHOPS high and hard again and again!
The ref comes back, Ishii shoves him, and CHOPS White more! The ref finally gets Ishii to stop those near throat chops, and Ishii drags White up to whip him corner to corner. Ishii runs in to corner clothesline, then whips corner to corner. White reverses, Ishii bounces off buckles, but runs into the COMPLETE SHOT! White drags Ishii up into a DEAD LIFT GERMAN! Gedo is fired up and fans rally up as both men are down. Gedo calls for the Kiwi, and White drags Ishii back up. White reels Ishii in, fisherman hooks but Ishii fights the lift! Ishii rams White into a corner, but White CORNER HALF HATCHES Ishii! Ishii clutches those bad ribs as he flops out of the ring!
The ref checks on Ishii but Ishii refuses to quit. White goes out to fetch Ishii, and he drags Ishii up to RAILING HALF HATCH!! White leaves Ishii for dead as Ishii writhes. Fans rally up but a ring count begins. The count is already 6 of 20 before Ishii sits up. Ishii still hasn’t gotten up and we’re past 10 of 20! It’s 15, Ishii finally starts going towards the ring, and he’s in at 18! White drags Ishii up and is pissed, but he hits BLADEBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Ishii survives and Gedo is furious! White drags Ishii around, reels him in, but Ishii fights the urenage. White knees low but Ishii gets around to headbutt! Ishii runs, but into a BIG urenage!
White drags Ishii up, fisherman and KIWI KRUSHER! Cover, TWO!? Ishii survives and fans fire up! White asks Gedo for ideas, then drags Ishii around. White gets the sleeper hold but Ishii hooks the leg to block the suplex. Ishii throws elbows but White KNEES him low and hard! White drags Ishii back to center, has an arm and a leg, and stomps away on the ribs! Gedo wants the ref to stop this for Ishii, but Ishii doesn’t want this to end like that! White stands Ishii up and keylocks an arm so he can JAM Ishii in the ribs! White puts Ishii in a corner for more hard body shots! Gedo cheers but the ref reprimands. Ishii dares White to bring it, and White throws forearms!
Ishii tanks them because his head is still hard as stone! White throws more forearms but Ishii leans into them! Ishii backs White down like this, so White KNEES the ribs! Ishii ROCKS White back! Ishii drags White up and Gedo starts getting worried. Ishii puts White up top, Gedo swipes at him but the ref reprimands. White claws Ishii’s eyes! But Ishii RISING HEADBUTTS! White holds on to keep from falling! Ishii climbs up, drags White up, and hits a SUPERPLEX! The ribs make that double-edged, but Ishii hurries to high stack cover, TWO!! White survives but is sputtering. Ishii powers up and takes aim. Gedo gets on the apron, but hops off when Ishii glares at him.
White gets Ishii in the sleeper, but Ishii throws him over! Ishii puts the sleeper on now! White fades already but Gedo gets on the apron! Ishii goes after Gedo, pushing the ref aside! Gedo sucker punches Ishii down! White gets Ishii in the SNAP SLEEPER SUPLEX! Fans rally but White drags Ishii back up! Ishii tries to fight the sleeper hold but he’s fading! White leans on the hold, but Ishii gets a second wind! Ishii reaches for ropes, but White gets a leg for a FISHERMAN BACK SUPLEX! Bridging cover, TWO!! Ishii survives and Gedo is furious again! Fans rally for Ishii as White drags himself over.
White drags Ishii up, reels him in, but Ishii fights free of the suplex! White forearms, throws a strike fest, but Ishii gets around. They both swing and dodge but Ishii POINT-BLANK LARIATS! Both men are down as Ishii clutches his ribs. Ishii fires up to fight through the pain and the fan srally behind him. Ishii runs, but White gets around! Ishii switches and he puts White in a sleeper! Ishii leans on White and now White fades! Ishii spins White but WHITE hits the BRAINBUSTER!! Cover, TWO!?! Ishii survives and White is beside himself! White slashes the throat, drags Ishii up, but no Blade Runner! GERMAN SUPLEX! Ishii and White are down again and both sputter as they sit up.
Gedo rallies for White but Ishii hits his head off the mat to power up! Ishii gets moving, fakes White out, but White still boots Ishii! Ishii ENZIGURIS! Ishii is roaring, Gedo is panicking, and Ishii drags White up to a POWERBOMB!! High stack, TWO?!? White survives but Ishii sits him up. Gedo gets in with the brass knuckles! The ref reprimands, Ishii dares Gedo to use them, but he blocks White’s low blow! Ishii whips White into Gedo then LARIATS White! SLIDING LARIAT!! Cover, TWO?!?! White survives again but Ishii is just firing up more! Ishii drags White up, suplexes him, but White fights that off!
White tries to suplex but Ishii suplexes first. White slips out, dragon sleepre to an inverted suplex and he puts Ishii on his shoulder! White flips Ishii to the blade position but Ishii slipls out! Ishii swings but White turns him around, crosses the arms, but Ishii fights out again, only to run into a SNAP SLEEPER SUPLEX! White hurries to get Ishii up but Ishii POINT-BLANK LARIATS! Ishii suplexes, White fights out but Ishii HEADBUTTS! White still wants a Triple S, but Ishii waistlocks! White switches, Ishii switches, but White blocks and dodges to BLADERUNNER!! Cover, White wins!!
Winner: Jay White, by pinfall
A masterful exchange and it’s the Switchblade that hits the mark! White even needs to check that he won, it was that sudden! He hugs Young Lions in almost mocking celebration! But when the Young Lion pushes him away, he BOOTS them down! But does this victory mean White is done with Ishii and back on his way towards the top?
Kazuchika Okada VS EVIL w/ Dick Togo!
The Rainmaker technically got his singles match with the King of Darkness not too long ago, but it was little more than an excuse to get Okada alone so Bullet Club could beat him up. We’ve seen Bullet Club in action all night, will any of Evil’s allies be able to back him up? Or will Okada prove Everything is NOT Evil?
The bell rings and Okada rushes Evil! Evil dodges, but then Okada dodges to fire off forearms. Evil kicks low, whips Okada to ropes, but Okada reverses and BOOTS Evil down! Evil bails out, fans cheer, and Okada dares Evil to come back. Dick and Evil regroup, Red Shoes keeps Okada back, and Okada waits. Evil slides back in, circles with Okada, and Okada points Dick out to Red Shoes. Dick stays back, Okada and Evil circle, but then Dick swipes at Okada! Evil attacks from behind, whips Okada to ropes, but Okada holds ropes and boots back. Okada scoops and slams Evil, then slingshot sentons!
Fans cheer as Okada takes a moment before he covers. ONE, but Okada drags Evil back up. Okada turns Evil to hit a neckbreaker! Okada drags Evil up and clamps on a chinlock. Evil endures, even as Okada digs his knee in. Evil reaches and gets the ropebreak with a foot! Okada holds until Red Shoes counts 3, and he brings Evil up to elbow him back down. Evil goes to a corner, Okada stomps him down! Dick protests but Okada tells him to shut up. Okada drags Evil up, snapmares him, then runs to basement dropkick! Evil bails out as fans rally up. Dick checks on Evil, Okada goes out and tells Dick to back off. Okada drags Evil up and ROCKS Evil with a forearm!
Okada glares at Dick then chases him off! Dick goes in the ring, Okada follows, Evil CLOBBERS Okada! Evil mockingly applauds and then he scrapes Okada out of the ring. Evil drags Okada up and whips him into railing! Evil scuffs Okada’s face, then drags him up, to RAM into the railing and the timekeeper! Poor Abe-san! Why don’t they ever move him away from ringside? Evil drags out chairs while everyone is busy helping Abe. Evil brings Okada over, CLUBS him down, then gets a chair ready! Evil puts that chair around Okada’s head, and then has the other chair! HOMERUN! Evil goes into the ring and leaves Okada on the floor. Fans rally for “O-KA-DA!” as a ring count begins.
Okada slowly stirs, and finally gets up at 10 of 20. Okada gets in at 13, but Evil is after him. Evil whips Okada into the bare corner! When did Dick take the buckle pad?! Evil drags Okada to a Half Crab! Okada endures as Evil pulls back, using Okada’s own knee pad for leverage. Okada gets the ropebreak, and Evil lets go at 4. Evil paces, drags Okada up, but Okada throws a forearm! Okada throws more forearms, but Evil rakes Okada’s eyes! Evil throws Okada out, and then gets in Red Shoes’ face so Dick can stomp away on Okada! Dick drags Okada up and puts him in for Evil, and Evil covers. Red Shoes knows something fishy is up so he refuses!
Evil is upset with Red Shoes but he drags Okada back up. Evil reels Okada in to snap suplex! Cover, TWO! Another cover, TWO! Another, TWO! Evil is furious with Red Shoes but the count is the count. Evil mocks the fans clapping for “O-KA-DA!” and he drags Okada up. Okada throws a heavy body shot! Okada throws forearms, uppercuts, and then whips. Evil reverses, Okada dodges but Evil kicks him to throw him down! Okada avoids the back senton, and hits a basement EuroUpper! Both men are down, fans rally up, and Okada stands first. Evil follows but Okada rallies with elbows! Okada whips, Evil reverses but Okada elbows him down! Osaka fires up with Okada!
Okada whips Evil corner to corner, runs in and back elbows! Kick and DDT! Cover, TWO! Okada keeps his focus and gets the fans going with clap-clap-clap-stomp. Evil gets up but he fights off the Alabama lift! So Okada RAMS Evil into a corner! Okada puts Evil up top, Evil boots but Okada blocks! Okada clubs the leg then EuroUppers, and he dropkicks Evil off the top! Evil falls to the floor and Dick checks on him. Okada catches his breath in the ring, the ring count starts, and Dick coaches Evil. Okada goes out to fetch Evil, and drags him up. Okada elbows Evil, but then Dick talks trash. Okada chases Dick up the ramp but Evil pursues! Okada kicks and clubs Dick!
Evil runs in but Okada gets him, too! DOUBLE DDT’s to the ramp! Okada and fans rally with clap-clap-clap-stomp! Okada leaves Evil and Dick behind as he goes back down the ramp. But then Okada goes back and figures he should bring Evil back. Okada clubs Evil to make sure he keeps going towards ringside. Okada puts Evil in and fans cheer as he covers, TWO! Evil is still in this but Okada isn’t frustrated. Okada drags Evil up but blocks thje kick! Okada spins, Evil blocks the kick and gives it to Red Shoes so he can mule kick Okada low! Fans rally again, Evil pretends he can’t hear them, and then he runs in to clothesline Okada in the corner! Snap suplex and cover, TWO!
Evil is frustrated again but he gets Okada’s legs! Okada resists as Evil tries to turn him over, and Okada gets the ropebreak! Red Shoes counts, Evil lets go at 4, but Dick is there to get cheap shots in! Dick runs way before Red Shoes sees, and Evil smirks as he scuffs Okada with his boot. Evil talks trash, Okada gets up and fans rally again. Evil slaps Okada around, so Okada gets mad. Okada runs but into a fireman’s carry! Okada fights free, Evil elbows him away and runs, but into a HUGE FLAPJACK! Both men are down again and fans rally up again. Okada stands, Evil goes to a corner, but Okada BOOTS him! Okada Alabama lifts but Evil fights off! Evil pulls hair but Okada ROCKS him!
Okada runs, Evil goes to the corner, but Okada ROCKS him again! Evil reverses the whip, but runs into the Alabama! REVERSE NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Okada goes to a corner, climbs up, but Evil stands, so Okada hits a BIG missile dropkick! Cover, TWO! Okada keeps his cool as he drags Evil back up. Okada gut wrenches but Evil resists. Evil gets the ropes, Red Shoes calls for the break, but Okada clubs Evil first. Okada backs off, runs into the corner, but Evil boots him away! Evil boots Okada again, then dodges. Okada stops from hitting bare buckles, but Evil clotheslines Okada into them! Okada goes down in a heap while Evil smiles. Fans rally up but Evil drags Okada up.
Evil hoists Okada up top, climbs up to join him, and then goes to the very top! Evil drags Okada up, and hits a SUPERPLEX! Evil doesn’t cover, he gets the SHARPSHOOTER! Okada endures as Evil sits back deep! The fans rally, Okada claws for ropes, but Evil adds more torque! Okada refuses to quit and he gets the ropebreak! Red Shoes counts and Evil lets go at 4! Evil catches his breath in a corner while Okada is down. Evil drags Okada back up, reels him into the fireman’s carry, and DARKNESS FALLS! Cover, TWO!! Okada survives and fans fire up! Evil is annoyed again but he vows to end this. Evil slashes the throat, stands Okada up and spins him, but Okada denies Evil.
Okada wants the clip but Evil knees low. Evil whips, Okada reverses and Evil gets bare buckles! MONEY CLIP! Evil endures, claws Okada’s eyes, but Red Shoes reprimands. Evil lets go and then he grabs at Red Shoes! Dick CLUBS Okada with a pipe!! Dick gets in, Red Shoes reprimands, but Evil gets in Red Shoes’ face while Dick fires off haymakers! Dick whips Okada but Okada BOOTS him down! Evil kicks and whips Okada but Okada reverses to dropkick Evil down! Okada gets Evil’s arm for the MONEY CLIP! Evil endures, pries at Okada’s fingers, but Okada leans on the hold. Evil fights up, grabs at Red Shoes, but Red Shoes SWATS Evil’s hand!
Okada gut wrenches Evil to a TOMBSTONE! And back to MONEY CLIP! Evil reaches, turns a bit red, starts to fade but gets a second wind. Evil is up, grabs Red Shoes again, but Okada CLUBS Evil! Okada wrenches the other arm but Evil shoves Okada into Red Shoes! Evil runs but Okada gets around, DISCUS RAINMAKER! Okada shouts to Red Shoes but he’s still down. Okada puts on Money Clip, Dick has the CHOKER!! The Spoiler is trying to spoil this finish! But Okada powers up and RAMS Dick into the bare buckles! Okada is free, and he gut wrenches Dick to hit a TOMBSTONE!! Okada takes the choker now?! To throw it away! That’s our Rainmaker for ya! But Evil LOW BLOWS Okada!!
Evil gets the legs, but Okada LOW BLOWS Evil back!! Turnabout is fair play! Both men are down, as is Red Shoes, and fans rally up! Okada sits up first, and he drags Evil up. Okada gut wrenches again, for a SPINNING TOMBSTONE! Fans fire up with Okada again as he sits Evil up for the MONEY CLIP!! Red Shoes returns, Evil endures, and Okada keeps Evil away from ropes with a back2backbreaker! MONEY CLIP AGAIN! Evil is in the middle of the ring as he starts to fade again! Red Shoes checks on Evil as he’s turning red again! Evil finds a third wind and he reaches, but Okada clamps on tighter! Evil tries one more time and gets a ropebreak!
Okada lets go and both men are down again. Fans rally up for Okada again as he has Evil’s wrist. Okada drags Evil up, and reels him in for a LARIAT! Okada drags Evil up again, but Evil LARIATS! Okada swings but into Evil spins him to a HALF ‘N’ HALF! Both men slowly rise, and Evil runs, to LARIAT Okada inside-out! Cover, TWO!?!? Okada survives and Evil can’t believe it! Fans rally up again but Evil rises first. Evil staggers over, slashes his throat and stands Okada up. Evil spins him but Okada denies the STO again! Evil still tries but Okada spins. Evil avoids the discus, but Okada tries to steal Everything! Evil denies that, and tries to steal the Rainmaker lariat!
Okada denies that but he swings into Evil’s clinch! Okada denies the STO again! Okada gut wrenches Evil, for a SIT-OUT TOMBSTONE!! Okada brings Evil up, ripcords, TRUE RAINMAKER!!! Cover, Okada wins!!
Winner: Kazuchika Okada, by pinfall
The tried and true finisher finishes Evil! This won’t be the end of things, but has Evil learned a little of why Okada is still on a whole different level? After catching his breath, Okada gets the mic. He gets fans to clap-clap-clap, clap-clap-clap, clap-clap clap-clap clap-clap-clap. “OSAKA-JOOOOO~! If I can speak frankly, that felt damn good!” Okada apologizes to the fans for “having to put up with more of Bullet Club’s crap tonight.” But by taking care of business, Okada is sure we’re all satisfied. Okada says there’s something still bothering him, though. “Well, I should just put it out there, huh? It’s about time I get back to that IWGP Heavyweight title!”
Okada knows that as a responsible adult, he should follow proper protocol. So that starts with winning the 2021 New Japan Cup! After doing that, he’ll be back where he belongs. But he’s sure they’re all thinking that the double title thing is getting boring. If Okada were to poll Osaka, they’d say that the one who has to save the titles is him! So he’ll win the NJ Cup, take back the IWGP Heavyweight Championship, and make it rain again! Fans like the sound of that! Okada knows while the fans couldn’t chant and shout, he knows they were giving it their all to support the wrestlers, and thanks them for it! The wrestlers will do their best all over again tomorrow for night two! Until then, good night!
The Rainmaker has made it known where he wants to be, but will that only make the road back that much harder? Will Tetsuya Naito make it a bit easier by taking the IWGP Intercontinental Championship back on night two?
A very good event for NJPW to begin this weekend, but it also felt like a last-minute go-home for tomorrow’s event, as well as the New Japan Cup. The opening Six Man was good, and the United Empire wins so Khan has some momentum, but it was good math that neither he or Tanahashi were involved in the finish. That way, the NEVER Openweight Championship match could go either way. Tanahashi really only just got that belt, though, so I’m leaning towards him retaining. Ospreay & Cobb will still face Kojima & Tenzan, but that will probably go the Empire’s way like tonight did.
In similar fashion, it was good math for Goto-Hashi and GoD to split the difference. I like that Goto didn’t just win, he won in such a sudden turnaround. But with it being 50-50 here, I’m thinking GoD retain the tag titles and we wait to see if another team moves up to challenge them. Yano VS Chase was a good match, a lot of good antics from Yano, but Yano felt like a natural choice to win here. It might be awhile before someone wins and takes the KOPW 2021 trophy, but it definitely has to be in something really ridiculous.
White VS Ishii was a very good match, maybe a little long, but the slug fest nature of it and Ishii enduring bad ribs made it work. As did another fast exchange finish with White going over. White is definitely going into the NJCUP strong. Okada VS Evil was very similar, a long but storied match that turned out very well. As I said before, Okada trying to focus on the Money Clip works as a way of extending his career, but I also like this new element that when things get difficult, he can always bust out the Rainmaker lariat. Okada declares his NJCUP intentions, but that in itself could signal he doesn’t win it all, and puts someone else over. At this point, I feel like Sanada doesn’t even need to declare to be considered a favorite. Sanada’s already had great matches with Okada, Naito and Ibushi, maybe one more time is the charm for him to join the upper tier.
My Score: 9/10
Andrew’s NJPW Castle Attack Results & Match Ratings: 2.27.21
Castle Attack is a two day event, with this first one having top tier talent; but no championship stakes. Does that hurt the show?
Castle Attack is a two day event, with this first one having top tier talent; but no championship stakes. Does that hurt the show?
Kazuchika Okada finally gets his hands on EVIL, Jay White gets his “get right match” against Ishii after the last month of issues, and just generally a lot of feud building. The obvious thread is all of the CHAOS versus Bullet Club going on, but I don’t think any of us are excited for Tanga Loa and YOSHI-HASHI.
We also have The United Empire kicking things off to help give Great O-Khan more momentum going into his match against Hiroshi Tanahashi.
Even if the card seems a little flat, maybe we get surprised?
- The United Empire (Will Ospreay, Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan) vs TenCozy (Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima) & Hiroshi Tanahashi: Ospreay wins via Oscutter @10:22 – * ½
- Tanga Loa w/Jado vs YOSHI-HASHI: Loa wins via Ape Shit @12:58 – (-*)
- Tama Tonga vs Hirooki Goto: Goto wins via GTR @6:39 – ** ¼
- KOPW 2021 Trophy: YTR Strap Match: Toru Yano (c) vs Chase Owens: Yano retains @12:50 – ** ½
- Jay White vs Tomohiro Ishii: White wins via Blade Runner @25:42 – ****
- Kazuchika Okada vs EVIL w/Dick Togo: Okada wins via Rainmaker @28:11 – *** ¼
The United Empire (Will Ospreay, Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan) vs TenCozy (Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima) & Hiroshi Tanahashi
So we saw a lot of dynamics that we’ve grown to expect. Tenzan struggles to not use the Mongolian Chops, O-Khan continues to prove himself a credible enough threat to Tanahashi, but this was a sloppy match. Between an early awkward exchange that made it seem like O-Khan didn’t know how to sell Kojima’s flurry, Ospreay slipped on the rope when he was coming in toward the end; even though he kinda saved it, it was obviously screwed up.
Interactions were clumsy, the match never got exciting and really just did what these kind of matches usually do, but not even as well as most Young Lions.
Tanga Loa w/Jado vs YOSHI-HASHI
Welp, this match was straight garbage. The sad thing about this match was that Loa did a pretty solid job at trying to vocally antagonize HASHI and keep things interesting, but HASHI was in slow motion. HASHI would visibly confirm things too much, his moves were bad, kept trying to rally the crowd but they didn’t respond; so there were a ton of times he waited a beat to see if the crowd would ever come alive, and they never really did.
Tanga Loa was his usual self with better verbal interactions. He kept trying to get HASHI to fight and prove what he had instead of cursing, but HASHI just fell into the waste of space mannerisms he was known for 99% of his career. He should go back to Loose Explosion on his tights, because he is the drizzling shits.
So Tama comes out to distract Hashi allowing for Loa to turn the situation and hit Ape Shit. Bullet Club beatdown ensues, Goto runs out, clears out Loa…and the referee decides to just start the match since Goto and Tama were supposed to wrestle anyway!
Tama Tonga vs Hirooki Goto
A quick start is stifled by the malaise that is known as Castle Attack so far. Tama dumps out Goto, Goto starts reviewing his life choices and why he’s here today, and then spends enough time on the outside to build a bird house before Jado eventually limps over and hits him with a kendo stick shot. Like…why? Goto saw it coming. Stevie Wonder saw it coming. The terrible decisions of YOSHI-HASHI have polluted Goto’s mind as well!
When things get back into the ring, at least Tama and Goto are good wrestlers. Tama hits the Tongan Twist and Veleno, but a missed Stinger Splash and countered Gun Stun gave Goto some space. Tama tried for Gun Stun again, but he got caught, Goto throws him on his shoulders Ushigoroshi style, but drops him into the GTR and lands it! So a surprising GTR gives Goto a victory from the jaws of defeat, and at least the in-ring action was serviceable enough to get the highest rating of the show so far.
I really hope the back half blows my socks off, because this is sad so far.
KOPW 2021 Trophy: YTR Strap Match: Toru Yano (c) vs Chase Owens
Now the gimmick here is instead of touch the 4 corner pads, you have to remove the 4 corner pads. So it seems like the person to remove the last pad, will be the winner.
We get a mostly expected Yano gimmick match. He made small references to his earlier gimmick of being a cheating, violent, always disqualified heel; when he started whipping Chase early and being more aggressive than we usually see. But Chase was clever using the outside to a great advantage. Yano was forced to go after Chase because Chase was going to take the pads off from outside, and then used Yano’s momentum against him by ramming him into posts and barricades.
The last pad was solid comedy where both took turns knocking the other out, too far from the last pad. So we had some goofy “drag the dead body” spots. Chase nearly had things won until Yano came to, pulled him close for Oni Koroshi! Yano makes it to the corner, takes it off and the God of all KOPW continues!
Jay White vs Tomohiro Ishii
Ishii has had White’s number lately, and just added to the broken status of his mental health after the Wrestle Kingdom loss. Within the first minute or so, Jay looked to have tweaked his hamstring, and that added an interesting layer to his early attack. But much like the strategic genius that he is, he lays Ishii over the barricade, and Ishii starts selling a rib injury.
Everything in this match mattered, the leg and ribs came back to play into aspects of the finishing sequence. Ishii was slow transitioning between some of his power moves since he was hampered with the rib injury, and Jay got caught a bit more than usual because his quickness was taken away.
A huge Avalanche Brainbuster after a Jumping Headbutt nearly gave Ishii the win, but a slow cover as he wanted the high stack, kept Jay alive. They fight back and forth, then we get a great counter wrestling sequence to finish the match. Ishii slips suplexes and Blade Runners, Jay slips the Brainbuster and eats a strike. It was up, down, back and forth, just hard to call until Jay finally slips a hold and catches Ishii with Blade Runner for the win!
— njpwworld (@njpwworld) February 27, 2021
THANK GOD we got a match worth watching! Great pacing, solid story, this is something to watch.
Kazuchika Okada vs EVIL w/Dick Togo
Ugh, okay so we know what we get with EVIL any more right? Okada tried to eliminate Dick Togo early when he hit Double DDTs on the ramp, but then the trek back to the ring was awkward. Okada bringing EVIL back to the ring, was a microcosm of the match, where it was just very slowly paced, inactive and not a good idea.
Part of the point in this match was for Okada to finally get closure on EVIL beating him during last year’s New Japan Cup; but he wanted to drag out the old aggressive EVIL. EVIL fired up late, and the crowd responded excitedly expecting something good, but it was short lived. Plus, we have Okada being a complete moron. He was shoved into Red Shoes, fights off Dick and lays EVIL out and goes for the stupid Money Clip. He goes for a submission after he was driven into the referee. This is a gap in logic so embarrassing, just so Dick could interfere again with the garrote.
All the garrote did was possibly foreshadow when Okada Tombstoned Dick, and then had a moment where he considered using the weapon. This is either a throw away for Okada to continue to be the Golden Boy, or it’s a hint that darker things are on the horizon for Okada.
Either way, Fire/Thunder Driver lead to the Rainmaker again, and we’re finally at a point where Okada is beating people with the move that started it all! No more Money Clip! It looks bad and it’s just sad.
Overall Score: 4.25/10
At least we got one match really worth watching out of this show. Jay White versus Tomohiro Ishii is truly the only thing to watch from this whole show.
I don’t know how some people didn’t find the YOSHI-HASHI embarrassing, but it completely was. The opener was sloppy to the point of uselessness. Tama and Goto was just flat given how the story was being told. Then we’ve got the gimmicky goofball match being a highlight before the semi-main and main events. I’ve seen more salient card structure and match booking from Dragon Gate during the waning days of ANTIAS.
Tomorrow has to be better because if it’s worse, then I think 2015 TNA would be happy to know they aren’t the bottom of the barrel anymore. This show was so embarrassing I think I’m just gonna end the article with the hockey coach from Letterkenny:
Chairshot Radio: NBA All-Star Rosters, Who Got Snubbed? 
The NBA All-Star Rosters have been announced. The 3MW crew gives their opinions on who got snubbed and who shouldn't...
Cook’s Top 5: Arizona Cardinals Quarterbacks
Steve Cook kicks off his Top 5 NFL Quarterbacks for each NFL team with a look at the Arizona Cardinals!
3 Man Weave: Tiger Woods, NBA & UFC
3MW is back to catch you up on the sports world. Tiger Woods hospitalized, NBA news, UFC thoughts and Cam...
Five Rounds: UFC Fight Night Lewis vs Blaydes
Two Elite Heavyweights jockey for position to be in the mix with Stipe/Ngannou/Bones. Curtis Blaydes and Derrick Lewis throw down.
Chairshot Radio: NHL Update, & Canadian Hockey Teams Suck 
Join Dave and Patrick as they take a look at the evolving state of things in the wide open NHL,...
BWN Nerds’ Movie Review: Godzilla (2014)
No introduction is really necessary for this movie franchise. If you don't know what Godzilla is, I'm assuming you're a...
Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (2/22/21)
We hear from the Bracket Finalists!
Bandwagon Nerds #67 – 90s Project pt. 3: Dramas
The 90s project continues with the Nerds' top 10 Dramas. The guys review WandaVision episode seven and discus the Mortal...
BWN Nerds’ Movie Review: Ocean’s 8 (2018)
Dave and Greg are BACK with yet another Ocean's movie...Ocean's 8! See how the female-centered follow-up compares (and doesn't), and...
Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (2/15/21)
Skull Kid's found a new mask!
Mitchell’s NJPW Castle Attack Results & Report! (2/27/21)
Let the Castle Attack BEGIN!
Andrew’s NJPW Castle Attack Results & Match Ratings: 2.27.21
Castle Attack is a two day event, with this first one having top tier talent; but no championship stakes. Does...
The Outsider’s Edge presents The Drunken Episode – Jon Moxley, Paul Wight, and Mania Predictions
Kyle and Rance are joined by PC Tunney to talk Jon Moxley beating KENTA, Paul Wight to AEW, and WrestleMania...
Mitchell’s Talking Smack Report! (2/27/21)
YES! YES! YES! Talking Smack!
Chairshot Radio: POD is WAR Cold Opens 2019 
Listen to every cold open from POD is WAR 2019. Join the truculent trio for a collection of non stop...
Mitchell’s WWE 205 Live Results & Report! (2/26/21)
It's a Retro Premier grudge match!
Mitchell’s WWE SmackDown Results & Report! (2/26/21)
Who is heading to WrESTleMania?
A Winner Is You #25: SkullAss
The Phenomenal AJ Balaz joins the podcast! AJ’s article with his Top 5 Most Difficult Video Game Bosses prompted the...
POD is WAR: Burning Face Calories
The truculent trio pontificate on the MiZ cashing in his Money in the Bank contract and Paul Wight signing an...
Mitchell’s WWE NXT UK Results & Report! (2/25/21)
Who will be on top of the Tag Division?